Igniting the Wild Sparks (39 page)

Reaching to the table, I
lift the bottle. “That’s why I have my buddy, Jack, here so I don’t have to talk.” I pour some more into my glass and he groans.

“Then why am I even here?”

Before I take another sip, I shrug and say, “Shit, you got me.”

Ricky clasps his hands together, appearing abnormally bothered by something that it makes me hesitate for a few seconds before I take a drink. At last, he divulges,
“Why’d you do that very public confessional earlier?” I don’t answer him as I stare at the Jack Daniels label before absently taking another drink. He says, “So, you’re going to jump New River with me again?”

Swallowing,
I inhale inside my glass and reply with an echoed, “Yep.”

The cop in him surfaces and h
e sticks to the facts. “And you announced it on the Air.”

I lower my glass and repeat,
“Yep.”

“That was a little…”
He actually seems to be a loss for words. I smirk at his uncertainty because it’s so unlike audacious Ricky Tesco.

“Ballsy?”

He quickly shakes his head. “Stupid.”

“
Huh?”

“It was a shitty thing to do.”

“Kiss my ass, officer.” I take another swig as he sets his drink down onto the table.

“
Why’d you have to announce it like that?”

Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I cautiously ask, “What do you mean?”

“You
know
what I mean.”

He watches me as I lean back a
gainst the couch, bestowing him a challenging glare. “I don’t need
anyone’s
permission. I thought I did, but turns out, I don’t.”

Ricky
puts his leg up on the couch and shifts to face me. “If you didn’t tell Hadley, why didn’t you tell
me
what you’re going to do?”

My eyes fall to my lap
, where my drink sits. “It was a last-minute decision.” That’s the truth.

“There’s more to it than that.”

“Nope. Just want to jump from it again.” That’s also the truth.

“Stop bullshitting me!”
he yells, making me glance from my drink, halfway to my mouth. He sighs and says, “Look, I know you’re scared—”

I drop my hand, pulling
my glass away. My voice is hard as steel. “Scared? Nope. Not me.” I cynically laugh as I slowly shake my head.

“Finn, come on, man.
It’s okay to admit it.”

I snap,
“I told you, I’m
not.
”

“You’re hurt. I see that, but you don’t have to put up a front
with me. I’ve been with you plenty of times when you’ve been upset.”

Annoyed that he knows me so well, I mutter,
“I’m great.” He’s deliberately working my temper. I rub my hand over my mouth in frustration as I use the other to swirl the golden liquid around in my glass.

“
You two will need to sit down and really talk. Maybe you should see a—”

His continuing insistence triumphs in rousing me
. I drop my hand and fling my head in his direction, growling through gritted teeth, “Could you just shut the fuck up? Shit, Ricky! Go home!” Closing my eyes, I lay my head against the couch as I listen to the clock ticking in tune with Ricky’s grating breaths.

After a minute of silence, Ricky says,
“You’re incredible.”

W
ith my eyes still closed, I lazily grin. “That’s what I hear from
all
the ladies.”

“All the ladies. Uh-huh. You don’t want
all
the ladies.”

“I thought I asked you to shut the fuck up.
”

“Did you buy the ring yet?”

My eyes fly open, and I swiftly sit up to slam my empty glass down on the table. “Shit, this damn question? From
you
now? What’s with the interrogation? No! I did not buy a ring and I will
not
be buying a ring. Drop it, Ricky.”

With his arm resting on the back of the couch, he sighs. “
Just get it over with. You said you were going to propose to her last week. So, do it already! You’re making it so much harder than it has to be. If
I
can do it, so can you.”

I pour more Jack and retort with a chuckle, “Yeah. You’ve done it twice so far. Thanks for the pep talk. You’re a paragon of virtue.”

He gripes, “Hey, everyone makes mistakes.”

I motion to his glass with the hand holding
my own drink. “And I think I did by giving you my JD. Your grandma drinks more than that.”

“True, but I’m not in a drinking mood tonight.”

“Well, you’re no fun, Tesco.” I shrug and take his glass. “More for me then.”

“You are not okay.”

“I’m quite okay, Richmond.”

“
Finn, you’re actually worrying me.”

I take a few gulps from his glass.
Setting it down, I playfully lean over him, getting close to his face. “Aww. You are so fucking
cute
when you’re all concerned and shit. Is this your police officer face? Do you give it to lost children before you hand them a lollipop and let them wear your hat?” I snicker at his frown and he irritably pushes me away, which is even funnier.
“Normally, you’re a cool drunk, but for the past month or so, it’s disturbing how much you’ve been drowning your sorrows. It’s not good, man.”

I roll my eyes, which makes the room tilt.
“It’s all good. I’m just chilling out.” I finish off his drink with a satisfied sigh. Putting the glass down, I grab the bottle for a refill, draining the rest of it.

“No, it’s more than that. You act like it’s over
with Hadley. Is it?”

Grinding my teeth, I struggle with answering that question because I really don’t know the answer. Understanding my weighty silence, he asks, “
Did you at least call her last night?”

“I was busy.”

“Oh. I forgot. You and Jim Beam.

“Huh-uh. The Captain entertained me last night.”

“Did she call you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t call her back? Why are you blowing this up into something bigger than it is? What are you most worried about right now?”

Sighing,
I pick the empty bottle up and shake it at him. “That I’m out of Jack. There’s a liquor store down the road. Can you go pick me up some more?”

