I, Coriander (9 page)

He grabbed me by my jacket and dragged me up to my room, his long thumbnail jabbing into the back of my neck. He pushed me into my chamber and locked the door.

I
sat on my bed feeling bewildered and angry, certain that at any minute my father and Danes would come and rescue me and have the crooked man thrown from the house. I waited as the hours ticked mournfully past.

At last the key turned in the door and Danes stood there. I rushed to her and threw my arms about her.

‘I am sorry, my little sparrow,’ she said. ‘It has taken me the best part of the morning to find the key. He had it hidden.’

‘Where is my father?’

‘I wish I knew,’ said Danes. ‘He told me there was a warrant out for his arrest for helping the King escape. He is in a lot of trouble, that much I know.’

‘I just want him to come back and tell the crooked man to leave.’ Tears of rage were rolling down my face. ‘What right has he to be here?’

‘Shush, my little one, shush,’ she whispered, and she took me down to the kitchen where I was given ale to drink and the rest of a turkey pie to eat.

I stayed by the kitchen fire with Danes most of that afternoon. At last Arise walked in, my stepmother following behind like a small round pig.

‘What is the meaning of this?’ he said. ‘I thought I had made it quite clear that this child was to stay in her room until all sinful vanity had fallen from her.’

‘You have no right to give orders in this house, sir,’ said Danes, standing up straight. ‘When Master Hobie returns I will tell him how you conduct your lessons.’

‘You will not be seeing Master Hobie again,’ said Arise calmly. ‘He is to be arrested for plotting against our great and mighty Lord Protector, Moses himself. He has been aiding and abetting the sinners from Babylon, smuggling them out of the country, helping the son of the Devil to escape these shores.’

‘You have no right to speak of my father so,’ I shouted. ‘This is not your house.’

‘Silence, child, or the hand of wrath will find thee,’ said Arise.

‘How dare you,’ said Danes. ‘The Lord said suffer the little children -’

‘Oh, I have,’ interrupted Maud, ‘I have suffered them much, I have.’

‘Do you know what is written here, Mistress Mary Danes?’ said Arise, shaking a bundle of papers he was holding.

‘No, how could I, sir?’ said Danes. ‘I cannot read.’

‘Here is an indictment against you,’ he said, ‘an indictment from God-fearing honest people who have witnessed what has been going on in this house and will stand up and say so in court if needs be.’

‘That’s right, Arise. You tell the witch,’ said Maud, rubbing her hands together.

Arise carried on like a preacher in the pulpit. ‘It says in good, pure, upright letters that you have been seen hiding evidence relating to your late mistress’s charms and remedies. That you have used Gabriel Appleby, the tailor’s apprentice, to remove the remaining herbs and potions that bear witness to Satan’s hand.’

He was fair shouting now. The house began to shake. He straightened himself as much as a crooked man can, and lightning seemed to flash from his glasses.

‘Witches, fairy meddlers, sorcerers and all that seek their help sin against the commandments of the Lord. I believe, O God be my witness, that you, Mary Danes,’ and he jabbed his long finger towards her as if it were a knife, ‘are in league with the Devil and all his cohorts.’

‘Oh,’ said my stepmother admiringly, ‘you speak so lovely.’

‘I have done nothing wrong,’ declared Danes.

‘Let that be for others to judge,’ shouted Arise. ‘I believe the authorities will be much interested in what is written here.’

Danes was quiet and I felt my world crumble as Arise said menacingly, ‘I have enough evidence to have you thrown into the clink, woman. As for your precious master, why, a hangman’s noose waits for him at Tyburn. Who then will care for this miserable child?’

Hester let out a gulp. I ran to Danes and clung tight to her. She was my anchor, all that was left of the sinking ship.

‘Do I make myself understood? If you want to keep your position here, you will think carefully before you interfere with my teachings again.’

I clung to Danes all the tighter, but Arise grabbed me and once more dragged me upstairs and shut me in my chamber.

T
hat night I lay in bed in my gold-painted room and wept until Beth’s face was soaked with tears. I watched the reflections of the river water dance on the walls and took comfort from the sounds outside. Our world might be lost but things were going on as usual, watermen arguing over passengers, drunks shouting their love to the moon, cats screaming their fury, the night watchman marking the hour.

