In The Spur of Heath (The Spur Series Book 1) (29 page)

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you.” I continued, trailing my fingers around the buttons of his cardigan.

“Stop talking like that, Pieces.” He then closed the front door behind him and led me to the loveseat. “What’s wrong?” He asked, clasping my hands. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” I shook my head. He paused, looking at my sad face pensively.

“Well, I can’t force it out of you. Just know I’m here as your best friend first and then as your awesome boyfriend.” He joked. I broke into a smile.

“You’re silly.” I hugged him.

After Heath settled and cleaned up for bed, we lay down, my head on his chest. I looked up into his eyes, and he looked down into mine. A corner of his mouth lifted, and I reached up to his lips, pressing mine gently against them, tentatively exploring them at first, and then with greater intensity as I held onto his face. I gently pulled him over me as I eased my body flat onto the bed. Our fingers interlocking. He gently pulled away, looking into my eyes with the most loving stare. “Glad to have you back.” He whispered.

“Glad to be back.” I blushed and then stiffened, holding my breath and eyeballing my bulging eyes from side to side, the veins in my head feeling like they were about to pop.

“You okay?” His face contorted.

“You’re crushing me.” I squirmed.

“Oh, shit.” He burst out into laughter and lifted his weight off of me.

“It’s okay, I’ll survive.”

And with that, he raided my mouth again.  Hovering over me as our mouths locked in oral unison. I held onto his face and began to accept him, and accept us.

I freed my mind of it all and pulled him in closer, allowing him to touch me, for the first time in weeks. Thinking back to the days when I was so madly in love with him, before Jake took my heart. Thinking back to how much I wanted him, but it never felt like my feelings would have been reciprocated. And now it had been and I began to feel grateful… and happy. Allowing myself to grow deeper with him, my lips, my body, and my mind, as I constantly tried to disregard the lingering thoughts of Jake in my mind. I felt like I was in a lucid dream, nothing felt real anymore. It all felt like I was watching myself in a movie or something. But that night, I permitted Heath back into me – more ways than one – and it seemed like the beginning of something new.

I woke up the next morning feeling like yesterday had never happened. In fact, I felt like the past couple months had never happened. It was surreal; Jake, Heath, Caroline, Kin – all of it, just crazy. How could life get this chaotic? But I woke up, nonetheless, wrapped only in a bedsheet in Heath’s arms. I looked up at his sleeping face, admiring the stubble on his chin and the way his dishevelled honey brown hair fell on his forehead. A sleeping beauty.

My smile then turned into a frown as I found myself feeling like the worst person in the world. He was sweet, and I was nothing but a selfish whore. I embarrassed him, and he didn’t even know it. Messing around with Jake behind his back while he was ready to make me his wife and introduce me to his family – in Australia. I began to think back at how stupid I had been. I should have made better decisions and thought more logically before getting myself in this mess.

On the Brightside, no one but Jake, Kai, Joey and I knew about the affair, so I was in the clear. But that didn’t exactly help my conscience either, it only made me feel slightly better about things. If Heath ever found out, he’d never forgive me. At least, I don’t think he would. It was time to turn over a new leaf.
Yep, what a great idea.
Except, Jake was our teacher, and it would make it almost impossible to forget about him and move forward. I just have to try.

I pressed my lips against Heath’s cheek and he stirred awake. He smiled at me upon opening his eyes. “Morning, Pieces.”

“Morning, Heath.” I smiled genuinely at him, looking straight into his brilliant eyes.

“You’re ready for school, love?” He asked and I nodded my head with a mischievous look.

“Always.”

Heath and I walked down the hallway, hand in hand, heading toward Jake’s class. We entered the classroom, Mr. Greyman and Jake were in a light conversation at his desk. Jake’s eyes trailed us as we made our way to our desks. The shine of my ring caught his eye and he grimaced.

When Mr. Greyman left, Jake got up. “Morning.” He answered solemnly. “Everyone, please pair yourself with a partner.”

Naturally Heath and I paired up together, however, Jake interrupted us. “Andrews, pair up with Mimi for a change. And Singh, you can pair up with Amoroso.” Heath and I looked at each other with raised brows. “Wow.” I mouthed, got up and made my way to Pierce Amoroso, one of the guys in the class.

