Imposition (15 page)

He scowled as he thought about all the extra study he'd need to do, and considered asking the others for help. It might hurt his pride a little, but they were all strong in the areas he'd need tutoring so it made sense, and asking for help was certainly better for his pride than getting kicked out altogether.

If he was honest, he had been taking it a little too easy; everyone else seemed to work much harder than he did, so he supposed his lack of effort was finally coming back to bite him. And the hard work of really applying himself would certainly pay off in the end if it meant he'd get to pilot.

He took a detour from his route to the mess, walking instead past the massive hangars that held the fighters—somewhere he wasn't strictly supposed to be, but it didn't matter, he only wanted to take a peek. He peered in through the small square window of the hangar door.

Row upon row of sleek-looking gray jets sat amongst a flurry of people; pilots in their tight vacuum suits climbing in, engineers and crew fussing around, tinkering, refueling. He felt like a little boy with his face pressed to the sweet shop window and smiled to himself. One day. All things in good time.

Personnel actually destined for the hangar were starting to give him odd looks as they passed though the doors, so he figured it was time to head back.

A little way down the corridor Therse rounded the corner, moving toward him. Gen felt a familiar boiling in his gut at the sight of Therse trussed up in his piloting suit from head to toe, ready to climb aboard and fly as though he was something special.

Gen watched an arrogant grin settle on Therse's face. “You out here doing some wishful thinking?” Therse sneered.

Somehow Gen couldn't think of an appropriate comeback. He was trying too hard not to give the bastard the satisfaction of acknowledging his suit. He said nothing and walked past as Therse watched him go.

"I guess we both know that running will only get you so far,” he heard Therse say behind him. “Leave the complicated stuff to the real men, okay?"

"The fuck did you say?"

"You know, I'm tired of having to take your shit day after day. I guess this finally proves which one of us is worth more to them, so you can quit your bitching and get on with being just another drone."

"What, you think you're better than me?"

"I'm pretty sure that's what this shows,” Therse said, plucking the suit away from his skin. He grinned again. “This is just my first step. I do an advance year of fighter training and then graduate into Command. I'll be giving you orders in no time."

Gen wasn't going to allow him the satisfaction of the final remark. “You think just because you've got high aptitude scores that people will follow you? Then shit, you're dumber than I thought."

Therse scowled back at him, turned, and started to walk away.

A smile fixed Gen's lips. Son-of-a-bitch thought he was so good, thought he was above everybody. Gen knew better. “But then I guess you haven't done too badly for yourself, being nothing but the beaten son of a drunk and a whore."

Therse stopped.

The few people milling past them sensed something was up and slowed down, glancing at them.

Therse turned back to Gen. He walked over to him slowly, fists clenched at his sides, face like thunder, hands shaking.

Gen folded his arms over his chest, not intimidated at all. He was proud, in a way. This was the best rise he'd ever gotten out of the man. “What are you going to do, weak-shit? Punch me?"

Therse's fist smacked square into Gen's face, the force and surprise of it knocking him back. Therse grabbed him with both hands and brought them face-to-face. His features were painted with pure rage, but he spoke quietly, deliberately. “You have no fucking right, when you have no idea—"

Gen shoved him off and punched him back, sending him sprawling on his arse in the corridor as confused-looking people gathered around them. Therse rolled and stood up, and made to come at him again. Gen went to meet him, not wanting to let this opportunity to kick the crap out of Therse slip away.

Then something came in between them. She was facing Gen.

"What the fuck are you doing?” Mal spat, eyes severe. Gen felt himself shrink slightly.

"Me?” he protested. “He started with the insults."

"Don't look at me like I'll give a shit, this is ridiculous. You're grown men, not children. Both of you get to the officers’ rooms, now."

Gen looked at her for a second, then over at Therse who was wiping the blood from his split lip. “You see that?” he said to Therse, pointing at Mal. “Doesn't matter how smart you are, how good your test scores are, you'll never command respect like that."

Mal was glaring at him so hard Gen thought he might combust at any second, and did as he was told.

