IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN (6 page)

Suddenly, panic raced through Ray faster than a category five hurricane making landfall. Although he hated when his privacy was invaded by the media, he’d learn over the years to stay a step ahead of them. “You got extra security in place, right?”

Alex nodded. “Calm down, partner. You’re covered on that front. Right now, my concern is for you.”

“
Mon frère
, if the media ever finds out—”

“Don’t worry, they won’t,” Alex said with confidence. “The best shot we’ve got at keeping this on the DL until things are resolved is to get you out of Dodge for a little while.”

Frustrated, Ray threw his hands in the air. “
Mon frère
, I start chemo in a week. I can’t skip out on that.”

“I’m two steps ahead of you, buddy. I spoke with Charles last night. He’s got a place you can hang out for while. As for your chemo, one of the best team of oncologists will be at your disposal.” 

“Where’s this place at?”

“About an hour outside of Memphis.”

“Memphis,” Ray repeated with indignation. He’d never considered staying any place south of the Mason-Dixon Line, not even on a temporary basis. He’d only visited the Bluff City once and was thoroughly unimpressed. Everyone he’d met talked with a drawl and moved as slow as cold molasses on a winter day. What sane man would want to live there?

“I don’t know about this one,
mon frère
.” Ray frowned. “Charles’s crib
…
is it private?”

“Very.”

Ray lifted his brow, unconvinced. “How much is very?”

“Hard for the media to find private. Shall I proceed?

Too weary to care anymore, Ray nodded. “Go for it.”

“There’s just more minor detail you need to know.”

“Talk to me.”

“Charles doesn’t actually own the property.”

“Well, who does?”

“Laney.”

“Oh, shit.” Ray stood and paced in a tight circle. “Deals off.”

“Listen, Ray—”

“Ice it,
mon frère
. We need to come up with plan B.”

“I know I just threw a lot on your plate, but right now your options are limited,
if
you want to keep things under wraps.”

Ray looked grim. He knew Alex was right, but it didn’t mean he liked it. No matter how careful he was, if he stayed and underwent chemo in California, someone could very well spot him.
Daaayuuum
. 

“How you holding up?” Alex asked with concern.

Ray offered a flinty smile. “After what you just threw down? I’m here,
mon frère
. That’s about all I can tell you. I’m here.” 

“You’ve been locked up in this house too long, “Alex chided. “Why don’t you come over to Marcel’s tonight?”

“What’s going on?”

“You remember T. J. Benford, don’t you?”

“Yeah. He was on the same line with you and Marcel when you pledged Alpha. So, what’s going on tonight?”

“Every year our line gets together for Christmas. This year it’s Marcel’s turn to be the host. It’ll do you good to chill out for a while. Maybe shoot some pool.”

“Let me think about.”

“I’ll pick you up at eight.”

~ ~ ~

Laney stared at her desk.  It was disgustingly clear. The goal she’d set out to accomplish ten years ago had been achieved. She could do one of two things. Stay at work for the rest of the day and hope in vain that Raphael would come or leave and prepare for his arrival.

She wasn’t desperate, but determined. During the days since she’d returned to Memphis, Raphael Baptiste had imbedded himself so deeply into her daily routine that her life seemed empty without him. While she’d been with him, she’d felt more alive than she’d ever felt before. This wasn’t lust, but love. She’d finally fallen in love with a man. Not just any man, but Raphael Baptiste. With Raphael, she wasn’t Dr. Laney Houston, world renowned scientist. She was Red, his woman. It was both amazing and electrifying.

Weakness was one word she’d tossed out of her vocabulary years ago. Steeping out on nothing but faith, she pushed back from her desk and stood. She refused to give in to the fact that Raphael wouldn’t accept her offer to recuperate at her home. She didn’t know how it would happen.  What she was confident of was that it would.

Smiling with confidence, she grabbed her purse and keys and headed toward the door.

~ ~ ~

“Man, tell me you
lying
!” Ray shouted and nearly toppled off the barstool. He sat at the bar with T. J. Benford in the family room at his brother Marcel’s estate.

“Brother if I’m lying, God strike me dead,” T. J. said, lifting a Coke can to his lips. “I was diagnosed with testicular cancer five years ago.”

“Did you have any symptoms?”

T. J. nodded. “Umm-hmm. And like most men, I ignored them. You know how it is, a brother thinks he’s macho and will never get sick. Then when something goes down, he hopes against hope that the mind is playing tricks on him when all the while, the body is giving the tattle-tell warnings that somethin’ ain’t right.” He shook his head and chuckled. “It’s funny how a man will let every woman in the world who’s willing feel up on him, but when it comes to doing self-examinations, he gets shaky. Know what I’m saying?” 

“Listen, T. J.” Ray leaned forward with his hands clasped between his legs. “I need you to keep this conversation between us on the DL—”  

“You see this?” T. J. pointed to his tabbed collar. “As an ordained minister, I hold whatever you or anyone else tells me in the strictest of confidence.”

“
Merci
.”

“I know where you’re at right now because I’ve been there. And trust me, I’m not gonna hit the door and put your business in the streets. You have my word. Besides, my frat brothers would kill me.” He chuckled. “Ain’t ready to go see my Maker
…
just yet.” 

“When I first met you, you were a straight-up player, man.”

T. J. nodded in agreement. “Got a Ph.D. in it. And before the cancer, added a couple of post doctorates to the field of study, too.”

“B-but you came full circle.”

“Brother, I had to. It’s like I tell folks I counsel who say, ‘but pastor you don’t understand.’ Oh, yes I do. I come out the gate telling tell ‘em that I bring ‘em greetings from the whore house to the church house. If I can change, anybody ought to be able to get their stuff straight.”

