Igniting the Wild Sparks (16 page)

He
continues to glare at me before angrily asking, “
Why
would you do that?

“I stopped because of the reason you didn’t want me to take it. I wanted to respect your beliefs.”

“You were on it for a medical condition. That’s different. Why would you stop taking it to respect my beliefs when it was helping you?”

“I thought maybe…” He’s not going to like my answer.

“Maybe
what
?”

“That maybe down the road, we would have a baby. It’s easier not to be on the Pill because it may take longer for me…”
Revealing my shame, I look down and sob. He doesn’t care.

His fingers tighten
on my arms and he edgily asks, “So, was I right? Were you going to get pregnant without me knowing it?”

I whip my head back
up to return his glare. “No! I just thought we were… I thought maybe we’d… I didn’t know you wouldn’t…”

He impatiently snaps, “What, Becks?”

“I thought maybe we had a future together. We’d have a family. I knew you were my soulmate and I wanted to spend my life with you, so I didn’t want to be stuck on the Pill if you wanted a baby with me. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Now I sound like Finn and why he didn’t tell me about his depression. Wow.

Not moving his heated eyes
from my face, he takes a hand off me to rub his wet mouth.
Oh, no. He’s impossibly mad at me now
.

“I
t
is
a big fucking deal when you tore me to shreds and practically dumped me for asking you to go on the fucking Pill! You let me believe I asked you to do something so unbelievable and that I was a monster for doing so! But here, you had already taken it before! You weren’t even
honest
with me!”

Shit.

I shout back, “I didn’t want to go on it again because it goes against something you believe in! I wanted you to stay true to yourself and I wanted to support you!” I shake rain from my head and he releases an arm so I can clean the water away. “Just like us not being on the same page about getting married! I want to, but you don’t! I can’t do anything to change that! I wish I could, but you’re the one who has to want to do it, too!”

He grabs ahold of me again.
“I never said
never
!”

“You’re not exactly a fan of it, either, Finn!”

He licks the water from his lips and blows out an exasperated huff. “Fuck. So now what?”

“That’s why I’m taking time away. I need to accept it once and for all.”

Finn suddenly looks vexed. “And if you can’t?”

I glance down at his key. “I honestly don’t know.” Will he leave me if I can’t?

Realization dawns on him of what I just said. “Wait. I thought you were done with the break thing. You’re supposed to be staying with me tonight!”

“I don’t know. I think I should go home.”

“Why, Becks? Am I losing the only woman I’ve ever loved?” He’s still afraid of losing
me?
It’s the other way around.

Fuck
ing hell. I can’t lose him because of my stubborn idiocy. My eyes close, breaking from his trance, and I drop my head. Sobs wrack my body as rain pelts my white shirt.

He lets go of my arms and grabs my shoulders
, gently shaking me. “Talk to me! Baby, I can’t lose you!”

I slowly look up. “How can you lose me when you don’t even want me?”

Taking a hand off me, he hastily swipes the rain from his mouth and just as speedily returns his grip on my shoulder, shouting, “I do want you!”

“Why are we talking about this? Let me go home, Finn.” I try to turn, but he tightens his g
rasp, pushing me up against the car.

He briskly shakes his head. “You’re staying with me.”

“No, I’m not.” He’ll only try to sleep with me. My cramps are back with full force and I need to be alone to think. Again.

Bringing his face closer to mine, he pleads, “Becks, I’ll do anything you want.”

“For me to stay here?” He’s that hard-up for sex? Though, he has been drinking.

He swallows hard and searches my face. “No. For you to stay with
me
. For us to stay together. I’ll do anything, baby.”

There’s a very short list of things I want him to do, none of which he’ll ever want to do.

I challenge him. “Like what? What will you do, Finn?”

“I’ll…”
He apprehensively looks around us as water trickles down his face from his wet hair.

All talk, but nothing to back up his game.

I bring my face up closer to his. “You’ll what? You’ll put me in the outfield? Check! You’ll let me kiss you during an interview? Check! You’ll hold me out here in the rain until my shirt is totally see-through? You did that at the beach, so double check! You’ll accuse me of tricking you into being a husband or a father?
No fucking way, Finn!
Because just like you, I do have my pride!”

