If You Don't Know Me (13 page)

T
wo weeks in. Two more before I get out.

I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner alone. Didn't attend any of the group classes. Let the barber shave my head once a week. Didn't want to let myself go, especially if I had a chance to get with my wife and raise my kid.

I didn't talk to my cellmate at all. He tried but once dude realized I was never going to respond, he chilled out. He didn't mind my picking up and reading his books. I'd finished
When It All Falls Down
by Dijorn Moss and had started on
Politics. Escorts. Blackmail.
by Pynk. If things didn't work out with Madison, maybe I could marry Pynk. Was it legal? The things she'd written? How did dude get this book in here? I was trying some of this with a woman soon as I got out. I wasn't religious but God had become my friend in my head.

Outside of my brother, I had no relationships with men. Didn't go to any of our football games lately. I used to be a big fan but after I'd done what I did to Chicago, I didn't feel right sitting in the stadium. If I followed through with the hit, how was I going to get close enough not to get caught? We had a good basketball team too but I didn't go to those games either. The round ball wasn't my favorite. Had never seen a polo match or horses race around the track. There was a lot to do in Houston and thanks to Charles Singleton, I had enough money to afford the best seats.

Today, I sat on the floor in a corner by myself eating lunch while reading. When I first got here a few guys would come by and try to make conversation. I didn't respond. The only person I spoke to was the guard on duty.

One of them was headed my way. He stood in front of me. “You good?” he asked.

I nodded, then turned the page. If I didn't have to use words, I didn't.

This was the first time in my forty-five years of living that I realized I needed to shut up. The words “politics” and “blackmail” gave me lots to think about. Staring at the pages, I couldn't focus on the words. Dude standing over me felt weird.

When I got out, I was not going to contact Madison or try to see my son. If she wanted me back, she had to make the first move. The feeling of knowing Zach was mine and I may never see that boy . . . I braced my forehead on my knees to hide the tears. He was three weeks old. I bet he'd feel like a loaf of bread in my big ol' hands. Besides eating and sleeping, what was he doing all day?

I smiled. I'll be all right. I frowned. Maybe this was my punishment for what I'd done to Chicago. Day three in here I almost confessed. Then I felt like what good would that do? Freedom was more important than telling the truth. That's why people hired lawyers to get them off the hook.

Not doing anything dumb to come back here was my final decision. If that meant I'd never see Zach until he was eighteen, I'd live with that. Once my kid was grown, wasn't nothing Madison could do to stop me. I'd set aside money to pay him back child support.

Beaux hadn't come to visit me. I told him not to. Hopefully, the funds in our offshore account were growing. Regardless, I was giving Charles Singleton back his million dollars, his gun, the briefcase it came in. I was no killer. I was a man trying to keep my broken heart from crumbling. Charles could do his own dirty work.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up. Lost in my thoughts, I'd forgotten dude was there.

The guard said, “You need to come with me.”

Didn't sound like I was getting out early like Nyle. Hoped the thoughts I had from reading this escort's book wasn't going to add time to my sentence.

Standing, I wondered, “What now?”

“B
aby, make love to me.”

Had I heard my wife right? It was six o'clock in the morning. The usual time I'd wake up since I'd let her move in. My dick wasn't hard. I think he was depressed. Missing Sindy as much as I was. Madison was the last person I'd had intercourse with and that was almost ten months ago before our wedding.

We were pregnant before the ceremony. I wanted to penetrate her after the wedding and before the reception but we were late so she'd opted to give me head. There were times when I'd become aroused just thinking about how my dick felt inside of Madison. Now I fell asleep wondering what it would feel like to penetrate Sindy. I pictured Sindy on her knees sucking my dick. Instantly, my head started rising.

The second I'd landed at Bush International returning from Kansas City, Madison had texted We're in the lobby. The doorperson won't let us up.

Damn, she hadn't given me time to take off my shoes, enjoy a glass of scotch while propping my feet on my coffee table. I hadn't confirmed I wanted them to move in with me. Hadn't fully had that conversation about our future. Obviously I sent mixed signals.

I'd given the doorperson permission to let them go up. Figured we'd have an adult discussion. I didn't want her back like this. I was hoping to let her know Sindy was going to be in our lives. Truth was, Sindy wasn't even in my life. She had not called since I'd left for Kansas. No “Congratulations on your W.”

Madison and Zach had spent one night. Then another. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want Madison. But I didn't know how to ask her to leave.

Zach had his own bedroom, which was separated by the living area. Madison had ordered a small crib online, then had it assembled in my room. I pointed to the baby.

“He's asleep,” she said. “Please make love to me, Roosevelt.”

