In Memory (37 page)

G
rabbed Noah’s hands, making him look at me again.

“If he hurts you again, I’m going to confront him. You realise that, right? Anyone who tries to hurt you… I’ll deal with them. I’m going to protect you with everything I’ve got.” He closed his eyes, leaning forward and shaking his head. A few tears leaked from his eyes, running down his face. “And in return, you have to fix my heart. It’s still broken, and I think you’re the only one who can fix it. How bout it? Deal?”

Noah nodded, keeping his mouth firmly shut.

L
ooked up to see Terra giving me a ‘cut it out’ kind of gesture. Hastily, I released his hands, and stood up, only pausing to say ‘I love you’ again, before hurrying away. His father approached him, and escorted him out, wrapping his arm around Noah’s shoulders. It’s so weird to see how kind he can be when he’s acting. No wonder people have a hard time imagining him as an abusive man.

I don’t have to imagine though, I know.

40 Days, 18 January, Sunday

It’s easier for me to do everything now that I know he’s alive. I’m worried about him, yeah, but somehow I think everything’s going to be okay.

H
ad another ‘Tobia
s dream’ last night.
O
nly dream of him when I’ve been close to Noah.
That would explain why I never dreamed of him at all in Noah’s absence.

As usual, I woke up in that classroom. There was more blood than before, and I immediately got up on a desk to avoid it. It was even higher than the chairs now, almost up to the desk. 

“Tobias.” I called softly, looking around for him to come out of the shadows.

“What do you want?” Tobias floated by, com
pletely soaked in the blood. G
uess he was trying to amuse himself somehow.
Swimming lessons in his own blood.
Weird.

“How are you?”

“Unwell. How are you?”

“I’m better than I have been. Noah’s back at his house though. Which is kind of worrisome, but at least he’s home now.”

“He is in danger, you know.” Tobias scuttled through the
blood,
swimming around the desk I sat on. “He will be safe until the middle of the week, but then…”

“What’s
gonna
happen?”

“It has been written, you will know when it happens.”

“But…”

“Thank you for teaching him to swim, I have this skill now too. Perhaps this ability will make it harder for me to drown.”

“Isn’t there anything I can do?”

“Make sure you are home on Wednesday night, and expect him to show up there.”

As I replied, I woke up in my bed, and spoke my words to the still dullness of my room.

H
ave to go pick up my glasses
tomorrow,
I’m kind of excited. They should help quite a bit I guess. I didn’t really notice that I needed them until the optometrist said I needed a small prescription.

Noah should be at school tomorrow. That’s another thing I’m crazy excited about. Julia and Ariel will be so relieved.

Gonna
make a huge box lunch for all of us.
With mostly Noah’s
favourites
.

39 Days, 19 January, Monday

Today has been one of the more normal days in the past few weeks, even if it was a bit weird.

After our quasi-breakup, Noah still seems unsure of how to act ar
ound me. C
an understand that, he thought we’d never be together again. Fate has a way of twisting him around.

Noah didn’t speak all day. Even with Julia and Ariel wheedling him for his help in Math. He’d smile, and write down instructions, but his voice seems to be on lockdown, like in the
hospital.

(Which then leads me to believe I really did read his lips on the street that day; maybe he stopped speaking at some point when he was out on his own.)

We got some time alone after lunch, during our spare. (Julia and Ariel take French then
.
)

“Your voice is gone.” I said plainly as we sat down at our usual table in the library. “Did something happen?”

Noah stared at a blank piece of paper for a while, and then nodded.

“You will… speak again, won’t you?”

He nodded again, picking at the corner of the paper. Slowly, he picked it up, and tore it right down the middle before placing it gently on the table.

I think there was some symbolism there I’m not quite understanding.

Then, we studied for our exams, which start on Thursday. Luckily, Physics and Math are both on Thursday, and then the two-part English is on Friday. Which means we get all next week off. Wahoo!

Still apprehensive about Wednesday.
But just being with him now is calming.

