Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (39 page)

Darcy groaned and sank back into the pillows.  “Lord, help me.”  His eyes opened to find Elizabeth hovering above him with a smile.

She kissed him and returned to her caress.  “I think that I have my answer.”

Chapter 13

A
maid crept around the bedchamber.  After stoking the fire and adding coal she stole a peek at the master and mistress.  Holding back a gap, she picked up the wine bottle and glasses, and silently departed, carefully closing the door behind her.  Elizabeth’s cheeks were burning with embarrassment, even from her position deep within Darcy’s warm embrace, his body curled completely around her, his large, very large, hand cupping her breast and his face resting just behind her head on the same pillow, she felt exposed.  The covers were tucked all around them and not a bit of skin could be seen, but Elizabeth knew that they were unclothed, and could feel the evidence of her husband’s extraordinary interest pressing against her bottom, even in his sleep.  The barely contained passion of the night was giving way to the reality of the morning, and this overwhelming new world she had entered.  She listened to his quiet breathing and held onto his hand. 

Darcy had been awake even before the maid entered the room.  He felt Elizabeth stiffen when the door opened, and felt the heat of her blush and grip of her fingers.  He smiled to know innately that she was embarrassed and sought safety in his arms.  It was an extraordinary feeling to be needed in such a way, and to know that he could give reassurance without saying a word, only holding her securely.  Eventually she relaxed, and he watched through hooded eyes as she wriggled from his loosened embrace and slipped from the bed.  His body came further alive as she crept around in the half-light searching for her nightdress before at last discovering his discarded robe.  It took great restraint, but somehow he managed to hold back his laughter as she shuffled out, tripping over the dragging fabric and chastising herself before disappearing into the dressing room. 

Stretching his arms over his head he flexed his long legs, sighing happily, reliving the delight of kissing and stroking her, and the astonished joy and pleasure he received when Elizabeth turned the tables and touched him precisely the same way.  Darcy’s cheeks coloured when he remembered his reaction to her confession of love.  It was impossible to pretend restraint at that moment.  How close, incredibly close had he come to throwing away all of his careful plans and consummating their marriage?  “So close.”  His hand passed over the warm spot beside him where she had laid all night, coming across the dried evidence of their endeavours.  He closed his eyes, fondling his now proud erection, remembering the feel of the tender, silky entrance to her body beneath his fingers, how she moaned with his steady touches, and how he had held himself back, dying to plunge into her and turn those moans into gasps of pleasure.  Darcy’s breathing became erratic as his hands moved faster.  “Lizzy . . .” 

Elizabeth stood in the doorway with her arms wrapped around herself, watching him.   She was unsure of what to do.  Her eyes closed as the sound of her husband’s newly familiar pants filled the air.  She relived the feel of his mouth touching seemingly every bit of her skin, and how she became practically immobile as sensations travelled over her in alarming and incredible waves, and yet she knew there was more.  Whatever that final joy was remained a mystery to her, and watching her husband now, she knew that he sought it as well. 

Climbing unnoticed onto the bed she hovered over him, the robe falling open as she leaned and kissed his parted lips.  Darcy’s eyes flew open, embarrassment clearly visible as his face reddened and he stammered apologies.  Elizabeth silenced him with a deeper kiss, and drawing his tongue into her mouth, suckled it.  Darcy groaned and clutched her while her hand closed over his erection and resumed the steady movement.  It took no time at all before his head threw back and he cried out.  Elizabeth rested her cheek against the soft dark hair on his chest and listened to his pounding heart. 

Calming, he kissed her tenderly, “I do not know what to say . . .” 

“What comes to mind?”  She smiled, brushing back the hair that fell across his eyes.  “Do not think it through, just speak.”

“Thank you, I love you, and forgive me.”

Elizabeth laughed, then hugging him, pulled the covers up over them both.  “Thank you . . . well that is obvious, you clearly enjoy . . .” Darcy kissed her and she touched his blushing cheek.  “I love you, too, dear Fitzwilliam.”  Darcy’s eyes glowed and he kissed her again, slowly this time.  “And forgive you?  Why?”

“You should not have to witness me behaving so abhorrently.”  He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair.  “It is frowned upon.”