She pulled back the cover. Instantly, my shit stood tall. It was hard. Not because my wife had turned me on. The memories of Sindy sexing me were . . . damn my shit felt good. Massaging my dick, I started masturbating. Getting myself off was smarter. “Don't you have to wait two more weeks?”

“I'm ready now.” She raised her gown over her hips, then straddled me.

I covered my dick with my hand. Shook my head. “We can't. I don't have protection.” That was a lie. After Sindy started sucking my dick like it was her favorite flavor, I had bought a three-pack of Magnums in anticipation and preparation to make love to her. The one thing I knew was women liked when they could see the pack of condoms hadn't been opened. If I used one with Madison, I hoped I'd have to buy another pack for Sindy. I missed her.

“I can't get pregnant and I haven't been with anyone since the last time I was with you.”

Wanting to believe her, my dick grew larger. Not sure who needed to release more, I moved my hand. “You sure you can't get pregnant?”

“Positive,” she said putting the head in.

Her pussy was warm and incredibly tight. She squinted, froze, then said, “Ow.”

I held on to her waist. “I told you it was too soon. Get up.”

Opening her mouth, softly she exhaled. “I'm good.” Slowly she lowered her pussy and I remembered why I fell in love with her. She eased down to my balls and sat there.

“Get up. Let me get a condom.” I rolled sideways. She leaned in the opposite direction. Slowly rocked her hips. She eased her pussy toward my balls. I could deny her but not the sensation.

Sex wasn't why I'd put a ring on her finger. Madison was a woman. Curvaceous. Daring.

Oh . . . oh.
“Oh, no. Damn. I'm cumming. I'm cumming.” Wave after wave of semen involuntarily left my body and entered hers. I should've pressed my fingers at the base of my shaft to keep the ejaculation from occurring.

Leaning her head back, Madison touched her clit, then moaned, “Don't move. I'm right with you.”

I didn't want to seem selfish but immediately after I'd finished, I regretted not saving my bodily fluids. Masturbating would've been better. It was too late. I felt guilty, as though I'd cheated on Sindy.

Madison whispered, “Thanks, honey. I needed that.” Her lips traveled toward mine and I turned away. This was the same woman who had left me for dead.
Fuck!

All of a sudden, I hated Madison.

She got out of bed, went into the bathroom. “Keep an eye on Zach,” she said, then I heard the shower.

I slapped my forehead four times.
Idiot!

Lying in bed, I had to be honest. The second Madison and the baby crossed the threshold of my condo, I knew I'd made a huge mistake letting her in. Now I'd made a bigger one.

I'd overreacted to Sindy's not communicating with me but she was right. I was confused but I wasn't anymore. Sexing Madison made my stomach upset. I had the sensation of regurgitating.

I should've given Sindy three things: time, space, and the truth. My emotional indecisiveness gave my manipulative wife another advantage.

Madison and Zach had been in my place for three weeks. Zach was a month old. Halloween had come and gone. No treats. Thanksgiving was next week. Had to figure out how I was going to balance spending time with Madison, my son, and my mom. Numbiya would be at my parents' with Chaz. Everyone would be happy, except me.

Every night I'd gone to bed with Madison, I'd thought about Sindy. She hadn't called. My mother hadn't come to a home game since I'd reunited with Madison. My brother didn't socialize with me outside of business. Whosoever believed a person didn't marry the other person's family was wrong. My entire family had divorced me because I hadn't divorced Madison. Things had to change.

Except what we'd done moments ago, each day was the same. Madison awakened early with the baby, bathed and dressed him, showered then put on her clothes, and sat in the living room.

What was taking her so long in the bathroom?

I used the bathroom connected to Zach's nursery room. Scrubbing my privates repeatedly, I felt dirty. After the fourth time, I rinsed my body, brushed my teeth, toweled dry, layered on lotion, then dressed. My wife was sitting on the sofa.

“Madison, we need to talk.” I turned off the television and sat beside them.

She smiled. “Zach has his one-month checkup tomorrow. I scheduled the first morning appointment so you could go with us,” she said bouncing him on her knee.

“Madison,” I said staring into her eyes. “I thought I could do this but—”

“But you haven't given us enough time. We're doing fine. We have to work through things, baby. It'll be okay. Let's get counseling,” she said trying to give Zach to me.

Refusing to let her use our baby against me again, I scooted away. “Madison, I'm miserable.”

“With me or without Sindy?”

I refused to lie. “Both. After his checkup tomorrow, I'm taking you guys to your house. We'll work this parenting situation out. I'm not going to take him from you. I want joint custody and I'm going through with the divorce proceedings next week.”

Silence surrounded us as she stared at the black screen.

My head tried to give my wife another chance but my heart couldn't do it. For me it was, “If you can't be with the one you love, leave the one you're with.” What was I trying to prove by mimicking what my parents had?

