If I Were Your Boyfriend (35 page)

  "Get out of my house!" Jordan snapped at him.

  "Wesley?" I couldn't believe what I'd seen. He looked at me.

  "I—I—" Wesley couldn't get his words to form.

  "Get out of my house before I throw you out!" Jordan howled at him again.

  Wesley put down the wine cooler and rushed past Jordan and me. He ran up the steps and out the door.

  "He made a mistake, Jordan! You didn't have to yell at him!" I lashed out at him. I tried to hold back my tears but they started flowing in spite of my wishes. "He's going through a lot of pain right now and he just made a mistake."

  "Keysha. Mike told me about his problem. He's no good for you. And I don't want you to ever see him again. End of story!"

  I couldn't take the pain in my heart or the rage in Jordan's eyes. I ran out of the basement and up to my room. I slammed the door shut, locked it and collapsed to the floor and cried.

rushed away from Keysha's house as quickly as I could. I was so angry, irritated and annoyed with myself. I didn't understand why my thirst for alcohol was strong, but it was. In Jordan's office, I had stood and sucked down a wine cooler like water going down a drain. There was a longing deep inside me that I couldn't control. I thought I had my cravings completely managed but apparently I had a relapse. Feeling as if I were fighting against a monster that knew me better than I knew myself scared me.

  A sense of relief washed over me when I finally made it to my charred home. I used my door key to gain access. The house still had a smoky odor to it that was pungent, but at that moment I didn't care. I was just happy to be indoors. Thrilled to have a place to stay even though it was barely inhabitable. I locked the door and made my way up to my bedroom. Opened my window so that fresh cold air could come in. I went to my closet and grabbed all of the blankets I could find and spread them across my bed. When I finally got situated on my mattress, I pulled the blankets above my head and cried, but only for a moment. I hated the fact that I was so emotional. I cried just enough to release my initial pain and then made myself stop. I swallowed down all of the pain I was feeling until I was able to contain it. Once I got my emotions in order, a sense of loneliness came over me. Then came my sense of confusion and hopelessness. In order to rid my mind of those demons, I said a little prayer and then drifted off to sleep.

  I awoke to the sound of construction workers unloading equipment from their trucks. Tossing back the blankets, I exposed myself to a room that was so cold I could see the smoke of my breath escaping my lips. When I got up to close the window, I noticed crystal-white frost covering the lawn. After I closed the window, I went into the bathroom to get myself ready to head to the hospital to see my dad.

  When I arrived at the hospital to see him later that day he was looking much better. He was sitting upright in his bed and being spoon-fed by one of the nurses.

  "You look like you're feeling better today," I said as I entered the room and sat down on a nearby chair.

  "Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit better every day," said my dad as the nurse encouraged him to finish up the Jell-O he was eating. Once the nurse was done feeding him, she left the room to go check on her other patients.

  "What's wrong? What happened?" my father asked.