Ice Man (13 page)

“How I feel? How the fuck do you think I feel? Oh shit.” He spun in a circle, trying to focus his thoughts. What did he do? How could he fix this? “Fuckfuckfuck…
fuck
!”

“So you’re upset.”

He narrowed his eyes on Theron. “You’re in my head, you son of a bitch. You know how fucked up this is!”

“You haven’t broken your word to him.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell that to Brett. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Theron lowered his voice, meeting his stare. “Doesn’t it matter that you’ve kept your promise to me?”

“Not if serving you means I lose Brett.” Rowan jogged to the bar. “Hand me my keys.”

Falcon tossed them. “Great, now Tac’s going to be an asshole again.”

“Doesn’t look like Ice Man will be much fun tonight either.” Ten stuffed his hands into his pockets. “One thing is sure, tonight is bound to be a bitch.”

Rowan rushed through the club. If he could get to Brett, he could make him understand. Appearances were often misleading. That’s all this was. A simple misunderstanding. All he had to do was talk to Brett, convince him to trust him.

Rowan, I know it’s painful, but maybe letting him go would be better for everyone.

“Get out of my head.”

You know I can’t.

“No, I know you won’t. But this time you don’t have a choice. I’m done. I won’t lose Brett because of your bloodlust. Someone else can see to your needs. No more. I’m done.”

We’ve already had this conversation. There is no out. No choice.

Even in his head, he could feel Theron’s irritation escalating.

“Do what you have to…and so will I.”

Theron’s roar thundered through his head but Rowan didn’t pause. He scrambled to his vehicle and took off after Brett.

Memories rolled through his mind, realizing how much he’d risked by lying to Brett. Passion, friendship, a partner. A month ago, he’d feared giving up the high of hosting—a pleasure that paled in comparison to Brett’s passion.

Pressure squeezed his head. Fuck him. He’d caused the pain in Brett’s eyes. Rowan felt the betrayal like a physical blow.

He double-parked on the street, unwilling to waste time looking for parking. He sprinted to the building and burst into the lobby. Regardless of what Glen said, he was going up to Brett’s.

“Good evening, sir.” Glen didn’t even try to stop him.

“Do you need to buzz Mr. Kirsch?”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary—per Mr. Kirsch’s instructions this afternoon.”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

“Thank you.”

The ride to the sixth floor seemed to take forever, seconds feeling like minutes. Finally he stepped out. His feet felt like anvils as he walked to 618.

He stared at the door, not really knowing what to say. If he could hold him, kiss him, make love to him, he could show Brett how he felt. He thought that was what he’d been doing for the last month. He took a deep breath, willing his thundering heartbeat to slow, and knocked.

No answer.

He knocked again.

Fuck. Brett wasn’t going to open the door, didn’t want to see or talk to him. Well, damn it, too bad. He tried the handle, surprised it turned easily in his palm.

The familiar furnishings, scents and anticipation nearly brought him to tears. He was not giving this up—not Brett, not the friendship, sex or the feeling of being home when they were together. He didn’t want to wake and find that Brett wasn’t there. Nor could he live with the ghost of what might have been if he didn’t try to make things right between them.

“Brett?”

He moved through the quiet apartment. Slowly he climbed the stairs to the loft bedroom. He paused at the landing.

Lights from the city shown through the window and cast Brett’s tall, striking silhouette in shadow. Breath froze in his lungs.

“I’m sorry.”

Brett’s head dropped forward and his shoulders slumped. “I’m too old for this shit. Go back to the club, Rowan. Back to Tac. That’s where you belong.”

Rowan stalked closer. “No, I belong here with you.”

Brett gave a snort. “Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”

That’s when Rowan noticed the swing. He walked to the contraption and ran his finger over the padded nylon strap. “This is new.”

“Yeah, I guess we both had a surprise planned tonight.” He spun around. “Oh but wait. I wasn’t supposed to be surprised. You were the one with the look of shock on your face at being discovered. I guess I fucked up your night when I showed up at the club earlier than expected.” He titled his head to the side. “You know, I had my suspicions. But oh no, you assured me nothing was going on even though I knew in my gut,” he thumped his abdominals with his fist, “that you were lying.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I always trust my instincts. Maybe that’s why I went early. I wanted to be sure.” He faced Rowan. “I wanted to know that you were in this with me.” He puffed a breath.

“I can explain.” He could tell him the truth. Would he even believe him?

Pain slashed through his head. Theron—wielding his power, drowning out Brett, the room. His voice drilled into Rowan’s head, crippling him with its intensity.

I protect what’s mine.

Tears blurred his vision. The pain intensified. He tried to focus on Brett but the pain…

“Are you listening to me?” Brett crossed to the nightstand and ripped the drawer from the rails. Toys scattered across the floor. “All of this was for you, for us. I wanted to give you everything I am. Offer my home, my love…” He chuckled with disbelief. “My life.”

“God, that’s everything I want too.”

“Was tonight an isolated incident? Or do you spend every night with Tac before work?”

He couldn’t answer, not without losing everything.

“You don’t belong to me. You and Tac have made that clear. You’ve told me things you thought I needed to hear.” He blew out a disgusted breath. “You lied to me and you didn’t have to. I was an easy fuck on the first day. You son of a bitch, I fell in love with you.”

Rowan’s stomach tightened with emotions he didn’t think he could ever feel. “I love you too.”

“Get out.” Brett’s lips formed a thin line. He stood rigidly but couldn’t conceal the trembling of his body. Rowan shuddered with the same fear and broken promises.

He wanted to say the words, to tell him about Theron and his
addiction
to the vampire. He hadn’t been strong enough to break from the hold of hosting. Theron’s influence over his mind increased. In the end, all he could do was stare at Brett, endure the piercing gaze, the love turning to hate.