Jake was rather bitter during class, and he wasn’t his usual bright self , but I refused to fall into that same old trap again. Kin was returning soon, and I wanted no part of it.

Heath and I went into Tang for lunch and ordered the Pasta Special.  As we sat down to eat, I noticed Jake was over at his table. His cell phone pressed against his ear with a displeased facial expression. I assumed it was Kin on the other end. I ignored him all together, returned my attention to Heath and began to eat.

We talked and laughed at how Jake made us split up. Heath used a Trini slang that made me giggle, saying that Jake was ‘toting feelings’, meaning that he still wasn’t over me. And as that realisation sunk in, I began to feel uneasy, wanting to change the topic as I myself began to ‘tote feelings’. Just a few days ago I was with him, madly in love. I could never be over him so soon – I wasn’t. And making fun of him didn’t make me feel any better. And to know that he was having a hard time letting me go made it even worse for me to cope.

I told Heath that I didn’t want to talk about Jake anymore and he agreed.

Jake stood in the arrival hall at LAX Airport, dressed in a trim maroon suit with his hands deep in the pockets of his pants, occasionally glimpsing at the time on his brown Cartier wristwatch. Sven sat on a chair a couple feet away with his legs crossed in the “figure-four” position reading a newspaper.

Jake looked nervous, tapping his perfectly polished hard-sole shoe on the freshly waxed floor. He looked slightly irritated – impatient even. His eyes darted to and fro, specifically widening at the sight of any short, dark skinned women, only to sigh in disappointment.

As his eyes narrowed into the sea of bustling travellers, a brunette woman with ivory skin and gleaming blue eyes caught his attention. “Lena?” He whispered to himself, but the woman was whisked away into the crowd and he lost sight of her. He stretched out his neck, looking helplessly for the familiar face that he just saw. His immediate surroundings completely mute as his eyes searched intently. “Ahem.” Someone cleared their throat, breaking him from his focus. He looked down to see Kin with a crutch under one arm and a sling on the other. He sized her, glancing briefly at stitches on her forehead. Her smile wide. “Jacob, is good to see you again.” She beamed with her strong Jamaican accent.

“Kin, you’re here!” He responded elatedly, and hugged her as gently as possible. Sven put his paper down and walked briskly toward them, taking her bags with him and leading the way back to the car.

Jake helped Kin into the car and in a short beat, they were on their way back to his house. “You growing your hair?” she asked taking notice of his much longer hair.

“Not really. I just don’t have much time to myself these days, I’ve been busy editing the film. The Sundance Film Festival is in six months and I need to have it ready for submission soon.”

“I sure you’d do great.” She replied.

“Thanks.” Jake smiled and then turned his head, peering out the window.

When they arrived home, Kin went into the bathroom to have a shower while Jake helped unpack her things. She then came out dressed in her nightie and eased onto the bed. “I never ever ever want to get into another accident ever again. ‘Dis is de’ worse, I tell you. I feel like someone constantly boxing me in my ribs.”

“Ow.” Jake cringed at the thought. He laid on the bed next to her.

“And physical therapy was difficult. I say I loss my legs for good.”

“I’m sorry you’re dealing with that Kin, but it gets better with time. So, don’t worry.”

“You by my side, so I nuh worried at all.”

“Good.” He smiled and kissed her. She paused in thought as if relishing in the kiss. “Wow, can’t believe it’s been almost three months since I’ve seen you. Summer’s almost over.” He continued.

“Being treated for so long had me miserable. So glad I finally away from that.” She yawned. “I tired, mi see you in the morning.”

“Good night.” He smiled and she nodded, quickly dozing off.

When she looked more relax, his mouth set into a firm line and he got off the bed. He left the bedroom and headed to his office, locking the door behind him. He pulled out his phone, cradling it between his ear and shoulder, and unbuttoned his jacket and cufflinks. “Joey, she’s back.” He whispered. “Yep, I’m on it.” He responded after a moment, then hung up, and placed the phone on his desk.

He pulled off his jacket, draping it over the office chair and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt before sitting down. He reclined his head as he exhaled deeply. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sprung up immediately as if he remembered something. He grabbed his phone, logged into Facebook and searched for “Reese Singh”.

