Hush Money (6 page)

Cool and completely grossed out.

I forced myself to be calm.
Being this
disgusted isn’t fatal,
I thought.
Probably.
I could just
wait it out, until Marco was done messing with me. Let him lose
interest as usual and be on his way. I was in no real danger, after
all. We were in school, right? What was really going to happen? If
he tried anything, I could knock him down the stairs. Or there were
other things I could do. My dad might want me to pretend to be
normal around other people, but at home he had made me practice,
build up my control so I was ready for all kinds of scenarios.

Below us, Jeff lowered his mouth to Trina’s
shoulder. My stomach rolled. I knew
my
reasons for not
screaming bloody murder, but what were hers? Why the hell didn’t
she knee him in the balls or something? Her hand came up between
them, ineffectually pushing at his chest. He caught it and brought
it up behind her back, forcing her to arch into him. I felt
queasy.

Inside my conscience was screaming at me to
do something, but the part of my mind that was always in control,
that monitored every single step I took to make sure it wouldn’t
cause anyone to look my way? It was stronger, louder, telling me
that if we could just hold out a few more moments, surely this
would stop. So some gross guy was pawing at her. She’d live, right?
My eyes were hot, and I was getting afraid that tears were actually
going to come out of them. My heart pounded as I tried to think
ahead, tried to bargain with myself.

Ok, it’s ok. Just stay calm. This is under
control. It’s not like she can’t help herself. And if it seems like
she really can’t, then you still can, right? If it goes too far,
you can still do something. Like knock Jeff’s head into the wall,
push him back, watch him bounce down the stairs. Just hang on and
don’t do anything you’ll regret.

But just how far was too far? Jeff’s leg slid
between Trina’s. I didn’t know where his other hand was—I didn’t
want to know. His mouth was on hers and she was squirming against
him, but he had her pinned, completely under his control. I
could…What could I do? Send that bag of books into his head? Of
course not. Way too obvious. Send a punch of air to hit the backs
of his knees? Tricky from this far away, but yeah, maybe that.
Maybe a blow to his kidney to throw him off enough for her to get
loose? Would she even run off if I set her free?

And would Marco be able to figure out that I
had done it?

I barely heard the quick, light footsteps on
the stairs, but I heard them, and so did Marco whose body went
tense. Jeff was oblivious.

“Oh! Um, sorry! I’ll just…” the girl’s voice
sounded familiar and trailed off when Jeff’s head spun around to
see who it was.

“What do you want?” he snarled. Now that he
had moved, I could see Trina’s swollen mouth, smeared lipstick, and
the tracks of tears on her cheeks. My own eyes—there was just no
way I was gonna cry. No way. Why the hell was she letting this
happen to her?

Why was I?

“Hey, Trina. You ok?” We heard the footsteps
again, and brown curls came into view.

It was Kat.

“Get lost.” Jeff shifted to block Trina in
again.

“What the hell’s going on here? Trina, come
with me.”

“She’s fine, and I told you to get lost.”

I hadn’t thought my heart could pound any
harder, but my whole head was pulsing with blood and tension. I
didn’t know Kat very well, but she didn’t seem like the type to
just turn around and leave, and I knew Jeff was a hot-head.
Yesterday I probably wouldn’t have thought he’d hit a girl, but
that was yesterday. I risked a glance at Marco, who was riveted…and
smiling.

Jeff turned to Kat and took a step toward
her, well into her personal space. Kat didn’t back down, but it was
obvious by the way she leaned away as she looked up at him that she
was uncomfortable.

Behind Jeff I could barely hear Trina saying,
“Kat, just go.”

“Yeah, this is
private.
” Jeff gave her
a shove that, more like a hard punch to the shoulder, that made her
stumble sideways toward the stairs.

She grabbed onto him to steady herself, but
then hung on to his arm. He started to shake her off, but she just
latched on to the front of his jacket.

“Jeff,” she said firmly, staring into his
eyes. “Go away.”

He jerked slightly, as though she’d dealt him
a slap that didn’t so much hurt as surprise him. Then, in the next
moment he stumbled back, out of her grip, his hands coming up to
his face.

