Icebound (16 page)

He did as requested, using the computer on the machine to measure head circumference and length of the fetus. “Nine weeks is right on,” he said. Then he stared at the screen, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open. “Wow. Look at how much is already formed. The spine, eyes are already beginning, and the heart. Look at that little heart go.” His hand caressed the screen. “Amazing.”

Tears clouding her eyes, Emilie could only agree. “Yes, it’s wonderful.” She watched Tom. He looked like every other excited, expectant father she’d ever met. One who couldn’t wait to paint the baby’s room, shop for toys and plan family vacations. She wiped the wetness from her face and prepared to do battle for that man, the man she loved. “For a guy who’s supposed to be so dangerous you sure are concerned. And excited.”

A second passed before he turned to look at her. “What are you getting at?”

She pinned him with her sharpest gaze. “You’re a fraud, Tom Wolinski.”

“A what?”

“You’ve been warning me about your supposed abusive tendencies, telling me you’re a dangerous man, that you might hurt me or the baby. You’ve made it sound like my leaving here is the safe thing to do.” She narrowed her eyes. “I think you’re just scared.”

“I
am
scared, of what I might do.”

“Ha,” she exclaimed, waving away his words. “I think this is just your way of shirking your responsibilities.”

“Shirking?” he asked. “I’ve never shirked anything in my life.”

“Then tell me the truth, why do you want me gone?”

“To protect you.”

“From what? You? So far the only thing I’ve seen you do is be
over
protective. You—” she poked him in the chest with her index finger, “—are a teddy bear. Gruff on the outside, but soft and cuddly on the inside.”

“You heard what I told Tyler. I’m damaged goods, a bomb that could go off at any time.” He stood tall, lifting his chin. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You really believe you’re capable of that, don’t you?” She shook her head. “How sad. You have to be the most compassionate man I’ve ever met. Not only that, you’ve taken care of, been a brother to, even sometimes even a father to, every single person here. Have you hurt any of them?”

He frowned. “No.”

“Ever even had the itch to hit someone who might have deserved it?”

“My father—”

“Forget about him,” she snapped. “I’m not talking about your father.”

“Well, Mark.” Tom’s frown deepened. “Physical violence is something I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid.”

“So, you consciously changed your behavior. What’s so bad about that?”

“Maybe, but—”

“But what? You’re not allowed to learn from your mistakes? Isn’t that what you told Tyler to do?”

“But I’ve never fathered a child before.” He used the ultrasound probe to find their baby and put its image back on the screen. “I’m willing to bet you’re not going to gamble on the safety of
this
life on a man whose family history is as bad as mine.”

She watched Tom’s face as he gazed at the baby. Love—it was written all over him.

Like hell was she going to let her child’s father go. “No one’s family is perfect. I’ve got a couple of uncles who would make what you did to your father look like a kiss on the cheek. Every father has to decide how he’ll discipline his children—with love or with a fist.” She looked him in the eye. “I trust you, Tom.”

He shook his head, put the probe down and turned, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

“You should have seen your face just now, looking at the baby,” Emilie said, putting that trust into her voice. “The kid’s not even born, but you’re already in love.”

He faced her, his jaw clenched. “I think your imagination is taking over, Em.”

“Is it? What did you feel when you saw our baby on the screen? It wasn’t indifference, domination or worry. Worry doesn’t put a mile-wide smile on a man’s face. Love does.”

“But I am worried,” he said suddenly. “You fainted for ten minutes. The issue isn’t just about the baby, but the two of you. Right now your health is my number-one priority. This is no place for you.”

“But I
am
here, and you know Thacker isn’t going to just send a plane just on your say-so. You’ll have to tell him why.”

“I’m prepared to take the heat for it.”

