I Love You to Death (24 page)

Finally we walked on, this time holding hands. Still neither of us said anything. Occasionally Luke would bring our joined hands to his lips to kiss mine and every time he did, it felt like my heart was going to stop. I glanced up at him and when our eyes met, there was so much intensity in his that I felt glued to the sidewalk. When we got to my apartment, we stood at my front door staring at each other. I wanted to ask him in. I opened my mouth, "Do you –"

I watched as he stepped towards me, his hand sliding into my hair to the back of my neck, pulling me gently towards him. Smiling he bent down, his eyes watching me as he kissed me again. Soft and slow this time, his other arm sliding around my waist and under my shirt, his fingers pressing into my skin as he pulled me even closer. We both closed our eyes. I groaned. My legs felt like they could barely hold me up, as though my whole body had turned to liquid. And he tasted so good. I don’t know how long we stood at my door kissing, it felt like hours.
Come inside
I wanted to say to him.

Eventually he pulled back. "Good night Asha," he said softly. I watched as his hand brushed my cheek and he lent down to whisper in my ear, "Sweet dreams beautiful girl." He pressed a kiss to the corner of my jaw and a shiver ran through me, from the very spot he touched his lips, all the way down to my toes, as they curled inside my shoes. As he pulled his hand from my back, his fingers slowly trailed over my bare skin. Every bit of skin he touched was on fire, tiny hairs all standing on end as though reaching for him too.

I felt like I was going to explode.

He waited until I went inside. Waited until I closed the door and he disappeared from sight. I wondered if he heard me sag against it on the other side. My whole body was trembling and all I could think was;
open the door and ask him to come in.

But I didn’t and eventually I moved and stood at the window and watched him walk away. He turned back once and I thought I saw him smile. I went to bed thinking of him, but sleep didn’t come for a long time, my body too tightly wound to relax. All I could think of was Luke, of Luke kissing me again and again. I put on his CD and let his voice pull me into sleep.

Today my lips are still tingling. I run my fingers over them, trying to remember the feeling.

And I know I want to kiss him again.

∞

The day drags on. Their show doesn’t start until ten but it seems like the clock actually stands still as I wait for it to arrive. The day feels endless. After work, I go home to get ready. This time I pay attention to what I wear, pulling on my favourite jeans and a tight black top. Black wedges instead of my usual boots. I make an effort with the make-up I put on, with my hair. I want him to notice me. I get to the bar early, hoping to see him, but none of them are around, so I wait at the back, alone. I can feel my heart pounding, my pulse racing. I feel alive tonight, really alive and I know exactly why.

Luke.

When they finally come on, they are amazing. Something is different with them tonight and I wonder again why this show is so special. They play for nearly two hours and they are intoxicating. I watch him for all of it.

I watch his eyes as they find me in the crowd.

I watch his lips as he sings into the microphone.

I watch his fingers as they play his guitar.

I watch his body as it moves around the stage.

And I imagine his eyes, his lips, his fingers, and his body all over me.

I want him.

After the encore, I think they’re going to finish. The rest of the guys walk off stage, but all Luke does is switch his electric guitar for an acoustic one. He walks slowly back to the microphone and looks at me.

Right at me.

"This is for you," is all he says.

And then he starts to sing.

Beautiful, beautiful girl

I can see the sadness you hold in your eyes

Beautiful, beautiful girl

I see all of the pain you bury inside

Beautiful, beautiful girl

How much I long to make you smile

Make you feel happy for a while

Bring back the light to your life

Beautiful, beautiful girl.

Have you let me love you for a while

Beautiful, beautiful girl.

It’s just Luke and his guitar. Just Luke’s voice as he sings the most amazingly raw and beautiful lyrics that I have ever heard. And he sings them only to me. His eyes close sometimes, but whenever they open, they are looking right at me. I’m standing so still at the back of the room, transfixed by the words he’s singing, by what he’s saying to me, by what he’s doing to me. I feel like there’s no one else in the bar except for us.

