Iced Romance (21 page)

“I know when he’s on your mind, you know.”

What?

Where did that come from?

I blush and try to buy time by speeding up a bit, letting my breaths come in short bursts. Crap. Does he know about Todd? I don’t know who else ‘he’ would be though. Does this mean David’s been reading the paper? That he’s figured me out?

“What are you talking about? Who?” There. Play dumb. Act like I don’t know that he knows.

“Who? Come on, don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know there’s a ‘he.’” David’s not even a little bit winded. I sneak a glance at him, his lean body keeping pace with me, a dark spot having appeared at the nape of his shirt neck. “You get a distant look in your eyes every time I’m with you, and I feel like I’m sharing you with memories of someone.”

I maintain my speed, the burn in my legs spreading. “I’m not sharing you with anyone,” I say shortly. “You’re the only person I’m dating, the only guy I’m interested in.” There, I said it. I’ve finally confessed that I like him.

David stops running abruptly and I slow to a walk, looping around and going back to him. He’s standing on the sidewalk with a strange expression on his face. “I don’t believe you. I may be the only guy you’re physically dating, but I know there is someone else on your mind. An old boyfriend, is it? Why won’t you tell me?”

I put my hands on my hips, try to catch my breath and stop a few steps away from him. His eyes look even bluer with the clear sky directly behind him. I fight back tears and I don’t know what to say.

But this is it. I have to tell him the truth. He finally should know who I am.

“Fine, you’re right. Someone’s been on my mind, and I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner. I was engaged for the past couple years, but we broke up right before I came out here and I’ve moved on. It’s no big deal.” I draw in a shaky breath and raise my head defiantly.

David’s eyes search mine and then he shakes his head once. “He’s on your mind a lot, isn’t he? Every time we’ve been together, something triggers it and you get that look in your eyes. I know you’re thinking about him.” He draws in a deep breath and cracks the knuckles in his hand. “I like you, Kennedy, you know that. I think I’m falling in love with you. You’re the coolest, most attractive girl I’ve ever met and I would fight anyone for you. But what kills me is that I can’t fight someone who is only there in your mind. I can’t fight something that is eating away at your happiness without ever being tangible.”

I open my mouth but no sound comes out. I want to say something to make everything better, but I can’t.

“You need to decide, Kennedy. I want all of you, or I want nothing. Your choice.”

“It’s not that I am still hanging onto him,” I say, trying to put my words together coherently. “But it happened so recently. It’s only been three weeks since I broke up with him. I know I
want
to get over him, but these things take time.”

A tear escapes and trickles down my cheek.

David nods and runs a hand through his hair. “I understand that, and if you’re not ready for a new relationship, that’s fine. I don’t want to be a second thought for you. If you’re not ready for me now, we should stop seeing each other until you can figure out what you want.”

Stop seeing each other? I feel like my world is crumbling in pieces around me. What happened to our beautiful morning run, feeling like I was the most special girl in the entire world? He’s watching me, waiting. I need to say something. I need to tell him everything. Maybe then he’ll realize that it’s not as easy as me making a choice. This is hard.

“It’s not that easy,” I begin. “This whole thing is very recent. The guy was Todd Marusiak. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him. He’s a hockey player.” My words seem hollow. I feel hollow.

“The guy who cheated on his fiancée . . .” David says and then trails off, understanding dawning on his face. “He cheated on you?”

I nod, wiping another tear that is falling down my face. “I just, I’m confused is all. I thought I loved him and that he loved me. But I know he didn’t. You don’t betray someone you love, right? And I came out here and met you and you’re so perfect. You are everything I wish I could be, everything I dreamt that Todd would be. You are perfect, and I am seriously falling for you too.”

I hesitate, trying to gauge his reaction, but his face displays nothing. He is still watching me, standing a few feet away. Those few feet feel like the Grand Canyon. I draw in another breath and shrug limply. “I don’t know what I want. I know that Todd is a dirt bag and scum and I wish he was dead. But I still love him. I was with him for five years! At the same time, I feel something for you that I don’t think I ever felt for Todd. I feel safer with you after only these three weeks than I ever did with Todd. I don’t know.”

I reach out toward him, begging him with my eyes to say something, to reach out and hold me in his big, safe arms and to never let me go. Every particle of my body yearns for his touch, but then he steps back, away from me. I feel as though someone has shoved an icy stake through my chest. It’s hard to breathe.

“Well, I suggest you decide,” he says, running a hand through his hair, rumpling it up and looking like a little boy. “I’m not going to share you anymore. I want all of you. Or I want none of you.” The words hang between us in the air. The tension is thick but I can barely focus right now. My mind is spinning, my heart feels like it is shattering into a thousand pieces.

“David.” I grasp for him. “Please don’t be angry. Please. I’ve wanted to tell you everything, I’ve wanted you to know me. I’ve just been so scared.”

David looks at my hand and takes another step back. “Todd Marusiak is slime. He cheated on you with
how
many women? And yet you’re not over him. Look, I’m not going to sit around moping for you to get him out of your mind. You need to decide.”