Emilie sat up, wiped the gel off her belly and put her clothes back on. “I’ve got another idea. I’ll make you a deal. I promise to take very good care of myself. I’ll eat regular, healthy meals, get as much sleep as possible and rest often. I’ll allow you and anyone else you designate to help me in the clinic, and I promise to avoid dangerous situations. In return, you’ll rescind your request for an emergency extraction.” She held out her hand. “Deal?”

Tom stared at her hand like he’d never seen it before. Then he looked at her face. Something he saw there must have convinced him she was serious. “You think you can actually do all that?”

“I swear it.”

He sighed and shook his head. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, because I think it’s the best damn idea I’ve ever had.” She extended her hand a little farther.

Tom hesitated for a long second, then very deliberately folded it into his and shook it gently. “Deal.”

“Good. Call Thacker back and cancel that plane.”

“Emilie, we need to talk. We need to discuss your safety precautions. What if—”

“We will talk, and we’ll find answers to all the what-if questions. But first you need to go and do some thinking.”

He blinked. “Huh?”

“I want you to stay away from me for a couple of days, maybe longer. Write a list of all the safety measures you want me to take, write me a letter about how you feel, but don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me.”

“I don’t get it. Why?”

“You’ve had a negative view of yourself for a long time, Tom. And it’s completely wrong. You need to work through it, talk to some other people and ask them how they perceive you. Figure out what you really want out of life. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and I finally I know what I want.”

His expression was guarded. “What’s that?”

She smiled, letting all the love she felt flow onto her face. “You’re what I want. I love you.”

His eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “Now, don’t worry, I’ll have Carol or Sharon keep you fully updated on my health.” She waved at him. “Bye-bye.”

“Are you sure?” he burst out.

“Yes, I’m sure you have to leave.”

He shook his head. “Not that. Are you sure you love…”

“Am I sure I love you?”

“Yeah.” He winced, as if scared she’d take it back.

“Absolutely.” She pointed at the door. “Now, go.”

“Em, wait, this is crazy.” He moved closer, his hands outstretched.

She raised a hand, palm out. “Probably, but this is a crazy place.” She pointed at the doors. “Out.”

“You’re serious about this?” His brows crowded his eyes.

“Yes, I am.” She pointed again. “Go.”

He stared at her, his mouth working but no words coming out, before exclaiming, “Women.” Throwing up his hands in frustrated surrender, he went.

Two days without Tom felt like two years.

Emilie stuck to her word, ate healthy meals, caught up on her sleep and monitored her blood pressure.

Tom stayed away.

Carol and Sharon kept her well informed, frequently mentioning his activities, and she had to assume, keeping him equally informed on hers. They told her he’d talked to Stan for a couple of hours, then with several other crew members.

She could only hope he’d decide she was what he wanted. If not, her remaining months here were going to be hell on earth, working with a man she loved, but who didn’t love or want her or the child they’d conceived together.

On the morning of the third day, Emilie was putting Tyler in a new cast, laughing at something he said, when a warm male voice spoke.

“Need some help?”

She turned, a piece of wet casting plaster in her hands. “Tom.” Something cold inside her melted and she smiled. “Not really, I’m almost done, but you can help me x-ray his chest after.”

He nodded briskly, his gaze steady on her face. “Done.” Then his lips curved upward into a slow, hot smile. “Have breakfast with me when you’re done? Sharon will take over here for you.”

She’d never seen this smile on his face before, the grin of a predator about to capture his prey. Her heart beating double-time fast, she could only nod in response.

His smile grew wider and he turned his attention to Tyler. “How’s it going, kid?”

“Better. I hope I can go back to work soon.”

“Me too, we could use you down in the machine shop.”

Tom and Emilie got Tyler’s X-rays done, and she was pleased with what she saw. Tyler was healing nicely.

Sharon arrived and Tom escorted Emilie to the cafeteria with a warm hand resting protectively against her back.

“Feeling better in the mornings?” he asked as they walked down the silent hallway.

“Yes, I’ve discovered the secret is to not let myself get too hungry, so I’m eating smaller meals more often.”

