Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance (7 page)

I feel like I am walking on thin ice and at any moment it will break, dragging me down into dark cold water. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. This can't be happening to me. Ethan isn’t really related to Colin. It's just one big fat joke, a prank that someone is playing on me. I walk back into my room and throw myself on the bed.

Raw emotion mounts inside me, and the sadness won’t go away. The date with Ethan was incredible and I wanted and needed more. When I saw him at the door I thought that Colin simply mixed up the floors, that Ethan couldn’t be his father, but then it all started to sink in. He was shocked, too, but he kept cool throughout the whole dinner.

He probably hated me then and God knows what was going through his head. We were kissing only a day before and now we can't even look at each other.

"Hey, Arwen, are you in?"

I quickly wipe the tears away, but it's going to be really hard to hide my swollen eyes.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

Maja is beside me and I burst into tears, feeling so down.

"Ethan is Colin's father. We went to his father’s apartment and Ethan opened the door."

Maja doesn't understand and stares at me like I'm talking in Chinese. Her eyes widen after a moment.

"Ethan ... The guy from the gallery? He is Colin's father? What?" she repeats. I nod, so she brings her hand to her mouth, staring at me in horror.

"But how—oh my God. You went to meet him and he was the one?"

"We both pretended we didn't know each other. I felt terrible that I didn't tell him that I was seeing someone."

Maja sits down next to me, probably trying to get her head around it.

"I don't understand, Arwen. Didn't you figure out that they had the same surname or something?"

“I never asked Ethan his full name, and Colin doesn’t look much like him. I had to sit through this dinner pretending that I was having the best time of my life. Oh God, I shouldn't have gone through with that date. I knew that he was older."

"Shut up, Arwen, and pull yourself together. You're a strong and independent woman. The solution is simple. Tell Colin the truth and date the father. "

"Ethan said that he’s serious about me, but he can’t be with me, even if I break up with Colin. Ethan’s job would be on the line if the press found out that we're dating."

"Okay, I guess that complicates stuff."

“I'm going to talk to Colin tomorrow and tell him that it's not going to work between us.”

“Maybe you should tell him the truth. Colin should understand.” Maja is shaking her head, and for someone who isn't very experienced with men, she seems to have a valid point. Technically Colin should understand, but I have no idea how he would react if I told him the truth. Ethan has already rejected me, stating that there can’t be anything between us. He obviously doesn't feel so strongly about me, but he still wants to help me with finding the painting. Maja doesn't know about my dad and how important this is for me.

"So you're just going to give up on him, because of Colin?" she asks.

"He made it clear that there can't be anything between us, Maja, but he’s going to help me find the painting, so I'm going to be forced to see him either way."

"Well, that’s good and if he has any sense in him, he will try to seduce you."

"Ethan is too much of a gentleman to do that. He likes me a lot and he loves Colin," I tell her, knowing that there is no way that I could ruin this just because I can't control my own feelings.

Maja doesn't look convinced.

"Well, we are going out tomorrow, remember? I guess you’ll have to talk to him before then," she reminds me. "I would like both of us to get a tidy boyfriend. I'm not that bothered anyway ‘cause I’ve got my science, but you, on the other hand, you're the kind of girl that needs to be loved."

Of course, I had agreed to go with Colin and Maja to that party, but since meeting Ethan, everything has fallen off my normal routine.

"Yeah, I will talk to him before tomorrow night."

Maja leaves me alone with my own thoughts and I pick up my phone and consider calling Mum. We spoke briefly today and she knows that I'm dating Colin. Francois is taking her to the South of France for a weekend away.

She’s dated many men since my dad left, but not one those men ever paid much attention to me or replaced my dad for either of us. In the end I decide not to call her and just get to bed and forget about this day once and for all.

In the morning the realisation that I lost someone special hits me all over again.

Chapter Nine

The class is dragging and I can't seem to focus on anything today. Even tasks like taking notes seem meaningless. After a sleepless night, I woke early and I started thinking about Ethan. I thought I would feel better after breakfast, until I realised that I have to break up with Colin in a couple of hours.

It seems that Ethan has invaded my mind. I can’t get away from thoughts about him. I texted Colin in the morning letting him know that I would like to have lunch with him.

Ethan will probably call me soon, to confirm our meeting with Antoine. I’m not sure if I can handle seeing him again, knowing that there is never going to be anything between us other than friendship.

When the class is finally over I hear a few guys talking about tonight’s party in one of the houses
  
near the campus. I don't know how Colin will feel about going out with me after I break the news to him. It's crazy to believe that there is someone for anyone out there.

I spot him outside on the field several hours later and I tighten my grip around my lunch box, going over and over in my head what I want to tell him. He runs toward me and swirls me around. This doesn't feel right, but it has to be done.

"Hey, beautiful, how are you doing on this fine morning?" he asks, trying to kiss me.

"Please, Colin, put me down. I need to talk to you about something," I say, shifting into a more serious mode. My head isn't in the right place to do this, but at the moment I have no other choice.

Colin frowns and obeys. Then he scratches his head, staring at me with a concerned look. "What's up, sugar? Is there anything wrong?"