I picked up my glasses from the optometrist today, and am currently trying to get used to them. They’re oval, and have silver frames, I really like them, cause they kind of blend in with my face. It’s not like, “Bam! Check out my spectacles
!!!”
They’re sort of there as an afterthought.

But they really do help. Everything is super clear now.

38 Days, 20 January, Tuesday

So my glasses were
well-received
by everyone who cared to notice. Which basically means all the women in my life, and Noah.

Terra said that I looked scholarly.

Ariel thought they looked really cute.

Julia said something about me being a glasses boy now.

And Noah mentioned them after speaking again.

We were just chilling in the lunchroom, as usual, and he turned to me, opening his mouth, and made a weird noise.
Kind of like ‘
aurck
’.

Ariel, Julia, and I all looked at him with matching looks of confused amusement, before he tried again.

“Aerie…” he whispered.

“Oh! You’re talking again!” I grinned.

“Your glasses are very suitable.” Another whisper.
I didn’t mind
,
at least he was talking
.

“Well, thanks!” I cleaned and adjusted them for what felt like the thousandth time that day. “I’m glad they look good. I just picked the frames the clerk suggested.”

“You really are a glasses boy, Aerian.” Julia smiled.

The bell rang, and Noah and I went to the library, as per our customs, and sat down at our table.

“So, your voice. What’s that about?”

“I-“ he was still whispering, with a hint of his voice, “I did not speak from the moment I left you that day. Then the cold weather and everything else…” He trailed off. “I apologise for what I did to you. I know I must have caused you much grief.”

“You did, and I will forgive you.”

Noah lowered his head into his hands, “I thought it would be the perfect solution. I keep guessing wrong. Usually my logic is infallible.” He looked at me, “There’s something about you that interferes with my thought processes. It’s unnerving.”

I chuckled, “Well, sorry.”

Noah smiled gently, propping his chin on his hand. His expression got more serious. “I really am sorry. I don’t think I can say it in a way that will convey the entirety of my guilt for leaving you like that.”

“I get it. You’re searching for the perfect words, that just won’t appear.”

“Yes, something
like
that.” He cleared his throat, regaining a more normal voice. “I am sorry.”

“I forgive you, I really do.”

There was a long silence.

“That man… the one who escorted me out of the hospital, he’s my father.”

“
Er
… yeah.” I’d forgotten he’d forgotten.

“He does not like me. He says awful things. But he always acts polite and kind whenever there are other people around. He is very capricious.”

“Be careful around him, okay? Don’t make him mad.”

“I don’t know how I could do that. I don’t speak to him at all. He still seems like a stranger to me.”

“Yeah… but still. He’s hurt you before, so just be careful, okay?”

“I understand.”

We both recognized a moment to be silent, and proceeded to pore over our Physics textbooks.

After a few minutes of me barely retaining any of the text, I noticed he was staring at me. (It’s more unnerving now, because his blind eye is visible.)

“
Er
…” I straightened, “What’s up?”

“You should be angry.” Noah tightened his fists on the table, turning his attention to them, “It would be perfectly legitimate for you to be angry with me. I was selfish and thoughtless when I left.” He looked up again, “So why aren’t you angry?”

I thought about that, and then decided to quote myself. “Misdirected anger doesn’t help anything. Anger in general rarely does.”

He nodded, and then looked back at his textbook. “You are very mature. I hope you will keep that idea in mind.”

I smiled, and scooted my chair closer to him, “I’ll try, but no promises. Now, can you help me understand this stuff?”

Noah returned my smile, getting out a clean sheet of paper and smoothed it out on the tabletop. I was reminded of the other paper he tore in half.

There’s really something significant I’m missing with that, I think.

37 Days, 21 January, Wednesday

Dear Wednesday, you didn’t have to come so soon.
Sincerely, Aerian.

The school day was as normal as normal can ever be for me. Except for the fact that we were doing our final day of revision I guess.

