IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN (16 page)

This time, Ray braced his back against the balcony, his gaze dead set on a face of sheer beauty. “I’m not sure where to begin. There’s a lot running through my head.” He stopped talking and hoped she could relate. “Has that ever happen to you?”

“Yes.” Laney braced her back to the balcony beside him. “Sometimes, my thought process goes so fast it gets overloaded.” She laughed. “Maybe that’s one of the traits of a child prodigy.”

“You know, Red, I came here to chill out while I went through chemo because I didn’t want to be under the microscope of the media during the process.” He ran his hand over the smoothness of his bare head. “I was trying to protect my image.” He paused and shook his head. “Truth be told, I was scared shitless about what the industry would say if they found out I had cancer. But in the last four months, I’ve learned a lot about me.” He blew out a hard breath. “God forgive me, but I’m a fake.”

“Why do you say that?”

Ray chuckled sadly and closed his eyes. “Les Croisés came up with the idea for the academy because we wanted kids to understand that making it to the top and being able to land a music contract wasn’t what it was all about. We wanted them to truly experience the passion for the art of music.” He shrugged. “If they made it to the big league, so be it. Then T.J. introduced me to five young cats. Week after week, I’ve been telling them to stay focus on their music. Been telling them not to hook up with every sista who passes their way because that’s not what it’s all about. It’s getting a little hard to lay my head down on the pillow at night when I’m telling them not to hoe around and I’ve been one of the biggest hoes that’s ever walked the face of the earth.”

“Oh…my…God, Raphael.”

“Think about it, Red. I’ve jumped in and out of women’s beds because I could. It was easy because I had the label of celebrity attached to my name. I talked a little smack and feasted at the feeding trough. Now if that isn’t being a hoe, tell me what is?”

Laney covered her mouth with her hand.

“Listen, baby, I’m not trying to rock your world. I’m calling it like I see. If a man can’t be honest and admit the truth about himself, then he’s the biggest coward that’s ever walked the face of the earth. Now I realize there’s a double standard between men and women. If a woman had done the same thing I did, that’s how she’d be labeled, right?”

Laney hadn’t quite expected Raphael’s honest assessment of himself. In fact, it floored her. Yet, it was an indication he’d finally allowed her inside the one place she wanted to touch more than anything in the world—his heart. His gaze was so intense, it made her body temperature spike, but she never looked away. “Raphael, sometimes in life, we all stumble and lose our way.”

Ray touched her cheek with his knuckle as a pained expression fanned across her face. “Not you, Red. You’re solid.”

“Not always.” She slowly let out the breath she’d been holding. “I was in my freshman year at MIT,” she whispered softly. “I didn’t have a problem academically, but I did socially. I was only fourteen when I went off to college and no doubt the only female in my class who hadn’t started her period. I was too young to really hang out with my classmates, so I pretty much stayed to myself. Since I was an only child, it didn’t bother me because I was accustomed to being alone. One evening, I called my mother and asked if she’d come up and spend Spring Break with me. We had a wonderful time. She flew back a week later to attend a medical conference in Atlanta.” Shaking, her voice vanished momentarily. “She was less than a mile away from her hotel. That’s when it happened. A drunk teenager was speeding and didn’t bother to slow down as she approached a four-way stop. My mother’s car was broadsided and she was killed instantly.” 

Ray winced. At least he’d known the end was near for his mother and as difficult as it had been, was able to brace for the final day. Laney hadn’t. At the drop of a dime, her world spun into darkness, pretty much the way his had the day he’d been diagnosed with cancer. He pulled her into his embrace and kissed the top of her head, his words filled with sincerity. “Red…I’m so sorry.”

“Although it was an accident, I think it would’ve been easier to accept my mother’s death if racism hadn’t reared its ugly head.”

“Racism?” Ray stared, confused. “What role did racism play in the accident?”

“Plenty,” Laney said flatly as she looked away. “Although I grew up in a home where race didn’t matter, my mother’s death taught me the harsh reality of racism and helped me understand that it truly exists.”

“Did the driver do any jail time?”

“Not one day,” Laney uttered through clenched teeth. “I later learned the judge was affiliated with a white supremacist group. He argued that since the driver didn’t have a criminal record, she be given a year’s probation even though there were other cases with the exact same circumstances and the responsible party served time.” She shook her head in disgust. “Some might argue that racism didn’t play a role in this case, but I’d go to my grave believing it did. My mother’s life was only worth three hundred and sixty-five days of probation, Raphael. Three hundred and sixty-five days lousy days.”

“Did you ever learn the identity of the driver?”

“At first, I didn’t want to know because knowing wouldn’t have brought my mother back to me. Eventually, I found out her name was Candice Parker.”

Ray waited for her to look up at him and offered a tender smile. “You made it through it. That’s all that matters.”

Laney shook her head sideways. “Not at first. I blamed myself for my mother’s death. If only I hadn’t asked her to come…” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper as the painful memories took over her thoughts. “I was so distraught, I suffered a breakdown. It took me almost two years to recover with the help of intense therapy.”

Ray stared, shock. “Red, I-I didn’t know.”

“Most people don’t. When I applied to Harvard, the review committee almost denied my application because some of the members weren’t convinced I was stable enough to handle the challenges of medical school.”

“What made them change their minds?”

“God allowed the chair of the committee to find favor in me. He fought tooth and nail for me to be admitted. I’ll never ever forget his kindness. From that day to this one, I vowed to fight racism with every fiber of my being and somehow help someone else as a way of repaying the kindness shown to me.” Laney lifted a hand to the side of his face. “Raphael, when you found out you had cancer, I knew how you felt because I’ve lived through the horror of someone discovering you’ve suffered from an illness you have no control over. That’s the reason I extended the offer for you to come to Olivia. Most people don’t understand mental illness the same way they don’t understand cancer. Nor do they understand it’s not something we want to have. I’ve live through that fear. I know what it’s like to be unfairly scrutinized because you’ve suffered from what society still considers taboo. I knew you’d be safe at Olivia. I also knew no one in my family would judge you because you had cancer. They’d judge you for who you are, not for what you have. I hope my family has proven me right.”

