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"You getting out or am I to have the pleasure of your company for another few minutes?"

"Robbie." Her eyes were lowered, focusing on a point on the car floor between their knees.

"I ... I just want to tell you that I'm not against Dad and Janet getting married, I'm glad. I said that in the first place and I meant it. I want them to be happy, but ... but'--she swung her head and her lips opened and closed as if they were trying to find words. And then she ended rapidly, " It's my mother; she's . she's very lonely. She's she's cut herself off, she has no one, she has no friends; if . if I were to continue visiting Dad at your house under the present circumstances it would upset her. She's . she's so alone . you understand? "

He was looking straight into her eyes now. Yes, he understood; he had known all along it was her mother, "It isn't that I don't want to come, Robbie."

xac ^-uiii-iilucu lu bLUic aL Aid. jL u^-ii, nia vui*-c annual d whisper, now he said, "It's all right, don't upset yourself. I'm ...

I'm glad you told me."

But when she turned quickly from him and opened the door he said flatly, "You're getting out then?"

"Yes." She was speaking from the pavement now.

"I can get a bus."

"Please yourself." His voice, chin and whole manner were cocky again.

"I'm ... I'm very sorry about the shop, Robbie, really I am."

"Oh, don't let that trouble you. A mere detail that; just a mere detail." His heavy sarcasm made her close her eyes; then straightening up, she said, "Good-bye, Robbie." Her voice was cool now.

"Good-bye to you, Miss Blenheim." He inclined his head deeply towards her, then turned quickly to the wheel with the intention of starting up the car. But he didn't start it up; instead he watched her hurrying along the street towards a bus stop. He no longer felt anger concerning the defacing of his shop; what filled him now was a deep pain which was rising from its birthplace of resentment, bred in its turn from trials and purgatories of which he had no personal knowledge.

Slowly he brought his face round to the car mirror and gazed at himself, and on a deep oath, he said, "Blast her I With you one minute"

--It isn't that I don't want to come, Robbie" '--he mimicked her voice-- 'an' spitting on you the next. It isn't as if her mother or their John would see her around this quarter, an' at this time of the day. She doesn't want to be seen with me; it's as plain as that. She never did. The mother's a good excuse. Who does she think she is anyway? Workin' in a crummy bookshop and her dad done ..." He pulled himself up.

"Aw, to hell!" He started the car and drove away, passing her at the bus stop without a flick of an eye towards her.

This was the end of him worrying about her; she could rot for all he cared.

BOOK THREE
THE OUTCOME

The dawn was just breaking as Harry stepped quietly out of the back door and, crossing the courtyard, went slowly up the hill. When he reached the top he turned and looked back at the house. It was standing with its feet in mist giving it an ethereal appearance and for the first time he saw it, as Robbie had always seen it, as something beautiful. It was a year since he had first started on it.

There was a lot still to be done but what he had accomplished he could be proud of; he had in a way served his time on the house. As he stood looking down on it he had a strong wish that it was his, that he owned it;

but he would never own it, it was Robbie's house. Yet it was to be his home for the remainder of his life, his and Janet's. That was agreed.

And today was his wedding day . and he was sad.

From the moment he had entered his room last night his mind had been filled with thoughts of one person, and that person wasn't Janet but Esther, and how she had looked on that first wedding day over twenty years ago. He had risen early on that morning, too; too early to find the church open, and it was the church he had wanted to go into then.

But he had walked to the river and sat on the bank and thought how lucky he was, and how he would love Esther until the day he died.

Last night he had said to Janet, "This is the last parting," and as she had pressed her lips to his he had felt a deep sense of happiness at the thought that life ahead would revolve about her. But once alone, there had come over him a strange feeling;

it was as if Esther was in the room telling him that it was wrong to take another wife when the first one was still alive. And he had paced up and down thinking. She's right, it is. And the feeling had persisted and grown. Ana now as ne warcnea the first rays of the sun breaking up the mist, he said to himself, Don't be a blasted fool; if she had wanted you you would have run back; there's nobody to blame for the present situation but herself . at least'--he qualified this thought--'for the continued separation and the divorce. " Doubtless she had suffered. Of this he had been left in no doubt when Gail had said, " I'm not coming to the house, it's hurting Mother. And now the divorce is going through. " And then she added quickly, " I'm not blaming you. Don't think that. I want you to marry Janet, but the fact remains that Mother's upset. "

Knowing his wife, he felt sure she was in some way putting a screw on Gail, and as time went on he had become more convinced of. this, for he sensed his daughter's hidden unhappiness.