Without a warning, he
releases his grip on my arms to put his hands on the sides of my head, and hurriedly dips down to kiss me. Instinctively, I kiss him feverishly in return, relishing the feel of his rain-drenched lips on mine and even the whiskey-infused taste of him in my mouth. I move my hands to his jaw and stroke his wet stubble, thrusting my tongue into his mouth while he enthusiastically laps at mine. His thumbs slide over my slick cheeks and my hands unknowingly crawl up into his sodden hair, loving the feel of it gliding between my fingers. He edges closer to me until his weight pins me against my car, our breaths are stuttered and shallow, and I struggle to regain control of my senses. His white shirt is also transparent and the coolness combined with the heat of the moment, teases my nipples and makes them steeply ache for his touch. The desire I have to be riding him hard is back with a nasty vengeance and it’s a battle I won’t win if I don’t stop now.

U
nwillingly, I drag my hands out of his hair, push on his shoulders, and his mouth aversely gives up. The rain silently falls on us and after a few seconds of catching his breath, he hoarsely whispers over my lips, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“You said yo
u’d die for me,” I whisper back. I don’t want him dying for me. I don’t even deserve those words after I lied to him.

He nods against my raised forehead, and his
breathing again surges until he’s nearly panting. His hands fall to my hips and he roughly pulls me to him, giving me a slow, burning kiss. Despite the cool water that drips onto my face, my skin feels searingly hot.

H
e stops kissing me to whisper, “Becks, I love you so much that I’d get down on my knee for you.” We quietly breathe against each other as I try to wrap my mind around what he just confessed.

Is he taunting me?

I lick my lips, tasting the water dribbling from them and stammer, “Is that a joke?”

He rocks his forehead against mine. “No. I told you I’ll do anything to keep us together.”
I don’t need a fucking sympathy proposal, Finn Wilder.

I dubiously laugh, water peppering my tongue. “You
would never make good on your word.”

Lifting his right hand to wipe water from his mouth, he then uses his thumb to sweep rain from mine, all while staring intently into my eyes. “Why do you say that?”

“You’d propose, but you’d never marry me.” The tears return and my lips quiver beneath his touch as I fight a losing battle.

His eyes fly around my face as if he’s trying to figure out what to do. “Are you
daring
me?”

I emphatically shake my head.
“No. I’m not. I just know you, Finn. You’ll only do it because you think it’ll make me happy to just be engaged to you. That’s not true.”

He blinks rain away before he unexpectedly takes a step back. As my hands hold onto his shoulders, he stoops and my hands fall away from him.

What the hell is he doing? Oh, God! No!

I watch in shock and horror as
Finn Wilder gets down on one knee, and it’s exactly how I endlessly dreamed of him doing. Violently trembling, I claw at the wet hair clinging to my face and loudly cry, “Don’t
you
dare, Finn Wilder!”

With water
streaming down his face, he blinks up at me. “What, Becks? I know you want me to.”

My tears rival the falling rain. “But you
just
said you don’t want to marry me!”

He opens his mouth to agree with me, but I don’t want to hear it. I rub my eyes so I’m able to see as I spin around and
finally escape into my car. I tear out of the lot, leaving him on his knee in the rain, staring at the ground.

As soon as I hit the main road, I stomp on the gas.

How could he be so mean to tease me like that?

With the bonus points from th
is low blow, Wilder’s winning this game.

CHAPT
ER 9

“Hadley, where are you?”

F
rom my bed, I stare at the TV, not really watching it. I don’t even know why I turned it on because the only entertaining thing to me since I came home last night is to stare at the wall.

Not only was my boyfriend going to faux propose to me last night, but today is Mother’s Day. The worst day of the year. I dread this damned day. It seriously makes me want to puke.

“I’m not coming to practice, Morgan.”

“Is it because of last night? I’m sorry. I really am.
Did you two fight?”

“
You could say that.”

“
Just give it to me. What did he say?”

Before I launch into Finn’s sarcastic proposal, I anticipate Morgan reviving her Dump Finn campaign. I’ll only add fuel to that fire if I tell her what
he did. Besides, I’m not at the field to stop her from attacking him. Sighing in frustration, I rub my eye and sit up. “He wasn’t happy. Has he asked where I am yet?”

“He’s
away from everyone, talking to Ricky, and he hasn’t said anything to us yet. He genuinely looks upset.” Poor Finn Wilder didn’t get laid last night. My sympathies.

“
Don’t tell him you talked to me. He doesn’t need a report. Let him stew a little.”

“
At some point, he’s going to ask Dick Rod or me why you aren’t here.”

