If You Come Back To Me (If You Come Back To Me #1) (16 page)

She opened the screen door. “Hi,” she said tremulously. Marc stood there on the porch looking beautiful to her, his dark blond hair wind-ruffled, his jaw darkened with whiskers, his blue eyes gleaming in his shadowed face.

“Hi.”

A ripple of sensation coursed down her neck and spine at the sound of his low, hoarse voice.

He waved toward his car in the sunlit driveway. “Will you come for a ride?”

Mari nodded. She stepped out onto the porch, feeling like a prisoner walking to the gallows.

Neither of them spoke after they’d gotten into the car. Marc drove to The Family Center. He glanced over to her and gave a small smile when she gasped in pleasure. A painted blue, brown and ivory sign had been placed next to the entrance.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Marc said as he parked the car and nodded toward the freshly painted sign. “Liam had to get back to work, but when he heard about the Center, he wanted to do something. He commissioned Joe Brown to make it before he left Harbor Town. Joe left him a message saying he installed it Saturday.”

Mari was too amazed to speak. They got out of the car and went to examine the sign. Joe had included a
small landscape in the corner of the sign, a dune and a sunset. Mari recognized the vista off Silver Dune. Beneath the name of the organization and contact information, a two-word quote had been added.

“Choose hope,”
she whispered. After several seconds, she glanced up at Marc. He watched her, his eyes like two steady beacons beckoning her to shore. Her throat ached when she swallowed. “I need to make sure I get Liam’s number from you. This was so wonderful of him.”

Marc nodded and grabbed her hand. They took a rough path through evergreen, oak and maple until the tree line broke and they walked out onto the dune. Lake Michigan looked periwinkle blue beneath the fiery orange, sinking sun. When they reached the end of the dune, Mari turned toward him. She nodded toward the water in the vicinity of where they’d sat in the boat and watched the sun rising several days ago.

“We’re back on the shore now,” she said quietly. “Watching the sunset again.”

His hand came up to cradle her jaw. He whisked his thumb across her cheek. “Sunrise. Sunset. They’re all good, as long as you’re here.”

Mari distantly wondered if her throat would ever stop aching. Lately it seemed to be constantly swelling with emotion. “It’s been a difficult trip…coming back to Harbor Town,” she murmured.

“Mari, about what Colleen said in the hospital…I know it upset you. But Colleen was worried—”

“I know,” Mari said rapidly. She turned toward the lake, missing Marc’s caress when her motion caused his hand to fall away. “Of course she was upset. I would have been, too, given the circumstances. It’s completely natural.”

Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Marc stiffen.
“So why have you been avoiding me for the past few days?”

“I needed to think,” Mari said, her gaze on the dancing waves of the silver-blue lake.

He didn’t speak for several seconds. When she glanced over at him, she saw his mouth had drawn into a straight line. She’d never seen Marc look so grim. Somehow he’d guessed what she was about to say.

“Don’t do this, Mari.”

“One of us has to,” she said in a hushed voice. “I was right. It would never work, you and me.”

“It
does
work,” he said, putting his hand on her upper arm. “It always has!”

“For us,” Mari replied, just as heatedly. “It works for
us,
Marc. But we’re not the only two people on the planet. There are other people…other lives we have to take into account.”

“I don’t accept that. We’re not hurting anyone by being together. What happened with my mother was scary for everyone, but that had nothing to do with you starting The Family Center or us being together. It had
everything
to do with the fact that she’s been ignoring her physical health. I’ve had a long conversation with her about it. She’s agreed to take her medication now and follow the doctor’s treatment advice.”

“I spoke with Brigit, as well.”

He paused for two heartbeats. “You did? About what?” he asked warily.

“She seems to be of the opinion that you want me this much because I was the one thing you never could have.”

“And you believed her?” Marc asked, anger entering his tone.

“No…at least not totally.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?
Not totally?
”

She paused for a moment, gathering herself. She waved toward the edge of the dune in the distance.

“Do you remember us standing there on the end of this dune together? It would have been fifteen summers ago. Just weeks before the crash, if I’m not mistaken.”

He didn’t respond to her quiet question, but she sensed the tension coiling in his muscles.

“I was terrified,” she said softly. “Literally. I still have a fear of heights, you know. But I jumped. Do you know why?”

She turned to look at him, but he still didn’t speak. She hated seeing the rigid, hard lines of his face cast in the crimson rays of the dying sun. His eyes were usually so alive when he looked at her, but at that moment, they looked cold with dread.