Around first light my chamber door opened and my father crept in and sat on my bed.

‘Shush, poppet, listen to me carefully,’ he said. ‘No one knows I am here. I have come to say goodbye. I must go away, I know not for how long, but all will be lost if I stay.’

‘Take me with you then,’ I begged. ‘Please.’

‘I cannot, my princess. It is not safe.’

‘It is not safe here,’ I said.

My father smiled and wiped away my tears. ‘It is safer than where I am bound.’

‘Please, I will be good, I promise,’ I said, clinging to him like a drowning sailor.

‘Coriander, I will come home to you. Just be brave for me. I do not do this lightly. Danes will look after you. But now I must leave, the barge is waiting.’ He kissed me and I finally let go.

I watched from my window, tears blurring my vision as in the dull morning light I saw my father’s barge make its way downriver towards Deptford.

I
am not sure what hour it was when Arise Fell came into the room, this time with a servant carrying buckets of water and brushes.

I backed into a corner in fear of the wrath of God.

‘These walls,’ said Arise, ‘are to be scrubbed until all these images of vanity, these scribblings of the Devil are gone. Do you understand?’

It took a week to wash away those pictures. I did it more with tears than water until only a faint outline remained, and as each wall was washed clean I put the story into my memory.

On the seventh day the crooked man came up the stairs with my stepmother behind him.

‘What is your name?’ asked Arise Fell.

‘Ann,’ I replied.

‘Amen,’ said my stepmother.

I knew then that my name had been stolen from me and locked away in the study. I would have to find it, for without my name who was I?

11

Farewells

S
hips need good anchors, for without them they start to drift out to sea. So it was with our house. One by one the servants sadly shook their heads and left, until soon only Danes and Joan remained. In truth, poor Joan was too frightened to be of much use to us. Maud and Arise put the fear of the Lord into her, calling her a thief and accusing her of taking meat and other victuals. Arise threatened to have her thrown into Newgate Jail, which was as good as a death sentence. Joan went as white as a plucked chicken and started trying to cook her way to salvation. Now my only security was my beloved Danes, and my fear of losing her was great.

In the early days after my father’s departure I pinned my hopes on Master Bedwell coming to our rescue. It was not to be. Under the watchful eye of Arise Fell, Maud Leggs (as I thought of her) became well versed in what to say to visitors like Master and Mistress Bedwell when they came to enquire how we were all doing in these troublesome times. For not only was there a warrant for my father’s arrest but three of his ships had been reported lost at sea. Master Bedwell offered his help.

Maud held a cloth to her nose and said, ‘Oh, I thank you for your concern. It has all been such a terrible blow. My dear good husband has, I am certain, been wrongly accused and is doing what he can to save his name and business. To that end he has gone away. I pray daily for news from him.’

Then she squeezed out a tear, and flapping her hand up and down like a fan whispered, ‘Tell me, Master Bedwell, that it be not true what they say about my good husband having been a Royalist supporter.’

All this was said while Hester and I stood by her chair, our heads bowed, our eyes kept firmly on the floor.

Master Bedwell looked mighty uncomfortable and said that as far as he knew Thomas Hobie was a good and honest gentleman.

‘My thoughts too,’ said Maud, dabbing at her eyes. ‘And all this talk of helping Papists is no more than lies.’

Patience kindly asked after me.

‘As you can see, Ann is well,’ replied Maud.

‘Do you mean Coriander?’ said Patience.

‘Indeed I do not,’ said Maud Leggs. ‘We call her Ann to bring her back to the ways of the Lord. It is not good for a child to be indulged with a name that invites vanity. Ann be a good Christian name.’

Patience looked worried and at a loss as to what to say.

Oh yes, Maud Leggs and Arise Fell knew how to stifle criticism. As the visitors turned to leave, Maud said, ‘I thank you so much for your concern. Do come again. Our gates are always open to honest godly folk.’