“I said get out,” he whispered and turned his back to Rowan.

Rowan dropped his head, seeing the contents of the drawer scattered across the floor. Crushing loss seized his soul. He belonged here. He belonged to Brett.

Brett knew it too, deep in his soul where truth existed. Rowan could prove it and he could prove to Brett that this was where he belonged—not The Catacombs. First he had to confront Theron.

Chapter Eight

With the vampire still in his thoughts, Rowan would have expected Theron to be waiting. Maybe Theron’s arrogance demanded that Rowan prowl through the club searching for him. Whatever the reason, Theron controlled their confrontation. He controlled the club and until the Zenith faded, he controlled Rowan.

“You’re back,” Falcon said.

“Not for long. Where’s Tac?”

“Tac? Tac isn’t participating in the club tonight.” He cocked an eyebrow. “
Theron
is pissed and since his mood changed when you left, I’d say you’re the reason he’s upset. Again. So I don’t think going to him now will be good for your health.”

“I’m sure my smiling face shows I give a shit.”

He paused, hearing Theron’s chuckle flitting into his thoughts.

“Never mind, I know where he is.”

He headed, for the last time, into rooms beneath the club.

Don’t come to me, Rowan. I’m in no mood for your tantrums or defiance.

Rowan kept moving forward.

Pursue this, pursue Brett, and there is only one conclusion. Go back to your apartment, think about all you risk and tomorrow, come to my bed.

“Fuck you.”

My thoughts exactly.

He came upon the door. He reached to push the door open but his muscles burned, tightened. Theron controlled his movement.

You see now how much power I have over you. Do you think I’ve enjoyed watching you turn your back on me? You were special,
he roared.

“I’m sorry if you don’t understand. I want more than this.” He spoke low, hating that Theron couldn’t—no, he wouldn’t—empathize. He didn’t want to. “This is it, Theron. When I leave tonight, I’m not coming back.”

Are you willing to accept your fate, no matter how horrifying? What if the very thing you want most costs you your life?

“I’ll take my chances.” He fought against the invisible force. “I know what I’m doing.”

Do you?

“You won’t ever let me go.”

The only way to Brett is through me. If you can live with that choice.

The door gave way and Rowan stumbled into Theron’s chamber. Theron stood in the center of the room. Eyes blazed crimson, lit with an intense fire from within as the daggers dropped from his gums.

Power rolled off Theron in waves.

Rowan stepped forward into the darkened chamber.

“You might find this choice more difficult than living without Brett.”

He’d take the risk. He closed the space between them. Theron opened his mouth. Saliva dripped from his fangs. A feral cry rent the air. He grasped Rowan tightly, bent him over the couch and sank his fangs deep into his neck.

This wasn’t feeding. There wasn’t the high from hosting. Gut-wrenching aches pierced his heart. His? Theron’s? He didn’t know. Heat burned, consumed, overwhelmed. Rushing blood flowed like a raging river. Theron’s heart pounded in his head.

Remember the sound because you will never feel your own again.

He bit harder.

Never know warmth and never reach orgasm unless in the Zenith.

More blood drained from his body. His limbs weakened. Theron continued to gorge.

Whispers of Theron’s ancient language flowed through his mind—the language of vampires.

With time your understanding will grow. Our laws are unspoken. Vampires see unimaginable beauty. Together we will share pleasure you’ve never known.

He couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell Theron that while he sired him, giving him eternal life, he would never belong to the vampire. Tonight their association ended. For love, he gave his life.

Theron heard his thoughts even as blackness darkened his mind.

I will miss more than just the taste of you, Rowan.

Rowan drifted on a weightless cloud of euphoria. Theron held him tighter. Warm wetness dripped onto his flesh. Theron’s salty tears. Soft, gentle, heavy with remorse.

I’m sorry. This is the only way.

He knew, understood and accepted. Theron had never lied to him. Brett hadn’t either. Brett loved him.

The world went dark.

* * * * *

Warm coppery sweetness coated his tongue and pooled in his mouth. He had to swallow or choke. More blood. Thick, slippery…delicious. He wanted more. He greedily lapped at the flow. So good. Need more. He was cold, shivering and aching. The blood was warm and soothing…and arousing. His cock throbbed and his balls tingled with fiery heat.

More blood. The need to bite overwhelmed. He parted his lips and pain erupted in his mouth. His gums swelled, his need intensified.

Bloodlust.
Oh God, what have I done?
He reared back, instantly craving more of the sweet elixir.

Touching his teeth, he slit his tongue. Blood bubbled to the surface.

Enough. Rowan, you must feed.
Strong fingers cupped the back of his head and guided him back to the trickle of sweet, sweet blood.

He snarled, baring his teeth and bit hard into the softening flesh over Theron’s heart. Theron moaned, arching into the pain.

Welcome to my world, Rowan.

Rowan collapsed on the floor in Theron’s chamber. He felt strangely familiar. His same thoughts, same wants and needs. All involved Brett. There was also a void where his heart used to beat.

“I’m dead.”

Theron whispered near his ear. “No, you are reborn. Better, stronger, hungrier.”

He turned his face and stared at the man who had been his friend, his lover, his vampire. “I knew when I came to you what would happen but now I don’t know what to do. Why don’t I hear you in my thoughts?”

“Because now you are a voice in a crowded room.” He gently touched Rowan’s cheek, fingers trailing down along his face. “During the Zenith our connection is thousands of times stronger. You can go home to Brett. Your thoughts will be your own. Yes, I hear them, but it’s different. You can call to me and I’ll be there. I’ll know when you’re in danger and I’ll know if you betray our sect. You’re one of us now. We protect each other.”