Mia was right, so right, because he does see me. He sees the real me, everything I’ve kept hidden, everything he has slowly been unravelling. All of my secrets and all of the pain I thought I’d buried. Luke has somehow unearthed it, seen it and not run. I don’t know how he’s done this, but he has and he still stands here and wants me. I feel so very exposed to him now he’s seen the real me, but I want to see all of him too. So badly.

After he finishes, the room erupts with applause. Luke just nods and leaves the stage. The rest of the band and Pete join me at the back and I’m still unable to speak. Both my head and my heart are racing, everything inside me moving at a million miles an hour and I can’t seem to control it. I think they know because they don’t ask me anything, Jared just hands me a drink and smiles.

Eventually Luke joins us. He watches me as he walks over and I can’t take my eyes off him. Someone hands him a beer and he comes and stands next to me. I can feel heat radiating from him and still I don’t say anything. People come up and congratulate them. Girls push closer to try their luck with them. Luke doesn’t move but his arm rests against mine and my skin feels like it’s burning from his touch.

I need to get out of here.

I know what I want now.

I’m not thinking about anything else anymore.

I reach for Luke’s hand. It feels like a ball of electricity in my grip and as it shoots up my arm he turns to look at me, his eyes dark. I stand on my toes, press my lips to his ear and whisper, "Take me somewhere else."

He nods at me and then turns to quickly speak with Jared. We are still holding hands and then we are outside walking. Neither of us says anything as we walk back to his house. The cool night air does nothing to the heat circling around us. The tension feels explosive.

At his apartment, he silently unlocks the front door. I walk in ahead of him and go straight into his room. He wordlessly follows me and closes the door behind him, shutting us in. It is just me and him, alone in his room.

I know what I’m doing now.

I lift off his shirt with shaking hands. Luke stands completely still, looking only at me. As I drop his shirt to the floor and lower my eyes I can see, even in the darkened room, what he’s been hiding.

He has great arms. A beautiful chest. A hard, flat stomach. Having watched him move around on stage all night, I can see why. I see my shaking fingers in front of me. Watch them as they brush lightly over his chest. Feel the warmth of his smooth skin under my fingertips. Hear his sharp intake of breath when I finally touch him.

There is black ink swirling over his right bicep. An elaborate tattoo that I run my finger over. There is more ink swirling down the left side of his torso, from his arm pit to his waist. I want to run my fingers over all of it. They aren’t shaking anymore.

I step closer and lean into him. I can smell his sweat from tonight’s performance combined with the unique smell that is just Luke. I like it. I press my nose to his chest and breathe in deeply. Still he doesn’t move, but now I can feel his heart. It’s racing inside him and I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling as I do this. I finally look up at him and all I see is Luke. I see that he’s been waiting for me to see him, really see him, all this time. I see all of my own want mirrored back in his eyes. I see his lips as he nervously bites the bottom one between his teeth. I see his hand as he reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. I am on fire, as though my body is simmering under his gaze.

I want to kiss him again.

I press up on my toes as I reach for his mouth and he lowers his head and meets me halfway. I taste him again, feel his soft smooth lips as they brush over mine, his tongue as it gently pushes my lips apart. My arm curls around his neck dragging him closer. I feel his soft groan as the fingers of my other hand slide under the waist band of his jeans and pull him against me. His arm goes around my waist, pulling us even tighter together, our bodies fused from our mouths to our feet. I close my eyes as his other arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling us closer still. Inside I am exploding from his touch, his taste, his smell.

I don’t want this to stop.

We kiss forever, standing here in his darkened bedroom. There is no music, the hint of his earlier playing still ringing in our ears. The sound of our breathing becomes more rapid with each pulsing kiss.

I want more of him.