“What the hell? What did you do, you bitch?”
His hands moved over his face, seeking some kind of injury or
something. “What did you do??” He pressed his back to the wall, his
eyes wide with terror and darting around everywhere. He groped for
the railing.

“You’ll be fine if you get out of here before
you really piss me off.” Kat’s voice was deadly.

Jeff was swiping at his eyes with the back of
one hand, the other on the handrail. He moved quickly down the
steps, missing some, half falling, catching himself and continuing
down. Totally panicked.

I realized that both Marco and I were
standing and leaning over the railing, watching his progress,
stunned by what we had seen. Marco snapped into action, forgetting
about me and racing down the stairs. I followed.

“What the hell did you do to him?” Marco
snarled, grabbing Kat’s arm and jerking her around to face him.

“You…probably don’t want to do that,” I said.
Suddenly I was shocked that I had even followed him, let alone
opened my mouth to get involved. I immediately wished I could
disappear. But it worked. Marco let go of Kat like she was made of
fire.

Kat looked at me, and I didn’t like what I
saw on her face. I could feel my cheeks getting red and my stomach
sinking, wondering what she was thinking about me just then. About
what I was doing up there with Marco. Watching.

“I didn’t do anything to your friend. I don’t
know why he got all freaked out. Go see for yourself; he’s probably
fine.”

Marco shoved past her and down the stairs
after Jeff. Kat shot me another glare and turned to Trina, reaching
out.

“You okay? Come on, let’s—”

Trina jerked back against the wall, away from
Kat’s touch. “You stay the hell away from me. What the hell
are
you?” She flashed a glance at me, a glance that spoke
eloquently of shared memory, perception—however false—and loathing.
I wanted to open my mouth to deny what I knew she was thinking, but
I didn’t. I felt myself take a step back from the force of her
glare, which she turned back on Kat. “Why don’t you just mind your
own damned business? I want you to stay away from me, you freak.
Clear?”

“Crystal.” From the set of Kat’s jaw, I know
she was dying to lash out at Trina, but she held it in. I thought
that was really decent of her.

Trina hurried down the steps away from us,
clutching her bag across her chest with one arm, the handrail with
her free hand. She was obviously really shaky, but determined to
get away from the scene, from Kat, from me. She made the second
floor landing safely and hurried out of our sight.

Kat turned to me. Or, I should say,
on
me. “Was that fun for you?”

“Um,
no
,” I said with as much bitch as
I could put into it. Because I didn’t really know what else to say.
I knew how it looked.

In my head I saw the accusing way Trina had
looked at me. Like she thought I’d waited all these years for
payback. Yeah, right. What was the point? Nothing I could do to her
would fix what she’d done when we were kids. Nothing was going to
make me feel better about it. Ever. And you know, that whole time I
was stuck up there with Marco,
none
of that stuff about the
fire went through my head. It was just about what Jeff was doing to
this other girl, this other girl who maybe could have been
me—
maybe
. Not what Jeff was doing to Trina who’d ruined my
life and totally deserved what she was getting. No one deserved
that.

“Well I hope you enjoyed the show.”

Kat started to leave and I reached out for
her arm. Something I
never
do, but I was in a weird place
just then. She looked at my hand, looked at my face.

“You probably don’t want to do that,” she
mocked me.

I yanked my hand back, not because I was
scared of her, but just because I could hardly believe I had
reached out to her in the first place.

“I’m sorry. Look, it’s just…You shouldn’t
have done that. I mean, it’s bad enough to get on Marco’s bad side,
but showing those guys what you can do like that is just
stupid.”

“Is that what you were doing up there?
Staying on Marco’s good side?” Kat’s voice was dripping with nasty
innuendo.

“No!”
and, maybe kinda? In a way? Ugh. I’m
subhuman.
“I was already there, ok? I like to hang out there.
It’s
my
spot.”

“I know. I was looking for you.”

How would you—? Whatever.
“And then
Marco came up, and Jeff and Trina were behind him and that whole
thing started and he made me sit there and—”

“He made you.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, what was I supposed to
do?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Joss, stick up for her?
Say something? Call someone?”