“He probably doesn’t care.”

“He hasn’t called?”

“No.”

“Get here and talk to him after practice.”

“I can’t. I don’t want to fight with him anymore.
Last night did
not
exactly help, Morgan!”

“I know
! I said that I’m really, really sorry! We need you here. I do have huge news.”

I kick
at the sheets and scoot to the edge of the bed. “You don’t need me there. I only play outfield anyway. Nobody will miss me. What’s your news?”

“My wedding has been moved up two weeks! The hotel offered me a wedding on the 4
th
! They’re even taking a thousand bucks off! I can’t pass that up! It’s a better date because I’m gaining weight already.”

I smack my pillow and shriek,
“Morgan! How are we going to get this together in time?”
Shit!
I still have to get with Tonya about Morgan’s shower!

“Chill! I’m the one who’s supposed to be worried! Tonya’s handling the invitations since she does calligraphy
, and she’s handling them this week. The hotel is taking care of most of it. Our dresses will be altered in time. Only my closest family and friends will be there, plus Ass Rod. It’ll be fine!”

A noisy static sound fills the phone
and Val’s voice takes over. “Babe, where are you?”

I smile at her concern.
“I’m home.”

“Don’t you feel well?”

“Not really.” It’s not a lie.

“You and our coach had a fight, didn’t you?”

I sigh. “Yes.”

“I thought so. He looks out of sorts. No smiles and he’s still talking to Ricky. It doesn’t look like they’re talking shop, either.”

“I can’t be around him. I know he’s going to come over here after practice. I don’t want him to. I need to have some time to myself.”

“Ooh! You can help me with my church rummage sale
later! It’s next weekend and I have to price so many clothes and toys!”

“That actually sounds fun.”

“Meet me at my church after practice. Let me have time to shower and I’ll call you. I’ll be working on it throughout the week, too, so if you want, you have me to hang out with.”

“Val, you’re brilliant. It’ll be a good distraction and gives me some time to think.”

“I get some help! There are other helpers, but I’m organizing the thing, so it’s mostly my project. I have plenty of donations, but not enough help pricing the things. I would be so indebted to you!”

After hanging up with Morgan and Val, I put on jean shorts and a pink
T-shirt. As I grab my shoes, my phone rings.

Noticing it’s Rod, I answer it with an unintentionally terse,
“What?”

“Where in the fuck are you?”

I roll my eyes and sit down on my couch. “Didn’t Morgan tell you I’m not coming?”

“Yeah, but I don’t listen to that skank. Get here.”

“Why? I think you can manage one practice without me.”

“Yeah, but your boyfriend is flipping out. He asked Morgan where you were and he left.”
Oh, shit
.

“He left practice?”

“Affirmative. I’m guessing he’s on his way over to either talk you into coming here, or talk you into coming on him.”

Jumping up in a rush, I retort,
“As always, thank you for being my depraved lookout. I have to go.” Hanging up, I hurriedly step into my sandals and grab my car keys. I can’t face Finn after he humiliated me last night by using my ultimate weakness to make a cruel joke.

Upon exiting my apartment, I morph into a secret spy, swiftly heading to the elevator and then stealthily peering out the lobby windows for Finn’s car.

Having successfully dodged him, I decide to hang out at a coffee shop about two miles away while I wait for Val’s call. As I take a sip of my cappuccino, my phone rings.
Finn
. I silence my phone so I don’t fight with him in front of people in a public place.

I know I’m not handling last night well, but I still don’t know what to make of it. Why would he get down on his knee like that? He knows that’s what I want, but minutes earlier he
had said he didn’t want to marry me. Do I still propose to him now? What’s the point? Though, if I go through with it, I’m going to make damn sure he understands that we
will
be going to the altar. We won’t be engaged for an extended period of time, either.

Val calls and I meet her using the directions she gave me since my car or phone
doesn’t have GPS. I only took two wrong turns, but I eventually make it. “Oh, babe. I’m so glad you’re here.” After Val gives me a hug, I look around the church’s basement at the considerable mounds of clothes and boxes of donations strewn everywhere. We certainly have our work cut out for us.

“So am I. I have so much going on in my head right now. Morgan’s wedding. I have to plan a bridal shower in two weeks and I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t get ahold of her sister, who lives out of town, so she’s not that great of a help. Finn and I are fighting…again. All I want to do is cry because I feel so stressed and it’s not even my wedding!”

