Illusion (16 page)

             
"Well, to the baby, yes. To the marriage, no. You need to get down on one knee and do something romantic before I agree to that."

             
His hand reaches up and grabs the back of my neck. As he is pulling me closer, he says, "Oh, don't you worry about that. I'm going to give you the best damn proposal of all time." His lips land on mine, hard, and his hands travel down my back to my hips, repositioning me to be on top of him. I lower myself down and I can feel the growl deep in his throat.

             
When I pull back, I look him in the eye and say, "and I'll give you the best damn baby making of all time."

             
His eyes become full of a devilish desire and that’s exactly what we do. We attempt to make a child. Something about the moment makes it all the more incredible. Tomorrow I'll throw out my birth control pills, I tell myself. So even though we can't actually make a baby right this minute, we can practice all... night... long.

              "Zoey, hey Zoey, get up, wake up."

             
I jump drastically as I hear a man's voice calling my name. When my eyes open, Brice is standing over me with all sorts of different reactions taking over his face. Concern, desire, amusement, embarrassment. Yeah, shit, I already know from that look what just happened. I just moaned in my damn sleep.

             
I bite down on my lip and pull the blanket over my head. Wait, a blanket? I slide it back down slowly and look at Brice once more. "You covered me up??

             
"Yeah, you fell asleep and were in this little ball. I felt bad and didn't want to carry you or wake you up, so I grabbed you a blanket." So he went in my room? How embarrassing. I hope he isn't the kind of guy to go through things. Not that he'd find much.

             
"Thanks," I mutter.

             
"I wouldn't have woken you up, but you were uh... having a weird dream I think." His face turns a light pink and I know mine matches his.

             
"Yeah, sorry about that."

             
"You were whimpering at first, like it was a nightmare, then you seemed to have enjoyed it." He looks down to the floor and I can see a smile spread across his face. "A lot."

             
I pull the blanket back over my face. "Thanks," I mumble under the fabric.

             
I can hear him laughing softly. "Yeah. Well, I should probably head home."

             
"Okay."

             
He pulls the blanket down and I'm suffocated in his sweet aroma. There is something very unique to his scent, that doesn't remind me of anything. I like it, almost too much. "You should probably lock the door behind me."

             
"Oh, right, uh, yeah."

             
I sit up and take a few breathes as I watch him get his shoes back on. I hate the feeling of waking up after only an hour of sleep, I'm shaky and feel more exhausted than I did before I went to sleep. Only, I know it'll be a while before I'll be able to bring myself back to a slumber.

             
He walks to the door and I stand to follow behind him. He pauses a moment when he reaches it, then he turns to look at me. "You going to be okay here alone? I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

             
My heart warms at his generosity. "It's okay, thanks though. I'll be okay."

             
The way his eyes watch me makes me feel uncomfortable. It's like he knows some of my secrets without me actually telling him. He looks down at our feet and his move awkwardly. "Are you really going to be okay?"

             
"Yeah?" I answer him more like a question, wondering why he'd ask me the way he did.

             
He sighs when he looks back at me. "You were talking in your sleep."

             
Oh.

             
"You mentioned something about a baby and cancer, and I didn't understand much, but you were whimpering. That was when I was going to wake you up, then you seemed to enjoy something. I just, it confused me. You don't have to tell me about your dream, I just want to make sure you're really going to be alright before I leave."

             
He takes a step towards me and his fingers brush against mine, while I stand here and stare at him.

             
"I um," I stutter as I talk, "I just. I used to. Well. When I was with. I, uh, I don't have any kids."

             
He pulls me into a hug and I didn't realize how much I needed that comfort. I close my eyes and rest my cheek on his shoulder as his hands softly rub my back. "It's okay," he says softly in my ear. "I said you don't have to tell me. Are you sure you'll be alright if I walk out this door though?"

             
The concern he has and the comfort he gives is unlike anything I've experienced in such a long time. It's almost surreal. Am I still dreaming? I should pinch myself, but I won't. "I'm always okay," I tell him. It's not a lie. I've been through a lifetime of heart ache and disappointment, and in the end, I'm always okay. Right now, maybe not so much. That dream was much too real, seeing as though it was a memory and not a dream. I could use his comfort but I won't abuse our friendship like that. It may be too much for someone that is only a friend.

             
"If you say so." He pulls back and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. He is so close I can taste his breath on my lips. "I should leave you my number, just in case you need me."

             
I just nod my head, not saying anything, too nervous to do that. He takes another step back and pulls his phone out of his pocket. "What is your number?"

             
I tell him as he punches it into his phone. I can hear my phone vibrating in my purse next to us. He smiles when he hears it. "There, now you have my number. Please, it doesn't matter what time of day, just call me if you need anything."

             
"Thanks Brice, for everything."

             
He leans forward and kisses my cheek, letting his lips stay there a moment longer than a friend should. "You're welcome... Z."

             
I roll my eyes at him and smile just a little. "Don't call me that I said."