Gen sighed in irritation and let his head fall back against the wall. He'd been waiting outside their commanding officer's room for nearly half an hour now. Not that he was overly eager to go back in there again after such a short space of time (receiving disciplinary action for both poor grades
and
fighting on the same day was a record even by Gen's standards), but the CO was sure taking his goddamn time with Therse.

At first he'd strained to hear what was going on inside the room, but he couldn't make anything out so he'd given up. And now he was just sitting there, bored stupid, awaiting his reprimand. Stupid bastard, it was Therse's fault they were here, but Gen had no doubt he'd get all the blame. That was just his luck.

The door opened and he sat up. Therse came out, eyes to the floor.
Good,
Gen thought. He wouldn't be the only one getting a firm telling-off. He watched Therse walk past, face ashen as though he'd just found out a family member had died. Gen snorted a laugh. Poor guy, probably the first time he'd been told off in his academic life, so it felt like a big deal.

Therse stopped at the noise and turned back to him. He looked miserable and angry all at the same time. “You just couldn't stand it, could you?” he said. “Couldn't stand that I was good at so many things you couldn't do, that I was going somewhere and you were heading for a life of mid-level command and following other people's orders. You couldn't stand that I was about to live what you wanted so badly. Fuck you. Fuck. You.” He was almost in tears.

"Genham, get your dumb ass in here."

Gen stood, giving Therse a brush-off look like he was overreacting, and stepped into the office.

"Apologize to him,” Byrn told him, uncompromisingly. It looked like everyone was overreacting to their little incident. They were all gathered around him, giving him shit for something he didn't even start.

"Are you fucking kidding me? He hit me first."

"You provoked him. Do you have any idea how much you've cost him?"

Gen held his hands up. “What? So he gets told off; if he can't deal with it, not my problem."

Mal was staring at him in that severe way she had again. It always made him feel distinctly uncomfortable. “He's been bunked off the fighter advance,” she said, voice low and deliberate. “He won't be graduating into Command. Everything he worked so hard for has fallen down around his ears because of you."

A sliver of hot guilt ran down his spine. But it didn't last long. He was still the one in the right, Therse was still the one in the wrong, it didn't change that. He shrugged. “Well, he'll just have to learn to live with it."

Mal shook her head. “Gen, you're my friend and I love you, but sometimes you're such a dick I can't fucking stand you."

Running. Always running. He could run forever and not escape what he'd done. He wished he could take it back, wished to the core of his soul that he hadn't done what he did, but it was too late for that and now he had to live with the consequences.

He'd tried so hard to forget, tried so hard to pretend it didn't mean anything, but it did. He was so tired. Tired of running, tired of lying to himself, tired of seeing Gen's oblivious face every day.

The jungle was his prison, his tormentor, witness to his trespass, endless and dark and unforgiving. It clawed at his body, sucked at his feet, dragged him down and held him to await retribution.

He was sick to his stomach with guilt, stuck through with fear as footsteps approached him. Tears streamed down his cheeks through the mud and bloodied dirt caked to his face. He screamed for forgiveness, but no sound would come from his lungs.

Gen just stared back at him, face twisting into disgust.

The jungle shook him but he fought it, desperate to get to Gen and make everything okay again.

Therse woke with a start, staring straight into Meitou's eyes. Meitou looked unusually concerned.

"What was that about?"

Therse looked away, breathing hard. He could feel Meitou's naked body up against him, warm and soft and real, hands holding him firmly around the shoulders. “Nothing."

"You were screaming."

Therse ran a hand up Meitou's torso and leaned in to kiss him. “Like I said, it was nothing,” he said, pulling at Meitou to maneuver him on top.

He took the hint with a raised eyebrow. “You're eager this morning. Maybe I want to find out about that dream after all."

"You talk far too much,” Therse told him, threading fingers into his hair and kissing him deep.