“I'm not leaving,” she said kissing Zach.

Firmly, I answered, “Yes, you are.”

L
ife without Roosevelt was terribly lonely.

He'd brought a unique high-class element to my social experience that was exhilarating, not stuffy. Being in his suite on game day, having cameras capture me by his side, mingling with my best girlfriend who was dating his brother classified as a standing double date. I felt ostracized. Numbiya was at the game.

Tired of being home alone, I entered the bar area in pursuit of an adult beverage to drown my sorrow. The charming ambience where I'd first met him surrounded me. Patrons cheered. Not for me. For Roosevelt and his football team. The game was like our relationship—almost over. In two minutes, the players would have what I desired.

Closure.

“Nice shoes,” a woman said staring at my feet.

How long had I stood here? “Thanks,” I said, walking toward the small stage. The band was setting up for their usual gig except this performance wouldn't be celebratory for me. Madison Tyler-DuBois hadn't won. Roosevelt couldn't be that foolish.

The saxophonist was tall, white, and handsome. He winked at me. A contrived smile parted my red lips. Was it true? Musicians were the best lovers. They knew how to tune a woman the same way they did their instrument.

Why was I preserving my virginity? What did I have to prove? Perhaps I should flirt with the sax—. I held my breath as he licked his lips then pressed them to the tip of his horn. Whatever name he'd given her, lucky girl. He blew. My pussy clenched. Not for him. As I internalized the sensation of Roosevelt's dick against my clit, a sexual sensation penetrated me. I twitched.

The booth where Chaz, Numbiya, Roosevelt, and I had our first date was empty. Slowly, I eased into the same spot where I'd sat. That night, Madison was still with child while I'd shared pleasantries with her husband.

What did it feel like to be pregnant for a man who was out enjoying himself with another woman? I never wanted to know but I was glad I wasn't in Madison's position. When a woman messed up a good relationship, she needed to not be a sore loser.

Looking at my lap, I brushed away a speck of lint. Today I'd dressed to show my support for Roosevelt's team. I meant our team. My red skinny pants, off-the-shoulder red top, thin blue belt, and my sparkling sapphire platform stilettos made me look superhot. On the inside I didn't feel very sexy like the red Victoria's Secret thong I had on.

The score for the end of the fourth quarter flashed on my phone. A roaring cheer resounded throughout the bar. Houston had won the home game by seven.

Typically there wouldn't be enough hours in the day to run my business and enjoy the company of my man. Now my days and nights alone seemed endless. I hoped he'd called. Apologize. Ask me out. We could talk about what went wrong. Standing firm on my solid principles for four consecutive weeks was beginning to make me feel small. Was I trying to prove my love was stronger or that I was stronger?

Sindy. Sindy,
I said to myself.
How did you get here?

“What can I get you, beautiful lady?” the waiter asked placing a glass of ice water and a menu on the table.

A text from Numbiya appeared. Hey, where are you?

I replied: Eddie V's, then told the waiter, “I'll have a glass of Moët & Chandon.” I had no reason to celebrate. I wanted to numb the ache in my heart.

“I'll be right back with that.”

“Wait. Bring the bottle.” While I was certain I wouldn't consume that much champagne, I didn't want to wait for a refill.

“You got it,” he said whisking away.

Speaking into my cell, I voice-texted Numbiya, “So he's undefeated (period),” then pressed
SEND
.

Since I hadn't seen Roosevelt, outside of work I'd seen Numbiya less. She and Chaz had become inseparable. I wasn't jealous. I was happy to see Numbiya in love.

“We're leaving the suite. On our way.”

I said, Where (question mark) And who is we (question mark), then sent the message.

Chaz and I are coming to meet you she replied. You want me to invite Roosevelt?

“No (period) See you guys when you get here (period)”

Okay, girl. But you sure can't tell he won by the look on his face. He's missing you.

She texted me a photo.

Inhaling slowly, I held my breath. The shine I normally saw in his eyes whenever we were together was absent. His lips flatlined. Not the slightest indication of victory was exhibited. Blinking away my tears to hide my feelings, I became sad.

The waiter sat the ice bucket at the end of the table, then filled my flute. Politely he asked, “Would you like to order or should I give you a moment?”

I didn't have an appetite for food. “I'll wait until my friends arrive.”

He nodded, then walked away.

Staring at the picture Numbiya had sent, a part of me prayed Roosevelt would come with them. A part of me didn't want to see him. I should've asked Numbiya where he was going. Did I really want to know? As I scrolled through the contacts in my phone, the hurt in me wanted to delete his number. My love for him would regret not being able to call him or know if it were him calling me. I removed his number from my favorites then checked my calendar.

