Human Conditioning (40 page)

The old lady’s eyes fell to
Lily’s bump. “You’ve got a little life in there, love. You need to protect it.
Don’t go getting involved in matters that don’t concern you...”

“My friend is in there,” Lily
retorted. “
I
have someone that
I
need to look after, and I
will
get involved, whatever the cost.” The old lady’s eyes darted around
her once more, as if now convinced they were being watched. She licked her lips
again and gulped. “He’s tall, got dark hair...” she said.

Lily nodded, “Anything else?”

The old lady looked up to the
sky for inspiration, then, lifting her skinny hand to her face and running her
fingers over her eyes, she said, “Oh yes, he has dark eyebrows and these
beautiful blue eyes. Piercing blue... a
very
good-looking man in fact.
It’s a shame he’s a monster.”

Lily stared at her, her mouth
dry and her head swimming with unwelcome thoughts. All of a sudden, her knees
gave way and she stumbled. The old lady jumped forward and took her arms.

“Are you alright, my love?”
she asked, staring down at her with concern.

“I have to go...” Lily
breathed. The old lady frowned. “Please don’t mention that I was here...” Lily
added before she turned and ran, as fast as her bump would allow her, across
the walkway and down the stone steps to the ground floor.

Out in the street, the fresh air hit her lungs and she
inhaled deeply, grateful for something purer than the foul smell of squalor and
deceit that hung above her.

Lily couldn’t breathe. She
knew it was him. It
had
to be him. The old woman’s description was too
precise. It all made sense now. She’d known he was hiding something, but, as
ever, she’d chosen to pretend it wasn’t so.
How long had it been going on?
Why would Gina agree to it?
The old lady’s words spiralled round and round
in her mind. Drugs…

He’d drugged her. She could be out of it right now,
unable to get to the door. She could be dead for all she knew – for all
he
knew.
He wouldn’t care, though, would he?
The old lady had called him a
monster, and she was right. Lily was beside herself, torn between wanting to go
back and check that Gina was alright and going to the police, but before she
did something she may regret, she took off towards the home of Ricky Finn.

************

Lily knocked on the door of Ricky Finn’s maisonette, and
it was answered within seconds. When Ricky saw who was standing on his
doorstep, he looked concerned. “Mrs Foster...” He frowned, his mouth hanging
open gormlessly. “Something wrong?”

Lily smiled. “No... it’s just
my aunt... she lives on the Kingsland estate. You know it?”

“Yeah, course.”

Lily watched his expression carefully, wondering if Aiden
had let his old friend into his sordid little secret. When he showed no concern
as to why she would be asking about that particular estate, she explained, “My
aunt just called to say that she thinks she’s left the hob on, and she’s gone
to Brent Cross. She hasn’t got a spare key, but she told me she’d rather have
her door broken down than the flat blown up,” she tried her best to laugh
light-heartedly.

When Ricky didn’t seem to
grasp what she wanted from him still, she composed herself and went on, “I’d
like you to break in for me, please. I know what you do for my husband. I’m
pretty sure you’re the right person to ask.”

Ricky smiled bashfully. “No
problem, Mrs Foster. I’ll get my tools.”

It took just twenty seconds for Ricky to break into the
Kingsland flat. It was a clean break. Lily was impressed, and under any other
circumstance she may have seen the humour in the fact that Aiden, being Aiden,
would obviously employ the best of the best. But after what she had discovered
today, humour just wasn’t possible.

“Thanks, Ricky,” she said,
wondering how to get rid of him without seeming rude.

Thankfully, he replied, “If
you don’t mind, Mrs Foster, I’ve a bit of work to do for Aiden this afternoon,
so if you’re alright, I’ll leave you to it?”

“Of course. Thanks again,
Ricky.”

“No problem!”

“Oh, and Ricky, could you not tell Aiden about today? I’m
sure you’re well aware that he doesn’t like me wandering about with this,” she
ran a hand over her large round belly. “He’ll only panic... and you’ll get a
grilling too, I’m sure. I can keep a secret if you can?” She forced a smile to
gain his
confidence.

