How to Knock a Bravebird from Her Perch : The First Novel in the Morrow Girls Series (9780985751616) (35 page)

“Should we get toys?” He was peering down the toy aisle.

“No. Be a while before they get any use outta them. They’d just be taking up space.” No sooner had I said it than something bright and fun caught my eye. “Oooo look!”

Heziah just laughed and pushed the cart into the toy aisle after me. “We gotta get them some toys that’ll make them think, Belinda. So they’ll be the geniuses they’re meant to be.”

My girls were gonna be geniuses. Heziah said it so it must have been true. He went on pointing out different ones he thought were good and explaining why. Some of them he’d gotten for his kids way back when. Said that the good toys ain’t never go out of style. They were classic. Ain’t make no never mind to me but I liked the way he saw things. Liked seeing the world and all the possibilities through his eyes.
 

Heziah was sure Nikki’d turn out to be a teacher on account of how good she was at taking care of other folks. I ain’t think much of it, in all honesty but it was possible. Heziah said he was sure she would make a good one, said he knew because that’s what he wanted to be. Before his ex-wife got pregnant and they got married that is. Said he was all set to get his degree and everything but life had happened instead.

“What about Mya? Think she’ll be a teacher too?”

He chuckled and guided the cart into the check-out line. “No, that is definitely not her path. Something a little more big picture...yeah.” I wanted to ask him what big picture meant but then he moved on. “Now, Miss Jackie is gonna be a politician. Can’t you just see her up there, convincing folks to do it her way? Standing on a podium, making her case?”
 

“Yeah...” Made me smile just thinking about it. My baby was gonna be just fine. They all were. “And Nat’ll probably be right there next to her. You know she don’t go nowhere Jackie ain’t.”

“I think she might just surprise you.”

Heziah dug around in his wallet, coming up with the money for all the things we’d piled into the cart. “Louis used to be like that with his sister. They’re still close but he doesn’t feel the need to follow her around like he used to when they were little. You’ll see. He’s gonna come up here in a few weeks. Did I tell you?”

“No.”

“Before the school year starts again. You don’t mind, do you?”

I shrugged and went back to setting the the toys and things in front of the salesgirl. She looked real bored by our conversation, just sat there smacking on her gum. Made me hungry but just about everything made me hungry. “Fine with me.”

“You ain’t gotta worry, you know. He’s gonna love you. Not like I do but...” Heziah’s lips brushed sweetly against mine and we ignored the salesgirl for a good minute.

L
OUIS
J
ENKINS
WAS
JUST
like his daddy. Tall. Thin. A brown-skinned gentleman. Opening doors and saying yes, ma’am and no, ma’am. Laughing and reading and doing what Heziah called debating. Where I came from it was called arguing. But Heziah, he’d play along. He wasn’t mad, just listened then went about pointing out things that Louis hadn’t thought of yet. They were enough alike that you’d think they belonged together and just different enough to keep things interesting. I made myself comfortable on the sofa and watched the two of them going at it. Was how I learned about the economy and that folks weren’t too happy with our president. Saying his way was just keeping poor folks down. Hard working folks that ain’t did nothing to nobody and he was calling them things like welfare queens. Wasn’t really sure what that was but it ain’t sound like a compliment. Least that’s not how Louis took it. Had him all worked up. Couldn’t even sit all the way on the chair, just on the edge of it like it made his reasoning that much better.

“White folks on the rolls outnumber us three to one but that isn’t what you hear when they wanna talk about food stamps, is it?”

“No.” Heziah answered carefully.

“Because who would love the man that wanted to string up poor little Shirley Temple and her blonde, blue-eyed mother? Nobody! But put a black woman on the chopping block and they all fighting about who gonna get to tighten the noose!”

Heziah just sorta smiled in that way I’d only just come to figure out. Wasn’t a happy sorta smile. Ain’t mean he liked what he heard but that he was proud of his son. Must’ve been a real intelligent sort of debate I figured.

“Belinda, what do you think?”

“Oh...I don’t know.” I wasn’t just being modest. I really ain’t know but guess they ain’t pick up on that. The two of them just sat there, watching and waiting for me to add something just as smart. “I think everybody needs some help sometime.”

“Good point,” Louis nodded, sucking down the last of his coffee. The boy clearly drank more of it than he ate. “And you know what?”

“What?”

“Rich folks get all the help they need and more and nobody says a thing. That’s why I want to work for legal aid. Soon as I get my law degree...”

I left them up debating about something else. Heziah was tired too but he worked real hard not to let on. Kept on nodding and coming up with good points that would get Louis to stop and think. Don’t know how long the two of them was at it but by the time Heziah came to bed was like a great big weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Could feel him smiling all up against my shoulder, even in the dark. Smiling that satisfied smile. He was a real good daddy, my Heziah was. I could see it just like I’d always known it. Louis had come out real good. He was a thinking man and he cared about folks. Just like Heziah. Made me feel all warm inside, caught myself smiling too. I could see where every bit of Louis came from. Could see all the times he’d watched Heziah be nice to some complete stranger—maybe he’d changed some woman’s tire who was stranded out on the road somewhere and Louis had watched from the safety of his daddy’s car, or maybe he’d seen how his daddy would talk to damn near anybody and give them some words of encouragement.
 

Then it hit me. Reason all that mattered to me so much...it wouldn’t have if it was in me the same way it was in Heziah. But it wasn’t. I was different. I’d spent too much of my life hiding from folks. Hiding so they wouldn’t see my brokenness, my bruises, my faults. What things had I left my girls with? What would they take from me?

