ImPerfectly Matched! (The Match #2) (2 page)

She didn’t
shower
my bed, she flooded the fucker.

“Damn it,” I grumble under my breath.

“The cat is–” Natalia begins.

“Kat’s fine peanut.” He looks at me. “Tell her you’re fine.”

I wanna flip him off. Fucker. “It happens, Nat. It’s all good.”

His eyes show signs of amusement and I flip him off. No, Natalia didn’t see it. I’m not that fucked up. I just don’t… like kids.

As I strip the bed I can hear the water running from my bathroom.

“I’m cold Daddy,” she whines.

“You’ll be fine in a minute,” he says.

I look over as he’s peeling my tee shirt, the one she was wearing as a nightgown, off of her. He’s looking around trying to figure out where to put it.

“Daddy, I am fwozen.” She doesn’t pronounce the R’s as R’s, it’s a W, and her little teeth are chattering.

“Water’s almost ready, peanut.”

I walk in the bathroom. “Give me the shirt and wrap her in a towel until the water’s ready.”

He turns so his back is toward her, his eyebrow arches and he whispers, “Then the towel will smell like piss.”

“So what,” I say dropping the pissed on sheets and pushing past him. I grab a towel off the rack and wrap it around her. “Better?”

“Thank you, the cat.”

“You’re welcome, Nat,” I say and wink.

“You trying to school me on parenting again?” he grumbles in a whisper as I dump my dirty laundry basket out next to the piss sheets pile.

I don’t answer. I walk past him, bend down, grab the piss sheets and shirt and stuff them in the basket. I don’t even look at him when I walk out the door.

In the laundry room I load up the washer and start it. The room is spotless, compliments of Mom-ster. I miss her right now because she’d know what to do.

She’d also know where my peen collection is, and after tonight’s tease, I’m gonna need it.

I look everywhere to no avail.

Guess my fingers will have to work.

Fuck, I hate that.

When I walk out Ricco is at the sink filling a cleaning bucket. “You got some laundry detergent and vinegar?”

I walk back into the laundry room, grab a laundry pod and bring it back out. I hand it to him and point down to the cabinet below the sink. “Vinegar should be down there.”

“Go ahead and grab it.” He smirks. “I’d like to see you looking up at me from on your –”

The sound of Nat crying out, “Daddy” causes him to shut the fuck up and quickly make his way into the bedroom.

I bend down and open the cupboard searching for the vinegar. “No shit.”

I see a plastic tote with my plastic pleasuresicles all hanging out under the sink.

“Is everything okay?” Darby asks, startling me from behind.

I quickly stand up, kick the cupboard shut and turn around.

“Yes, of course. Why, is everything okay up there?” I ask in a flurry of words.

“I need a towel,” she shrugs.

“Of course,” I nod and walk-run into the laundry room to grab some.

“Thanks, Kat.” She smiles as she takes the towels.

Once she is upstairs I sigh and lean back against the counter. This shit is exhausting, I need wine. Lots and lots of wine.

The bottle I opened earlier is still on the counter. Holding it up I realize it’s almost gone. Well hell, where did the buzz go?
Grrr
.

I decide to finish it, hoping to get it back.

“Thirsty?” Ricco asks as he walks out of my room toward the sink.

Pulling the bottle away I say, “I’m trying to get the buzz back that this fucked up night has stolen.”

He nods. “Pretty sure it’s still sitting on my tongue.”

What the fuck?
I think as he turns his back to me, bends down and starts to open the cupboard.

“Don’t!” I say trying to get to it before he opens it all the way.

“What have we here?” he chuckles.

Busted. Fuck.

He pulls out the huge purple dildo. “You should use this to prepare your pussy for me.”

“Pfft,” I say as I roll my eyes.

He looks up at me with his eyebrow raised. “Mine’s bigger.”

“Your ego is, that’s for sure,” I say and turn to leave the kitchen.

He’s still squatted down when he grabs my ankle, I turn back and raise my eyebrow at him.

“Let’s not fool ourselves,” he says reaching under the sink and grabbing the four incher. “I bet this one is the most used.”

I pull my ankle away. “Think what you–”

I stop mid-sentence when he starts to smell it. Then he licks it! Licks. It.

“I’m right.”

“Pig,” I whisper.

“Your cunt was strangling my tongue babe–”

“Kat,” I snap. “Not, babe.”

