Igniting the Wild Sparks (20 page)

He gasps and his fingers promptly explore me, causing me to gasp in return. He darkly whispers, “Fuck. You’re so wet.”

Hooking my arm around his neck, I tug him to me, whispering over his lips, “Only for you, Finnigan.”

“Damn it.” Successfully spurred, he starts to yank my underwear down. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“I know you won’t.” We both pause, silently staring at each other, his imploring eyes still begging for permission. To end our suffering, I grab his white T-shirt and pull him down to me, and he loudly groans as our lips feverishly reunite. As always, he tastes delicious and we consume each other in a fiery kiss that feels so long overdue.

Sparks kneels up, but holds himself above me. My hands unconsciously return to his enchanted hair. Without breaking our kiss, he straddles me and delicately, yet impatiently, lifts my shirt before stealing his lips from mine. I watch him as he moves down to tenderly kiss my bruise, while his fingers slide up onto my breasts, kneeding into each one, his thumbs swirling around my hard nipples that scream for his touch. Just as the rest of my body does.

He raises his head to say, “I’ve missed these. I haven’t had my hands on them since Easter.”

“They’ve missed you, too,” I purr, loving his hands on me.

Letting go of my right breast, he moves back up over me. My hands don’t leave his hair, while he’s ever vigilant to not put his weight on me. He says, “That’s why I have to wear sunglasses at all times during practice. I can’t stop staring at your body. Most of the time, I have to hide behind a clipboard or everyone will see how much you turn me on. You’re so fucking hot, Hadley.”

Shyly smiling at his compliment, I take my hands out of his hair, down to his ass and I squeeze, pushing him against me. He involuntarily huffs and I say, “And I can’t stop staring at this. Every time you turn your back to me, I’m enjoying the view.”

I feel his grin over my lips. “So, you’re checking me out? Am I a 10?”

“Maybe a 5.5.” I giggle and trail my hands over his muscled back, and up into his hair once more. It’s one of my favorite places to be.

“Baby, I’ll get you to change that score.” He swoops down and takes one of my nipples into his mouth, licking and nibbling. I heavily gasp and moan, yanking on his hair as I writhe beneath him. His rough goatee on my skin feels so erotic.

I want him to possess me. I’m forever his.

He moves to the other one, frantically sucking and licking my breast as if I’m going to melt, making me sigh in delight. “Oh, Sparks.”

Finn swiftly lifts his head from his task. “Am I hurting you?”

I shake my head and smile. “I love what you do to me.”

“Baby, you don’t even realize what you do to
me
.” He peels off my underwear and eagerly dips a finger inside of me again, hissing his appreciation as he firmly massages me, sparking the same, intensely brash need I had for him Saturday night.

Tugging on
his hair and with my other hand, I embrace his jaw, scratching my nails into his light stubble growing in as he ardently gazes at me, bringing me close to an orgasm. With the overwhelming desire for him engulfing my body, I whimper, “Finnigan, take me.” He suddenly moves and hurriedly pulls his boxer shorts down. I don’t even want to take our shirts off. I need him too much to care.

Am I the easy, little whore he called me in my nightmare?

When he has his shorts off, I slightly sit up and yank on his shirt, obliging him to fall, but he catches himself before he lands on me. Our lips joyfully collide and I avidly kiss him, attacking his tongue with mine. I move my hands down to his biceps, pressing my fingers into his barbed wire tattoos. If they were real wire, my fingers would be shredded, I’m holding onto him so tightly.

I try shifting beneath him to push my hips up
; attempting to coax him inside me before he can even put a condom on, but it hurts my stomach to try so hard. Regardless of the pain burning in my stomach, it doesn’t compare to the piercing, aching need I have for Sparks. I’ve never wanted Finn Wilder more than I do right now.

Neither one of us mentions protection.
Why
? I know I should, but I desperately want to feel his skin against mine. That’s selfish of me after our arguments about it; however, Finn isn’t stopping, either. I imagine he knows I don’t have in my birth control.

We heatedly kiss as he lifts his hips, lining himself up with me, but he doesn’t execute the one action I’m yearning for. His dick teasingly grazes me, but I can’t move much. Between kisses, I say, “It was insane how much I wanted you Saturday and how much I want you now.”

He purposely pushes his erection against me, burrowing into my thigh. “Is
this
what you want?”

Clutching his neck, I fervently kiss his lips before replying, “Yes. It’s been so long. I need
all
of you, Sparks.”