I went home, without really thinking about Tobias’ warning until it started getting dark. The wind boomed past the house, shaking the windows as it passed.

Terra and I were sitting in the living room, each of us reading a book when the doorbell rang. I looked at her, and she looked right back, raising an eyebrow to indicate I should answer the door.

I got up, putting my book down and stretching, and then it occurred to me. Wednesday night. Damn Tobias and his warning. It almost felt like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I opened the door, and looked out, not seeing anyone until I looked down. Noah was at my feet, struggling to push himself up from where he lay on the doormat. I dropped to my knees, helping him inside, rubbing his freezing shoulders.

It was difficult, but I managed to get him to stand, supporting his weight as I kicked the door shut.

“Oh! Aerian! What’s happened?” Terra came into the hall, flapping her hands.

All I could do was raise an eyebrow, this alone being enough of a response by now. She knew well enough what happened.

We shimmied into the living room, and laid Noah down on the couch. His nose and mouth were bleeding quite steadily, but he kept his hand there as best he could. He opened his mouth, and then coughed, spattering some blood on his white turtleneck.

I sat down beside him, supporting him so he could speak.

“Don’t let him-” he coughed again, staring at me with unfocused eyes, “Don’t let him-! He’s coming, don’t let him in here!” Noah leaned forward, grabbing hold of my arm and squeezing it feebly.

There was a silence; he released me, placing his hand over his nose to stem the flow of blood. He turned to Terra, “I’m sorry if I bleed on your sofa… should I move to the floor?”

Terra looked so stricken by that, and hugged him, holding him like a mother would. That’s the way she holds me when she can’t think of any words for comfort.

The doorbell rang.

All of us stopped, the sound enough to freeze us all where we were. Stiffly, I got up, and mechanically walked to the door.

I opened it again, trying to look as composed as I could, even though my heart was beating a frantic rhythm at the back of my throat.

Noah’s father was standing on the porch, trying his best to look amiable. “Excuse me, have you seen my son around here?”

I surveyed him evenly, “No, I haven’t seen anyone tonight. Who do you mean?”

He considered me, “Have we met before?” His eyes narrowed. “I recognize your voice.” His voice was light, but strained. I could tell he was trying to look inside the house.

“I don’t think so, sir.” I made to close the door, but he pushed it open again, whacking me in the jaw. I stepped back, and he started forward. So I pushed the door closed, demanding that he leave. “I beg your pardon, you have to go away!” I slammed the door and locked it, peering through the window until he left.

I inhaled a deep breath, sending a pang of pain through my jaw. That man scares me like no one else.

Regaining some composure, I walked back into the living room, my heart beating madly in my chest. Wordlessly, I sunk down on the sofa beside Noah, pulling him into my arms like I could just wrap him up in safety.

I could feel tears rolling out of my eyes as soon as I touched him, and ignored them, placing a few kisses on his raven hair.

Noah relaxed in my embrace, and I could feel him lose all tenseness.

Terra let us stay that way for a few seconds before gently rousing Noah so she could tend to his nosebleed and check for other injuries.

“Should we call the police?” she asked him softly, rotating his neck slowly and looking closely at his face.

“They won’t believe you. This last fiasco was written off. Any suspicions against him were completely erased when they arrested the people who supposedly broke into my house.” Noah wiped his face, scowling at the blood across his hand. “He can organize an arrest of several people to cover up his guilt. Do you really think that you will stand a chance?”

“We can’t let you go back there.”

“He has custody of me until the 27
th
of February.”

“Run away.” I suggested. “Just never go back home.”

“What about my sister? I cannot leave her there. I have to go home. Don’t you understand?” Noah straightened, making Terra sit back, “I don’t have a choice. There is only one option for everyone to survive, and that it for me to bear this abuse. This is the deal I made, and I have to stick to it.”

“You mean about your curse.” I looked at Terra meaningfully.

“I have understood for many years that I have to be hurt to save others from it. This is the life I have been given, and so I accepted it. I hate that you are trying to change it.”

