Illusions of Fate (7 page)
I AM HOME, IN MY BED, MY NIGHTCLOTHES
tangled around me so that I cannot move. My mother talks to me in the low, sibilant sounds of our language, though her voice is deep, too deep. Her words don’t comfort—their tone is chiding, accusatory, but my memory fails me and I cannot understand what she is saying as her fingers brush my forehead.
Her fingers turn into the touch of feathers and I scream, fighting upward out of the blackness. I’m in the conservatory, spinning, spinning, passed from partner to partner down an infinite line. I look up, begging to stop, to see that it’s Finn who holds me, his hands tight around my waist. Then he passes me to the next man—Finn again, always Finn, and none of them will look me in the eyes, none of them will answer my pleas to be released.
I try to break through but I can’t, and I’m twirled and danced farther and farther down the line of bodies, an endless path.
Just when I can bear no more, Finn pulls me close and finally meets my eyes. “I am so sorry,” he says. And then he spins me into the sharp man, whose arms wrap around me once more, turning into great black wings.
I am smothered in feathers and pulled into darkness so complete I cannot even scream.
I GROAN, MY HEAD ACHING WITH SHARP PULSES.
For a moment I am utterly disoriented—I was home—but no, I’m in Avebury, and . . .
I sit up, the soft shuffling of feathered wings sending panic through my whole body. I am
not
home, nor am I at the hotel. I’m in a study of some sort. Dark and masculine furniture with bulky rigid lines takes up more space than required. The room is paneled in wood, the single window shuttered and letting in only the merest mention of light. A fire burns in a stone fireplace covered with an ornamental iron gate, and the room smells overpoweringly of resin. Books line the walls, but there is something off-putting about their unmarked black spines.
Perched on the back of an imposing leather armchair, a single black bird with wicked eyes glares at me. I avoid its stare, hoping that if I ignore it, it will cease to exist.
Nothing is familiar, no clues as to where I am or whose couch I was sleeping on. I’m still in my red dress, my feet bare of shoes, stockings torn but in place.
I’m missing something. I scan my surroundings again. And then I realize: the room has no door.
I stand. I’m wrong. I have to be. I’m feverish or suffering the ill effects of something strange in the drinks from the gala. Keeping the demon bird in my peripheral vision, I pace the walls, pushing on bookcases, searching for seams, but there is nothing, no egress. The window shutter will not move; I cannot even budge the slats to see outside.
“Tea?”
I scream, spinning around to find a man sitting in the now birdless leather armchair, perfectly at ease, as though he did not just appear in a doorless room. My heart races with fear.
“How did you get in here?” I ask.
He smiles, lips thin under a stylishly clipped mustache. He is older, handsome in the way of Albens. Carefully styled black-and-gray hair sets off his pale skin, so white it is nearly blue in this light. There is nothing remarkable about him, though I know I’ve seen him before. “I should think myself perfectly capable of entering my own study.”
“But there are no doors!”
“Oh?” He raises his eyebrows as he stirs a cup of tea—where did the tray come from? That coffee table was empty before, I know it was. And then I see over his shoulder, plain as day, a door.
I stumble forward and collapse on the couch. “My apologies, sir. There is something wrong with me. There was a bird, and no door, and—” I pull off a glove and put my hand to my forehead, but it feels cool to the touch. “Where am I? How did I get here?”
“I found you outside the conservatory. Fearing you had too much to drink and that others might take advantage, I had my man carry you to the carriage and brought you here.” He smiles knowingly and I try not to bristle—one glass of fizzy champagne would never render me unconscious.
“I thank you for your gracious actions, sir, but I cannot account for the circumstances.” I shake my head, remembering the birds, and the man, and the dreams. “I suspect I was drugged.”
“Doubtless.” But his smile indicates he doubts it very much. There is something wrong with his face, with the way it moves—almost mechanical, the lines of his eyes not matching the expressions, his lips not quite keeping pace with the words he speaks. “Sugar?”
He holds out a delicate teacup and I take it, staring down at the milky brown liquid as though it has answers for me. I set it on the table without drinking any, and then stand. “I should be going. My friends will be worried.” I’m unnerved and have no desire to remain in a room alone with a man I do not know.
“Sit down,” he says.
I sit.
“Drink your tea,” he says.
I reach for the cup and bring it to my lips, but smash them shut before I can take a sip. My arms trembling, I set the tea back down on the table. “I am leaving,” I say, and now I am certain I am still trapped in a dream, one of those horrible nightmares where I tell my body to run but it does not listen to me. I force myself to stand, every movement slow and labored, like the very air around me has solidified.
The man laughs, and the film around his face parts for a split second. I see the sharp teeth and sharper eyes of my nightmares.
“You,” I whisper.
Wake up, wake up, oh please, Jessamin, wake up
.
“Stubborn. Any good Alben girl would have downed the whole pot of tea at the slightest suggestion. I’ve spent a remarkable amount of force on you.” He cocks his head, the movement like a bird, and his blue eyes flash to black.
My legs shake. I am telling them, screaming at them to move toward the door, fighting the overwhelming urge to drink that accursed tea.
“You may as well be comfortable and sit. You’ll wear yourself out, and we’ve barely begun.”
I strain for a moment longer until I realize the door behind him has disappeared once more. I slump down to the couch, sitting on my hands to keep them away from the tea.