             
He grins at me before reaching behind him and turning the nob. "Goodnight."

             
"Night."

             
He leaves and I lock the door as it shuts. I stand here, keeping my breath as regular as I can. Why is it that I miss him already and he just walked out the door? This doesn't make sense to me.

             
I open the door before Harvey even has a chance to knock, then I throw my arms around his neck. "I've missed you so much," I tell him.

             
He kisses my forehead while wrapping me into his arms. "I've missed you too," he snickers.

             
When he sets me back onto the floor, I take a few steps back to let him into my apartment, then I close the door behind him. "You must be exhausted from that long drive."

             
"Yeah, I really am," he says.

             
"Good, I got us a movie rental and I ordered some pizza."

             
He walks over and looks at the movie I got. "This is most certainly a chick flick."

             
"Yeah, I thought it'd be romantic."

             
He places it back on the table and opens the pizza box. I just got a medium cheese pizza, not knowing exactly what toppings he likes. He picks up a slice from the box and takes a bite. "Good pizza. Thank you for all this."

             
"You're most welcome." I grab a slice myself, and opt out of a plate as well, just taking a bite of it. He walks over and gets us each a can of soda pop from the fridge. I thank him when he hands me mine, already opened. When we're done with our pizza, we both wipe our faces and make it to the couch. I settle down with a blanket while he puts the movie in the DVD player, then he comes over and settles in next to me.

             
I don't want to ask how he is doing, knowing he isn't doing that well considering what he's been through this past week. Not only that, I don't want to open up quite yet about being unfaithful to him. We cuddle together on the couch with the blanket draped over us and we both remain silent as we watch the movie. I've missed his comfort and warmth.

             
When the movie ends, he pulls away and looks down at me. After placing a soft kiss to my forehead, he asks, "So did you have a good time with your sister while she was here?"

             
Here goes the small talk. Great.

             
"Yeah, of course I did. I miss her so much." My heart hurts thinking about the fact I probably won’t see her for a few months.

             
"You should have her move up here."

             
He reads my thoughts so well.

             
"I've thought about asking her about it, but I don't want her to feel like she needs to. She told me today she already misses the city that never sleeps though. So I really won't be all that surprised if she ends up asking to move this way."

             
He seems happy about that for me. "That is good. You two seem like you're inseparable. I'm still a little surprised you moved up here without her."

             
"Yeah," I say with a sad smirk. "It was part of my healing process or whatever." I lean in a little closer to him and give him a chaste kiss to the lips. "I probably wouldn't have met you if she'd have moved up here with me though."

             
He runs two of his fingers down my cheek bone and across my lips, sending chills down my spine and arms. "That'd have been a damn shame."

             
When he leans in to kiss me again, I just feel twice as guilty about everything. I know without a doubt that if Harvey found out later rather than sooner what I did behind his back, it'd hurt him all the more. So instead of letting him kiss me, I turn my head and clear my throat. He backs away and I feel alone even though I'm only inches from him.

             
"Um," he starts to question why I pulled away.

             
I bite down on my lip and prepare myself for the fact he may walk out the door to never return. I may never see him again. With a deep sigh, still avoiding his contact, I manage to tell him. "I kissed someone, Harvey. On Saturday night when I was drunk. I sort of let him go to first base, too." There is a long, silent pause and I don't dare myself to look at him. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so incredibly sorry."

             
I can hear him sniffle. Tilting my head, I look over at him and he is staring at me like he doesn't know who I am. "You cheated?" His voice is raw and soft.

             
I slowly nod my head. "Sort of, yeah." Oh, Zoey, there is not sort of about it. You either cheat or you don't, there is no in between. Yeah, I mentally scold myself for that half truth, half lie.

             
"How- can- why..." He pauses and shakes his head. "Can you tell me why or how this happened?"

             
I speak soft and slow while I tell him, in not so gruesome details, exactly what happened that night, starting from when my feet were killing me and I just wanted to go home. He seems very understanding and nods his head once in a while, while still keeping his distance from me. Impressive enough he doesn't storm out of the apartment, he doesn't scream at me, and he listens to everything I say. It's way more than I imagined.

             
Honestly, I shouldn't be so surprised. Everything between us has been perfect thus far. I just hope it continues.

             
"I just wanted to tell you the truth, Harvey. I didn't want to hide this from you. I promise you that Brice and I are just friends who work together, and nothing more will ever happen between us again," I finish before he can say anything.

             
"Come here," he orders. Not what I was expecting, but I do. I scoot over until I'm as close to him as possible without actually touching him. He pulls on my arm, and helps me turn towards him more. With another tug, I'm actually straddling his lap while his hands are placed on my hips. I'm so very confused right now.

             
He squeezes my hips and pulls me into him a little harder. I can feel his erection between my legs and now not only am I confused, I'm also turned on. I don't understand any of this, and I wish he would just say something. I'm too stunned by the situation I can't bring myself to ask what he is thinking. Why he is doing this.