“Noah…” Terra touched his arm, and he turned his attention to her, “We’re only trying to understand. Can you tell us exactly what your curse is?”

He sighed, and looked at the fireplace, “I wasn’t born this way. When I was younger, I was just the same as anyone else. But, when I was six, my father hit me for the first time, and I fell back against something. I don’t remember what followed, but when I regained awareness, several days had passed, and everything was different.”

“Different how?” Terra asked. I was silent, just trying to take it all in.

“Things died when I touched them. Flowers and grass, and eventually-” he swallowed. “-
well
. It became evident that
someone had cursed me
. My mother believed in all of this, and tried to find someone to undo what had happened.” Noah sniffed, and wiped his face again, grimacing at the smear of blood.

“
And…?
Obviously, she did right?
Or…?”

“I did, on the day of her funeral. One of her friends was in attendance, and offered me the chance to change my curse. Again, I don’t remember what happened, but awoke several days later. Things had changed again. My father hated me. He was never terribly unkind to me until that day. That’s when this all began.”

I touched his hand, my silent support.

“Whatever happened on those forgotten days is the source of his hatred for me.” Noah closed his eyes, spreading his fingers on his forehead, “But I have never known what it is.”

“It doesn’t matter what it is.” I said in a strong voice. “No father should abuse their child. That’s not what family is. His actions are never justified, no matter what.”

“Perhaps not, but at least his actions could be understood.”

“But-!”

“I will not forgive him. I never will. Everything he has done is inexcusable. But I would like to understand why he changed so much during those forgotten days.”

It occurred to me then that Tobias would probably know what happened. It connected in my mind instantly, that Tobias said that he took over for a while. That it was the reason a lot of people didn’t like Noah. I bit my tongue.

“It happened once when he was six, and again when he was twelve. I believe that me possessing him resulted in his diminished mental health, and it may be the reason people in this town often dislike him.”

That’s what he said.

I don’t want say anything about Tobias yet. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell Noah. Maybe I’ll talk to Terra about Tobias.

After a while, Terra got Noah’s nosebleed to fully stop, and suggested he go get cleaned up.

He nodded, and slowly walked down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Terra waited for the sound of the water before she spoke.

“So he is cursed. I understand now.” She clasped her hands in he
r
lap. “That explains why he didn’t die.”

“Huh? How does that explain that?”

“The curse keeps him alive to make sure that it’s effects are carried out. I think the only way to break it is to… hmm.”

“What? What breaks it?”

“There’re only two things I think that would work. The first
one,
is for his father to die. This seems like the type of curse that's in effect because someone else is acting as an antagonist for the purposes of the curse. So whoever cursed him must have had an intense hatred for his father. Otherwise it seems odd to include him in the curse as well. This curse seems to act through his father.”

“And what’s the other solution?” Actually, killing his father seemed like a perfectly plausible solution. There’s no way I could do that, though.

“To make him happy. That’s what he gave up to turn the curse around onto himself. And that’s also what reversed it in December. Remember? When you fell. That’s what we talked about. Normally, he’d just have fallen himself to save you from it, but since you made him happy… it reversed and attacked you. You realise exactly what he did, right? He traded his own happiness and safety to stop the effects of his first curse from hurting anyone else. Even though that meant years of pain. It’s incredible.”

So, let me get this straight.

First curse: Started when he was six, and made anything he came in contact with die. Cause unknown.

Second curse: Started when he was twelve, and made it so that he would take on all the pain others around him normally would. He traded his own happiness for the assurance that no one would ever be a victim of his curse.

How brave.

He’s so strong.

I set him up in his room (which Terra unlocked again), and said goodnight softly. We’re going to school together tomorrow. Hopefully we don’t run into any problems.

I also can’t believe I have two exams tomorrow. Gah, I’m so doomed.

36 Days, 22 January, Thursday

So, Math exam.
Guessed 47 of the 60 questions.
I’m not expecting to pass that one. I’m pretty sure I did well in Physics though. I really understood it more than Math.