“By whom?  The chamber maids?”  She looked at the sheets and felt him squeeze her waist.  “Fitzwilliam?”

“The church, others . . . I am wasting my seed.”

“Oh.” 

“I know that you agree.”  He whispered.

“You are clairvoyant?”  She spoke into his ear and again felt his embrace.  “If the past night is any indication, I have no fear of you not being well-supplied.”  At last his clutch relaxed.  “And I sense that you need . . . release.”

“I sense that you do as well.” 

“I have no idea what I need to be honest with you, but what you made me feel last night is beyond anything I could have dared imagine a man could make a woman feel.”  She felt his arms tighten around her again, and biting her lip, she spoke her heart.  “I have married you, and I am determined to not hold back in any way despite the speed of our union, but it saddens me that I am not able to fulfil my vows.”  His face reappeared and she touched his cheek, “If I could, then you would not need to . . . this . . . release.”

His eyes closed, “I know, and it is all my fault.  Dearest, I do not know what to do.  My duty to you, my duty to my sister, my duty to our children and home . . . I . . .  Damn it!”  Elizabeth gasped.   “I am sorry, so sorry, see, now I am cursing before you!  Will the sacrilege never end?”  He let her go and sat up, leaning on his knees and running his hand through his hair, he looked down at her.  “I love you.”

“You make that sound like an accusation!”  Elizabeth sat up.

“If I had not married a woman I loved, it would be no hardship sleeping in there!”  He waved his hand to his chamber door.  “I would be spending my time at my club, or caring for Pemberley . . . seeing her at night for dinner and joining her for occasional social appearances before returning home to my library and retiring alone.  Eventually one day when this mess was over, we would meet occasionally in her chambers then retire to our separate beds.”

“Oh, that sounds just wonderful; you practically describe my parents’ marriage.”  Darcy stared, the robe had fallen open and her breasts were exposed, pushed up by her protectively crossed arms.  Elizabeth took no notice of his attention.  “So you tell me that this life of loneliness and chastity is precisely what you needed to do your duty?  Would you have liked this woman?  Who is she, by the way?  Your cousin, Anne?”

“Nobody.”  He muttered, still staring.  “One of many, all the same, all happy to take my name and send me on my way.”

“I will not be that way.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I . . . know.”  Darcy at last looked up to her face and saw her eyes flashing.  “I have angered you.”

“Congratulations for seeing that.” 

“I did not mean to.”  He sighed.  “Curse my tongue.  Why is it that when I most want to express my deepest feelings and thoughts, my tongue fails me and I . . . I insulted you?”

“You are hopeless!”  She cried.

“I know my duties, Elizabeth, even if I am a failure at expressing them.”  His face became blank and he stiffened.  “Perhaps separate beds are the answer.  You would not be . . .” He darted a look at her breasts, “. . . near to inspire me, and this . . . plan to leave you intact would . . . progress . . .”

Elizabeth spoke tersely.  “Just as my imaginary pregnancy does . . .”

“Do not throw that at me, I told you . . .” He snapped.

“You were not going to!”

“BUT I DID!”  He bellowed. 

“But you were not going to.”  Elizabeth repeated softly, and rising from the bed, walked to the window, slipping behind the curtains while trying hard not to cry.  Darcy’s head bent and he held it in his hands, trying hard to think of something to say. 

How did it come to this?  How did we move from lovemaking to a fight so quickly?  What brought this on? Never in my life have I fought with a woman!
  He searched desperately for a solution, staring at the shape of her small form behind the curtains, the tail of his robe spread at her feet like a train.   All he wanted was that woman back in his arms.
What started this?
 

Finally comprehension dawned.  “Lizzy.”  He whispered and climbed out of the bed, shivering as the cold air surrounded his naked body.  He looked at his robe and could not stop the slight smile, imagining her swamped in yards of fabric.  Standing behind her, he spoke softly, “Elizabeth, I do not have any regrets in marrying you.”

“It certainly sounds that way.”  She whispered. 

Darcy could hear the tears in her voice.  “Forgive me, I . . . I thought I was saying how much I love you.”

“By speaking wistfully of how your duty would have been easily fulfilled by marrying some proper lady?”