When he saw my picture he clicked on the profile. My cover photo was of me and Heath smiling, looking into each other’s eyes at the beach back in Trinidad. Jake clenched his jaw as he began scrolling through my posts and other pictures. He looked at the relationship status that said “Engaged” and his eyes narrowed, becoming glassy as he clenched his jaw as. He then shook himself off and called Kai. “I need a drink!” He grimaced as Kai answered the phone.

Summer was almost over and I was about to enter my final year at Dillcaster. I was excited despite feeling ill lately. I kept getting horrible migraines, still feeling a bit heartbroken over Jake, and I no longer had an appetite. No matter how much I tried to eat, I just couldn’t stomach it. Sometimes my thoughts would just linger on him, wondering what he’s doing, where he’s at, if he’s with her. I usually saw him five out of seven days in the week and now that school was closed, I hadn’t seen him at all, and it was playing on my mind and emotions. Maybe that’s why I was so excited for school to re-open.
I hope not!

Heath thought it was odd that I wasn’t eating, but I couldn’t tell him why. I just made the same old, same old excuse;
I don’t feel well
. He still tried to feed me nonetheless.

We spent our summer working on a couple of Ad campaigns for his dad. It wasn’t the most exciting summer, but we made the best of it, taking occasional date night trips out of town. Our initial plan to spend the summer in Australia was foiled because his dad needed him in San Francisco a lot. And while he was back and forth, I was left home alone a lot which afforded me the time to rehash the events of my life thus far, causing me to miss Jake in the process. I believed that it was because of this I was feeling so ill.

I laid on my bed, under my thick comforter as my AC spilled icy cool air into the room. Heath was out and I decided to cuddle up in my room. I hadn’t slept there in a while, so it was nice to be back. I turned over to my side and stared at my phone on the bedside table. I then picked it up, deciding to Whatsapp Salimah.

We had been in constant contact ever since, she was my support. She was just as confused as I was in terms of the love triangle. She loved Heath, and she understood my love for Jake. But she was very proud of me for giving up Jake and focusing on my relationship, and most importantly school and work. We were in an interesting discussion about my sudden bout of sickness. She believed it was more to it than just heart break and that’s when she imparted something I never in a million years would have ever considered.

Me:
No, Sal, no! That can’t be rite!

Sal:
It makes perfect sense.

Me:
No! It doesn’t, cuz I still get my period.

Sal:
Lots of women still got their period.

Me:
Not right now. I’m still in school. I can’t handle that responsibility. You mad!

Sal:
Just take a test, Reese. Better to be safe than sorry.

Me:
ok. Ill get one.

              I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. It was absolutely, completely, entirely ludicrous to even think that I was. I was on the pill. I know it wasn’t completely foolproof, but no! I couldn’t accept that!

              I got up and got dressed, rushed into my car and drove to the nearby pharmacy. Surprisingly enough, there was Kai, buying Protein.
Jesus! No, I don’t wanna deal with him right now, nor do I want him to know about my pregnancy scare.
I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t pregnant, but I just wanted to ease Salimah’s mind.

I bent my head and docked away from Kai behind one of the shelves. I looked on at him as he cashed his protein. He was clad in his usual vest and cargo shorts. He craned his neck back, scanning the area before he collected his receipt. He then picked up the tub of protein and left. When the coast was clear, I padded up to the cashier with two tests in hand and cashed it.

I got home and rushed to the toilet with one of the tests. I knew it was better to wait ‘til morning for the first pee as the HCG would be high in concentration, but fuck it – I just couldn’t wait to debunk this ridiculous theory.

I sat on the toilet, holding the stick in place and began to release, trying my best to aim properly on the damn thing. Finally, after I managed, I covered it up and placed it down. I then washed myself up and looked at my reflection in the mirror, suddenly feeling a little scared.
Oh just relax
, I kept telling myself. Deep breaths.
Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale!
Moment of truth.

I picked the stick up, closed my eyes as I continued to breath.
Okay. Here goes.
I opened one eye, then the other staring at the result.
Wow.
I felt dead. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
How?
The stupid thing read invalid.
Damn!
All of this bloody heart failure for nothing.

