If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (174 page)

“What. Is. This. Doing. Here?” She says each word pointedly but almost as if she’s breathless.

I frown. “That’s yours. You left it here the last time you were here.”

She shakes her head and runs her hand over her head. “I haven’t worn this in months.”

“Then what is it doing here?” I say, a little exasperated and confused as to why she’s so upset that she’s questioning me about this necklace. She seems more upset about it than about me breaking up with her.

“It was under your bed!” she shouts.

“What are you talking about? Why are you upset?” I say frantically.

She walks closer to me and looks me straight in the eye. There’s a fury on her face that I’ve never seen, then her hand is across my face like ten bee stings at once. I’ve gotten into a lot of fights, but I’ve never been slapped.

“I gave that necklace to Gwen,” she says in a low growl, and I feel my eyes widen. “What is it doing it here?” Tears fall from her eyes.

“I-it’s not what you think.” The words fall out of my mouth as if I was programmed to say them, as if they were embedded there—maybe from hearing stories or seeing movies about someone cheating and getting caught.

She gazes at me, waiting for me to say something else, but words don’t come.

“I hate you,” she says in a vicious growl before storming past me and out the door.

I’m frozen. Gia knows.
She knows.
I snap out of the trance I’m in, pick up the phone, and call the house. I have to tell Gwen, to warn her. I don’t know what a warning will do, but it’d be better than her being blindsided. I dial her number, but all I get is a busy signal.

“Get off the phone and pick up!” I yell. I call five times and get the same signal. “Shit!”

I slam the phone down, grab my keys, and head out the door.

“Y
ou’re really thinking of moving here?” I ask in disbelief, twirling the cord between my fingers.

“I know, but I think I’m in love. Ashlyn’s amazing,” he says. I can hear his smile.

“That’s pretty awesome.” I’m happy my friend has found what I have, even if it’s just for this moment.

“What about you? You and the big brother still sneaking around?” he says.

I sigh and roll my eyes. I keep telling him not to call us that, but he still does. “Yeah, but she’s over there now. He says he’s going to break it off with her today.” I’ve had a headache since he told me this morning. It goes and comes, and my chest has been tight, and my stomach is queasy.

“Wow. That’s a good thing, right?” he asks.

“I mean, in one way it is. I love him, and the thought of them together makes me crazy, but on the other hand, I know it’s going to hurt my sister. Who wants their sister hurt?” I let out a deep sigh.

“You do know that what you two are doing is going to hurt her?” he says, but his tone isn’t sarcastic.

“I know, but I really don’t think Gia is in love with Will. I think she loves him, but she’s not in love with him. She doesn’t feel the way I do about him. She won’t be devastated by him breaking up with her, and Gia’s a guy magnet. She’ll meet a guy that she fits with better, who is more like her, and she’ll be happier,” I say, trying to convince myself.

“And how long do you think you guys can keep what you’re doing a secret? How much time do you think she needs to be okay with you guys as an item?”

That’s the question. I’m hoping in about eight months I can tell her that I’ve grown to have feelings for him. It wouldn’t be so farfetched. We work together, and people fall in love in the workplace all the time. At least from what I’ve seen on TV.

“I guess my question is, Gwen, is he worth it? Is he the one? Is it worth the risk if she finds out?” he asks the question I’ve asked myself a thousand times.

I give him the answer I’ve come to each time. “Yes. But hopefully it never comes to that.”

“I’ll be back in two weeks, when I get paid, to see you and Ashlyn,” he says.

I’m grateful he’s changed the subject. I’ve been on pins and needles all day and need to be distracted. I hear Gia’s car pull up, and my heart speeds up.

“Hey, she’s back. I’ll call you later, okay?” I say nervously and hang up.

I feel as if I should look busy. If I was just sitting here, that’d be suspicious in some way. I quickly turn on the TV and sit cross-legged in front of it. I should have told Will not to tell me when he was going to tell her so my reaction would be more natural.

The door opens, and she comes in. I look for signs of sadness, anger, depression, but there’s nothing. No running mascara or tears in her eyes. I’d thought their breakup would take longer than it did. She’s only been off work for maybe two hours. It had to take her a little while to make it to his place and then for him to tell her and for her to make it back here.

Maybe he didn’t tell her. I feel relieved and relax a little bit, even though I feel a tad angry. What if he chickened out? Then my stomach drops. What if he changed his mind?

“Hey, sis,” I say cheerily, but I keep my eyes glued to the TV.

“Hi,” she says shortly and walks past me into her room. Maybe she did talk to him and she’s in shock or something.

“I-is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she calls, sounding more like herself from the bedroom. “I was wondering though—could I borrow your necklace?”

“Which one?” I ask, flipping through the television channels.

“Dad’s.”

Ugh, I actually haven’t been able to find it. I’ve been destroying my room, and it’s nowhere to be found. “I actually haven’t been able to find it. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was a careless.”