“Because, once upon a time, I would have followed Marc Kavanaugh anywhere.
Anywhere,
” she added fervently. She shook her head sadly. “But things changed. And I’m not a child anymore. I have others to consider.”

“I see. We’re back to this, then. I’m the selfish one, for suggesting we should be together.”

Mari closed her eyes and felt tears skitter down her cheek. The wind increased and tossed the trees behind them. The waves hitting the sand beach in the distance sounded lonely. She pushed her blowing hair off her damp face.

“I don’t think that anymore. You’re not selfish. You’re strong. Stronger than I am. You said you would accept my decision after we returned from Chicago.” She swallowed convulsively. “Please understand. I’m not strong enough to follow you this time around.”

She turned away from the lake and paused. “Ryan and I booked flights back home. We leave tomorrow. I can finish what remains to be done for The Family
Center from there. I’ll go inside now and tie up a few loose ends. Ryan can pick me up here later.” She lowered her head, praying for strength to continue. “There’s…there’s something I’ll need to speak with you about, but…perhaps it’d be best if it waited until I was in San Francisco.”

She glanced up at him. This was by far the hardest thing she’d ever done. Her entire body hurt as if every cell protested at the idea of leaving him. She touched her stomach in an instinctive protective gesture.
This
life was the one that had decided her, in the end. She needed to protect her child from the pain and heartache of their past. Wasn’t fate screaming loud and clear that they weren’t meant to be together? How many more people would be hurt if they tried?

“Good-bye,” she said quietly.

He said nothing, but she felt his gaze on her as she walked back through the trees alone.

S
ix weeks later, Ryan and Mari paused by the front door of her condominium. She knew what her brother was going to say before he said it.

“You’re not yourself, Mari. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m
fine.
You were at the doctor’s appointment with me two days ago. You heard it yourself. I couldn’t be healthier and neither could the baby.”

Ryan looked doubtful. She knew he’d been referring to her spirits, not her physical well-being. Before he could say anything else, she kissed him farewell on the jaw.

“I’ll talk to you soon?”

Ryan opened his mouth and then closed it again. “Yeah. Okay. Call me if you need me,” he said with a pointed glance before he walked out the door.

Ever since she’d broken the news to Ryan about her pregnancy two weeks ago, he was constantly dropping by and checking her pantry to see if she had enough food,
or lecturing her about little things, like when he noticed she’d used a small ladder to change a lightbulb.

She sighed and picked up the bag of items he’d dropped off and carried them to her dining room. Ryan meant well. He was as hyperaware as she was that her baby’s father wasn’t around to look out for her. When she’d told him who the father was, it had not been a comfortable moment.

Since then, neither of them had mentioned Marc’s name out loud.

She still hadn’t called Marc to break the news. It just seemed too overwhelming. Insurmountable, in fact. She couldn’t seem to build up the energy required to tell Marc they were going to have a baby, if not a future, together.

She set the bag of items on her dining room table with a thud, purposefully trying to scatter her thoughts of Marc. She kept waiting for the pain to fade, but after being in San Francisco for six weeks now, it still hurt to think of him…to recall his face as they stood together on Silver Dune.

She’d kept herself busy with her symphony work and making plans for the baby’s nursery. She’d turned over much of the day-to-day preparations for The Family Center to Allison Trainor, Eric Reyes and Colleen. Constantly conversing with the Harbor Town residents— especially Colleen—had made her too depressed. She’d needed to cut back on her interactions for basic survival’s sake.

Of course limiting her communications with Eric or Colleen hadn’t stopped her from waking up in the middle of the night in a state of panic, feeling as if she’d left something crucial behind. The dreams varied, but the experience of waking in a cold sweat, anxiety claw
ing at her throat was the same. That, and the inevitable tears that followed.

The experience was very similar to what had occurred when she’d been uprooted and moved to San Francisco fifteen years ago.

It was so hard to keep reminding herself she was doing the right thing when it felt so wrong.

Mari opened the green garbage bag on the table and withdrew a smaller, sealed bag filled with photos. She took out a black-and-white one and smiled at the handsome couple posing for their wedding picture.

“That’s your grandma and grandpa,” Mari whispered, her hand on her belly.

She definitely possessed a small baby bump now, something that was only identifiable to Mari and a few people who were in the know. She’d taken to talking to the baby, much to her own amusement.

“They would have spoiled you rotten, especially my dad,” she told the baby.