“You’re cut off.”

I sulkily protest, “No way! This was my last bottle and I’m not even drunk yet! I don’t even have a good buzz going!”

His
judgmental gaze treks over me. “You’re already drunk, Finn.”

I shove his arm.
“Well, then I can’t drive. Aren’t you supposed to be a public servant?
Serve
me!”

He snatches the bottle out of my hand and roughly deposits it on the table.
“This doesn’t fall into that realm.”

“Okay. You’re my
best friend. It falls into
that
one. Now get me more booze.”

He firmly states, “Finn, you can’t keep drinking like this. You’re going to become an alcoholic because you depend on
liquor to get you through shit.”

I suddenly laugh. “Liquor. That’s a funny word. Lick her.”

“I’m fucking serious, Wilder!”

I shrug
as I pick up the last of my JD and look into my glass. The answers have to be somewhere at the bottom. “What’s it matter? Nobody cares.” Ricky tries to steal my drink, but I move out of his reach in time. See? Not that drunk.

He
punches the back of the couch and shouts, “
I
care, you asshole! And you know very well who else does, so don’t give me that damn shit!”

I cock an eyebrow as I gape at the blue cushion he just assaulted. “Whoa, officer. This sofa could accuse you of police brutality.”

“You’re acting like this is more serious a situation than it really is! Why?”

Returning my attention to my glass, I pleadingly mutter, “Just let it go. I want to be alone.”

“No. Not until you talk to me!”

Losing my own patience
with him, I pound my fist on my leg in frustration and yell back, “I don’t want to talk, think or even dream about it! Leave me alone!” Returning to my drink, I tip the glass, still feeling his inquisitive police-officer search of my thoughts infringing upon my right to remain silent.

Ricky is
quieter when he says, “I know you’re about to lose it, man. You’re barely holding it together. That’s why I’m here.”

I keep my eyes on my glass
. “I’m not. I’m feeling better.”

As I take another drink, h
e leans closer to me, and I tightly swallow the JD as he says, “I’m like a fucking lie detector. I
know
when you’re lying. Don’t even pull that shit on me. I can
hear
your heart breaking. What for? A friend was in need—one of
your
ballplayers! That’s all!”

I snugly close my eyes, wishing Ricky would become a mute
. I warningly growl, “Shut up, Tesco. I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Finn, who else will you talk to if not
Hadley or me? It’s like you’re putting up a wall or wearing a suit of armor. Why? It’s
me,
your best friend.” He pushes at my leg. “I know! Do you want me to call your mom? Maybe you’ll talk to
Mommy.
”

I angrily face him.
“Fuck no! She doesn’t need to know shit! I don’t want to talk to anyone! Leave me the hell alone!”

He sits back, which is probably wise
to put distance between us when he asks, “Do you think an affair is going on down there?”

I finish my burning gulp
before I testily shout, “Fuck, Ricky! I told you to shut the hell up!” Slamming my glass down, I hang my head over my legs as my head starts to spin.

He doesn’t let up carving
into my soul. “
I
don’t believe for a second that Hadley would cheat on you, so why do
you
?”

Resting my
elbows on my legs, I anxiously thrust my hands into my hair. “I’m not good enough for her! I’m nothing but a piece of shit and a waffling asshole full of fluffed promises! She deserves
better
than me!” Thoroughly agitated, I shake my head and growl, “Fuck! It’s not just the possibility of her cheating! She’s eventually going to give up and leave me!” I turn my bent head to look up at him. “Okay? Happy? Now go get me some more damn booze or go home!”

“Why are you so
fucking insecure? That’s not the Finn Wilder I know.”

Dropping my head down,
I angrily snap at the floor, “Really, Ricky?
Really
? Have you visited my life lately? She’s been pressuring me to change my mind! To actually marry her!”

“You’re working through your issues. You’re getting there.”

“No, I’m not! Every time I feel like I’m getting closer, I get yanked back like I’m on a bungee cord.” What I told Becks on Sunday when she was asleep echo in my head:
Baby, please forgive me for not being the man you need. I’m trying. I’m getting closer, but I’m not there yet.
When I’m ready, I want us to get married. I love you to the stars, Becks Wilder.”

When will I ever be ready? And if I never will be, will she really accept that?

Knowing the answer to that, I reach over to pour the rest of the Jack into my glass, forgetting I already finished it. Pissed that I’m now boozeless, I shove the bottle across the table with a loud clatter until it falls onto the floor.

Ricky looks from the coffee table to me and takes a deep breath.
“What else?”

“What else what?” My head hurts from asking that.
I lean my forehead into the palm of my hand and close my eyes.

“Do you think Hadley saw your broadcast this afternoon?”

I tiredly sigh and scratch my forehead. “I don’t know. She hasn’t called. She may have watched it online. I’m sure Morgan couldn’t call her fast enough, though. Fuck. She’s already mad at me. She heard you and I talking about skydiving.”

“Holy shit, Finn. She knows?”

I nod at the floor. “Yeah.”

“I told you to tell her what we’ve been doing months ago! Then, you fucking announce on live Air what you plan on doing in October without talking to her first. That has to be the dirtiest and most idiotic thing I’ve seen you do. ”

I lift my head to shoot him a shitty look. “Fuck you, Ricky.”

“It’s the truth. You shouldn’t have done that, man, and that’s coming from
me,
a total dick.”