“Red, your people have made me feel as much a part of this family as you are. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know them.”

“Thank you for listening to my story.”

“Being around you,” he whispered quietly, “being here at Olivia, going through cancer, meeting these young bothers has given me the chance to see this truth about myself.” He let out a long breath and a sexy smile surfaced as his voice dipped. “Now it’s a matter of figuring out what my next move will be.”

“Which great economist, in the midst of a discussion, prophetically told his colleagues, quote, ‘I believe we must adjourn this meeting to some other place,’ end quote.”

“Adam Smith.” Ray released Laney and let his gaze burn her before he put some distance between them. “You’re the complete package, Red. I’ve been given a second chance. Most folks don’t get that opportunity. I want to do things with us the right way.”

Laney smiled. “The right way?”

Ray smiled back and moved in front of her. He let his eyes roamed over her face to capture every facet of her beauty. Never mind he’d stayed at Olivia for months with Laney under roof, their relationship had changed. She was an only child. Heck, he recalled how protective he and his brother had been of his three sisters growing up. God help him if he messed up with Laney because if he was ever stupid enough to do so, he’d be a walking dead man.  “Yep. The right way. I’m heading out to Oakland tomorrow to talk with Charles.”

Laney nearly gasped when his finger slid and slowly traced a lazy pattern up and down her arm. She shuddered and her nipples strained against her blouse. Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips in reflex. Her heart pounded wildly with anticipation. She noticed how Ray’s slate blue eyes were almost closed and his breathing labored. She wanted him as just as much as he wanted her, but she respected his wish that they wait until he’d spoken with her grandfather. Still, the undeniable passion between them was like an elephant in the room. This was the first time she ever recalled where she needed to put some distance between them. She turned away and braced her arms over the rail. 

Ray stood behind Laney and moved her hair off to the side. Pulling her against him, he circled his arms around her waist and planted open-mouth kisses on the side of her throat. “What kind of magic did you use on me?”

With her back to him, tears burned Laney’s eyes. “Love,” she said simply. “I love you.”

Laney tried to turn, but Ray squeezed her tighter. “Not yet. Let me hold you like this for a little while.”

With exquisite slowness, she relished the way Ray’s hands moved with masterful skill and played havoc with her breasts. This was one time she was glad she hadn’t worn a bra. He rolled her nipples between his fingers until they tightened. The delicious passion coupled with the straining desire was her undoing. With her back arched, she whimpered her pleasure.  

“You’re beautiful…” he whispered next to her ear.

Laney felt beautiful, too. Time ceased when he turned her around, easing her top toward her chin. He bent his head and flicked his tongue across one hard nipple, then the other. “Raphael,” she begged, frantic with need.

“This isn’t about sex. This is about you.”

It took a moment before Laney understood, but she soon figured it out. She became acutely aware of his hand on her bare belly, but he didn’t stop there. Moments later, his fingers crept inside her pants until they landed at that part of her that was hot, damp, and ready. With her head against his chest, she panted while he stroked her with such tenderness, she almost cried out loud. 

Ray allowed his gaze to burn her again. It was hard to concentrate while her hands glided along his flesh. He wanted her. Denying himself through the months of chemo was the hardest thing he’d done, but necessary. Until he’d finished, he’d promised to wait.  Their first time together needed to be free of all barriers. He’d wanted to fully recover and have his strength and stamina back, so they could make love until their bodies were damp with sweat.  He’d settled for nothing less than sampling the fiery passionate love she felt for him.  “Look at me, Red.”

Laney lifted her head and stared up at him, her body consumed with need to the point she ached.

“You feel that?”

The moment his finger settled deep inside her core, Laney answered with a gasp and her eyes slid close. “Yes,” she uttered hoarsely.

“One day soon,” he whispered against her lips, his fingers moving back and forth, “I’ll be inside of you like this.” He thrust his finger to the hilt.     

His strokes continued while he devoured her mouth. Her head spun from the ecstasy and her fingers pressed deeply into his shoulders. She never dreamed the way he was touching her now could feel this good, and she never wanted it to end.

“Raphael?” Laney’s questioning cry was thin and feverish. Tension built. The fever inside her increased to the point it became unbearable. 

“Don’t fight it,
mon ange
. Let it go.”

Laney cried out his name, her entire body shuddering. What she’d just experienced was a sweet madness, a pleasure beyond description.

The fact she called out his name in the throes of passion was all he needed to hear. The way she responded to his touch had almost sent him over the edge. He returned his gaze slowly to her face, studying the movement in her throat. Her mouth was parted and her nostrils flared, just at the edges. Those green eyes were at half-mast. Pulling back, he trailed his finger up her chest, leaving her dampness in its trial.

“Was it good for you?” Ray asked with his lips pressed next to her temple.

For answer, she moaned.

Ray stroked a finger along her jawbone. “That’s was the opening act.”

Laney’s voice quivered. “How long must I wait for the grand finale?”

Ray flashed a devastatingly sexy grin. “The call is yours. Now before I nut up and lose my good intentions, you might want to turn around and head back to your room.” 

Laney released a long breath through her nose and nodded. Dear God, if the opening act felt this good, she wondered what the finale would feel like.

~ ~ ~

The next day, Ray arrived in Oakland shortly before noon. After he settled in, he phoned Laney’s grandfather, Charles O’Reilly and asked if he could schedule some
t
ime to meet with him.