She reached into the plastic bag and pulled out a black yearbook. All of the items had come from the Harbor Town basement. The house had sold three weeks ago. Ryan had brought back the remaining family items when he returned to San Francisco. He’d just recently divided them up, however, and brought Mari’s share to her condominium tonight. Or at least that’s the reason he’d given for dropping by on a Friday night at eight o’clock. Mari knew it really was just an excuse for checking up on her.

Who knew her big, bad, fighter pilot brother could be such a mother hen?

Mari checked the year on the book and saw that it was her own yearbook from her senior year. She’d been seventeen years old, filled with hope and head over heels in love with Marc. It’d been torture for her to be separated
from him during the fall, winter and spring, although he would drive up to Dearborn occasionally. His visits had always been short, though, given her parents’ disapproval of their relationship.

She opened up the yearbook, smiling wistfully when she recognized youthful, long-forgotten faces.

It was cruel, the way time fell through your grasping fingers.

She paused when she saw a light pink envelope inserted between some pages. She opened up the envelope and realized it was her graduation card from her parents. Below the printed inscription, she saw both her parents’ handwriting.

From her mother:
We will always be proud of our beautiful daughter. Always. Congratulations, Marianna!

She blinked a few unwanted tears out of her eyes so that she could see her father’s note.

Mari, Your entire future stretches ahead of you. My advice to you as you set about your journey is to never give up hope. Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. Know that you will always have our love, Dad.

For a full minute, she just stood there, staring at the message. It was as if she’d just looked up and seen Kassim Itani standing there…saw his thin face and small smile and the knowing twinkle in his dark eyes. The years had collapsed.

Her father had reached out and touched her across the vast barrier of time.

Still holding the card, she walked over to the window and stared out at the glittering high-rises, not really seeing them, but instead seeing her father’s face…

And Marc’s.

Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.

That’s what she’d done. She’d doubted when she should have hung on. She’d done the wise thing, the rational thing, but everyone knew hope wasn’t logical.

“Choose hope.”

It took her a moment to realize she wasn’t speaking to the baby. She was whispering to herself.

“Your mother is here, Marc.”

He did a double take at his administrative assistant’s unexpected announcement.

“Where?”

Adrian pointed at the office assigned to him at the courthouse at 26th and California. He had a briefing to attend with some of his top attorneys who were prosecuting a police officer accused of murdering his wife. It was a high profile case and he needed to do a million things before the briefing. All of those things faded in his mind at the news his mother was in his office. Brigit rarely came to the city, let alone to the criminal courthouse.

“Thanks, Adrian,” Marc muttered before he plunged into his office. His mother stood from her chair and turned to him. Marc thought she looked healthy enough, but—”

“Is everything all right, Mom?”

“Everything’s fine.”

Marc gave her a quizzical glance as he deposited his heavy briefcase on his desk. “Why are you here, then?” he asked, bending to give her a kiss.

“I just wanted to speak to you.”

“About what?” Marc asked as he settled in his chair.

Brigit also sat. “I was worried. You seemed so distant when we spoke on the phone yesterday.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re missing Mari.”

He blinked, shocked his mother had just said a name that was typically
verboten
to her. It was all the more disorienting to hear Mari’s name because he himself hadn’t spoken it since she’d left Harbor Town six weeks ago. He said it in his mind frequently enough. Too often, in fact.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, once he’d recovered from the shock of his mother willfully bringing up the topic of Mari Itani.

“Because I know you. It’s killing you that she left.”

Marc didn’t reply, just flipped the pen he’d been twiddling in his fingers onto the desk. He was getting angry.

“What’s your point, Mom? You came all the way to Chicago to say I’ve been missing Mari? So what if I have been?”

Brigit pursed her lips together before she spoke. “I thought perhaps I might be able to ease your misery some.”

His laugh was harsh. “I doubt it.”

Brigit inhaled deeply and then plunged ahead. “Perhaps. Perhaps not. I wanted to tell you that a week or two after Mari returned to Harbor Town—two days after my heart attack, in fact—I saw Mari at Harbor Town Memorial. She’d had an appointment there.”

Marc’s brown wrinkled in consternation. “Yeah. She hadn’t been feeling well.”

“Those dizzy spells. And nausea, perhaps?” Brigit asked.

“What are you getting at?”

“She was coming out of an obstetrician’s office, Marc. She told me herself she’d had an appointment there.”

He just stared at his mother’s face. In the distance a car alarm started blaring loudly.

