I'm with Cupid

Table of Contents

GROSSET & DUNLAP
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Copyright © 2008 by Grosset & Dunlap. All rights reserved. Published by Grosset &
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ISBN : 978-1-1012-0898-4

1: popular nickname for California's
legendary Malibu Beach, as in Malibu.

2: the hottest teen beach drama ever to hit
TV land (see inside for actual script pages).

3: a complete and utter freak show.

One

The sun was just coming out from behind a bank of slate gray clouds. The beach was windswept, photo-ready, postcard-approved. Pieces of driftwood dotted the shoreline, art directed to perfection.
The 'Bu
machine had been in full force all morning to create the perfect SoCal tableau, and the first shot of the day was up. Dozens of technicians held their breath. The cast did, too. Tanya, sporting an edibly delicious Alexander McQueen micro-bikini, was frozen mid-hair twirl. Trent, packed into Tom Ford board shorts, lanky and blond, slouched at her side. Rocco, his inky black hair wet and clinging to his massive neck, stood ready, looking like Atlas. JB, swimming in Billabongs two sizes too big, waited on tiptoes, adorable and totally wired-for-geek at the same time. And at the center of them all: one very unhappy starlet named Anushka.

“Anushka,” said Max, standing under a Bottega Veneta umbrella held up by one of his identically dressed assistants, “are you ready now? We've finally got the sun and we'd like to shoot.”

Anushka, who was wearing a pink Bianca Nero bikini the size of three postage stamps, let out a long, disdainful breath. “Max, with all due respect, I told you I wouldn't be ready until my eyebrows were fixed. One is up WAY higher than the other. So this side looks all surprised”—she pointed to one eye—“and this side looks all sleepy-time”—she pointed to the other. She turned to Corliss. “Back me up here, Cor. The Emmys are coming up in a couple weeks and I'm NOT walking the red carpet looking like this, that's for sure.”

Corliss—who was looking mighty cute in a pleated peach Temperley London sundress and Dolce Vita Mary Jane shoes—tried to smile. This had been Anushka's second diva display of the day. One hour before, she'd requested an emergency pedicure after stubbing her toe on a conch shell. And her toes weren't even in the shot! Time was already slowing to a crawl on the set—and Corliss knew this was
exactly
Max's biggest fear about hiring Anushka back on
The 'Bu
. But Max didn't seem fazed. In fact, he was smiling enigmatically.

“Anushka,” he said, “I can have Tatiana in hair and makeup here in two minutes with a pair of twenty-four-karat gold tweezers. She can make your eyebrows even. She can make them look like lightning bolts. She can put them on the back of your head if you like.” His odd, infinitely patient smile continued. “Just say the word.”

Anushka glared through her uneven eyebrows. “I don't want
Tatiana
, Max,” said Anushka. “She's the one who made me look like some pinkeye victim in the first place. I want Urich!”

Corliss gritted her teeth. Urich, the legendary—and way expensive—stylist Anushka had made Max hire, had gone missing somewhere between Laguna Beach and the Desert Hills outlet stores. Anushka would not be pleased to hear that wholesale shopping prices had come between her and evenly arched eyebrows.

“Anushka,” said Corliss, stepping forward to supply whatever white lie popped out of her mouth. “Urich had a, uh, salon emergency. Go figure, right?” Corliss slapped her palm against her forehead and laughed, hoping that Anushka would, too.

“Salon emergency?” barked Anushka. “What's that—when Ashley Tisdale cuts her bangs too short? Cor, what do you take me for? I spent half the pilot episode looking like a fashion-challenged bag lady. I am NOT going to make my comeback to
The 'Bu
with cockeyed eyebrows!”

Corliss leaned in to Max and whispered, “Anushka's a little on edge today because she found out her reality show got put on hold by Fox. One of the producers had second thoughts about dropping her in the Brazilian rain forest to live among the indigenous reptile population.”