Wow.
After I'd stopped talking with Roosevelt, I'd hoped that my father had abandoned his mission with Granville. I phoned my dad.

“Hello there,” he answered. “Change your mind yet?”

“The appropriate question is, ‘Have you?' ”

“About what?”

He had to ask what I wasn't supposed to know. Maybe I should meet the billionaire in Dubai. I could vacation there. Go skiing indoors at the mall then shop until all my bag carriers' hands were filled with jewels, clothes, purses, and shoes. A woman could never own too many pairs. Maybe I could rationalize with my father. If giving up my virginity would save Roosevelt's life, why shouldn't I do it?

Siara was happy with her family. That reminded me I needed to Skype with my sister this week.

My dad said, “You called because Granville is being released tomorrow.”

I whispered, “Listen. You can't go through with your plans.” I didn't realize his thirty days were up. Any display of desperation would lead Dad to believe he had an edge.

“And what plans would those be?” he asked.

I shook my head. He had to have known that I knew about his contract hit on Roosevelt. “I don't want to talk about this on the phone. I'm coming over to your house later.”

“Call first, Sindy,” he said ending our conversation.

The debt had to be paid. I was considering giving in, going overseas, and marrying the billionaire who had paid my father millions in exchange for my hand in marriage. Perhaps I should arrange to meet the man here in Houston. He might be nice. After the ceremony I could divorce him.

For a moment, I wondered how a man with that much money earned it. What was his house like? What did he wear? Eat? How large was his bed? How many housekeepers and groundskeepers did he have? How old was he? Was he at least six feet tall? Did he have kids? Siblings? Why did he live in Dubai? Was he born there? Was he nice? How had he met my father? I wasn't the only thirty-year-old virgin in the world. How much had he paid and why me?

I wasn't for sale. But what harm would be done if I met this man? I tried convincing myself the outcome might be positive.

An incoming call interrupted my thoughts. “Hello.”

“Hi, dear. You have a moment to talk?” she properly inquired.

I should've said, “No,” but replied, “Yes.”

“Can you come to my house?”

“Now?” I asked.

“Do you have a better time?” Helen DuBois questioned.

“I'm meeting friends for drinks.”

“Chaz and Numbiya. I know, dear. What time will you arrive at my house?”

“Eight.”

“Fine, don't be late,” she said then ended the call.

Hopefully Roosevelt was at his mom's and Helen had spoken with him. Soon as she hung up, I remembered I'd told my father I'd stop by to see him. I had to meet with my dad before Granville's release. If I waited until the morning—

“Hey, queen,” Numbiya said approaching the booth.

Easing to the edge of the seat, I stood and gave my girlfriend a big hug. Chaz opened his arms, then wrapped them around me.

“We missed you today,” he said.

Glancing over his shoulder, I looked toward the door.

“He's not coming,” Numbiya said sitting next to me.

My girlfriend knew me well but my heart remained optimistic.

Chaz sat on the opposite side. “Give him time, he'll come around. At least he's moving Madison out of his condo.”

What? When had he moved her in? So that was why I hadn't heard from him. Frowning, I looked at Numbiya. I hated being right about Roosevelt wanting his wife back. I didn't want to be wrong about how well my girlfriend knew me. I stared at her.

She fingered the edge of her big red afro. “It wasn't worth my mentioning. Plus, Chicago was the one who needed to tell you. Not me.”

She was right. What would I have done if I'd known? Be more upset than I am now. Mentally preparing to exercise whatever options I perceived I had, I told them, “I've decided I'm going to Dubai.”

“Excuse me,” Numbiya said.

“For what? Vacation?” Chaz asked.

“More like, for whom,” I said.

Numbiya stared into my eyes. “You can't be serious.”

“You want to go with me?”

“Absolutely. You can't visit that billionaire by yourself.”

If she'd told Chaz about my dilemma, that was okay. Maybe he'd mention this conversation to Roosevelt.

Chaz chimed in, “That what?” He looked at Numbiya. “You left that part out. But I don't care how much money he has. You're not going. If that's what Sindy wants to do, she's a grown woman.” He glanced toward me. “Go. But whoever he is, he's not Chicago.”

Why was Chaz upset?

Numbiya boldly said, “I'm not Loretta. I'm a fully grown woman. If Sindy is going to Dubai, I am accompanying her.”

“Chaz, I know how much you love Roosevelt. I love him as well. Your brother made his decision. And I've made mine. Excuse me. I have someplace to go.”

“Are you going home?” Numbiya asked.

“I'll text.”

Numbiya stood. “Call me. Tonight,” she said hugging me.

“Bye Chaz.”

“I'll tell my brother you asked about him.”

Men. I didn't bother responding. I got in my car and drove to Helen's.