She puts her hand on my shoulder and smilingly shakes her head. “I’ll help you! Don’t you worry! Why don’t we have her shower here? There’s a room here that will be perfect! We can throw together a nice shower. Just get a list of people she wants to invite and we’ll work on the details during the week. Showers aren’t that elaborate or too involved. You make some food, find some games to play, get prizes to hand out and the bride-to-be opens gifts! I’ve helped throw plenty!”

“Really, Val? You’re such a lifesaver!”

“You are for helping me now!”

She gives me another hug and guides me over to her temporary office she has arranged amid the chaos. Our first task together is
pricing baby clothes, which makes my mind go into overdrive.

Can I give up never having a baby with Finn? I don’t know.

Can I give up Finn? Never.

That makes my earlier answer more resolute.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

I hold up little denim overalls. “Baby clothes. They’re cute.”

“Is that something you and Finn have talked about? A baby?”

I shake my head and peel off a sticker
from the sheet. “He doesn’t want any kids.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, but only with Finn. I can’t imagine having kids with someone else.”

“He might change his mind. Men do it just as much as women do. Sometimes they need a swift kick to get their butts in gear, but that usually helps.”

“Val, we had such a horrible night last night. I can’t even talk to him.”

“What happened?”

I sadly regale to her about dinner and then his getting down on his knee in the parking lot in front of his apartment.

She gasps.
“Babe! He finally proposed? Why are you just now telling me!”

I flinch at her optimism.
“He didn’t. I mean, I think he was going to, but he was only doing it to shut me up. He had told me minutes before that he didn’t want to marry me. I’m pretty sure he was mocking me.”

As I reach for a tiny T-shirt and she says,
“Oh, I don’t.”

I look up at her in surprise. “You think he
really was going to ask me to marry him?”

She fervently nods.
“Yes. You didn’t see him earlier. He was not into being there. He tried to hide it, but he wasn’t doing a very good job. When he questioned Morgan about where you were, she told him you weren’t coming. He tossed the clipboard to Ricky like a hot potato and took off.”

“Cara wasn’t there?”

“No. I think she had graduation or something. That’s what I had heard.”

“She’s after Finn. I know it.”

“That boy isn’t interested in her. All he does is stare at you.” She sighs. “He’ll come around, babe. He doesn’t know what he wants because he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” That reminds me of what Finn had said about his not knowing what he was missing by not having sex with me when we were first dating. Maybe there’s some truth to that in other aspects of our relationship, as well.

“I want to be with him, Val, but if he doesn’t want to get married, I need to get past it. I love him so much I want to marry him, but I love him even more that I’ll try to accept he doesn’t.”

“Maybe you should take time away from him, and I mean away. Take a small trip for a couple days. With you here, he still doesn’t get
his
own time to himself.”

“That sounds good. I’ll go see my dad after Morgan’s shower.”

I hope it works.

Finn didn’t call me last night
, which is a relief because I didn’t want to talk to him yet anyway. Still, I cried for over an hour, hearing his words in my head playing nonstop and tearing at my weary soul like one of those small garden forks.

Since Rod’s
has been out of the office with Amos, I haven’t had my usual workday distraction, but Val and I do work on Morgan’s shower throughout the day and then after work, I help her with the rummage sale. She even had me over to dinner and I returned the gesture Tuesday. Her husband, Paul, had kindly declined my invitation and told us to enjoy our girl time.

Tuesday night, I call Finn, but he doesn’t answer. I miss him, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same.
Why is he acting like he’s the injured party in this?

Wednesday afternoon, Rhonda knocks on my
office door. “Hadley, there’s a delivery here for you.”

“What is it?”
I look from my computer screen to see her bringing a long, narrow box to my desk with a smile.

“Flowers from our coach, I’m assuming?”

Stunned, I answer, “I don’t know.” Opening the box, I find 12 red long-stemmed roses. I dig around and find a card.

To the stars.

I spontaneously smile at the card as Rod walks in. Rhonda suddenly starts to fidget and glance around nervously. Oblivious to her impending giggle fit, Rod points his chin to the box. “What’s going on?”

Setting the small card down, I say, “Rhonda handed me this bomb I have to defuse.” I
mockingly gasp and throw my hands to my cheeks, pretending to look horrified. She giggles and flickers her eyes from Rod, to the box, and then to the ground.

Putting
his hands on his hips, he tries not to grin. “Alright, smartass.”