I'd Rather Be Single 2 (16 page)

I
had to keep wiping my weeping eyes, because I couldn’t see the road. I was crying so hard that my stomach hurt. I didn’t want to go home, because I was too embarrassed to tell Dalia what had just transpired. This man really didn’t even have the balls to face me after breaking my heart, and I was torn apart. My tears felt like fire escaping down my cheeks. I couldn't breathe. Being deceived was a feeling no woman should have to experience, not even my worst enemy. I’ve never felt so alone or so betrayed.

My body was weak
, and my feelings felt like they were irreparable. I was so down on myself and felt like I should’ve seen this coming. I should’ve known that a relationship without sustainable communication was suspect. How dare he deceive me and not even offer an explanation? I wanted to harm him, I wanted to literally stab him in the heart and make his pain equate to mine. I hated him, and couldn’t believe that I allowed myself to be conned by his charm. The hurt that I felt from Michael was explained to Courtney time and time again, and for him to hurt me like this was the ultimate smack in the face. If my life were a reality show, my ass woulda been forever embarrassed by how Laura confronted me at the game.

I
began thinking about Laura living with him, and then I grew confused. I didn’t know if I was the side bitch catching main bitch feelings or if she was the side bitch that just happened to get pregnant. I had no answers, no closure, just a heart full of pain and I hated him for how I was feeling.

I
didn’t know where to go, but I knew that I didn’t want to be around anyone or talk to anyone because I was an emotional mess. I raced to the spot where Michael and I frequented for drinks. I was hoping that I wouldn’t see him there, because my eyes were puffy and red. I needed to withdraw away from reality for a bit.

“Can I get three shots of Don Julio?”

The bartender was used to me ordering glasses of wine only. His puzzled expression told it all. “Wow, you are going hard tonight.” He turned to fill my order.

I instantly
took back all three shots, one at time. Unfortunately, the alcohol did nothing but make me more sentimental. I placed a fifty-dollar bill on the counter and headed for the entrance. As soon as I opened the door, I was met face to face with Michael and his fiancé.

“Tyra?” Michael
was surprised.

“Excuse me.” I
wiped my eyes and darted toward my car.

I heard Michael tell his fiancé to get a table and that he’d be in in a minute.

“Tyra wait.” He trailed behind me.

I couldn’t turn around
to face him. “What Michael, what do you want?”

He turned me around
by my arm. “What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

The t
ears didn’t stop coming. “Well, let’s see, I just found out that my boyfriend got another woman pregnant, moved her into his house, and the man that I’m still in love with has a fiancé and baby on the way as well.” It seemed as if he struggled to find words of comfort and just looking at him made me break down even more. I cried so hard, he had to hold me and he wasted no time embracing me.

“Don’t cry
, Tyra. If a nigga did that to you, he’s the dumbest nigga alive. You don’t deserve any more hurt after everything you’ve been through.”

He
stared at me with flames of passion burning in his eyes, “You are worth more than gold, Tyra.”

“
Then what’s wrong with me, Michael? Why doesn’t my happiness ever last? I always give my all, and now I don’t have anything left.”

I felt my body shaking as I was venting. I
don’t know if it was the liquor talking or my true feelings coming out, but I had no inhibitions at this point.

“Don’t ever let
a nigga make you feel like you don’t have anything left. You are stronger than that, T.”

“I’m not strong
, Michael. I have nothing solid in my life and no one to depend on. I’m broken, I’m damaged goods.”

“No you
’re not!” Empathy beamed from his eyes.

“Look,
I’m sorry for exploding like this. I guess I just needed to vent. I gotta go, Michael. Go inside, your fiancé is waiting for you.”

“Look at me
, Tyra.” He grabbed my face with the most sincere eyes. “Call me tomorrow, I gotta talk to you.”

I
couldn’t speak, I was lost in his eyes.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Okay.” I said finally. I knew that he wanted to be there for me. Michael and I shared a connection that you just can’t let go of. If it were him that was hurt, I’d wanna be there for him as well.

The restaurant door opened
and Michael’s fiancé covered her shivering arms, “Baby, are you coming inside or what?” she hollered.

“I’ll call you
, Michael.” I whispered.

I jumped in my car and cried my way home.

For
months, I received text messages from Court asking me to meet him. It was pathetic, because he was even emotionally unavailable with his text messages. None of them led with a solid apology; he just kept asking me to meet up with him.

He offered no explanation
. His texts simply read,
hey, let’s meet up
or
good morning, let’s get up.
I wondered how I was able to stay with someone so immature for so long.

“Ugh, he just sent me another text
, asking me to meet him.” I complained to Dalia. She was in front of me trying on some of the items from the shopping spree that Seary had just taken her on.

“I think you should go hear him out. Maybe he wants to apologize to you in person.”

“Dalia, honestly, I’m so aggravated with the way you have always stuck up for this man. He has someone pregnant. Do you understand that shit?”

She posed side to side in the
full-length mirrors on the closet doors, checking out her black ruffle dress. It was so classy and elegant, it made her look like a black Victoria Beckham and I’m sure Seary spent a grip on it.

