Icefall (15 page)

‘I thought, because of your name and that. I'm not supposed to talk to…'

‘Teachers?' The woman arched a bemused eyebrow. ‘Really?'

Oh God.
Why did the bloody woman have to come over? Lauren's head felt fuzzy and chaotic.
I'm not supposed to talk. I'm not supposed to talk.

‘But my dear, you
must.
'

Lauren froze, but the woman's amber eyes were as steady and compassionate as her voice was low.

‘Haven't you talked about your loss? That's
extraordinary.
Who on earth is taking care of you, my dear? Because they just
aren't.
' Miss Snow pursed her red lips. ‘Would it help if I said my first name's Emmeline?

Not much,
thought Lauren.

Miss Emmeline Snow leaned in close. ‘I'll tell you who I am, my dear. I'm a friendly stranger. Aren't those the best people to confide in?'

‘I don't know…'

‘You need to talk,' Miss Snow told her again, gently. She ducked her head so that she could meet Lauren's lowered eyes. ‘And I promise to listen. Don't your guardians talk to you about your poor mother?'

‘They don't really want to,' said Lauren. She looked desperately at the counter, where Aileen was still fumbling with coins and caramel shortbread.

Miss Snow sucked her teeth in disapproval. ‘Well, I told you, I'm not a teacher. As a matter of fact, I'm a sort of therapist. Does that make it easier to talk to me?'

‘I suppose,' said Lauren after a moment. ‘Maybe.'

‘Good.' Miss Emmeline Snow squeezed her fingers. ‘There's so much hurt inside you, isn't there? Let's see what I can do to help that traumatised mind of yours.'

 

Finn

‘Lauren's gone again.' Sorcha stuck her head round the door.

Seth was sitting on the sofa, his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. Putting his head in his hands, he swore. Sionnach got to his feet and clicked off the radio.

~
Want me to go after her?

‘Would you? I'm kind of busy.'

‘Maybe we should leave her,' I suggested when Sionnach had gone. ‘Just for a bit.'

Seth rubbed his temples, biting the corner of his lip. Then he shook his head. ‘No.'

‘She's a mess. Of course she is. She's been around this house too long and she needs some space, Murlainn.'

‘She can't have it.' Leaning his arms on his knees, he gazed up at me. I thought he looked very tired. ‘They could come back for her. I don't know why she didn't die, but Kate doesn't make mistakes like that. She just doesn't.'

It was true; it was just that I didn't like dogging Lauren's footsteps, barging in on her shock and grief. The girl needed space. She had a right to take some time to herself, and she had a right not to confide in me, of all people. She knew I'd had a history with her sister Shania. I was sorry Shania was dead and desperately sorry she'd died the way she had, but Lauren had every right not to believe that.

I kept thinking how much I'd changed since I was sixteen: I was barely the same person any more. Maybe I wasn't that Finn at all now. And maybe Shania wasn't the Shania I knew, by the time she died. People change. The most important things in the world—you thought—don't matter any more. People you hate become people you love.

People who hate you love you back.

I laid my newspaper down and pushed the coffee table back so I could hug Seth's head against me. He buried his face in my shirt and locked his arms round my waist. I could feel his mind inside mine but he didn't say anything. He was holding me so tightly he was hurting me again.

‘Sorry,' he mumbled. But he didn't break his grip.

I stroked his hair. Then I eased his arms from around me and as he drew back, I knelt down so I could see his eyes better. ‘What's wrong?'

‘She's inside me,' he said. ‘I feel her. Not just that dream. All the time. In my head.'

‘I know,' I said softly. I'd known since the dream, I'd known since I'd heard that laugh. I wonder if Kate ever imagined I'd leave it at that? I ran a fingertip down the long scar on his face. ‘Seth, I can do something about it.'

He didn't jump at the offer. He only looked apprehensive.

‘Can you?'

‘I think I can. If you want me to.'

‘Of course I want you to. I can't block her. She taunts me, Finn. I can't See Rory but I See her. I
know
her. I wish I didn't; what the hell possessed me?'

‘Kate did,' I said. ‘She still does.'