“Woman, I agreed to your bossiness at work, but outside of work–”

“Yeah, about that. There is no outside of work so…”

He stands up, inches from me, takes my hand forcefully and sets Papa Smurf in it. “Start with this, then we work our way up.”

“Not a good idea,” I say rather unconvincingly.

“Sure as fuck is. I’m not opposed to tearing a woman apart if that’s what she wants, but babe,” he pauses waiting for me to react to the use of babe. Fuck him, I don’t. “I’m down a sitter, sick of bitches claiming I knocked them up when they knew damn well it was a fuck, so my options are limited to what you and I have previously agreed on.”

“I’m not a last resort,” I snap.

“You were until I tasted your pussy. Now you better settle in, because I’m not walking away from pussy that fine.”

I shove the dildo back at him. “Then suck on this and get the fuck over it.”

He smirks. It’s intimidating as fuck. It’s not Ricco. And sure as unicorns are real in my vivid imagination, I am not feeling very Kat–ish.

“Kat?” Darby calls, coming down the stairs. I toss the plastic dick under the cabinet, kick the door shut and step back a hundred paces, distancing myself from him, all before she is down the stairs.

“I’m right here.” I smile as she hits the last step.

“Everything okay?” she asks. “Your face is flushed.”

“It’s the wine,” I shrug.

“Uh huh,” Ricco says as he dumps vinegar in the bucket then he walks past us going to my bedroom.

There is an awkward silence. Her and I are looking at each other. Her, trying to figure out if I’m full of shit. Me, trying to figure out what she heard.

“You tired?”

“I will be,” she smiles. “Wide awake now.”

“Getting pissed on will do that to you,” I laugh.

“Darby?” I look behind me and Natalia is wrapped in a towel in Ricco’s arms. Her hair’s hanging in long ringlets and she is covered in goosebumps.

“Where are my clothes?” she asks, teeth chattering.

“In the laundry basket, sweetie,” Darby smiles.

“Thanks, Darby.” Ricco lifts his chin to her.

I look at Darby. “Glass of water before bed or do you think that may be a problem for you?”

She laughs. “I think I can handle it.”

“I know you can,” I say walking toward the sink.

As I’m filling up the only appropriate cup I seem to have, the one with the Cheshire Cat on it, Ricco and Nat come back in the room.

“No clothes in the basket,” he says.

“Shit,” I grumble.

“You washing my girl’s clothes with the sheets, Kat?”

“Yeah, sorry,” I say placing the cup in front of Darby.

“She can wear something of mine,” Darby offers.

“I’ll be cold on your ride,” Nat says, teeth still chattering.

“We’ll wrap you up nice and tight.”

“Do you have my helmet?”

“Sure do,” he winks at her.

“You’re riding a motorcycle with her?” Darby gasps.

“Sure am,” Ricco nods.

“It’s raining you can’t–” Darby begins.

“It’s raining Daddy?” Natalia whines.

“Not bad. It’s a short trip,” he says pushing her wet hair away from her face.

“Her hair’s wet,” Darby says.

He looks at her and I expect him to give her the, ‘I don’t need schooling on parenting’, shit he gave me. And then I am gonna have to give him the, ‘Don’t talk to my sister like that’, shit.

“Got a garbage bag?” he asks.

“A what?” I gasp.

“Works as a rain coat in a pinch. She’ll be fine, it’s a short ride.” He gives me a look. “We good, Nat?”

She holds her fist up. “I’m freezing, but we’re good, Daddy.”

Darby looks at me her eyes screaming, ‘Do something!’

“I can give you a ride,” I say.

“Nah,” he says.

“Then stay here, she’s cold,” Darby says with more ‘tude than I have seen since she’s been here.

“Darby,” he starts.

“We’ll follow you with Natalia.” I look at her. “Sound good?”

She shakes her head no and says, “It’s okay.”

I growl in my head and walk to her and Ricco. I hold my arms out. “I want to.”

“Why?” she asks reaching out to me.

“Because, girls need to stick together,” I wink.

“Kat, we’re good and you’ve been drinking,” he pulls her back.

Fuck.

“I can drive. I have my permit,” Darby says.

“Thanks for the offer, but we’ve got this,” he nods.

The house lights up and thunder rolls.

“Oh my goodness.” Natalia’s bottom lip pops out.

“Natalia, it ain’t nothing. You, me, we’re bigger than that,” he says looking in her eyes.

“I wanna stay here,” she cries.

KAT

Darby and I found Nat the smallest, dry clothes we could while Ricco fished her clothes out of the washing machine. He called a cab and it whisked them away in the pouring rain, and yes, Natalia was in a garbage bag raincoat.