“Calm down
, cranky. I just agree with what Breal told you. Remember how she said that Courtney told Mavis that he was only trying to do the right thing for the sake of the baby, but that you are the one he wants to be with? Well you never know, maybe he wants to meet with you to tell you that it didn’t work and that he wants you back. You know how athletes have to look in front of the media. They have to keep up appearances.”

Dalia
stripped her dress off and tried on another one.

“
Fuck keeping up with appearances, what about my heart?”

“
Alright look, Tyra. That girl was screaming all types of bullshit about them living together for a year or two, right? Well you know that shit wasn’t true because you used to stay with him a lot, so off top, we know that bitch is a liar. And she probably got pregnant thinking that she was going to keep him, and when that happens, you’re trying to force something that isn’t there. And we all know when a situation is forced, it never works out. And that’s probably what he’s hitting you up to tell you, that it didn’t work.”

“I
gave him a chance to explain himself and he never did. All this shit is giving me a headache. I just need to move on. He wasn’t the one.”

Dalia strapped up her new
Giuseppe’s to see how they looked with her new dress. She looked at me as if I was crazy for not hearing Courtney out. “If it was me, I’d hear him out. I gotta be honest with you, Tyra, if I found out that Seary had a baby on me, I probably wouldn’t leave him. I know how strong our love is. I would forgive him for his mistake and move on.”

I
gave her a stupid look, because she was talking crazy. “You are that desperate for love that you would overlook some big shit like a man having a baby on you? Listen to yourself, Dalia, you are really scaring me. Don’t accept anything from a nigga just because you want to be in love.”

“Well shit, I took more than a little bit from my ex’s bitch ass
, all for the sake of love. But with Seary, he has taken my life to another level and our love is real, so yes I’d forgive him. Ride or die.”

“You’re
a mess. You’ll be riding yourself right into a disease if you keep forgiving a cheating ass nigga because of how
in love
y’all are.” I nodded. I was done hearing her stupidity. She wasn’t happy in love, my girl was stupid in love.

“Anyway, you’re
coming out to Seary’s party tonight, right?”

I sat up in her bed.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’m going because I know for sure Court is going to be there and I’m not ready to see him yet.”

“It’s been
a few months, you can do this. Besides, I don’t want to roll alone. Seary and Mavis are going together, and Breal doesn’t have a baby sitter so I need you to come with me.”

I didn’t change my expression
. I couldn’t wipe off my smirk thinking about Court possibly being at Seary’s event. Dalia twisted her hips side to side and then dropped it like it was hot. “You need to get out and listen to some turn-up music, anyway. Don’t stop your life for no man, isn’t that what you told me?”

“Don’t use my own words against me.
And did you really just drop it like it hot like a like a damn bird?”

Dalia laughed.
“I sure did. I’m feeling myself in this new dress, and these sexy ass fuckin’ shoes.” She sashayed up and down her room and we shared a laugh. She sat on the bed next to me.

“
Honestly T, I don’t like to see you stressing over Courtney. You are too beautiful for this bullshit. Maybe you’ll meet someone else tonight. You never know.”

“
Alright, Alright I’ll go. But I couldn’t care less about meeting anyone tonight.”

“
Yes! As long as you’re coming out, that’s fine with me. And um, I know you are going to be dressed to kill tonight just in case Courtney
is
there. Show his punk ass what he’s missing.”

“Oh you already know.” I said
, slapping her hand.

That night
I wore a hot pink dress that danced on my curves. I let my 34 inch weave fall to the small of my back. My make-up was sheer and the bronze blush brought out my natural beauty. “You look sexy, girl. If Courtney is there, that nigga is gonna eat his heart out. I can’t believe he chose up on you for that plain ass chick.” Dalia was in the mirror talking shit while fixing her new dress that Seary bought her. I must say, that nigga was lacing my girl like no other.

We headed out
, and arrived at the spot in no time. The music was blasting in the club and it was jam packed. We located Seary and his teammates on the right side of the club. Them niggas literally rented out every VIP booth along the wall. It was definitely crunk in the club that night. The bottles were flowing non-stop and Dalia and I drank and danced the night away.

I’m looking for her!
The artist, Future’s lyrics blasted through the speakers. I felt someone creep behind me and tap my waist.

“
I’m looking for her.” Courtney repeated the lyrics in front of me. He flashed his adorable smile and then complimented me.

“You look beautiful as always.”

“Thank you. I sipped my drink and turned away from him. When Dalia saw us talking, she excused herself to the bathroom. I wanted to kill her for leaving us alone, because I didn’t want to talk to him.

He turned me back
in his direction and I looked at his arm as if it was a disease touching me. “What do you want?” I asked.

“Damn, no hello, how are you or anything?”

“Is that a joke?”

“No it’s not, don’t sit up here and act like I didn’t mean anything to you.”

“What? I’m not the one who got someone pregnant.”

“Look I’m too drunk to talk about that.”

He always tried to use the drunk card to get out of talking about real issues. Emotionally unavailable men did whatever it took to avoid deep topics.

“And I’m
drunk too. Too drunk to look at your ass.” I turned away again.