‘Not that way!'

‘No, not that way.' I kissed his nose fondly.

‘How is she doing it? She knows me better than my own son does.'

‘No,' I said. ‘No, she doesn't. That's what she wants you to think. I know exactly what she's doing, and I know where she is, and I think I can find her.'

He sat back, watching me. For a very long time he said nothing. I could feel him searching my mind. Do you know how hard it is to keep a secret from your bound lover, and never to let him even know you're keeping it?

Next to impossible. But not for me.

‘How?' he said at last. ‘How do you know all that?'

I gave a light shrug. ‘I asked around.'

He knew I was lying, if only by omission. He knew that much. His face darkened.

‘Finn. Be careful.'

‘Always.' I couldn't suppress a nervous laugh. ‘You've no idea how careful.'

‘You're Aonghas's child. You're Reultan's. You're no child of anything else.'

I felt my lips draw tight. ‘A girl can't choose her DNA.'

‘She can make other choices. Finn, where do you go when I'm away?'

‘I go walking. It helps me think.'

‘All right.' There was pain in his eyes now, and it cut me to the bone. ‘I won't ask you again, then.'

I nodded. What could I add? He didn't need to know where I walked. He wouldn't want to know. ‘So. Do you want me to do this?'

‘Finn, I'm scared.'

‘I know.'

I hadn't seen him like this for so long. Not since Kate first drew him in and seduced him and convinced him to betray his own brother, and destroyed them both. No-one escaped Kate's thrall without a fight; I knew that as well as he did. But he
had
got away, and so had I. She didn't have us spell-bound any more. She had no right to him. Anger drove out my fear so fast I felt as if a cold river had run right through my body.

‘Kate can't have you,' I said. ‘Not again.'

‘She doesn't want me. Not like before. She only wants my soul.'

‘She can't have it. She can't have you,' I said again. I placed the palms of my hands against his temples. ‘You're mine.'

‘It's not like it was. I mean, she can't control me. She isn't trying to. It's not that. You know that, Caorann, don't you?'

‘Of course I do.'

The glow in his pupils was pewter-dull. ‘Help me then, Caorann. Please.'

‘You don't even have to ask me that,' I told him. I pressed my hands harder against his skull. ‘I'm not going to leave you alone again. I'm not going to let you out of my Sight. Not till she's dead.' Gritting my teeth, I let my mind sink into his, winding and twisting. ‘I told you that. Didn't I? Didn't I promise you?'

I didn't let him go, though I felt him seize my wrists. I don't know if he was trying to push me away or trying to keep me close, but moments later he slid off the sofa so that he was kneeling too. I was concentrating entirely on his mind, though it seemed effortless. It was more than a connection, different to a binding. I immersed myself in his mind and his soul, found and mapped the familiar pathways; he was like a dark forest I'd known since birth. I felt him give way, felt a forehead press against mine, or was that my forehead pressing against another skull? I wasn't sure; it didn't matter anyway. Beneath the physical contact there was my mind, twining with his like dark tentacles of thought and feeling. I'd felt something like it before. No, I'd done something like it before. I couldn't remember.

I felt him shiver and I shivered. I felt him want me suddenly, and the jolt of desire went through my body too. He kissed me, or maybe I kissed him. There was desperation in it. His fingers tightened on my wrists and he broke the kiss and took a shocked breath. I delved further in his mind. I'd never get out of it, I'd never find my way. Or maybe it was him who was lost in mine. I wrapped my mind round his, let it reach into the labyrinth of his soul. It seemed so easy. So easy. Our minds were made to be together. Locked. Bound.

And there she was. Right in that gash in his self, right where she'd severed him from Rory. Lurking in the wound like gangrene, seeping into him, spreading through him like a virus. I took a breath, stunned by hatred. Intruder. Thief. Witch.

It wasn't funny. So I don't know why I laughed.

She snarled.

~
You can't have him.

~
I already do.

~
Not any more.

She lashed hate at me. I flung it back at her.

~
You can't have him!

~
I already do!

~
NOT ANY MORE.