“I need you, too, Becks.” He kisses down my neck to my collarbone, sucking hard with his full lips, growling against my skin, and driving me wild.

“Finn, tell me your secret.”

His lips stop moving on my neck and he mumbles, “I will. I promise. When we’re making love, I’ll tell you.”

I push on his shoulder, and he lifts his head. Clasping his jaw with both hands, I look into the sensual eyes that hide so many secrets. “Then fuck me, Finn. Hard. Right now.”

He gulps at my demand, but readily complies, not breaking our stare until he carefully slides into me, despite me ordering him to be rough. Only then do our eyes close, and we happily moan together as we become one.

“Hadley, you feel so good on me. I’ve missed us together like this. We had to stop the last couple times.”

Finn is still temperate with his thrusts. Tugging on his hair, I plead against his lips, “Harder and faster, Sparks.”

“I’m supposed to be gentle. What’s gotten into you?”

“You.” He disbelievingly chuckles, but he speeds up enough that we’re heavily panting over each other. However, he abruptly slows his pace and licks my bottom lip. “We need to take it slow. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you.”

I shake my head, not feeling the pain anymore. “Finnigan, don’t be too gentle.”

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re so damn sexy.” He called me
sweetheart
again. I love it.

I grab his ass and encourage him to go faster again, in which he does as he kisses and licks my throat up to my ear. He then whispers. “I swear to God I can’t get enough of you, Becks. I’ve missed you so fucking much. Don’t ever keep me from you again.”

I grimace, feeling horrible about upsetting him. “I won’t, baby. I was miserable without you.”

He nips my earlobe and adds, “I can’t live without you by my side.” He loudly swallows against my ear. “So, you want to know what I tell you when you’re asleep?”

“Asleep?”

As Sparks intensely grinds into me, he huffs, “Becks, you already know what it is.”

What? I have no clue!

“You promised to tell me.” I try to slow us, but he presses his weight into me as he angles his hips, sending me into a frenzy with the steady pressure.
Fuck
. He’s exceedingly good at this.

He implores, “Give it to me, Becks. I need you to come. I can feel I’m getting you close.”

“Finn, tell me!” I beg him in return.

I can’t halt the rise and he goes even faster as I moan louder. As my body hugs him firmly and I yell his name, he softly gasps and whispers in my ear, “Hadley, I want to be your husband.”

CHAPTER 11

FINN

My
damn heart stops.

We both freeze instantaneously, and just as fast, I regret telling her.

What the fuck did I just do? I never thought I’d tell Becks this secret. I’ve been successful with keeping it from her since that day in the park three years ago when I first realized I wanted to marry her. Granted, I tell her repeatedly when she’s unconscious, but damn it. Those words were supposed to be sacred to me.

I remain motionless, freaking out because I’m u
nsure of what I should do or say. Yet, I think I’ve said
more
than enough.

“Sparks?”

Still next to her ear, I stiffly ask, “What?” Maybe she didn’t hear me.
Shit
. Like that would happen. She’s been waiting years for me to say this.

She excitedly whispers,
“Tell me again.”

Damn it
.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I coolly say,
“You heard me, Becks.” Hoping she’ll let it go, I slowly start thrusting again to get my momentum back, but my mind is spinning. I’m not going to be able to finish now. I can’t focus anymore.

“
Are you okay?”

Sighing and hanging my head over her, I morosely admit,
“I don’t know.” Moving back, I debate on whether to keep trying to come or give up since I’m going soft anyway. When I try to pull out of her, I’m surprised when she tightly grips my shoulders, stopping me.

Becks’ eyes shine in the moonlight and her hair sweeps her pillow as she slowly shakes her head.
“You’re not done.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Come on, baby,” she encourages. “You need to let go.” Biting her lip, she unsteadily moves her hips up and down and it ignites me, not from the action, but because I know it’s causing her needless effort with her injury. And she’s doing that. For me.

Forgetting my world-rocking admission, I
blow out a breath of air as I harden inside her again. “Fuck. You’re unbelievable.” Balancing myself over Becks again, I fervently kiss her, my tongue invading her mouth as I solidly thrust into her, but then awareness strikes me and I pull back both my assailing tongue and dick. “Wait. Am I hurting you?”