             
Finally he speaks and it's with a low, husky voice. "You won't touch him again?" I shake my head no. "And you don't like him?" Again, shaking my head. "And you're sorry." I nod it, yes. "Do you still want me?" Once again, a nod, this time a little more frantically.

             
His hand goes up my spine, lightly tickling it as he goes, until he reaches the back of my neck. "I don't know why, but I'm so fucking horny right now. Not that you cheated but something about you talking about it the way you did. Right now, I want to claim you. I'm going to own you right now, right here, on this goddamn couch. Every time he even looks at you, you're going to think of me fucking you. Got it?"

             
As I nod my head yes again, completely dumbfounded by his demanding speech, he pulls my face towards him. He first lays claim onto my lips. It's so intense, I immediately start melting into him. My body reacts in an instant, grinding my hips back and forth, feeling more of his erection.

             
He tosses me so I'm lying on my back on the couch, then he strips off both our clothes, going at an insanely fast speed. The look in his eyes is much more intense in comparison to what I'm used to, and I can feel myself become wet just on that look alone. He is hungry for me, turned on, and there is something else there. Something I've never seen or experienced.

             
He enters me so hard that it takes my breath away. His hands grab under my knees then he pushes on my legs so they're spread as much as humanly possible. My hamstrings become sore as they stretch but it's a pleasuring pain. I can feel him fill me up even more than I'm used to and it's incredible. His hands start exploring me in ways they never have and I do the same to him. He doesn't kiss me and at first I wish he would, until I see the way he watches my face, my breasts, his hands, my hands. He watches himself claim me, and I do the same to him. I want to keep going, for hours, but I can't. Not under his concentrated scrutiny.

             
I start coming apart as he goes even faster, not giving me time to even breath correctly. I can't seem to grab onto anything hard enough or long enough while I’m jerking underneath him. "Tell me you're mine."

             
"I'm yours," I scream. "Harvey, God, I'm yours."

             
He voice sounds wild and strong when he leans down close to my ear. "Don't ever forget that. This pussy is mine now."

             
I just nod my head while tears start to fall from my eyes. I can't explain the tears at all, this isn't emotional and I'm not sad. They just slowly, one by one, fall from my eyes. He doesn't wipe them away and I'm okay with that. He continues his thrusting inside me, going harder once I'm able to breathe correctly.

             
"Wrap your legs around me," he orders.

             
I do as he says, and I naturally tighten around his cock. It's so intense I can feel myself getting ready to shatter again.

             
The amount of euphoria I'm feeling is outrageous. I'm not sure anyone can ever make me feel like this again. He leans down and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling my body to him. Sweat is covering the both of us as we glide together and he starts to grunt close to my ear. That is the push I need to release another orgasm. "Yeah," he whispers softly in my ear before biting down softly on the lobe.

             
As my body arches from the pleasure, he pauses long enough to cause me to whimper, then he slams into me. He does it a second time and I can feel him release inside me. He collapses on top of me, pushing my hair out of my face, and he loads me with kisses.

             
"Sorry," he murmurs in my ear.

             
I'm extremely breathless answering him. "For what? The best sex ever?"

             
He pulls back just enough to see my face and he is smiling large. "Best ever?" I nod, unable to say more than I already have. "Good." He kisses my lips then lays his head next to mine. We both lay like this for a quite a while before he pulls away and sits up.

             
I sit up too, not bothering to dress yet. His eyes watch me for a minute but he doesn't say anything. His smile is small and it has me wondering if he regrets that sex and wants to leave me now. Now that his mind is clear.

             
"You okay?" I finally ask. Not sure if I want to actually know the answer.

             
My breath is finally catching up but I can't believe that it still isn't back to normal. I can't believe how intense that sex was. I didn't know sex could even be like that in all honesty.

             
His hand reaches over and he touches my leg. "I'm perfect," he claims. His features tell me he is sincere in that statement. I'm not sure how. I don't think I could handle him doing that kind of thing behind my back, but I'm extremely thankful he is that caring and forgiving.

             
"Thank you," I tell him.

             
His eyebrows pinch together. "For?"

             
"For uh, forgiving me?" Crap, maybe he didn't forgive me and I just assumed so because of what happened between us just now.

             
He smiles softly as his forehead straightens out. "Let's get to bed."

             
The next day at lunch, I skip out without telling Brice. I feel a little guilty about that but he does know that Harvey is now home, so I'm sure he expects it. We had lunch together yesterday, which is when I mentioned Harvey would be back later that evening. He looked a little down about it but didn't say anything. He just smiled and we continued a conversation about college. He went to MIT, which just baffles my mind. He graduated, went home to Tennessee for a year before moving up here. Poor guy must really miss his family.

             
Harvey and I go to the park we claimed as ours, and we eat our lunch together. I packed a sandwich, as I've been doing a lot lately. Harvey brought his own lunch with him. We don't talk about much, in fact, it feels a little awkward between us. All I can think about is that he is contemplating us still being together. Now that he has time to think about how horrible of a girlfriend I really am, he may be regretting staying with me.