If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (27 page)

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He rested his hand on her back. “Why would you expect me to miss it?”

“I don’t know if you’ll wake up on time from your place.” She stood and walked out of the bedroom.

“My place? Shit.” He followed her out of the room. “Liza, wait. Are you kicking me out?”

“How about this? I don’t know.” She planted her hands on her hips.

“Okay, I deserved that.” He rubbed his neck. Could he break the promise he made to himself on the steps of the court when his second divorce was finalized, to make her happy? He let out a deep breath. “What if I said, I may be interested in marriage, would it help?”

“I don’t know, Julian.” Liza paused and raised both her eyebrows. “Maybe I’ve decided I don’t want a first ex-husband.”

Thousands of thoughts flooded Julian’s mind. He put his hand against his forehead as he fought to regain control over his mind.  “If that’s the way you, want it,
fine
. I’m leaving.” He moved toward the door, his hands clenched by his sides. God, he wanted to hit something.

“Julian.” Liza touched his shoulder.

He stopped and pumped his fists.

“Now you know how it feels to me.”

He spun around.

She gasped, took a step back, and her hand went to her mouth. The look in her eyes stopped him in his tracks.

“Liza, I’d never hit you.” He lifted his hand.

She flinched and a tear ran down her face.

Julian tugged her into his arms. “I’m sorry, babe.” He lifted her chin. “Please, believe me when I say I’d never hit you.”

“I know.” She wiped her eyes. “I wasn’t afraid you’d hit me. It was the look in your eyes. I knew what you were thinking.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “When I get that way, it’s not me. If the things I’m thinking come out, I’m sorry.”

She rested her head against her chest. “I recognized it for what it was, but I’m pregnant and my hormones are out of whack and . . .”

He hugged her and pressed a kiss to her head. “I should go.”

“I’m sorry.” She took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself.

“Don’t be. You have every right to have your feelings.” Julian gave her a quick kiss and then headed out the door.

*****

July 26
th

Julian sat in his car outside the hospital. His head rested against the seat, his eyes closed, and his arms resting in his lap.

Liza went in with Audrey a few minutes before.

His thoughts raced, but he managed to get them under control enough to be out in public. Pain shot through his head. He rubbed his temples. His penance for his night of binge drinking. Flipping down the visor and opening the mirror, he peered at his eyes. Bloodshot.  A dead giveaway.

He opened the glove compartment, grabbed the eye drops, and squeezed a few drops into both eyes. He blinked rapidly, wiped the excess liquid away, and tossed the bottle in the glove compartment.

A car door shut somewhere nearby. His parents and Liza’s headed toward the building. Why did they all have to be here? Couldn’t they wait until later to see the pictures? Whose baby was it anyway?

His cell rang. It was Drew. “I’m heading into the hospital for Liza’s ultrasound, can I call you later?” He sprayed cologne to get rid of any lingering smell of alcohol and shoved a piece of gum in his mouth.

“That’s what I was calling about. Audrey said you weren’t there yet.”

“I’m here, just not
in
there yet.” Julian donned his sunglasses.

“Give me a call or shoot me a text when you find out what you’re having.”

“I will. Later.”

“Later.”

Julian clicked off the call and headed for the building.

Liza stood in the lobby talking to Audrey, his parents, and her parents.

Audrey whispered something to her.

Liza glanced in his direction.

He nodded at her.

“Where’s Julian?” His dad scanned the room.

“Behind you, old man.” Julian pushed past his parents and went to Liza. “Can we talk?”

Liza nodded and walked away from the group. She stopped in the hallway outside the waiting area.

Julian followed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry about last night. Both the bipolar thing and not wanting to talk about—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Can we forget about it for now?”

“You have every right to feel the way you do, Liza.” Julian held her hand, rubbing her fingers with his. “I’m not saying it will never happen. I need a little time, okay?”

Her gaze drifted to his eyes. Liza set her lips straight. “Fine.”

He reached up to take off the sunglasses, but stopped. He looked like shit. The last thing he needed was for her to see he was hung-over.

Liza opened her mouth, but then snapped her lips closed.

“What?”
Dumbass.

“Nothing.” She turned away from him.

He touched her shoulder. “I know better. Fine is code word for pissed off.”

“I need to sit down.” She walked into the lobby.

“How much did you drink last night?” His father came over to stand beside him.

Damn, his dad had him pegged. “Nothing.”

“Bull shit.” Everett folded his arms over his chest. “You’re wearing sunglasses inside, you’re chewing gum, and your cologne’s overpowering. If you think Liza missed the signs, you’re an idiot.”

Julian yanked off the sunglasses, folded them, and hung them on the v of his t-shirt. He regretted it, the florescent lights hurt his eyes.

“Are you two fighting again?”

“She kicked me out last night.” Julian paused, his gaze scanning the room until he found Liza.

“And you think drinking will get you an engraved invitation back?”

“I’m an idiot.” He hit the wall with his hand.

Liza looked up at him.

He rubbed his hand over his forehead. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, instead he peered at his father. “Every time I think I’m on the right track with her, my bipolar rears its head and I’m apologizing for the next week. She shouldn’t have to put up with my shit.”

“Unless she makes that decision there’s only one way out.” Everett glanced over at Liza, before turning to Julian. “And no matter how mad she gets at you, I doubt she wants you to leave her.”