“I never said that you were improper, and I was not speaking wistfully.”  Darcy licked his lips.  “I . . . I think the problem is that having spent the most incomparable, wonderful, loving night of my life with the woman I adore, I am exceptionally frustrated that I cannot express to her . . . you . . . how thrilled I am to be your husband.  I want you desperately.”

“I want you, too.”  Her voice cracked.  Darcy opened the curtains and stood behind her, slipping his arms around her and so glad to feel her hands take his.  They stood looking out of the window trying to think of something to say.  Elizabeth took a long shaky breath.  “Is it always so foggy here?  I do not remember this when visiting before.”

“It is worse in winter.”  He said softly and kissed her temple.  “Sometimes it lasts for days.  The coal fires . . .” 

“Oh.”  Falling back into silence, they remained tightly embraced until she felt him shiver.  Turning, she saw he was naked and gasped.  “Fitzwilliam, anyone can see you!”

“Not in that pea soup.”  He nodded to the street.  “No church for us today, it is unsafe to travel.” 

“We could use some church, I think.”  Elizabeth opened the robe and wrapped it around his backside, and pressing their bodies together, they kissed.  “Forgive me for being so childish.”

“You were not childish, love.  You are as unsure as I what to do.  We cannot even follow the normal conventions for newlyweds.  Your fears are justified and you are innocent.” 

“Not as innocent as I was a day ago.”  She smiled against his chest. 

“But far more innocent than I want you to be.”  Darcy rested his cheek in her hair.  “I do not wish to give up sleeping with you.”

“I do not think I could bear to sleep alone, now that I have experienced your embrace.”  His arms tightened and she whispered.  “I also must say that the warmth you radiate is extraordinary.  What a wonderful winter this will be!”

Darcy smiled and kissed her cheek.  “Will you feel the same in the summer?”

“I will let you know.”  She caressed his brow and closed her eyes when his mouth found hers.  Their heartbeats increasing, she felt his desire growing again, and with his hands running over her shoulders, he drew her hard against his chest. 

“Help me, Lizzy . . .” He urged softly.

It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she tried.  “Perhaps your sister left behind some modest nightdresses?” 

Darcy’s forehead found hers.  “Do you think that will help?” 

“It cannot hurt.  Mama started to speak of ways to hinder pregnancy . . . well she spoke of many things, but . . . perhaps there are things we can do?  And then maybe we would not have to wait . . .” He nodded seriously.  “But . . . in the meantime . . . we may kiss and touch . . .” Darcy’s head dipped down and he kissed her lovingly.

“Like this?”

“Yes.”  She breathed.

“Well . . .”    Darcy swallowed.  The look of absolute surrender was clear in her face, and he knew it was up to him now.  “It is Sunday, and . . . we will endeavour to behave on Sunday.”  Darcy caressed her cheek with his fingers, his touch seemed to bring the focus back to her eyes and he drew a long calming breath.  “And perhaps we will manage to find some willpower today.”  

“I am not certain that I wish to pray for that or not.”  Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled and relieved, Darcy laughed softly and hugged her.  “Or maybe my prayers will be answered another way.” 

“I have faith in you, love.  I do.” 

“I HAD NO IDEA you were coming back to Town so soon.”  Richard unfurled his napkin and looked his father over.  “What brought this on?  No fox at Matlock?”

“Quiet.”  Lord Matlock glared at his son and poked at his eggs.  “I am not in the mood.”

“Well then, tell me the news.  Let me guess, you are here to wish Darcy well on his magnificent match?”

“Magnificent, my foot!”  Waving his fork at Richard, he leaned forward.  “Your mother and I practically prostrated ourselves to him, welcoming the girl, disregarding the insult of ignoring your sister . . .”

Richard wiped the bit of potato that flew from his father’s mouth from his nose and smiled.  “Darcy would never have married Cathy; or Anne . . .”

“Fool.”

“You are not alone in that opinion.”

“No, my sister has made that clear.  Her apoplectic letter in response to my foolishly cheerful one is one reason I returned.  I believe I have calmed her, but she is out for blood.  I do not envy Darcy, but then again, I am not happy with him either.”  He growled then winced when he went to pick up his coffee, and rubbed over a spot on his arm instead.