Dark wings of malevolence buffeted my mind. I spread my own, though I never knew I had them. For instants that lasted forever we were tangled, clawing, raking. Pain seared my mind and I seared hers right back. There was only one way to do this and I couldn't hold back, not now. My soul was open to her. I embraced his at the point of our link, and I held him inside me, and I threw at her everything we were.

YOU. CAN'T. HAVE. HIM.

… and she was gone with a scream like a harpy.

I held my breath. Or he did.

Too easy. Too easy.

I laughed again, made myself laugh. And suddenly I was kneeling on the worn carpet, outside him, facing him. He breathed fast, staring at me.

‘Don't you dare be afraid of me,' I said. I laughed again—meaning it this time—and kissed him.

‘Don't you dare think I am, woman,' he growled, his hands in my hair.

‘She can't have you,' I said. ‘I won't let her.'

‘Don't ever go. Please.'

‘I won't.'

‘Promise?'

‘Nothing she can do will ever make me,' I said. ‘Nothing.'

He touched his fingertips to my temple. ‘That's a dangerous promise.'

‘Of course it is. But she still can't have you.'

‘When you did what you did to Eili…' He hesitated.

Oh, yes. That was when I'd felt something similar. When I'd thrown the vengeful Eili out of his mind, just before she died; when I'd put a stop to her tormenting of him, I'd done the same thing: put myself right inside his mind, raised barriers he couldn't raise himself. But this had been easier. Like I'd grown up a bit, like I'd learned to do it properly. Like it had developed. Like I was stronger now. Much, much stronger.

I still didn't like how easy it had been.

‘You nearly lost yourself back then.' He pressed his palm to his forehead. ‘But not this time?'

‘Not even close.' I smiled. ‘Not that I'd mind getting lost inside you.'

He grinned, wickedly. ‘Same here.'

‘I promise I didn't look at your Maggie Thatcher fantasy.'

‘Ha ha.' He looked like he couldn't tear his eyes off me. ‘You're amazing.'

‘Of course I am.'

‘No,' he said. ‘I mean you're really amazing. Do you know what you're capable of?'

I shrugged. ‘No.'

‘I find that a bit unnerving.'

‘Me too.'

He flopped back to lean against the sofa, and I squirmed round to huddle against him. His arm came round my shoulder.

‘Want another cheap thrill?' I murmured.

‘Try me.' He squeezed my shoulder.

I eyed the newspaper I'd dropped on the coffee table. The corner of page one flickered up. Once, twice. It unfolded with a snap. And then the pages fanned wildly, as if they were caught in a high wind. The rattle of the paper was crazily loud in the silent room: the only other sound was Seth's rapid breathing. This time, when his hand came forward to slap it into submission, I was ready. I caught his wrist.

There was a carved stone otter on the table, curled in on itself, smooth and small and heavy and round. As the flapping pages stilled, the little otter rolled noisily on top and anchored the paper to the table.

Seth swore. Then blew out a breath. Then kissed the top of my head.

‘My beautiful witch,' he murmured.

‘Who you calling a witch?' I smiled contentedly at the otter. ‘Come on, admit it. You're proud of me. I could come in handy.'

‘I'm always proud of you. Even when you scare the pants off me. So come on, clever one. Be
really
useful. What's going on in that dark space in Lauren's head?'

‘Ah.' I made a face.

‘Can't get past that block, can you?'

‘No.'

He bit his lip. ‘Could be natural. 'S possible, I suppose. But I'm amazed even you can't break it.'

‘She's hiding from something, that's all. She's scared.'

‘Or she's hiding
something.
Blocking us. Except I don't see how she could
.
How could she block you? I mean,
you
?'

I shrugged. ‘That's exactly why I think she isn't. Not consciously.'

‘Hell, maybe it's literally nothing. Maybe the little horror doesn't have a mind to block.'

‘Oh, behave. She's traumatised, like Grian said.'

He rubbed his forehead. ‘Oh, maybe.'

‘You're tired.' I kissed his nose. ‘Go get some sleep.'

‘And you're still scary. Come with me, scary woman?'