"Come on, let's sit down," I say, dragging him back to the table. I have never broken up with anyone before. Most of my boyfriends were either finished with me or I started going out with someone else. There was never any drama.

This feels like completely different territory and I don’t want to do this while he is staring at me with so much devotion.

"Right, I don't like this, Arwen. You're too serious," he says.

I bite my lip and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "I'm sorry, Colin, but I can't keep doing this to you. When you started talking to me a month ago I thought that you just wanted to be friends."

"Oh come on, don't tell me that you're breaking up with me?"

“Yes, I am and I’m sorry. It’s so wrong for me to carry on with you. There are some things that I have to deal with and this has nothing to do with you."

Colin’s eyes are furious now, and I don't know how to act. This isn't going the way it’s supposed to.

"Who is he? There is another guy, right?"

I do everything in my power to keep a straight face, but this is hard. Harder than I expected. He has to compete with his own father. No, I can’t tell him. He won’t get it.

"There is no one else. I don't think that we are suited to each other. I'm sorry that I led you on, but I would like us to stay friends.”

He just stares at me for a really long time, probably thinking that I’m joking. I feel like a cheat. My heart bleeds, and the truth suffocates me. How could I ever explain to him that I’m falling for his father?

"Oh, Arwen, you can’t do this to me now. I don't think that I can be your friend. I want more.”

"You will meet someone else. I have some stuff
 
going on that I have to deal with and I just don't feel the same way. If it’s all right with you, I would like us to stay friends."

He shakes his head like he doesn't want to believe that this is really happening. “What’s wrong? Come on, I'm here for you, and so is my dad. I got the impression that he likes you a lot. I thought that the dinner last night was a success."

I can't look him in the eye, knowing I desire his own father more than I ever wanted him. “Colin, I'm really sorry."

“I guess if I can't have you as a girlfriend, then I have to make do with the friend." He chuckles, trying to relax the tension between us. I make a mental note: never, ever enter a relationship that doesn't feel right from the start.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it," I say. "I hope that you're okay with me and Maja going to that party tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, but I can't guarantee that I won't try to change your mind," he says, winking at me, and then leaves before I can respond. This hasn't gone exactly as I planned. Maybe Colin thinks that I just need a break and there is still a chance that we could be together. I can't give him false hope. Tonight when we go out I’ll be myself and flirt with some other guys just to take my mind off Ethan and his enigmatic amber eyes. It sounds great in theory, but I have no idea how it will be in practice.

Colin called in the morning wanting to know what I thought about Arwen. I told him the truth, that he is a lucky guy and that he should look after her. Then I picked up my briefcase and headed for the train.

After some dreadful meetings I lock myself in the office and think about the woman that I'm not supposed to be thinking about. She was so disappointed yesterday that I gave up on her so easily, but deep down I'm hoping that she spoke to Colin and finished whatever was between them. They haven't slept together yet, but I can't go there at the moment because even one thought about Arwen's gorgeous body drives me insane. When I am around her I feel like I'm back being twenty again, like I'm still invincible.

The knock on my office door throws me off guard and back to working mode. I clear my throat and say, "Yes?"

It's my other secretary, who has been flirting with me since John hired her. She is a very beautiful woman with long, perfect legs and shiny blond hair. Now and again I thought about her, but then I don't want to complicate my work relationships. I already had one affair that ended badly, so I don't want to repeat history.

"Your mobile keeps ringing and ringing and I must tell you that this is very distracting," she says with a smile. Her skirt is a bit too short for this sort of environment, but I believe that she does it deliberately. I get up and pass her in the entrance. It's Antoine, so I pick up without any hesitation, knowing that it's better to have him on my side than not.

"Yes, my friend, what can I do for you?" I answer in French, taking this conversation back to my office.

"Remember the girl you brought? Do you really believe that she saw that painting?" he answers with these questions. I'm surprised to hear from him so soon. I had the impression that he didn't believe Arwen. I guess I was wrong.

"She told you that she has been working on the reproduction. Yes, to answer your question. She has seen the painting."

"So when are you going to bring her back? If this is for real?” he asks, sounding excited. I don't think that Arwen cares about the painting more than she cares about finding her father.

"Why are you so interested all of a sudden?" I ask, curious.

“I don’t know ... this whole thing sounds too good to be true. Another copy? Impossible, but if it’s true, then this kind of news can make us a lot of money, brother.”

“I’m not doing this for money, Antoine,” I reply harshly.

“Just bring her over. I want to see the reproduction.”

I hang up and stare at my phone for several minutes. Arwen’s father is the one that has the painting. She only saw it when she was a child. It's not a guarantee that it's the real deal. The old guy wants to use her—no chance. He won’t get his hands on that painting, but I’m sure he has an idea how to find the missing copy.

I put my phone away, then pick it up again and stare at Arwen’s name. My pulse speeds up and the memories of her body pressed against mine swirl through my mind. I run my hand through my hair, thinking that my plan of keeping away from her for some time is going to go nowhere. I promised to help her with a search and we have to take her precious painting to Antoine.

I pace around my office anxiously; should I call her? I have a few important emails waiting and certain individuals to see, but none of this is going to be done if I put this off.