He contorted his spine, raising his body encouragingly against Meitou as he spread his thighs around him. He just wanted to feel something other than self-loathing. In a way, Meitou made the perfect distraction. Therse opened his eyes to look at him and felt the delightful spilling of lust. Their arrangement was so wonderfully simple.

Then he noticed it, and his eyes sprang wide. The little machine was hovering about a meter away from the bed. “What the fuck is
that
?” he exclaimed, gripping Meitou's shoulder as he looked over.

Meitou seemed less than impressed, but not worried in the slightest. “Oh. What do you want?” he asked it. “I'm kind of in the middle of something here."

"Apologies, but our rendezvous is here, so if you would kindly,” it tilted in the air as though searching for words. “
uncouple
, we can be on our way."

Meitou sighed. “Can you just go away please? You're ruining the mood."

"Sorry I've interrupted your fun,
Commander
,” it spat and bobbed sulkily away.

"'Commander'?” Therse repeated, staring at him.

Meitou looked at least a little guilty. “What? You can't seriously be that surprised I didn't tell you the whole truth. You're not that naive."

Therse supposed he was right. “You have to leave right now?"

"I've probably got another five minutes before it gets seriously pissed at me. Let's make the most of them, eh?"

Therse sat up, naked under the sheets as he watched Meitou dress. The Imperial turned to him and smiled, then leant down to kiss him.

"Therse, it's been a hell of a lot of fun knowing you."

"I take it I shouldn't expect to see you again."

"Probably not. But then, we both know I'm not the one you really want anyway."

"What if I can't have what I really want?"

"Are you sure that
this
isn't what you really want? Without unnecessary complications you get to swan off to Navy Command and never look back. Won't it be easier if there's nothing to keep you here?"

"I guess."

"Of course, there's always the outside chance that you'll end up with everything you've ever wanted. Just keep in mind that this is probably the last opportunity you'll get to tell him how you feel, so if you're going to do it at all..."

But Therse knew he could never tell Gen the truth about how he felt. About the sleepless nights, and the aching want, and the light feeling that came from simply being near to him. The only thing he could do was keep it stuffed down along with everything else. It should be simple; he'd been doing it his whole life. Just locking away his feelings and moving forward.

"Why
didn't
you tell him you were gay?” Meitou had stopped dressing and was scrutinizing him closely. “You couldn't have been planning to keep it to yourself forever."

"It had nothing to do with him. Or any of them. It doesn't change who I am."

Meitou looked him over. His expression was colored by pity. “You're trying so hard to stop your sexuality from defining you that you hid a part of who you are from the people closest to you."

Therse said nothing, and looked away. There was a soft sound of fabrics moving as Meitou came closer again, the sheets shifting as he sat on the bed beside Therse.

"Or maybe that has nothing to do with it either,” Meitou said, brushing the hair back from Therse's face. “Maybe not telling them was just another way of creating distance between you and everyone else. So if they hurt you, that's okay, because they never really knew you."

On his way back to his own ship, a thought occurred to Meitou. He brought out the little nanomachine transceiver tucked away in his pocket and held it to his lips.

"Gen."

"What. Shit, this thing's still in my ear?"

"I'll disable it when I'm done talking to you. You'll be pleased to know, I'm leaving now."

"Oh?"

"Don't try to hide your delight or anything."

"I won't. Bye then."

"Wait a second, I'm not done yet."

"What?"

"It's a shame we didn't have more time to get to know one another. A real shame. I hope you figure out why it is that you're so mad at me, because you're missing a treat."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Therse."

"I still have no idea what you're getting at."

"Jesus, you're so fucking blind. Look, I know it might be difficult, but have a good think —"

"Fuck you."

"— about what you really want.” There was silence on the other end. “Because, goddamn, I've been with a lot of people in my time, and he's one of the best I've ever had. I can't even begin to imagine how good he fucks with someone he loves."

"Wha —?"

He hung up and set off the little machine's self-destruct sequence, tossing it over his shoulder. After a couple of seconds, there was a sharp ‘pop’ behind as it disintegrated. The nanode in Gen's ear would be useless now and would decay over time.