I'Ll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails. - (7 page)

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From: Ella Johnson

Date: Wednesday 01 June 2011 9.32am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book

Obviously we have differing opinions on what constitutes acceptable ethics and offensive humor. I suggest reading some of Chelsea Handler's books. Her humor is spot on and while she can be a bit risque at times, she never crosses the line like your book does. You could learn a lot from her.

Fortunately, in my store at least, I am in a position to dictate where on the shelves your book is displayed so nobody will see it and I will also be sure to warn customers against buying it if they bring it to the counter.

Good luck with sales, you will need it.

Ella J

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From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 01 June 2011 2.14pm

To: Ella Johnson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book

Dear Ella,

Your efforts to protect both cats and customers should not go unacknowledged. If you have access to a printer and scissors, you could make yourself a little badge. Anyone can form an opinion but it takes a certain type of person to carry that opinion through to consumer censorship. In a million years, if mankind dies out and cats inherit the earth, they will probably build a statue of you featuring a cat nestled in one arm, a can of petrol in the other, and a pile of my books at your feet. Or one of you cleaning your bum with your tongue.

Unfortunately, your efforts to impinge book sales are not required as Penguin's marketing team seems to have the same strategy. I visited a Barnes & Noble store this morning, expecting to find copies of my book distributed throughout, but located only a single copy in the home and garden section next to Diana Kennedy's The Art of Mexican Cooking.

I left with a pop-up book about trains and two fridge magnets so I understand the concept of impulse buying, but targeting only those preparing for next year's Cinco de Mayo is a stretch.

In contrast, Chelsea Handler's book was displayed throughout the store and even had its own colourful cardboard display. Based on your suggestion, I had a quick flick through and owe you a debt of gratitude as I now realise what it takes to receive excellent reviews on Amazon from people like yourself.

Regards, David.

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From: Ella Johnson

Date: Wednesday 01 June 2011 3.27am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book

Last email as arguing with a moron is a waste of my valuable time and all you’ve done is display how ignorant you are. I doubt you’ve read anything by Chelsea Handler so what would you know. Nobody asked for your opinion anyway.

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From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 01 June 2011 5.24pm

To: Ella Johnson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book