“I should very much like to wake up now,” I say to no one in particular, because I am done dealing with this nightmare.
“It is a puzzle,” the nightmare man says, and I avoid looking at him by staring at the bookshelves and trying to determine why they unnerve me so. “I can’t understand why he would notice you. You’re utterly without potential for a man like him.”
I count the spines: twenty-five across. I count the same row again: thirty-three. Again: twenty-seven. And yet I can detect no movement, no change.
“How did you catch Lord Ackerly’s affections?”
He succeeds in yanking back my attention. “Is he going to show up, too? This dream keeps getting worse.” I’ve reached for the teacup again. Furious with myself, I swipe it off the table to the floor. There. No more tea to tempt my wayward hands.
“It is puzzling. I shouldn’t think a girl like you would be more than a trifle to him. Poor Lord Ackerly, my great challenge. He’s been untouchable all this time, only to trip and drop the key to his undoing.”
My head aches where the silver comb is digging into my scalp, and I reach back to pull it out. Several hairs come away with it. I pull them free from the comb’s prongs.
Wake up, wake up.
“Give them here,” he says, holding out his hand, and I’ve placed the hairs there before I can stop myself. “Let’s add them to the collection, shall we?” He opens a polished ebony box and places the hairs gently next to my blue ribbon and the strands already there.
“That’s mine.”
“I am pleased to see my taste is impeccable. The dress was the final test for Ackerly.” He reaches out and fingers the gauzy material of my skirts, and my stomach turns.
I think perhaps this is real, and I wish, oh, how I wish it were a nightmare.
He continues. “I couldn’t know whether you were important enough to work, whether our coldhearted friend had fallen far enough to care. It seemed improbable. But shadows never lie, and the way you looked last night sealed his fate. For that I thank you.” He bends and takes my ungloved hand in his, bringing it to his lips. His mouth on my skin feels so cold it burns, or so hot it freezes. I cannot tell the difference.
“Please.” I hate the way the word tastes in my mouth directed at him. “I want no part in any issue between you and Finn—Lord Ackerly—whoever he is. He is nothing to me and I assure you I am less than nothing to him.”
“Oh, little rabbit.” He sits back in his chair across from me, and I find I can breathe easier again. “You have no idea what he’s pulled you into, do you?”
“No, and I should like very much to leave now.”
“Not just yet, I’m afraid. You missed your chance to avoid all this last night. I gave you the option, you know.” He picks up the sugar dish and carefully pours a small pile of the crystals into his palm. As they touch his skin, they turn from white to gleaming black. He traces a circle with them, and then cuts the circle evenly down the middle. The room brightens to an almost painful degree of brilliance. The light is coming from my right side, throwing our shadows into sharp relief along the wall.
“Please join us, Lord Ackerly.” The man throws the crystals at my shadow, and there is a hiss like water hitting fire. My shadow splits in two.
I put my hand to my mouth, but my second shadow does not follow the movement.
It’s not my shadow
. The shoulders are angled, the body smooth, the head free of long hair. I look to my right, but no one is there.
I close my eyes, try to force reality back into place. I must be drugged. “What have you given me?”
“You didn’t prepare her at all, did you, Lord Ackerly? This will be a hard initiation. As a kindness, I’ll use a method she’ll understand, something she will not be able to dismiss as a trick of her mind.” Cold glee undercuts his voice. “Please remember that you brought this on her. You thought you could have her. You can’t. And now that I know you’re observing us, it’s time to set the terms. You will give me access to the Hallin book, and you will give it to me immediately.”
My eyes open again, and I can no longer hide my terror. “Please, please. I have nothing. There’s nothing for me to give you.”
“Not you. Him.” He waves cheerily at my second shadow, then pulls out a hammer, the head heavy and battered, the handle worn and plain. It’s out of place in this elegant room, a blunt instrument with nothing but utility built into its design. He swings it experimentally through the air, nods, and then places it next to the floral china of the tea set.
“Dear little rabbit, if you’d place your hand on the table.”
I look at him in horror. “I will not.”
The other shadow looms even larger on the wall. The nightmare man smiles. “You will.”
My hand snakes forward of its own accord, and I grab it with my free hand, the one still gloved. I am pulled off the couch to the rug beneath, wrestling with my own possessed limb.
“That’s a good girl. Keep fighting me.” The nightmare man takes more sugar. He traces something on his palm that I cannot see, and then sprinkles the bloodred crystals onto my head.
I release my hand, and it pulls itself forward to the center of the table, lying flat with fingers evenly spread. I’m on my knees, unable to move, eye level with the hammer. He picks it up, and his smile does not fade a fraction as he says, “I
am
sorry about this.”
THE SOBS RACK MY BODY. MY HEAD HANGS NEARLY
to the carpet, everything anchored by my hand stuck to the table.
“Three out of five. We’re nearly finished now, that’s a good little rabbit.” The pain crescendos in a blinding white burst of agony and I scream, scream, and scream until it breaks up into more sobs. He always gives me enough time between fingers to go back to crying.
“By all means you should blame yourself for this, Lord Ackerly. It could have been avoided. Making me chase your magic for so long, well, of course I need a way to release the frustration.”
I open my eyes. My second shadow is so large it takes up nearly the entire wall now, and it vibrates with menace.