A moment later I find myself dialling her number, which speeds up my pulse. I want to tell myself to get a grip. I'm a grown man that doesn't have the hormones of a twenty-year-old anymore.

"Hello, Ethan," she says. Her voice is sweet and seductive.

"Arwen, we need to see Antoine tonight. He called earlier asking for you,” I say, trying to keep my tone of voice cool, but it’s difficult.

There is a silence on the other side of the phone, which drives me a little insane because I want to know what she is thinking. Normally her eyes tell me a lot about her.

"All right. I guess that I have to cancel the party," she mutters.

"I think that you really intrigued him and he has information about the stolen painting."

"Colin and I ... I finished it. We are just friends now.”

Hell, I want to whoop and holler, which seems like the stupidest thing to do. She is talking about my son.

I really don't know how to respond to that, but deep down I want to tell her that it's going to be all right, that she doesn't need to worry.

"How did he take it?”

"He was fine about it, but I have a feeling that he won't just give up."

"Colin has my character. Your rejection won’t discourage him, but I don't want to discuss this now."

"Right, of course. I'm up for tonight if you're happy to take me to him?"

"Yes, at seven o'clock I’ll pick you up from your place. Goodbye, Arwen," I add and then hang up in order to take another deep breath. I don't know why I’m so pleased that they are no longer in a relationship. She is off limits and she always will be. Bethany would stop talking to me if she ever knew, even if Arwen is my soulmate.
 

"Ethan, come on, we are waiting for you."

A familiar voice from the other side of the door reminds me about my meeting. I stop dwelling on the woman that I can't have and get out to meet Craig, one of the advisors. We walk towards the conference room and then for the rest of the afternoon I forget about what I have to do later on. My work is still important to me; not like it used to be, but I do like to give a hundred percent.

The meeting goes on for two long hours, and I discuss the new policies and strategies. I don't go out for a long lunch to visit art galleries today. Last time it was such a coincidence; it felt like destiny was forcing us together by slapping us both in the face. The prospect of a new relationship didn't make me happy until I met her.

When I get home it’s just after five. Colin called a few hours earlier, but I was at the meeting. I already know what this phone call is about. I heat up the food from yesterday while I dial his number. It goes straight to voicemail.

Colin doesn't return my phone call and I do try again. I don't want to talk to him about Arwen if I can help it.

 
I leave just after six feeling on edge, but the excitement doesn't die down. My body craves her touch and my nervous system is on alert. When I reach her home and park outside, I look up. There is a light in her window and for a split second I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. A few deep breaths later, I'm walking to her door and sending her a quick text to say that I'm outside.

The wait gives me courage to control myself better. When she leaves her building this doesn’t seem to be working. Arwen looks stunning wearing a short black dress; she holds a large wrapped painting in her hand. This must be it and even though I'm familiar with the artist, I want to see it.

 
I try to look at her face, but my brain is already imagining her naked.

"Hi, Ethan," she says with a forced smile. We both know that this will be very awkward for both of us.

"How are you, Arwen?" I ask.

"Excited to see what I can get out of that old grump." She laughs, relaxing a little. "I think we should go. I was supposed to go out with Colin and my roommate to a party and I don't want him to see us."

I keep my expression neutral; it looks like she is serious about being friends with both of us.

"Right, let’s get going then." I automatically put my hand on her back to guide her toward her the car. I feel her stiffen under my touch, so I move my hand away.

She glances back at me, but doesn't say anything and I'm glad. We get to the car and I start the engine. Arwen's legs are tempting me to do something like complement her, but I know that this will give her the wrong idea.

Neither of us says anything during the drive, and awkward tension fills the car. My heart rate is unsteady and my palms are sweaty. A couple of times I want to say something, anything just to get rid of that terrible distance between us.
 

"We're here," I say after a forty-minute drive that felt like hours. Arwen looks radiant, but
 
seems reluctant to show the painting to an art dealer. She is clutching the frame close to her chest.

"I hope he has some real information," she says with a warm smile.

"He seems keen. Come on, we don't want to waste anymore time,” I encourage her, this time making sure that I keep my hands to myself. I walk inside first. Antoine is already waiting for us at the top of the stairs.

"I saw your car from outside," he says with a pleasant smile. He looks at Arwen and then at the frame. His eyes widen and I wonder if there is something more than just interest in discovering what happened to the painting.

"Hi, Antoine."

"Come on, girl, let's get inside and let me see your treasure."

Arwen nods and we keep walking through his corridor, which is filled with even more paintings and sculpture than I saw when we visited his place last time. We pass through the living room and then into his workshop where he keeps most of his rare pieces. Arwen seems nervous and I want to cradle her in my arms and comfort her.

Antoine helps her put the painting on the table, looking excited and muttering to himself words that neither of us can understand.

"This isn't very good and it still needs a lot of work," she mumbles, rubbing her forehead.

"No matter. You’ve kept me waiting long enough. Let's see what you have," he says.

Arwen looks at me like she needs a confirmation that it's all right, and I nod with a smile. I could keep staring at her for eternity and I would never get bored. After a moment she starts unwrapping the paper and all of a sudden everyone stops breathing.