“No. Shut up and concentrate on how it feels.”
She tries to keep riding me, but not wanting her to hurt herself more, I use my weight to essentially pin her with my cock, so she can’t raise her hips anymore. All she can do is keep her legs apart as I screw her. Becks’ eyes widen and she opens her mouth to protest, but I stop her by forcing my tongue between her lips. She doesn’t have to do anything. Just let me love her, which I find myself falling more into every time I’m with her.

I honestly can’t get enough of Hadley Beckett. She’s my drug. My air. My heart. My soul. My life.

The taste of my Becks, combined with the love I have for her and how much I’ve missed us being together like this, compels me to greedily drive into her amid the protests of the squeaking bedsprings as our background music, knowing I’m going too fast, but I just can’t stop.

I had asked what had gotten into her, but now I’m the one possessed.

Panting as I hungrily fuck her and feeling the soaring high vigorously approaching, I loudly groan and warn, “Baby, I’m coming.”

“I’m all yours, Finnigan.”

I savagely growl as I rush into her like a fucking freight train, relishing the feel of being deep inside her and giving her the part of me that Becks only gets. Sometimes. I know the risk, but being without her for three weeks, I’ll take the risk.

I love her that much.

Yes, and the extent of my love for her includes me wanting to be her husband. More than anything. Nevertheless, I just don’t know if I can take
that
risk. A baby could conceivably be a gain for us, yet a marriage would probably be the end for us.

Becks surprisingly again cries out as her pussy grips me like a vice, making me feel rather proud of myself for the multiple orgasms I gave her. As we ride our high together, I close my eyes and breathlessly utter, “Fuck, Becks. Baby.”

Becks has said it before and I agree: Our sex gets better every damn time.

She tightens her arms around me and serenely whispers, “Oh, Sparks, I love you.”

Opening my eyes, I gaze down at Becks’ smiling face. I love that face. Those plump lips of hers, her gorgeous, green eyes, and her silky, light brown hair that takes on a faint halo of red in the sun, all have me under her spell. I could stare at her all day, but I’d look like a crazed stalker, not that I don’t now. Shit. Before they knew Becks was mine, her coworkers caught me staring at her countless times at practice, even with my sunglasses on. Ricky and I had heard rumblings of me having a crush on her.

Nope. Much more than a fucking crush.

I would die for Hadley Beckett.

“I love you, too,” I readily whisper back.
Careful not to put my weight on her stomach, I lower my head and kiss her beautiful, soft lips. Her hands go to my chest, jerking on my T-shirt. My chain pulls on my neck and I know she’s holding onto it. Not breaking our kiss, I reach up and hold her hand holding my key.

I thought I was going to lose her today. I’ve heard of accidents like hers killing people from the internal injuries and not getting
them checked out. That was
not
a risk I was going to tempt. It’s a good thing I showed up when I did or she would’ve shrugged it off and went home, possibly bleeding to death.

Eventually hauling my lips from hers, I stroke the top of her head as I hesitantly ask, “Are you okay?”

I’m not sure what kind of answer she’s going to give me after what I confessed to her, and because of how I just fucked her like a jackhammer amped on crack when I promised I wouldn’t hurt her. I’m such an asshole.

She woodenly nods while staring at me wide-eyed. I suddenly feel like I’m on live Air, except with her, I’m nervous. I don’t do
nervous
. It’s for pussies. However, Becks has had me nervous before and she’s the only one to have brought me to my knees like that then…and now.

I clear my throat and lift my body up from her as her persistent gaze follows me. The
worst part of having sex with her is losing the closeness we had, but unfortunately, it can’t be helped. Becks is quiet as she watches me cautiously pull out, not wanting to hurt her, but a little late with my newly-acquired self-control.

Not knowing what to say,
I move off her, kneeling between her legs and throwing a hand into my hair. “Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to eat? Tylenol? Ice for your stomach?”
Restraint for your dickwad boyfriend?

“No. I’m good.” I nod and glance at the
headboard, trying to find the words to say to mitigate the ones I blabbed earlier. Is she going to run and tell everyone that we’re engaged?
Are
we engaged? What would that mean? Does she think I want to marry her this minute? This is going to change us somehow.

How do I not break her heart?

How does this not break
mine
?

Interrupting my
imminent nervous breakdown, she asks, “You’re not leaving now, are you?”

I expeditiously look
at her. Why would she think that? I shake my head. “No. Why?”

“Because you’re panicking.”
Fuck. Am I
that
transparent?