Suddenly I feel angry. A burst of energy courses through me and I want to scream. I flail out, my hand slapping David on the arm. It leaves a red print and smarting pain fills my palm. “What do you want me to do? I’ve broken up with him! We’re over. Why are you fixating on this? I can’t just snap my fingers and fall out of love with him! It takes time, but, damn it, I’m trying!”

“I know you’re trying, but I’m not going to be a rebound relationship. I’m not going to kiss you and know that you’re thinking about him instead of me. You may have broken up with him, but he’s still a part of you. I don’t know what you need to do, but I’m not going to share you while you try and sort it out. Figure out who and what you want and then we can talk.” He doesn’t sound angry, simply resigned, but I’m fuming.

Who does David think he is? Here he waltzes into my life, having only known me for a few weeks, and then demands that I change everything. My heart is still beating fast from jogging and I’m sweaty and sticky, but I ignore it. “Fine, you want me gone, I’m gone.” I am getting louder and louder, and some people coming out of their houses holding coffee and climbing into their vehicles, look over in concern.

“I don’t want you gone.” David’s words are quiet, but I hear them clearly through the morning air. “I want
him
gone.”

I turn away and walk off, my shoulders back, but my eyes burning with tears. What just happened? Did I just break up with David? Did he break up with me?

“Kennedy? I’ll be here when you decide. I’m not going anywhere.”

I don’t turn back and keep walking. I no longer am furious, but I’m hurt. Empty. Am I seriously going to walk away from David, from everything we have, from everything we could have?

But what he asks is impossible. Todd is Todd. And as much as I hate him, I still love him. He’s part of me. I don’t know how to do the impossible and erase him from my mind, as much as I think I’d like to.

A tear breaks free and falls down my cheek. I leave it, out of energy, confused.

Alone.

I arrive five minutes late. I push open the door and see Christine setting some utensils on an empty table.

“How good of you to show up, Princess.”

“Of course I showed up,” I say, walking past her, hoping to run into Leila. Princess? Why did she call me that in such a condescending tone?

“Right.” She is definitely angry about something. “Well, when you’re engaged to a multi-billionaire, I guess you could afford to be late for work.” Christine glares at me, her hands on her thick waist. “You could have at least mentioned it,” she continues accusingly. “I mean, we work together and I have to read about it in the newspaper?”

Today cannot get any worse. “I’m sorry, what? You read about me in the newspaper?” I don’t know why I’m apologizing. It’s not like I have to divulge all my secrets in order to be a good person, do I?

“Yeah, how you ran away from home, how your fiancé has been searching for you and finally located you here in Kissimmee. You know, it’s such a romantic story and all. You could have at least told me a bit of it.”

So Todd has tracked me down. Impressive. It took less than a month.

Leila comes out of the kitchen and sees me. A look of compassion crosses her face and she crosses the dining room and puts her arm around my shoulders. “Hey, chickie, how are you holding up?”

I avoid making eye contact with Christine and let my shoulder rise and fall in a noncommittal manner. I want to tell Leila all about David, about how he confronted me and how I couldn’t let go of Todd when I needed to the most. But I say nothing.

The door tinkles and three teenagers come in.

“Table for three?” Christine asks them. The girl in front looks around and sees me. She whispers to her friends and then nods. “Yes, but we’d like it in her section.” She points at me.

“Did the newspaper mention where I work?” I am genuinely confused. The kids obviously recognize me.

“You know it.” Leila pats my arm and begins to saunter to the kitchen. She looks over her shoulder and says, “At least in good news, Max will probably give you a ten cent raise at the much needed publicity boost for this dump.”

I can’t do this. I can’t handle having to nod and smile and answer questions for all my customers today.

I have to get out of here.

I back away, ignore Christine’s call to me that I have three diners in my section, and enter the kitchen. “I’m not feeling very good,” I tell Leila.

“You going home? Today’s going to be busy because of the article. Sure you won’t stick around for at least a little while?”

I am fighting back tears. “David and I got in a fight yesterday morning. I told him about Todd and he was really angry. He said he’s tired of sharing me with memories and he doesn’t want to be a rebound thing,” I confess miserably. I wipe at my overflowing eyes and continue. “I don’t know what to think, I can barely function. Please let me go home.”

Leila has been standing with her arms folded, listening to me. Now, she grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Look, David will come around. It’s true what he said, though. You need to get over Todd and give yourself time.”

I once heard that a hug is the universal medicine. And it’s true. All my pent up emotions and sadness come pouring out and I cling to Leila, crying uncontrollably. She pats me a few times on the back and pulls me in closer for a tighter squeeze.

“Thanks, I needed that,” I finally say, and pull back out of her embrace. I am embarrassed. I hate showing my emotions.

I avoid looking at Leila, and awkwardly shuffle my feet. The kitchen door bursts open and I hear loud voices coming from the dining room as Christine, her face shining, dashes into the kitchen.

“Oh my gosh, Kennedy, you have to come out here right now!” Her voice is animated and alive and all past animosity seems to have disappeared.

“What’s going on?” Leila steps in front of me like a shield.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you just have to come out here!” Her voice rises even higher and her eyes look glossy.

I feel sick.

Christine grabs me by the hand and we enter the dining area.

I am blinded by sudden flashes of light, and I throw my hands up to shield my eyes from it. I blink, seeing spots. I hear voices, people shouting my name, calling questions.