Janet, however, said that she could see Esther's point of view and if she was in the same boat and Robbie went visiting the other woman, she'd be torn in shreds.

He now walked to the other side of the hill and leaned against the rock. The mist on this side was covering the valley in great white waves; it was going to be another fine day; it had been beautiful for the last fortnight. Janet had said yesterday that she hoped it kept fine, yet she didn't mind if it poured. She had looked excited and young. It was odd but she seemed to have got younger over the past six months. She was happy as he had never seen her happy; it was good to know that he could do that for someone, make them happy. The thought came at this moment that there were other women he could have made happy. Betty Ray for instance. God 1 Betty Ray. He was back to the bedroom. He was where he was at this minute because of that half-hour madness--how did other fellows get by for years on the same racket. He didn't know. He only knew that he himself was the type that could never get away with anything. It happened with all men like him, fundamentally nice blokes. Three women had wanted him. Not much of a record perhaps, yet he had been branded a Casanova. It was laughable, if you could laugh at it.

Thinking of happiness, what about himself? Was he happy? No I But he could be. Yes, yes he knew he could be happy with Janet. And not just in placid acceptance, for she aroused in him

a i. E-cnug mai uc mougni naa aica ror want of use. It was the transition from Janet Dunn to Mrs. Blenheim that seemed to be frightening him at the moment. If only it was this time tomorrow, and it was over, then he'd fed different; Esther would be irrevocably in the past . and John? Ever since the tarring episode he had gone in fear of his son's further reactions, and the nearer the day came the deeper his fear had grown.

He started visibly when he saw Janet come out of the mist. She didn't speak until she was close to him, and then she said, "I knew you'd come up here this morning. I wonder you didn't come out in the middle of the night. You haven't been to sleep, have you?"

He didn't answer her but took her hand and made to draw her close to him, but she resisted. Yet still leaving her hand in his, she said,

"You're not the only one who's been thinking, Harry."

"The time for thinking is past, Janet." He moved his head slowly.

"It's deeds that arc required now."

"Not necessarily." Her dark eyes were looking into his.

"Harry, listen to me, and I mean every word I say ... You don't have to marry me; I'm not demanding the final sacrifice. No t NO I' She held up her free hand.

"Listen. Listen. I'll be quite content to live with you. I'll be proud to live with you. I said as much on this very spot some months ago but you didn't take me at my word. Well now, I repeat the offer, and I repeat it because I know you want me, whether it's as a wife or a mistress doesn't matter. In either case there's one thing I'm sure of: this is going to be our wedding day, Harry Blenheim."

"Oh, Janet. Janet." He was holding her tightly. This is what he wanted, what he needed, firm reassurance. When he kissed her it was hard and long and loving. Then with her face cupped in his hands he said softly, "Roll on eleven o'clock."

They had a table booked at the Crown Hotel and as the head waiter ushered them to it he guessed that it was a wedding party, and he hadn't to exert his powers of perception to gauge that it wasn't two of the three young people present who had been married, but the two older ones, for apart from the feeling that seemed to pervade the group was the fact that the girl was

dressed very ordinarily, and one of the two young men looked as if he was rigged out for a tour on his bike.

And the waiter was exactly right in this, for Terry was dressed as he was most Saturday mornings since he had joined the motor-cycling club, and Gail was wearing the same clothes as those she had worn yesterday for the shop.

No mention had been made at home about her father remarrying, but she knew that the thought was in the forefront of her mother's mind all the time. Yet this past week it hadn't been her mother's attitude that had worried her, but John's. He had been in one of his sulks again.