“Man, what slowed your roll?”

“Ray, when a life-altering situation knocks at your door, it’ll make you re-examine a lot of stuff you’re doing. Mine just so happened to be cancer. If you don’t remember nothin’ else I tell you, remember this. You can’t hide from the disease. You’ve got to make up in your mind you’re gonna fight it with everything you’ve got.” T. J.’s voice mellowed. “Cancer was the wake-up call I needed. It changed my life for the better.”

“H-how did you get through it?”

“Three things,” T. J. explained and bent his fingers back as he named them. “God, my family, and a good woman. Those three got me through some
dark
moments.” He paused. “You got a lady?”

Ray smiled sadly and stared off into the distance. Oh, he had one, but when she tried to reach out to help him, he panicked and bolted. In the last two weeks, the only person he’d thought about was Laney.  

T. J. cleared his throat lightly to get Ray’s attention.  “I’m not sure if your silence is a yes or no, but let me tell you this. If there’s someone special in your life, don’t shut her out. Trust me my brother, there will be days that you’ll need a strong woman to catch your back.”

“What about
…
you know
…
sex?”

T. J. bobbed his head. “A
aah, wondered when that topic would hit the discussion circuit. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with cancer that I finally understood the difference between making love and having sex.”

Confused, Ray shook his head. “I’m not following you.”

“Men think sex.” T. J. tapped the side of his head. “We got it on the brain. I discovered there were other ways to please a woman besides the physical act itself.”

“And she was satisfied?”

“
Who?
” T. J. grinned. “She called my name. But guess what? Satisfaction is what you make of it. Don’t get caught up in the physical side of things. There’s more to a relationship than sex.”

“When did you meet your lady?”

“Hmmm
…
about a year before I was diagnosed. Man, talk about pretty. Brother, she blew me away. She was different than the other women I’d messed around with, and I didn’t want to rush things. Then, bam,” T. J. exclaimed, slapping both hands together. “Head off to the doctor because the pain was unbearable and three days later, learn I’ve got cancer.” He paused. “You know when they rolled me into surgery I wasn’t worried about my life. The only thing on my mind was whether I’d ever be able to have sex again.”

“And
…
”

“The necessary part was overhauled, fined-tuned, and didn’t impact the stick, which by the way, still shifts.”

Both men burst into laughter.

“No, seriously, in between chemo rounds, we were able to participate in a little spectator sport.” T. J. winked. ”If you know what I mean.”

Ray stared, stunned, his jaw slacked. “You actually had sex during chemo?”

“No, brother, I made love. Don’t get the two twisted.”

“My bad.”

“Listen, Ray,” T. J. said sincerely, “you
will
make it through this. And when you get back on your feet, I want you to fly down to Memphis and join me for worship service. Maybe I can talk you into accompanying my choir on a song or two.”

Ray was silent and his brows bunched. It had been over twenty years since he’d stepped foot inside of a church. The only reason he’d been there then was because he’d landed the job as a pianist a year and a half before he’d graduated from Julliard. “It’s been a while.”

“A CME, huh?”

Ray shook his head. “You know I was raised Catholic.”

“You might have been raised Catholic, but you’re a practicing CME
…
Christmas, Mother’s Day and Easter worshipper. I’ve got a few of those in my congregation, too, so you’ll be right at home.”

Ray never made a promise he couldn’t honor. As far as he was concerned, a man’s word was the only true thing he had in this world. He released a mock chuckle. “Yeah, I walk up in the church house and God just might throw a boulder down on me.”

T. J. threw his head back and roared with laughter. “Well, if that was the case, I would’ve been crushed. Keep the invitation in the back of your mind. If you do come, you won’t be disappointed. You just might get a chance to hear one of the sweetest voices this side of heaven.”

“Who?”

“One of my choir members named Laney Houston.”

Ray stared, stunned, but didn’t let on to T. J. that he knew Laney. “Can she sing?”

“Can
…
she
…
sing?” T. J. snorted. “Brother,
that
sista can blow. We call her the songbird of the south.”

“T. J., man I owe you, big time. And I appreciate you giving it to me straight. If you don’t mind, I want to keep you posted.”

“You better. And if you need to run a question by me or talk something through, all you gotta do is holla.”

~ ~ ~

Ray tried to steady his nerves. After a sleepless night, he sat on the edge of the bed with his cell phone clasped between sweaty palms. He dialed Laney’s number and listed to three rings. He was just about to disconnect the call when he heard a soft, raspy voice on the other end. “Hello.”

“Red
…
”

There was complete silence for a second before Ray heard anything else.

“Yes, Raphael.”

Ray swallowed hard in an attempt to steady his shaky voice. “You been good?”

“The better question is how have you been?”

Ray gulped in air so fast he thought his lungs had exploded. “Jacked up.”

The pause was longer this time. His grip on the phone was so tight, his fingers became numb. Ray felt his pulse race hard and fast at the base of his throat. He cringed at the audible silence emitting across the phone line. “
Joyeux Noël
.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“Red
…
”

“
Oui
.”

He closed his eyes and an almost unbearable tension crept over his shoulder blade. He thought he’d be prepared for his reaction if he ever spoke to her again, but he wasn’t. Speechless, a vision of Laney swirled through his head. Months ago, the connection between man and woman had formed and had somehow sealed their fate.  

Laney hadn’t backed away from him when he told her he had cancer. She didn’t gasp. She didn’t fall apart. She hadn’t declared him any less of a man because of it. She simply reached out because she cared.