Nonplussed, Ricky agreed and
sauntered out of sight.

Lily stepped inside the flat
and closed the front door behind her gently. She stood silently in the hallway.
The flat was quiet, with only the distant hum of traffic to be heard through
the paper-thin walls. She wanted to call out for Gina, but she was frightened
of what she might do now that she was inside without permission.

She stepped into the kitchen,
located immediately to her right. Now, seeing it from the inside, it was
filthier than she had imagined when she had peered through the window not so
long ago. Dishes and pans lined the counter and filled the sink, the lino floor
was filthy, and the walls were covered with graffiti of angry messages in black
marker pen: ‘
fuck this’
,
’whores found here’
and ‘
I’ll suck
your dick for a rock’
.

She stepped back out into the
hallway and headed into the living room. Inside the room were stairs to the
first floor, an old television set, a two-seater couch and a glass coffee
table. The table was littered with cigarette packets, loose tobacco, Rizla and
empty glasses, but Lily’s eyes focused on the little set-up in the corner: an
open silver tin housing a syringe, a teaspoon and a small bag of white powder.

Lily’s hand went to her mouth.
Seeing the contents of that silver tin hit her harder than she would have ever
imagined, and it was as if it all became very real all of a sudden. This was
Gina’s life! A life inflicted on her by Aiden – the man she loved, the man she
had married, the father of her unborn child! How? How had she overlooked this?
How was he keeping all this from her? It was like a second fucking life!

Aiden had always gone on about
making money, making something of himself and getting away from all the squalor
of his childhood. She knew he was no saint. She knew he had some illegal
dealings. But this!

She tore her eyes away from the table and glanced at the
stairs. She knew she had to go up there, but she was petrified of doing so.
What
would she find?
Would a man be there still?
As this thought occurred
to her, she suddenly realised how much danger she was putting herself in.
Anyone could be there. If given a fright, she could find herself in real
trouble.

She swallowed hard and,
despite her trepidation, she put her foot on the first step. The stairs were
grimy. In fact, the whole place needed to be sterilised. It was disgusting.

She slowly climbed the stairs,
one grubby step at a time, as quietly as she could, her legs trembling. She was
finding it difficult to breathe, but she continued on. She had to see that her
old friend was alright. If she left her and found out that she had been in
trouble, she’d never forgive herself. She
had
to do this. She was a
good
person with a
conscience
. She had no choice but to do the right thing.

She stopped halfway up the
stairs and listened carefully – for what, she wasn’t quite sure. Then, taking a
leap of faith, she walked into the only bedroom inside the flat and was immediately
struck by how tidy it was. She considered that it must be because this was
where Gina brought her clients and the thought made her stomach turn over.

Gina was lying on the bed on top of the sheet, alone,
dressed in a black satin dressing-gown, reminiscent to the girl she saw
earlier, and snoring lightly. Lily closed her eyes and silently thanked the
Lord that Gina was alive. Stepping over to her sleeping body, she touched her
lightly on the arm. She did not stir, but Lily didn’t expect her to. Gina’s
skin was cold, so she pulled the duvet that had been pushed to the bottom of
the bed over her and stepped back, staring down at her. She seemed so peaceful
whilst asleep and Lily could see the beauty that Gina had once been.

Taking in her dark hair spread
across her purple pillow, her mind was transported back to the numerous nights
she had sat there plaiting it. Back then, she had envied Gina her hair. It had
always been so thick and shiny, with perfectly natural waves that gave it
natural body. Lily had always thought her own hair to be too straight and
lifeless, but Gina’s had been immaculate, once.

A quiver of a smile crept onto
Lily’s lips as her mind played out fond memories of their once-close
friendship. Together, they had turned many heads. But Gina had been the one
that most of their male acquaintances had flocked to and Lily had once thought
that it had been because her friend had been so much more confident than she
was. Gina would dress in all kinds of provocative clothing, her face made up to
the nines, strutting around, flaunting her prematurely developed body. Now,
however, seeing what she had become, it dawned on Lily that all Gina’s
flamboyance had had nothing to do with confidence at all. It had been entirely
the opposite. Gina had been masking and avoiding her insecurities the only way
she knew how.

