I Do (8 page)

“But what if I feel like I need to get into better shape for myself?”

“There's nothing wrong with getting into shape. But if you think you need to get all skinny as a stick for our wedding, well, forget about it. What you girls don't realize is that most guys like a little meat on their women.”

“Sounds like you're hungry.”

He laughs. “Maybe I am. But seriously, Caitlin. I don't go for skinny chicks. Most guys don't.”

“Are you saying I'm chubby?”

“Not at all. If anything, I think you're on the thin side, and I wouldn't care if you put on weight.”

“Well, I don't really plan to-”

“Believe me, I think you're perfect. I love you just the way you are, and I think I'd love you just as much if you weighed two hundred pounds.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Really. I love you. That's the way it is.”

“Thanks, Josh. I love you too. And if you end up fat and bald and I am wrinkled and gray, we'll still love each other. Right?”

“Right.”

“But back to the dress dilemma,” I say. “I want to get it resolved as soon as possible.”

“I don't blame you.”

Then I tell him about how depressed I was to consider how the cost of that stupid dress was equal to what his youth group had earned.

“That's because your heart's in the right place,” he assures me. “But obviously, you just got caught up in the
moment. And believe me, I know how persuasive my mom can be. You should've heard Chloe and her going at it a few years ago. Fortunately for Chloe, they seem to have reached some understanding. But it seems like she's putting you into that daughter role now.”

“Maybe so.”

“And planning for our wedding shouldn't make you miserable, Caitlin.”

“I know.” And then I explain about what I've just done, how I've placed our wedding on the altar and slit its pretty satin throat. “There was blood everywhere.”

“It's a great image,” he says with enthusiasm. “I love it.” And then I know he totally gets me. I am so glad that I'm marrying someone who gets me.

“I felt so relieved,” I continue. “It's like this huge weight was lifted.”

“Cool.”

“Oh, I know there'll still be some challenges, but I feel like I'm ready for it. I think I can even stand up to your mom.”

“You go, girl!”

“And I feel like I know what's really important now.”

“Like our marriage?”

“Yes. I mean, a wedding is a great way for people to celebrate, but it really shouldn't take over your life.”

“I agree.”

“So we're united?”

“You bet.”

“When do you think your mom will be back?”

“I don't know, but I can have her call you. Will you be back in your dorm then?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you mind if I talk to her first? I'd like to explain that I'm totally with you on this. I want her to see that we're united.”

“That's great, Josh. I'd appreciate it.”

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “One more thing. Can you handle another piece of bad news as far as wedding plans?”

I kind of laugh. “Hey, it's on the altar, remember?”

“Yeah. God's in control, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, Saint Matthew's is booked on the day you gave me.”

“That's okay, something will work out.”

And really, I'm not worried. God has this whole wedding thing under control. Not only that, but when Joy calls at around eight, our conversation goes surprisingly smoothly. She says she talked to Josh, that he explained everything, and that she understands. Of course, she adds that she was a bit disappointed to let the
perfect
dress get away.

“I know it was beautiful,” I admit to her. “But it wasn't perfect. That's too much money for me to feel comfortable with. And I know that God has something even better for me.”

“You kids. I don't know where you get that kind of faith.”

I kind of laugh now. “From God.”

“Yes, that's what Chloe and Josh tell me too. I guess I'm just a little slow on the uptake.”

“Hey, as long as you're on the uptake,” I say. “That's what matters.”

“You're a good girl, Caitlin.”

I thank her and tell her I love her and then hang up.

“So that's it for the dress?” says Jenny, Looking up from her laptop.

“Yeah.” Then I tell her about my revelation on the bench. And to my relief, she seems to respect this.

“That'd be hard though,” she says. “I mean, most girls have certain expectations about their wedding day. I don't know if I could give all that up.”

“You could if you believed God had something better for you.”

She nods and turns back to her computer. “Yeah, maybe so.”

So far so good
with our little nightly weigh-in plan. Jenny has put on a whole two pounds, although I still weigh the same. But I attribute this to the fact that I'm now doing Pilates and muscle weighs more than fat. At least that's what Liz told me when she loaned me her Pilates video. And since I've been doing them every night, I think I've actually turned some fat into muscle. Jenny works out with me. At first she got tired after only a few minutes, but she's increasing her endurance.

Mostly, I'm just relieved that she's still eating. Okay, she's not exactly a porker, but she's eating a lot more than before. And even though I haven't lost any weight yet, I can already tell that my stomach is firmer. I feel hopeful.

Since last weekend, I have barely given the wedding a thought. It's like I know everything's going to work out
just fine. Even so, I'm bracing myself for the upcoming weekend. I'm sure that between Josh's mother and mine, there will be some new development or questions. But I am ready.

To my amazement, the weekend went smoothly and uneventfully. I guess everyone is consumed with Thanksgiving plans at the moment. Kind of a wedding planning reprieve for me. And next will be Christmas. Maybe I'll be able to finish fall term without too much pressure.

Josh and I had lunch with Chloe, Allie, and Laura on Saturday. The girls are getting ready to go out on a holiday tour. You could really see the excitement in their eyes.

“You make me wish that I was going,” I told them. “It sounds like it's going to be great.”

“We wish you were going too,” said Allie.

“How are the newlyweds doing?” I asked.

“All right.” Allie nodded. “Sounded like they had an awesome time on their honeymoon. My mom even went parasailing.” She laughed. “Can you believe that?”

“Good for her,” said Josh. “Maybe we'll have to do something like that on our honeymoon.” He winked at me from across the table.

“Do you guys know where you're going yet?” asked Laura.