Luckily, I had bought two tests just in case, so I retrieved the other one. Feeling much more relaxed this time. In fact, I was hardly thinking about it. I wasn’t scared anymore because for some odd reason I felt like I was just being paranoid earlier. It’s cool. I drank two glasses of water, waiting for my bladder to refill, and took the test when it did.

As I was about to pick it up to read the result, my phone chimed. I left the test on the bathroom counter to get my phone from my bedside table. What a coincidence, it was Salimah asking me about the result. I returned to the bathroom with my phone in hand, not really paying attention to the result of the test and snapped a picture and sent it to her via Whatsapp.

Salimah called me instantly. “Oh my God! Reese, what are you going to do?” She cried.

“What are you talking about, Sal?” I questioned.

“Didn’t you read the test?”

“What? I…” I trailed off, taking notice of the two pink lines on the test. My phone slipped out of my hand, crashing hard onto the floor. I could faintly hear Salimah calling out to me over the line, but I was gone. I was totally mentally gone. A loud ringing sound began to pound in my ear. “You’re fucked.” I whispered to myself. “Totally, completely and utterly fucked!” I screamed out ‘NO’ so hard, I think the whole neighbourhood heard me. I fell to my knees and began crying hysterically. “No!” I kept repeating, pulling hard at my hair. “No, this can’t be fucking real.”

I heard my phone ringing again, it was Salimah. “Sal.” I sobbed, sniffing in between heavy breaths. “Reese.” Sal replied and then paused as if lost for words. “What are you gonna do?” She continued, having finally found the words.

“I have to take an ultrasound. I don’t know how far along I am. I… what if it’s his, Sal?”

“Whose? Jake?” She asked in astonishment.

“Yes. What the fuck am I going to do?”

“How soon can you schedule an appointment?” Sal asked.

“Right now! I’ll message you.” I replied and hung up. I began googling and calling nearby sonographers, and got through to an appointment for the next day. Thank God. I’d have to go into town and get it done, but it had to be!

I heard Heath’s car pulling up in the driveway and I grabbed the tests, along with their packaging, and threw it in the trash, sticking it far down to the bottom. I washed my hands and walked downstairs to the front door to greet him.

“Pieces, hi.” He smiled, as he walked through the door.

“Hey, Heath.” I returned the smile, along with a peck on the cheek. “How was it?”

“It was fantastic.” He chirped. “I hope you come along next time.”

“You know I’m not very fond of Sara, so I’d pass.”

“Suit yourself then. Are you okay? You look a little pale. Still not eating?” His questions made my stomach tie up in knots, apart from its already nauseating feeling.
Pregnant, me? Of all people, me? Why?
I love kids, but it wasn’t the time. I had so much ahead of me to do, and now it’s like… I felt so broken. Everything shattered. It felt surreal.
I have a tiny human growing inside of me. Wow!
So many emotions ran through me. I just looked down at my stomach and placed my hand on top of it. I didn’t even know you existed until a few minutes ago and now you’re already making me feel ‘some type of way’.

“Reese, are you okay, mate?” Heath looked at me strangely. I sprung my head up and yanked my hand away from my stomach. “Yes!” I replied, harder than I should have.
Subtle, Reese.
I was having a moment right in front of Heath. Am I nuts? “My stomach just feels a little, um, gassy.” I said it without thinking
. Gassy? Of all the excuses!

I went to bed that night unable to sleep. So many things racing through my mind.
How far along am I? If I am far along, does that mean the baby’s Jake’s? If it’s Jake’s, what do I do? If it’s Heath’s, what do I do? I know for a fact Heath would want to have it, he loves kids. Should I even tell any of them?

I started thinking about what it would be like having the baby for both Heath and Jake, and what it would mean for me and my relationships, school, future career, life! I was distraught.

Heath wrapped his arms around me, startling me and bringing me out of my thoughts. He nuzzled into my neck and kissed it. “Good night.” He whispered and I replied.

Jake and Kai were at a bar called Zola’s Pub in West End Park. Inside was dark with a soft red light that glowed throughout. Rows of pool tables laid neatly on one side while tables and chairs laid on the other. A couple people occupied the pool tables while others sat around the bar counter. It was relatively quiet, apart from the knocking of pool sticks and balls, and the music playing:
Shiner by Indian Summer.