Roughing
up my hair as I contemplate an answer, I look away from her again, my gaze falling between her legs, and I feel the distant start of another hard-on innately churning, having no control of my dick when I’m around her, and apparently, the words that fall out of my mouth. Asking, “Why do you say that?” I tear my eyes away from her pussy so I don’t lose my willpower, being over exuberant with making love to her again.

“From the terrified look on your face after confessing your deepest, darkest secret, Sparks. That took courage and it must’ve hurt to do it.”
Her expression is teetering on the edge of elation and it shreds me.

Ashamed that I got her hopes up, I
blandly shake my head. “Not for the reason you think.”

Seeing h
er initial, tentative smile wavering, I know I’m already breaking her heart. I look down to my knees and she asks, “Why? Are you mocking me
now
?”

Glancing back
to her, Becks’ smile is completely gone and she quietly blinks at me. I say, “No, baby. I’m not.” Uncertain of what to do, I crawl to gingerly lie down next to her. When I touch her glowing cheek, my thumb slides over her wet skin, which instantly alarms me. “Why are you crying?”

“Because hearing your secret isn’t what I expected at all. I’m awestruck.”

“Becks.”
Shit
. How do I explain it to her?

“Please tell me again.”

I stare at the sheet between us, not able to speak those words to her more than once. The silence between us is deafening until she sniffs and asks, “So you really didn’t mean it?”

I warily regard her
and try to think of the right words, but they all elude me. “Yeah, I did. Wholeheartedly.” I sigh and glance at the clock. “Let’s get some sleep. It’s late.”

“You’re the one who wanted to talk about what you did Saturday, and then you told me something I’ve been waiting three
years
to hear. Why, Finn? Why did you do or say them if it’s not how you really feel?”

Now I wish I had opted for Door Number One and kept my damned mouth shut.

I lean my head back and stare at the dark ceiling. “It’s complicated, Becks.”

“No shit.
Complicated
is
your middle name, not Robert.”

“I don’t mean to be.”
Frustrated, I rub my hand over my face and glance around her dark room. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Holding her stomach, she meekly whimpers as she rolls to face me.
“You don’t? You drop a bombshell like that on me, but you don’t have anything to say about it? No explanation at all? Why would you tell me that or act like you were going to propose to me?”

I throw my hand up.
“I wasn’t…acting.”

Shit
.

I let my head fall back, resigned to the fact I’m a fucking dumbass.
I need shot with a tranquilizer dart so I shut the hell up.

“Right.” She
rolls to her other side, turning away from me physically and metaphorically. Am I losing her again? “It’s just like my dream,” she mutters, her body slightly shaking.

“What?”

“You said you’d never marry me and give me your name. You said you don’t love me.”

“
Becks, you know I love you. More than you can ever imagine.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

Heaving myself up, I gently drape my arm around her, careful of her stomach, and hug her to me, but she doesn’t respond. I whisper, “I just showed you how much I love you.” Even if it was a slightly warped view since I lost control.
And we possibly created a life together
. I’m going to have to go through another month of worrying if I’m going to be a father. Somehow, I’ll endure it for my Becks.

When I kiss her neck, she dejectedly mutters,
“You fucked me. I spread my legs and you fucked me like the whore you said I am.”

Feeling as if Rodwell
just slammed a bowling ball into my stomach, my mouth halts on her neck, mid-kiss. Disturbed by what she said, and for thinking of Greg Rodwell while I’m in bed with Becks, I resentfully scowl into her hair before lifting my head. Moving away from her, I tug her arm, tipping her so she’s on her back and in a rush, I’m in her face snarling, “You are
not
a whore. I don’t give a fuck what I said in a nightmare. I would never think that or say that to you. You’re the woman I love and the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.”

She eyes me warily and wipes her cheek.
“I’m just not good enough to marry.”

“I
do want to marry you!”

Holy fuck
, Wilder!

She gapes at me and I
, in turn, stare at the wall, pissed off that I admitted it, yet
again
. Every time I open my damned mouth, I only dig myself in deeper. I’ll be in China at this rate.

It’s time to tell her the truth.

The real truth.

The darkness makes it somewhat easier to look at her face, but I still can’t, and my eyes roam around her pillow as I say,
“I was going to propose to you Saturday, but you’re right. I can aspire to marry you and ask you all I want to. I just can’t follow through with it.”

Becks doesn’t say anything
and when I guardedly look at her, I see her eyes are filled with tears.