H
EZIAH
SPENT
TIME
EVERY
day working on the bedrooms. Had the girls’ rooms freshly painted and all the things they’d left behind put away nicely. And the nursery. Was something real special about it. So much love in it. Would’ve been my favorite room in the whole house if I let it. Heziah’d made the walls this weird color that was a cross between purple and blue. Was a real pretty warm color, just lit up when the sun hit it. And everything we bought had its place in the nursery. Heziah’d look up at me from the floor as he unwrapped some toy or something. He’d smile so full of pride. He ain’t notice I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. Had to just stand in the doorway, smiling back at him.

More time he spent working on our future less time we spent together. Was things I couldn’t tell him. Things I couldn’t tell nobody. Like how Ricky kept showing up. At my job. At my doctor’s appointments. How he sent me flowers the first Monday of every month. Heziah ain’t notice that either because I’d sign for them then push them deep down in the trash before he could see. Heziah just kept on walking and talking and dreaming about how things were going to be. He ain’t see Ricky’s car parked at the corner or trailing behind us real slow. He ain’t know what to look for, not like I did.
 

I told the social worker that I got rid of the gun. Told her it was gone so she couldn’t hold nothing else against me. I’d held enough. Everything had been my fault. I’d married Ricky. Had babies with him. Let him make me into this scared thing that couldn’t even open up her mouth. Wasn’t nobody else to blame. Just me. And as the days turned to weeks I got even surer that girl was gone. The fear that Ricky had worked so hard to keep growing inside me had grown quiet. It ain’t rule me no more. Not my smiles or my decisions. I saw things clear, saw all the angles and possibilities. I knew what Ricky was capable of but that ain’t change how I was gonna live my life. I had been blessed with strong beautiful girls and a man that loved me in a real way. All I had to do was love them back. Shelter them from the storm that was brewing. The old Pecan hadn’t been strong enough to do it but she was gone. And I stood in her place.

“I bet they’re gonna be real beautiful just like their mama.” Heziah’s fingers danced across my huge belly. “And smart too. Just like their sisters. Whatta you think, hmm?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?” He threw his head back against the pillows, laughing hard. “Let’s talk about names. They need strong names that mean something.” I nodded but kept my eyes on the open window. Hated to leave a window anywhere in the house open but Heziah liked having fresh air. Didn’t matter if it was the cool sort that came right before winter, right after the sun went down. He needed it so I got used to going to bed with a chill. “Belinda? You listening to me? I said what about Hera? She was a Greek god—well goddess. Married Zeus. You know who Zeus is?”
 

I nodded. The leaves had turned a crisp golden color and littered the ground all around the house. Didn’t need to see them from the bed to know they were there. Could picture them in my head. Fluttering down real soft like, turning over, like they were talking to each other. Was the way of the world. Nobody questioned why the leaves had to fall. They just did.
 

“How about Joyce? That’s a nice, sturdy name.”
 

Didn’t ask nobody’s permission just did what they were supposed to do. Making way for the next bunch of leaves to come out. Out with the old, in with the new. Was the way the world worked.
 

“Or...hmm...” Heziah studied the ceiling for a minute then sucked in one deep breath. “I got it. We should give them matching names. What you think?”
 

I wished I was down there. With the leaves. Walking through them in my bare feet and nightgown. Hearing them crunch under my feet.
 

“You don’t like that idea, huh? You’re probably right. Too matchy-matchy. Well...if you want we could name them after someone. After your mother maybe?” Heziah’s feet shuffled a bit under the covers and he turned to look at me. “I ever tell you about my grandmother? She was a tough old broad,” he said with laughter under his tongue. “She raised all seven of her kids and ten grandkids. We could name one after her. Lilly Jean. I know it’s a bit old fashioned...Belinda? Where are you going?”

“Uhh...” My feet had hit the floor before I’d even made up my mind. “I’m going downstairs...to get some water.”

“I’ll get it for you—”

“No, I wanna do it.”

Bothered Heziah, I could tell, but I had my reasons. Took my time going down the stairs. One step at a time. Holding onto the banister and the wall. Had to come up with new reasons to get outta bed every night. Wasn’t no sense in having both of us worry. I flicked on the lights and checked each window on the main floor. Had to wait until bedtime because Heziah was in the habit of opening a window every time he went into a room but most of the time he forgot to close and lock it. Wasn’t his fault. He just ain’t know like I did. I knew better than to leave anything open or unlocked. We’d gotten the locks changed but Ricky Morrow wasn’t the type to let a locked door stop him.

“So? What do you think?” Heziah was sitting up in bed, waiting patiently for me to return to my side. “Name one Lilly and the other Jean? Or did you wanna name one after your mama or daddy?”

“Calvin? Can’t name no girl Calvin.”

He flipped back the sheets and helped me ease into bed. “No, but we could try to combine them...like...um... Cal-Jean. Caljean. Or um...Cal-Lilly. Callily.”

“Callie?”

“Hmm?” Heziah fluffed his pillow, yawning into the night. “What you say?”

“Callie. Goes with Nikki. And Jackie. And Natalie.”

“Hmm.” Heziah thought it over for a few seconds then nodded. “I like it. But it sounds like a nickname, though.” Was the same thing Clara had said to me some ten years before. He couldn’t of known so he just smiled as I laughed. “What? What I say?”

“Guess I like nicknames.”

“Well, I guess the next one should go with Mya then. How about Jenna? Get it? My-a...Jen-a? See how I did that?” He laughed.