I pull back from his kiss and look at his face. I smile at what I can see there and he smiles slowly back at me. I step back and lift off my own shirt, never taking my eyes from his. His smile is gone now, replaced with something much more enticing. I step forward again and put my hands on his belt. I undo the buckle and the buttons of his jeans without looking away from him. I move my hands and undo my own belt and jeans. His arms remain by his side, he doesn’t move. Kicking off my shoes, I step out of my jeans, leaving them on the floor and once again press my body to his. Feel my skin as it comes into contact with his for the first time. I gasp at how warm he is, at how much my racing heart now matches his. At how much my body surges. I am aching, wanting, my whole body pushing itself towards him. I wrap my arms around his waist, my fingers gripping his hips as I reach up to kiss him again. His hands slide over my bare skin sending shivers throughout my body. I lean into him, gently pushing him back towards his bed. Luke doesn’t move. He is so hesitant, so careful, like he’s afraid it will all stop.

But I want all of him.

"Luke," I whisper in the darkness.

He stops and looks at me, his hands resting on my lower back. I lick my bottom lip and watch his pupils dilate even further.

"I don’t want to stop," I say. "Don’t stop."

He doesn’t.

Luke pulls me against him now as he moves backwards to his bed. He turns and lays me down on his sheets, steps back and finishes taking off his jeans before he lies down beside me, half of his body covering mine. All of our skin touching. The weight of him on me feels amazing. He presses soft kisses to my face, along my forehead and down my nose. Stopping, he kisses my lips again, taking his time, before pressing light kisses across my jaw line. He reaches my ear where he whispers
beautiful
before kissing a slow path down my neck. Everything inside of me is slowly melting, from his words, his touch, his kisses. His fingers slide the bra strap off my shoulder and he presses kisses there. Everywhere he touches me sends small tremors throughout my body. My skin is tingling with anticipation, goose bumps everywhere.

I feel like I’m drowning again and my heart is beating faster than ever now.

As his fingers gently dance over my skin, I smooth my own hands all over his. Our arms wrap themselves tightly around each other, pulling us closer together. I smile at him and he smiles back, his eyes dark as he leans down to kiss me again. Our legs entangle, pulling us even closer still.

And then, then it is just us.

Just the rapid beat of our hearts.

Just our heavy, deep breaths.

Just the sound of our soft moans and whispered names.

Just me and Luke.

I am drowning in
him
now and it feels unbelievably perfect.

∞

Afterwards I lie with my head on Luke’s chest, listening to his heart beat slow down. He has pulled the covers to our waist and is running his fingers slowly up and down my spine. It’s making my body hum.

"Are you okay?" he eventually asks.

I lift my head to look at him and smile. "More than okay," I say. And I mean it.

He leans forward to press a kiss to my lips, whispering against them, "I’m glad."

We lie in silence for a while, my skin still tingling from the touch of his fingers moving over it. I lightly trace the lines of the tattoo on his side, watching the tiny goose bumps that follow my path. Up close I can see what it is now, lines and musical notes dancing all over his skin, down the side of his body. It’s beautiful, just like him.

"How come you always stared at me when I first came back to work?" I suddenly ask him.

I feel his silent laugh. "Because I think you are beautiful," he answers, dragging his fingers down my spine in a way that feels exquisite.

It’s exactly the words and reason I want to hear. I touch my lips to his chest and feel his warm skin beneath them. "But you never talked to me, never said anything to me for so long?" I ask.

He flattens his palm in the small of my back, his fingers tantalisingly close to disappearing under the covers. "Because I was shy," he answers quietly.

I can’t help but laugh, at the idea that Luke, borderline rock star or Luke, man who bared his soul on stage tonight, could possibly be shy.

I feel his hand tighten at my waist as he continues. "And I knew you were grieving and I didn’t want to add to that."

I lift my head again, surprised but strangely grateful for his honesty right now. "Thank you," I whisper, looking right into his blue eyes. "Thank you for my song," I kiss him. "Thank you for everything."

Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me completely on top of him as he whispers back, "Thank you Asha," before pressing another kiss to my lips. Smiling he adds, "And just so you know, it drove me crazy with how much I did want to talk to you, crazy with how much I wanted to kiss you. Every time I saw you, I just wanted to do this."