Noah said something about the Math exam being very oddly worded. I agreed of course, and took solace in the fact that even a super genius like him had problems with the exam. However, I hardly think that ‘odd wording’ would stop him from attaining a perfect score.

He did go home today. Which was scary. Pretty much everyone had cleared out of the Math exam early, and had gone home. We were alone in the
bootroom
, tugging on our winter gear.

“Don’t worry. I will not tell him of your involvement.” He said.

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I don’t want anything else to happen to you.”

Noah smiled gently, “I love when you say things like that.”

I touched his face gently, “I mean it. I’m serious, please don’t get hurt.”

He covered my hand with his own. “I will try.”

I wrapped his scarf around his neck, allowing him to bury his chin in the fuzzy folds. Noah reached into the pocket of his jacket, and a look of surprise passed across his face. He pulled a small object out of his pocket, holding it out to me in a closed fist. “My lord, I have remembrances of yours.”

He dropped the ring he took back into my open hand.

My heart swelled with happiness. “Thank you,” I breathed, sliding the ring back onto my finger. “Thank you.”

All I could do was smile.

We’re okay. We’re friends again.

The circle of infinity has begun anew.

English exam tomorrow! I’m not worried. I’m actually kind of excited to write. It’ll be neat to write something that isn’t this. I also am in love with the feeling after exams are over.

I really don’t even care what my marks are at this point, I’m just happy the exams are over and done with.

35 Days, 23 January, Friday

Ah, good old Friday.

Not much to report except for the fact that I have a lot of confidence about my English exam, and that Noah’s father is officially not home until Sunday, so he’s staying here tonight and tomorrow.

Evidently, May is going to live with their aunt for the second semester of school, so that her advanced studies teacher won’t have to commute across the city every day.

Noah seemed torn about this development. “Well, of course, I’m happy that May won’t have to be around him. But I’m going to miss having her around during the day.”

I pictured them reading together, or playing the piano and laughing. Maybe even playing with toys. They’re good images. May is a wonderful sister.

(Plus the idea of Noah laughing and smiling and having a tea party with May is one of the best visuals I’ve ever conjured up.)

Noah seemed very preoccupied tonight though, something he hid under a placid smile. I was incredibly curious about what was on his mind, but didn’t ask.

He should be allowed his own thoughts. I just seem nosy and annoying if I ask him about every single worried look he gets.

Tobias showed up very briefly last night too. I’d almost forgotten.

It was a really indistinct dream. His voice filtered through the bizarre string of images. The only thing I really remember from it was the one sentence that came in clearer than the others.

“He’s thinking the same thoughts as me.”

That’s all I can remember, but I’m not sure what it even means.

But Tobias rarely (if ever) seems to be thinking anything good.

I’m sort of scared, actually. That explains why Noah’s been so… You know, quiet’s not even the right word. He’s just been solemn all evening.

I feel like something terrible is going to happen.

It’s… ominous.

But how do I prevent something if I don’t know what it is?

34 Days, 24 January, Saturday

Saturday is a weird day. Especially since Noah’s been so distracted. We stayed in all day too. He seemed extra interested in my journal today, for some reason, but I didn’t want to let him see.

“Why not? What have you got written in there?”

“Just… stuff…” I said slowly, closing it and tucking it beside me in my chair. “It’s just my thoughts.”

“I see.” And then he was silent again.

Terra got home at round five, and we adopted a sort of pseudo-being-happy mood. Both of us were kind of bristled by the awkward silence we shared all day.

I don’t know if Terra noticed, but dinner felt really awkward to me. Both of us had a monosyllabic response to all of Terra’s questions. Even now, I’m finding it hard to write anything coherent or insightful.

After supper, Noah bade us farewell.

“Thank you for having me over again. I truly appreciate it. But I really mustn’t be absent when my father arrives home.” He said this with that weird placid smile firmly in place.