She walks back into the room, sits on the couch next to me, and crosses her legs. “Where do you think you lost it?” She’s mad. I can tell.

“I think at work or somewhere in my room. I’m going to find it. I promise.”

“And there’s nowhere else you can think of you took it off?” she asks calmly.

There is one place, but I can’t tell her that.

“No, it has to be here somewhere.”

She nods, and I notice her leg is shaking. Actually her entire body is.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

When she looks at me, her face is flushed and tears are starting to fall rapidly down her cheeks.

“Gia, are you okay?” I ask her, and I realize Will did tell her. Maybe it’s just hit her now.

She squints at me and moves her hand off her trembling thigh, revealing the necklace. “I found it under Will’s bed.”

I lose my breath. I can hear my heart beat in my ears. I try to think of what to say to explain it. Has she noticed I’ve worn it since the night I stayed at Will’s with Zach? Of course she’s noticed—she’s Gia. I try to think of something to say, something to defend myself, but the tears in my eyes are a dead giveaway.

She shakes her head and sniffs, wiping her face, and turns away from me, back to the television. “I need you to leave.”

“Gia, please.” It’s all I can say. I take her hand, and she snatches it away from me as if my skin is scalding.

“Have you slept with him?” she asks as if it chokes her to speak the words.

I want more than anything to say no. Right now, I wish it hadn’t happened yet. I try to make the right words come out of my mouth, but none do.

“How could you?” she asks, looking at me. Her lips quiver, and I feel light-headed as tears pour out of my own eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I say, but it’s weak and barely gets out of my burning throat.

She stands. “I will never forgive you for this. How could you choose him over me? My heart is broken.” Her voice is strained as she touches her chest. “And you broke it. Not him.” She’s crying so hard her body is trembling again, and mine is too. “You have one hour to get your things and get out. I’m sure William will welcome you with open arms.”

She quickly goes to her room and slams the door. My head is pounding, and I keep trying to catch my breath and stop crying, but I can’t. My whole world is collapsing. I don’t know what to do, what to say, and nothing I can say will make this better. I’ve lost my sister. When my mom finds out, she’ll hate me too. She’ll take Gia’s side, and she’ll be right.

W
hen I pull up in front of Gia’s, I see Gwen sitting on the curb in front of Gia’s neighbor’s house, sobbing. She’s crying so hard her body is trembling. When I open the door, I hear her whimpering. I hop out of the truck and run to her. I pull her into my arms, and she continues to break down.

“She’s never going to forgive me. Never. She kicked me out. She’s going to tell my mom. She’s probably going to disown me. She hates me,” she says between choked gasps.

I hold her tight then grab her bags and guide her to my truck. I put her into the passenger side and walk around to get in. As I do, I look toward the house and see Gia in the window, glaring daggers at me. Even in her anger, she watched to make sure Gwen was okay. Gwen is too upset, her eyes probably too blurry, to see anything though.

On the ride to my house, Gwen continues to cry. I hold her hand and stroke it, and she finally goes to sleep from sheer exhaustion. I can feel her desperation, her spirit shattering. Her joy, her spunk, her hope dissolves with each tear she sheds.

When we reach my house, I pick up her small body and carry her into my apartment, ignoring the questioning glances from some of the other tenants. I shift her in one arm to open the door to my apartment, and she stirs. But she doesn’t say anything—just nuzzles her head in my chest and clings to me tighter. I take her to my bedroom and lay her down. I put away her bag and go get her a glass of water. When I return, she’s awake, curled into a ball, and still crying tears. I sit at the end of the bed, my own head pounding, my heart breaking for her. I want to help her to do something that will make her feel better, but I know it’s a lost cause.

“Do you want some time alone?” I ask, unsure if my presence will smother her or make things worse. It’s my fault. I’m the reason she’s hurting so badly. I’m terrified that this could be the end for us, that this will all have been for nothing. She’ll only associate me with pain, hurt, loss, and we’ll never be the same.

“Hold me. Tell me everything is going to be okay,” she whimpers. “Even if it’s a lie.” Her eyes are glossed over and wet, and a shadow of a smile crosses her face.

I make my way to her and pull her close. She rests her head on my chest, and I stroke her head as she cries into me.

“Gwen, I love you,” I whisper. I don’t know if it’s the right time to say it, but I can’t sit with her for another second letting her think I don’t love her, that this is all for nothing.

“I knew there was something special about you when I first saw you. I love everything about you, and there isn’t one thing I’d change.” I lift her chin so that I’m looking her directly in eye as her tears fall. “They will forgive you. They have to. It’ll take time, but they will. In the meantime, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy as I can. I’ll love you times two if I have to. It can be us, forever, against the world. I promise.”

She cries harder, but she kisses my lips even though they’re trembling. She lets me know, even though she doesn’t say anything, all is not lost. She’s still there, not broken beyond repair, and I’ll make sure she never is.