“Good plan.”

He opened the cafeteria door, ushering her inside ahead of him. Inside was dim, as if a movie were about to start, but the place was empty.

“What’s going on?”

“I commandeered the cafeteria.” Tom smiled at her, his eyes sparkling. “Rank has its privileges.” He indicated that they should sit at a table covered by a tablecloth. “Sorry, there aren’t any candles,” he whispered in her ear. “Safety hazard.”

Wild hope made her breath catch, and she started to cry. “Oh dear.”

He laughed and took one of her hands, cradling it in his own. “Hey, you’re the one who started this, so don’t get all doom and gloom on me now.”

“Yes, but…”

Carol came out with a tray of food and set it in front of them. She smiled at Emilie and winked at Tom. “Anything else, boss?”

“Just make sure we’re not disturbed.”

“My pleasure,” Carol said, her grin positively gleeful. She turned on her heel and left.

“She probably thinks you’re going to ravish me on the table,” Emilie said, examining the scrambled eggs and bacon on her plate.

Tom waggled his eyebrows. “Now there’s an idea with possibilities.”

“Only if you’re on the bottom.”

Tom laughed out loud.

Emilie looked at him, really looked. For the first time in days he actually appeared rested, relaxed. An easy smile curved his lips, and he gazed at her with steady, calm eyes.

“You’ve made a decision, haven’t you?”

“Several.”

Emilie waited, but he seemed in no hurry to inform her. “Well?” she prompted.

He raised and lowered one large shoulder. “I did what you said and spent some time thinking about what I want. I talked to a few people, Stan, Carol, even Tyler. They agreed with you, by the way.”

“About what, exactly?”

“That I’m incapable of the abuse my father doled out.” He stared at his plate. “I’ve always been scared I’d turn out like him, unable to trust other people, especially those I’m closest to. But until now, I’d never realized that trust has never been an issue for me. People earn it and I give it. It’s as simple as that.”

Emilie smiled at him, hard-pressed to contain her tears of joy.

“I discovered something else too.”

“What’s that?” she asked with a sniff.

He quirked a brow at her. “You got a cold, Em?”

“No, and don’t change the subject. What else did you discover?”

He stared at her, his half smile turning her tears loose. He reached out with one hand and caught one drop on his finger. “Why are you crying?”

“These are happy tears,” she said with a sobbing laugh. “I’m so glad for you, Tom.”

He came around to crouch next to her seat, cupping her face with one large hand. “I figured out what I want.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he covered her lips with a finger. “Shh. My turn to talk here.” He kissed her gently. “You humble me, Emilie, with your intelligence, kindness and tenacity. Another woman would have given up on me, but not you.” He shook his head. “When I see you I stumble.” He smiled and kissed her again. “I love you.”

An ice dam burst inside her, releasing a flood of tears. Blinded by them, she clutched his shoulders and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

He lifted her out of her chair and sat down with her in his lap. “I want you and the baby,” he whispered in her ear. “I want that fairy tale in your head. I want a family, and I want to love you for the rest of my life.”

Emilie laughed through her tears. “That’s good, because I want the same thing. I love you so much.”

He heaved a relieved sigh then asked, “What about David?”

“I had to learn to let him go, and I have. I contacted a couple of his friends with NASA and they’re going to continue his work. One of them will do the final testing in space. David will have his legacy, and I get what I want. You and our child together as a family.”

“Sounds like a match made in heaven, and heaven for me is wherever you are, even here.”

Emilie laughed. “That’s because hell froze over the moment I met you. I thought I would die out there in that frozen wasteland, but you found me and showed me there could be more to life than grief and isolation, even here in this wacky place.” She caressed his face.

Tom growled and nipped at her fingers. “So, about my being on the bottom? You interested in giving this table a try?”

Laughing, she asked, “You want to start a new Antarctic tradition?”

He dove in for a kiss. “Hell, yeah.”