“
She
didn’t. Look, I didn’t understand
what was going on and it wasn’t any of my business. So I stayed out
of it. And that’s what you should have done because now you’re
totally on Marco’s shit-list and that is not where you want to be.
He’ll do nothing but make trouble for you. And now he knows about
your…Jesus, Kat. Who knows what he’s going to do with that?”

“What are
you
going to do with
it?”

“I? What, like you think I’m going to tell
someone about this? Who would I even tell?”

She sniffed. “Yeah, I guess.” She started
down the steps, stopped, and didn’t turn to look at me.

“You’re not who I thought you were.”

Dylan

Eric was telling me something about some car.
He was always talking about cars, and even though it was usually
interesting stuff, I wasn’t listening. I was watching Joss.

Truth be told, I was watching Joss a lot
lately. One minute I was like—
to hell with you, Marco, get over
yourself.
And the next I went back to thinking that things
between Marco and me were bad enough already right now without
causing more trouble.

Not like other girls.
There’s an
understatement. It’s like there were all the other girly girls with
their hair-flipping, laughing at everything you say, talking about
the labels of everything they wore… All the other things they did
to get attention. And then there was Joss, who wore a bulky field
jacket over jeans and t-shirts all year ‘round. With combat boots.
And who seemed to do whatever she could to be as invisible as
possible.

Man, would she be jealous if she knew what I
could do. Or not. Maybe she’d be freaked out.

She was talking to Kat, which was unusual.
Joss pretty much always left right after the bell, without talking
to anyone. But she’d been acting strange—stranger than normal—all
day. She was quieter, more withdrawn, more troubled. And yeah, that
was Joss…only moreso.

Besides the fact that just her being there
and seeking someone out to talk was weird, the way they were
talking was weird. They were too close for Joss, who always seemed
to need a lot of distance, with their heads bent together, their
conversation obviously private and intense. Joss’s expression was
more than her usual blank mask. She looked like she was asking for
something. That glossy dark hair of hers was down, curling around
her face. It blew across her cheek and she reached up to tuck it
behind her ear.

Damn, even that was hot.

I was turning into a stalker.

Eric nudged me in the ribs. Eric was one of
those guys who always seemed to see what was going on, even when
you thought you were being cool. He probably knew I wasn’t
listening to a word he was saying, knew I was watching Joss, and
knew I wouldn’t want Marco seeing me doing it. Which was cool of
him. Marco was finally showing up; he had Rob Grayson with him.

This was not a good sign. Rob didn’t hang
with us; he was a geek. And I’m not saying that means he wasn’t
good enough to hang with us. More like he was too smart to want to.
We didn’t really have much in common, and Rob might as well hang an
I’d Rather Be Playing Chess
sign around his neck. The only
time Marco dragged him into our group was when he wanted Rob to do
something for him. Something criminal.

Last time he’d had Rob hack into some
computer and place fake orders for some stereo equipment, marked
paid, to be delivered to his cousin’s house. He and his cousin had
sold most of it. I didn’t know if Rob had done it for a cut of the
money, which he’d gotten, or if it was just ‘cause Marco
intimidated him.

Marco liked money. And he was enjoying coming
up with this kind of stuff and getting away with it. I think, for
him, the stereo plot was just a test. A test for Rob. Now Rob was
in, whether he liked it or not.

Just like I was.

“All right, listen up. Jeff, you’ve heard
this already, so you’re on look-out right now. Look cool, but
ignore us and just give us a heads up if someone gets too
close.”

Jeff nodded, pleased. He liked knowing things
first. He actually liked it when Marco told him to do stuff,
singled him out. I’d been friends with Jeff almost as long as I’d
been friends with Marco, but sometimes I had to wonder about
him.

“So what’s the deal?” Eric asked.

“We’re goin’ beer shopping.”

“Beer?”

“
Lots
of beer. We’re gonna hit
FoodsMart.”

“A supermarket?”
Not good. Not good.
Lots of security, and way too much temptation for these guys once
we were inside. And no way was I doing this. “You can’t just boost
a few cases from a mini mart anymore?”