She called his mood sulking for want of a more correct definition of his withdrawal. Right up to this morning she felt that he might do something to prevent his father marrying Janet. She didn't ask herself how he knew it was the day; she only knew that both he and her mother were aware of it. Their knowledge emanated from them like a dark fog and filled the atmosphere of the house.

But now it was" done. Her father had married Janet, and he looked happy; he looked as if he had been injected with new life, and all because of a dull and emotionless ceremony in a dusty office. Marriage was odd when you came to think of it. A few words read out of a book, a couple of questions, and the signing of a name and that tied you to a man for ever; or until such time as you wanted to get free, and then you sinned. Oh, she didn't want to think about it. Marrying, un marrying she hated it all.

She was grateful to Terry for having come, for he was making them laugh and that took some of the embarrassment away. Terry was a smoother of situations. He was telling them about his pal at the Art School in Newcastle.

"It's a fact," he was saying, 'everything happens to Jackie's mother.

He has me rolling. But this is honest, and it happened because she's stone deaf. You know the Marsden line down Shields way. Well, whether you do or you don't, it's a little railway, not passenger, just for goods, and the engine driver sees this woman crossing the line and he pulls his blower like mad. Honk I honk I honk! honk! " He demonstrated.

"But she didn't seem to hear him and he couldn't pull up in time, and so he hit her side on and she was dragged twenty yards and broke about ten bones. Yes, it's

side when she came round and she ups and yells. She always yells with being deaf; you should hear him imitate her. Mind, he likes her, oh he likes her a lot, but he gets a lot of fun out of her. Anyway, there she was covered in bandages and she says, "That you, our Jackie?" and he says, "Aye, Mam, it's me."

"Where am I?" she says.

"In hospital, Mam." he says.

"Eeh!" she yells, "I feel I've been kicked door the street. Eeh lad, have I had a stroke?"

"No, Mam," he says; "you were knocked down by a train. "

"Oh, was that it?" she yells.

"Well, thank God I didn't have a stroke." They were trying in various ways to suppress their loud laughter.

Janet had her hand held tightly across her mouth;

Harry had his teeth clamped on to his bottom lip; Gail had her head down, and Robbie was bending over sideways hugging himself. It was as he straightened up that Gail raised her head, and as he looked into her face he thought. It's nearly six months since I saw her. She's changed. It's right after all, she's going to blossom out. She looks bonny the day, sort of sad, yet bonny.

And Gail, looking into the round black eyes, thought, It's a new suit he's got on. Grey suits him. He looks nice. But when his gaze remained hard on her she blinked and turned her eyes from him and on to Janet.

Janet looked nice too, even pretty. No, Janet couldn't look pretty, she looked handsome. Her father was looking at her as if he were proud of her. Up to an hour ago her father had still been hers, solely hers because her mother had rejected him, but not any more for now he had Janet. The aloneness this thought engendered swamped her and she knew a moment of horror when she realised she was about to cry. But Terry was looking at her and saying, "Remember, Gail? Remember the time when I told you about Jackie being gone on that girl and taking her home to Bog's End, remember?"

Gail blinked rapidly and smiled and said, "Yes, yes. Tell them; that was funny too."

Their attention was again focused on Terry, and he rose to the occasion and told them the tale of the refined shy girl meeting up with Jackie's eleven brothers and sisters in a small

then the other, and Jackie's three married brothers scaring the daylights out of the girl by telling her what Jackic expected out of marriage, one small item being that he hoped to produce a larger family than his father.

There was more laughter at this, and altogether the wedding lunch could be said to have been a great success. And it was almost quarter to two when they left the hotel and went to wards the car and the van parked on the driveway. But there, embarrassment seemed to envelop them, until Janet, offering her hand to Gail, said softly.

"Thanks, Gail; thank you for coming. I'll... I'll never forget it."

For a moment Gail was about to make the polite reply, "Oh, that's all right, Janet, I wanted to come," but instead impulsively she put her arms around Janet and kissed her, and the gesture set a seal on the day. It took a weight from Janet's heart and a weight from Harry's mind. He held his daughter tightly for a moment before looking into her face and saying, "Remember what I said years ago? Well, it still holds. My love for you is a thing apart. Janet understands this."

BOOK: i 51ddca29df3edad1
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