Darby was upstairs in bed while I vacuumed the baking soda he had sprinkled on the mattress that supposedly takes out the piss stain and the smell.

When I was done I put a fan on a chair next to the bed so it would dry.

I had assured Darby I would be up and we could get cozy in the spare bed but I think after the crazy night I had I was gonna end up in the bathroom with one of my toys relieving the stress caused by the almost ‘O’ and the ‘pissed on bed’ fiasco.

I put the vacuum away and went to grab the bin of toys from under the sink. When I opened the cupboard I about died when I saw the bin now only held Papa Smurf. That bastard had taken my toys.

I’m so pissed off about the bed being pissed on, that I no longer give a damn about the O, I want to kick him in the fucking nuts.

I plop down on the couch and see my phone, thirty-two notifications.

‘Assholes, fuckers, bastards,’ I think as I grab it.

@jarjar56: Nice finger, you need to relieve some stress girl. Let’s hang out, be weird, watch Futurama, throw rocks or suh??

Kat: Better idea, you run, while I throw rocks at you.

Then I block him. Fucking dork.

@nat1219: I like angry bitches.

Kat: I like hot guys.

@nat1219: Thanks sexy. Wanna Netflix and chill?

Kat: I said hot guys, you look like a fucking troll.

Then I block him too.

@zeke72: You play ball?

Kat: Yep, with my bat.

@zeke72: Volleyball, lol.

Kat: Not since I was released from prison, did you see my episode of ‘Snapped’?

@zeke72: You crazy.

Kat: You have no idea.

@zeke72: If Snapped is a joke, I have to say fucking crazy chicks is HAWT.

Kat: What’s your address?

@zeke72: I knew you was fucking around. Ha! 734 Jefferson.

Kat: I wasn’t joking around. Episode 173 from 1999. See you soon motherfucker.

@zeke72: Shit’s not funny.

Kat: Sleep light, I’ll sneak in, you’ll never hear me, they never do.

@zeke72: Bitch I will shoot your ass!

Kat: We’ll see. You like crazy bitches, I love a good fight.

He blocks me and I can’t help but laugh out loud.

This app SUCKS! The cute ones are stupid and the ugly ones are fucking… ugly. The nerds aren’t cool nerds they’re creepy. I toss my phone on the couch and flop back.

I need a pillow, a blanket, a fucking do-over for this epically fucked up day.

I stand up and my phone sounds off.

Asswipes.

I grab the phone and hit the app.

I almost smile when I see it’s him.

@rider1: See ur online what’s up?

Kat: Going to bed.

@rider1: Alone?

Kat: No, with twenty hot men.

@rider1: Interesting.

Kat: That’s my life.

@rider1: You do know twenty men won’t stop the cravings for this one right here.

Kat: You do know you have an ego the size of your last bitch’s vagina.

@rider1: Earned the ego. The vagina, that’s sick.

The guy’s a douche. A total fucking tool. I start to type when another message pops up.

@rider1: You have toys Kat?

Kat: Who needs toys when you have twenty boys.

@rider1: I know you’re full of shit. Out of twenty, one would have to have balls enough to make you stop typing. Grab one Kat.

Kat: Who says I don’t already have one.

@rider1: You riding it now?

No way in hell am I going to play this game. Fuck that.

I toss the phone to the side and walk into my bedroom to grab a pillow and a blanket from the closet.

When I come out I see the notifications lit up.

Like I fucking need him, I laugh and walk over to the cupboard bend down and grab Papa Smurf. I need to get off and go to sleep.

I pick up the phone to put it on the coffee table and his picture pops up. Well the shadow of his picture but it works.

@rider1: You ready Kat?

@rider1: Good we’re gonna make this quick. I have lives to change tomorrow.

Kat: Not happening hot stuff. Going to bed. I have lives to fuck up tomorrow.

@rider1: I can promise you a thirty second lift off.

Kat: Lame.

@rider1: Shut the fuck up. Lose the pants, lacy little thong, lay back and spread your legs.

@rider1: I’m on my knees between them, hot as fuck because I see your legs open wide, you’re so wet, pink, and nervous which only makes me harder.

@rider1: So fucking hard it hurts. I have to unbutton my

@rider1: pants to unleash myself.

@rider1: Fuck I’m hard thinking about licking you. Take your vibrator, it’s my tongue. Spread your legs further and hold it against your lips. Up and down, just like my tongue.