“I’ve had my share of children. I know I haven’t seen Mari for years, but there’s a certain air a woman gets. There are signs. Mari is pregnant, Marc.”

He continued to gape at his mother. His heartbeat started to throb uncomfortably loud in his ears.

Brigit cleared her throat. “And I don’t think I need to tell you that if she was pregnant, it wasn’t with your child.”

“What?” he muttered. He felt like he was trying to absorb his mom’s words and meaning through a thick layer of insulation.

“Even if you two had…intimate relations once Mari had come back to Harbor Town, she wouldn’t have thought she was pregnant after a week. If she is pregnant—or even if she just
thought
so—it couldn’t be with your child. Mari must have been involved with someone else, Marc. That’s why I came to Chicago. I thought it might ease the sting of her leaving some…to know she must have been involved with another man.”

Marc sat forward slowly in his chair. “That’s why you came here? To tell me that…you thought it would make me feel
better?
” When his mother didn’t respond, Marc dazedly shook his head. “That’s one hell of a mean-spirited thing to do, Mom.”

Brigit’s face collapsed. “I’m doing it for you, Marc.”

“No,” he stated harshly. “You’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it because you want the threat of Mari to disappear for good.” He stood abruptly, causing Brigit to start. He reached for his briefcase. “The incredible thing about it is, you did the opposite.”

Brigit stood, looking flustered. “What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“I’m going after Mari.”

He didn’t look back at his mother as he stormed out of the office.

He called to book a flight while he was in the cab. He didn’t even bother to go back to his condo to pack anything. This was too important. He was halfway to the airport and apologizing to an assistant district attorney for not being able to attend the upcoming briefing when another call came through on his cell.

He did a double take when he saw the caller identification.

It was Mari.

Why the hell was she calling him now when she’d refused all of his calls since she’d left?

He so forcefully plunged through the revolving doors of the Palmer House Hotel that they kept spinning a full revolution once he was inside. Mari looked over her shoulder at the sound, her eyes huge in her face. For a second he just stood there, dazed.

Mari’s eyes. God, would he ever get over their impact?

She turned around. Everything seemed to slow down around him. Sounds became muffled and distant. It was just like when he’d followed her from her concert and walked through these very doors. She’d turned and he’d been compelled to call out when he’d seen her exquisite face.

This time was the same…and it was a thousand times different.

His gaze skimmed over her. She looked incomparably beautiful to him, wearing a dark blue skirt and a soft, cream-colored knit top that clung to her breasts. His eyes rested on the curve of her belly. He met her stare.

“Three months,” she said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered.

Her smile practically undid him. She stepped closer.

“I wanted to tell you about the baby. More than
anything. But I had myself convinced I was doing the right thing by staying away. It took a voice from the past to make me see I wasn’t being wise. I was just giving into my fear…my doubts about the future. Our future. I made that realization last night, Marc, and I got on the first plane here this morning. I hope you can forgive me—”

Her words were cut off when he reached for her and lifted her in his arms. He buried his face in the soft fabric of her sweater and inhaled her scent.

“You’re sure? You’re not going to leave again?” he asked in a garbled voice.

She was pressing small, frantic kisses against his neck and jaw. He felt the wetness of her tears on his skin. “No. Never again.”

“You’ll stay with me?”

She put her hands on each side of his head and looked into his eyes. “I promise. If that’s what you want. I wasn’t sure…those things you said about not wanting another relationship—”

“Did you actually think that applies when it comes to
you?
” he asked incredulously. He kissed her with the single intent of silencing her doubts on that front.

“Our future was ripped away from us so long ago,” Mari murmured when he lifted his head a moment later. “We’ve been given a second chance. It’s a blessing, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t see that before.”

“As long as you see it now,” he whispered, his mouth hovering next to her lips. He kissed her softly, and when he caught her taste, hungrily. He growled low in his throat before he lifted his head. “God, I love you so much. I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.”

She smiled. “I love you, too.”

He kissed away the tears on her cheek. “The future starts now, Mari.”

She took his hand and placed it on the curve of her belly. He went still at the sensation.

“Actually it started twelve or so weeks ago.” Her golden brown eyes were filled with joy and amusement as she glanced up at the high-ceilinged lobby. “Right in this very place.”

He smiled slowly. Laughter burst out of her throat when he spun her around, her long hair flying in the air. He set her back down on her feet and leaned over her. He spoke to her through nibbling kisses on her lips.