“Maybe Mexico. Caitlin and I plan to spend our summer at the mission.”

Chloe frowned. “If you're spending the whole summer down there, maybe you should go someplace different for your honeymoon.”

“Maybe.” Josh considered this. “Well, there's plenty of time to figure it all out.”

And then I decided to tell these girls about how I'd put our wedding on God's altar. I know these girls well enough to know that they'll get it. And they totally did.

“That is so cool, Caitlin,” said Chloe.

“Yeah,” agreed Allie. “You're such a great role model for us.”

I had to laugh about that. Then I confessed to them about how just the day before I'd made such a total mess of things. I mean, I don't want these girls thinking I'm something I'm not. “It's a learning thing,” I finally said.

“Life's like that,” said Chloe.

She's right. Life is like that. But without God it would be learning through the school of hard knocks on a daily basis. I've seen others doing it that way, and I feel sorry for them. Not that I think my life should be pain-free and smooth (and it's not), but I don't mind getting directions from God. If He sees a Mack truck about to plow me down, I don't mind Him telling me to take a little detour now and then. Besides, the scenery is usually better anyway.

Wow, what a busy last few days it's been. Josh picked me up at school on Wednesday night, and then we split our Thanksgiving Day between his family and mine.

“Better get used to this,” warned my mom. “Once you get married, the holidays get tricky.” She shook her head. “And it's even worse after the kids come.” Then she smiled. “Not that I don't want grandkids, sweetie. I do.”

I laughed. “Well, don't hold your breath. Both Josh and I agree that we don't plan on having children for at least five years. Our kids will be the ones down in Mexico.”

Of course, this made my mom look sad, and I wished I hadn't said it. Still, it's the truth. Josh and I are both committed to doing whatever we can for all the orphans in the world. We're not absolutely sure this will put us in Mexico for the rest of our lives, but we're open to the possibility. We just want what God wants. And we have to trust that our parents will be okay with this, eventually.

So Thanksgiving seemed to go well, and it was fun
meeting some of Josh's extended family. I especially liked Grandma Brown. She is a very down-to-earth woman and quite different from her daughter Joy. Naturally, I didn't mention this, but I think Grandma Brown sensed that I felt a special connection with her.

“Bring Caitlin down to the farm sometimes,” Grandma Brown said as we were leaving to head back over to my parents' for dessert and charades.

Josh nodded and I told her I'd love it. And I would.

Then we got to spend the rest of the evening with my family. Tony and Steph and the boys were there, as well as my grandma who's getting ready to head down to Arizona next week.

“How long are you going to be gone this time?” I asked her.

“Maybe March or April.” She grinned. “But don't worry, I'll be back in time for all the wedding festivities. Your mother promised to keep me informed.”

“I know Marigold died last year,” I said, “But are you still going to have a house sitter?”

She frowned. “I don't have anyone lined up to stay there, now that I don't have the cat to think about, but Stephie has offered to water my plants.”

“Yeah, I can't wait.” Aunt Steph rolled her eyes at me when Grandma was not looking. Now, my grandma has about a hundred plants. Really, her house is like a jungle. Even so, I like it.

“Hey, I could stay at your house on weekends,” I suggested. “I know how to water your plants.”

My grandma brightened. “You'd do that for me, honey?”

“Sure. And then Mom can have her craft room back.”

“Oh, you don't need to worry about that,” said my mom.

“But what about the wedding preparations?” I reminded her, trying not to imagine what those awful crepe-paper flowers would look like. “Didn't you want to use that room to get some things ready?”

“That would be nice.”

“And it would be nice if Caitlin could keep an eye on things for me,” said Grandma.

“It would be nice if I didn't have to spend half a day watering Mom's plants,” added Aunt Steph.

So it was settled. I will become the weekend occupant of Grandma's house until she comes back next spring. Already I was thinking about Christmas break and how cool it would be to have Beanie and Jenny over to visit me. This is going to be awesome!

Just when I thought life was as good as it can get-I mean, being engaged to the greatest guy and relaxing
at home and spending time with my family-well, then it gets even better. Chloe had invited me over to her house tonight. “Just to see you one more time before we leave on tour,” she'd told me on the phone. Josh picked me up around seven, then stopped off at the store to pick up some ice cream for Chloe. When we got to the Miller house, there were cars everywhere.

“Looks like a party,” I said as we walked up to the door.

“Maybe a send-off for the girls,” said Josh. “Although no one mentioned anything.”

As soon as we got through the door, everyone yelled SURPRISE! There in Josh's living room were lots of our old friends from high school, friends from church, and family members. And it turned out that this was an engagement party, hosted by none other that Miss Chloe Miller (rock star and wonder girl). And believe me, she'd gone to great expense (secretly hiring a caterer) to bring in the best our town has to offer. It was awesome.

But even better than the food was visiting with old friends and catching up on what was going on in their lives. Really, I can't imagine having more fun. Even Anna and Joel Johnson were there. Anna pulled me aside and congratulated me.

“You guys are doing this right,” she said in a happy voice, but her eyes looked sad.

“Thanks.”

“I wish we'd done it this way too.”

Now I knew that life had been tough for Anna and
Joel. Although they were both Christians, they chose to sleep together in their first year in college. And not long after that, Anna got pregnant.

After they were married, Anna dropped out of school so she could work to help support them. But Joel had to get a part-time job, and Beanie told me that their marriage got a little rocky. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised tonight to see they were still together. And then Anna showed me pictures of their little girl Hannah when she had just turned two. She's a doll with Anna's big brown eyes and skin the color of cocoa. Really beautiful.

“So it's going well for you,” I said, feeling relieved.