Arise led them out into the hall and said piously, ‘I am praying daily for Master Hobie’s safe return, just as I pray daily that the Lord Jesus Christ will soon see fit to come to London and take up his crown.’

The Bedwells never came again to enquire how we were faring.

To the good mistresses of Arise Fell’s flock, who rushed to our house clucking like hens to peck their mean beaks into our affairs, to them Maud Leggs would say, weeping into her cloth, ‘If I had known that my husband was a Royalist supporter, I would never have married him.’

‘Indeed not,’ the Bible-clutching ladies would say as they ate our sweetmeats and drank my father’s fine wines.

‘And when I think,’ sniffed Maud, ‘that my first husband (God rest his soul) was a hero who fought with Cromwell at the Battle of Naseby and laid down his life for the great cause! He must be turning in his grave.’

Cluck, cluck, cluck, went the good mistresses.

‘This be my daughter,’ said Maud, pointing at Hester. ‘And that be my husband’s child. If it were not that I should care for her I would have left this city and returned home long ago.’

With that the clucking ladies bobbed off home to spread the gossip like grain in a hen coop.

Now no one came to ask how we were faring or when my father might be expected back. I was no better than a prisoner in my own home. I slept alone in the kitchen, getting up early every day and not resting until late at night. I was nothing more than a maid of all work. Anyone who saw me would have found it hard to believe that once I had been the merchant’s daughter who had a room painted with fairy stories and who wore dresses a princess might have owned.

By the time midwinter arrived, I had, through the drudgery of my days, lost all care as to what month it was, or even what year. Christmas came and went almost unnoticed, for Cromwell had banned the whole joyous Christmas festival.

Gone, all gone. Gone all the laughter, gone all the warmth. Now all that lingered in the dark nooks and crannies of the house were devils and demons, waiting to swallow me up.

All that was left of my old world was Beth, my beloved doll.

12

The Hand of Wrath

N
ever in my life had I been as frightened of anyone as the crooked man. The sound of his footsteps on the creaking stairs was enough to fill my whole being with dread. When he hit me, I lost control and felt piss trickle down my legs, and I felt more ashamed of myself than any words can describe. He would look at me with disgust and say I was no better than a farm animal.

This crushed me. Hester never wet the floor, not even when her mother and Arise both went at her. Hester told me kindly that she was used to it. She had never known it any other way.

I hate to think what I would have done without Hester. She smuggled extra food to me and gave me blankets to keep me warm at night. She risked a good beating for her trouble if caught. Joan was too scared to give away a morsel of food and poor Danes was powerless to do more than offer words of comfort, though I could see it pained her not to be able to help me. In truth, I was so worried that she would be thrown out that I begged her to say nothing, for she had no rights over our new lord and master Arise Fell.

One cold crisp morning after I had taken the coal up to the parlour, I stood on the landing gazing out of the window. It was snowing gently and the Thames once more looked like a scene from a fairy story, with all the houses and boats shining powdery white in the watery winter light. I wondered whether, if Lord Jesus did come, he would walk on water up the river to Whitehall, and whether the tides would stay still for him. Or would he ride on a donkey across London Bridge, and if so would he be able to see into all the houses and would he know about all the children who lived in fear of what was being done to them in his Father’s name?

So lost in thought was I that I did not hear the crooked man creep up behind me.

‘Vanity, all is vanity,’ Arise breathed down the back of my neck. ‘Idleness and vanity. You, Ann, were looking at your reflection and thinking yourself to be pretty, were you not?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘I was not, sir.’

‘Then what were you doing?’

‘I was wondering when Jesus was coming.’

‘How dare you use the Lord’s name as an excuse!’ shouted Arise. The hand of wrath once more found me and he hit me hard about the head so that my cap came undone and fell off.

‘It is the Devil’s work and no mistake,’ he said, pulling hard at my hair. ‘All these curls, red as the flames of Satan! This is vanity, this is pride.’

‘What is going on?’ said Maud, coming out of the parlour with Hester and peering up at us over the banisters.

‘Nothing,’ said Arise, dragging me down the steep steps to the kitchen. Bump. Bang. Bump.

‘Where are the scissors?’ he bellowed at a startled Danes and Joan.