Gina shifted and Lily stepped back, eyes wide, petrified
what Gina might do to her when she realised she was there. She waited with
bated breath for Gina to open her eyes, but she didn’t, and eventually her
light snoring resumed.

Surveying the room, Lily
wondered if there would be anything there that was actually Gina’s. She didn’t
recognise anything, but then, they hadn’t been close for a long time. She
craved to find something, something that would connect this unrecognisable
woman to the girl she had once known.

She stepped over to the mirror
on the dresser opposite the bed. There were three photographs stuck to it in a
row down one side. The top photograph looked as if it had been taken in a pub
quite recently. Gina was there with some other girls and a man, but she didn’t
recognise them.

The next photograph was not so
recent. It was of Gina and Roy at Carlton House. Lily recognised the kitchen.
She surveyed the image. Gina looked about twelve years of age. She was standing
beside her father with her arm wrapped around his waist. Lily stared at Roy’s
face and tried to recall a time she had seen him so young. He’d aged quickly
between then and the last time she had seen him, over four years ago.

She had learned of the tragic
circumstances of Roy’s death through Aiden, and she was sorry for Gina having
to go through something like that, especially when she had no mother. But she
personally had never liked Roy Watson. He had always been aloof, upsetting Gina
time and time again. Aiden had hinted that Mr Watson had also raised his hand
to Gina on occasion, yet, as kids, though Gina spoke ill of her father, she had
never spoken of such violence, and at the time Lily hadn’t thought to ask her what
her relationship was really like with him. She regretted that now, just as much
as she regretted not having been there for her friend over the past few years.

As she glanced at the third
photograph, she recognised Aiden’s stance immediately. He was relaxing in a
chair, his arms laid over the armrests, and Gina was on his lap, hugging him
close and smiling into the camera. It was just the two of them, so who was
taking the photo? They were younger than they all were now. In fact, Lily was
pretty sure they were no older than sixteen, and she wondered whether the
picture had been taken the year she’d found out Aiden had been seeing Gina
behind her back. Maybe it had been taken on one of the nights he’d told her he
couldn’t make it round because he had to work. Lily’s stomach churned at the
thought, and she turned back to Gina.

Stepping to her side, her eyes
narrowed as she glared down at her betrayer. “You knew how much I loved him...”
she whispered in the silence. “But you had to take him from me, had to be the
centre of attention. You couldn’t stand that I was happy and you weren’t,
could
you
?” she spat these last words, tears pricking her eyes. Gina mumbled, but
remained unconscious. “You betrayed your only friend. And now look at you, you
stupid girl!”

Turning away, Lily wiped away
the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks. Anger welled up inside her,
but she wasn’t sure who she was angrier at: Aiden, Gina... or herself.
She
was the stupid one. Stupid enough to come back for Aiden, stupid enough to ignore
what had been blatantly in front of her the day she had seen Gina after
spending the night with him. She should have gone to her friend, and asked her
what was happening between them. She could have helped her!

“Aiden...”

Lily spun round.

“I need Aiden...” Gina croaked
deliriously.

“Oh, God...!”

Lily collapsed onto the end of
the bed, a hand clasped over her mouth to muffle her cries. Right there, in
Gina’s call, was absolute confirmation that Aiden was responsible for all this
and the realisation of what he had been keeping from her crippled her to the
core. She was suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and regret, and she wailed into
her palms, losing control of her usual composure.

She didn’t know how long she
had been crying, but when she looked up through tear-glazed eyes, she noticed
Gina was sitting up in the bed and glaring at her with a mixture of fury and
uncertainty etched onto her pale face. Lily started and scrambled to the middle
of the bed, her large bump preventing her from being able to swing her legs to
the floor and jump to her feet.