“I don’t want to leave her either. I want to get my head on straight.” Julian stuffed his hands deeps into his pockets.  “I love her too much to leave her.”

“Good. Now about getting your head on straight. Vince called me the other day and said something about having an idea about how to make you personal stash more effective,” Everett said.

“Yeah – he talked to me about it last week. I told him I’d have it to him next week, I think he’s going to try and put it into pill form.” Julian glanced over at Liza.

She patted the seat next to her.

“I need to—”

“Go.” Everett gave him a gentle shove in her direction.

Julian sank down in the seat next to her. “I love you.”

“I know.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “You were drinking last night, weren’t you?”

Julian put her hand on her leg. “I wasn’t feeling great about myself after our fight.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped. She cupped his face in her hands. “I love you but I want you to be healthy.”

“No lectures about being an alcoholic?” He pressed a kiss to her palm.

“You need one.”

Julian tugged her into his arms. “You’re the best thing that could ever happened to an asshole like me.”

Liza laughed. “You’re not an asshole.”

“Keep telling yourself that. I’m sure I’ll prove it.”

“Elizabeth Thomas?” A lady in green scrubs stood at the door.

“Oh thank God, I swear I’m going to pee myself.” Liza put her hands on the arms of the chair.

Julian stood and held out his hands or her. “Let me help you up.”

“This will get worse, right?” She accepted his hands and he hauled her to her feet.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life helping you up if you’ll let me.”

She smiled, putting her arm around him, and together they headed for the ultrasound.

*****

Julian headed out to the waiting room while Liza got dressed. He came into the waiting room.

Four expectant looks greeted him from both sets of parents.

“I know you’re all dying to know what we’re having. So I thought I’d . . .” He let the sentence trail off. “Wait for Liza.”

“You’re an ass, son.” Everett smiled.

“I’ve been told I take after my father,” Julian returned with a grin.

“You can say that again.” Jackie shook her head.

Everett glared at his wife.

Julian chuckled. He felt a smack on his arm and turned to see Liza.

“Stop teasing them. We’re having a girl.”

Sally jumped up and gave Liza a hug. “This is exciting.”

Handshakes and hugs were exchanged.

“So are you ready to go shopping?” Jackie beamed at Liza.

“I’m not.” Julian shouldered his dad. “Get me out of this, will you?”

“Nope. Rick and I are going fishing. You’re stuck with the ladies.” Everett smiled.

“I was right. I do take after my father.” Julian shook his head. “And for the record, I’d much rather be fishing.”

“You should come sometime. We have a small boat and a lake nearby.” Rick invited.

“I’ll do that.” Julian nodded and looked over at Liza.

She smiled at him – beamed was more like it. She glowed.  

“She looks different now that she’s pregnant doesn’t she?” Everett patted his son on the back.

“She’s radiant. She was beautiful before, but now . . . she’s incredible.” He was at a loss for words to describe her beauty.

“Good, take her shopping and make her happy.” Rick said with a wink.

Julian laughed. “Thanks.” He walked over to where Liza stood with Jackie and Sally. “You gals ready to go shopping?”

“Yep.” Liza smiled and stood on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, babe.” He motioned them to go ahead of them, waved to his dad and Rick and then followed them out of the waiting area.

*****

Julian leaned against the wall and massaged his temples. It felt like someone was squeezing his head with a vice grip.

Liza looked up from where she, Jackie, and Sally discussed furniture.

His stomach soured. Time to get out of here. He tapped Li on the shoulder. “Babe?”

“Oh good. What do you think about the sheets, lavender or lilac?” She held up two purple sheets.

He raised his eyebrow. “They’re both purple.” He shook his head and regretted it. His headache intensified. “How upset would you be if I left?”

“Are you okay?” She touched his cheek. Concern showed in her gaze.

“I have a headache from hell and I can’t deal with people. Some lady walked past me a little bit ago and made a joke about holding up the wall and I told her to fuck off.”

Liza nodded and gave him a hug. “Go home and see if you can get rid of your headache.”

“Your place or mine? You kind of kicked me out last night.” Julian let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. He hoped he could make it home.

“You can go to mine.  I’ll meet you there when I’m done here.”

“What about the stuff you’re buying today? Doesn’t that need to go to my place?”

“Your mom said we could have it delivered. You’ll be at your place tomorrow while I’m at work, right?”

“Yeah, I have a special project I’m working on for Vince.”

“Special project?”

“Yep. It has to do with my personal stash.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m going to go.”

“I hope you feel better.” She gave him another quick hug, before he headed out of the store.

*****

Liza unlocked the door to her apartment. She had a couple bags in her hand, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Dropping the bags on the couch she went in search of Julian. She found him passed out in bed. He must have been tired. She caught a glimpse of an ashtray next to the bed a half smoked joint sticking out of it. Hopefully, it would make him feel better.

Dinner. He hadn’t eaten when they stopped for lunch. She set about the kitchen to make something to eat.

Julian still hadn’t made an appearance by the time she finished.

She headed into the bedroom, sat down on the bed, and patted his arm. “Julian.”

His eyes popped open and he blinked a couple times. His head fell onto the pillow and he was out.

“Julian?” She shook him.

“What?” He yawned and stretched.

“Are you okay? I tried to wake you. You opened your eyes and then fell asleep again right away.”