In Too Deep (The Lovers Duet) (18 page)

He was quiet for a moment. “Gisela is completely against this but at the same time, she knows it has to be done so we’re cool on that front. Did you get a chance to call Lennon?”

“Yeah and he was about to go out of his mind. I didn’t tell him how I would be involved but I did tell him I was goin’ along. He begged, pleaded for me to stay at the compound but this is the very reason why I didn’t want to be an old lady, Cillian. I’m no good with shades of gray. Life to me is black and white…always has been ‘cause bein’ at the Club, worshippin’ my older brother, a part of me wanted in but a bigger part of me just wanted to get the hell out of here and never look back.”

“Or maybe it was a certain
man
you were runnin’ from and not the life itself?”

I smiled at him then and punched his shoulder half-heartedly. “Yeah, that too. I couldn’t imagine myself as Clooney’s old lady and when everything went down with my parents, all I could truly think about was how I had to make some decisions in my life and he couldn’t be a part of them. Maybe I knew something wasn’t right about him but I ignored it. Leaving him was the best decision I ever made and I will never regret it.”

Cillian gripped my hand closest to him and squeezed. “This wasn’t your decision and every time I look at you, I feel like you were dragged here against your will. I don’t think you should come tonight. I don’t want to face down your old man if something happens to you because I’ve got a strong feeling Linx would self-destruct without you. If you’re having any second thoughts about this changin’ you—cuz God knows it will and not in a good way either—don’t do it.”

He let go of my hand and leaned over to kiss me against the side of my forehead. “None of us want to see that spark die in your eyes. You’re so innocent and yet you’re worldly too but knowin’ too much about the ugly shit that happens is overrated. Ignorance is truly bliss and if I can spare you tonight, I will. I don’t want you to see it, Trista. I don’t want you to lose not one ounce of that precious innocence, you feel me?”

“Yeah, I feel you.” The tears had started again and though I wanted to wipe them away savagely, I couldn’t. “However, Cillian, the child is gone. I haven’t been innocent or carefree since I was fifteen years old. It was the first time I really noticed I was becoming a woman and a prospect tried to rape me. Trey walked into the room just in the nick of time and he had no hesitation, didn’t even
think
about what he was doing. He just grabbed his gun and pulled the trigger. He killed a man in front of me and if I had any innocence left, it was gone after that moment on that particular day.”

“What can I say? Cox men have tempers from hell.” He slid an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “Just know that…you’re family now, even if this isn’t the kind of family you want. Linx is related to us by blood and we always protect our own. Don’t make a move tonight without my say-so. I want no part in making him a widower, you got that?”

I nodded my head without looking up. He stood and walked over to the dresser and grabbed a few Kleenex, turned and handed them to me. “Now, you dry those beautiful eyes of yours and put on your big girl panties. You’re an amazing, intelligent and extremely mature woman for your age. I expect tears from you every now and then but on a whole, I’m not good with women balling their eyes out. It’s disturbing. Maybe because I don’t ever remember my mother crying except for when she had her miscarriages between Jaden and me, and again between Misty and the twins.”

How the hell had I gotten into this position? The man I had least expected any comfort from was coddling me like his kid sister while his real sister was getting banged by my ex-lover, who also happened to be an undercover U.S. Marshall.

I couldn’t wait for this night to be over.

THE DRIVE TO Black Oak was just as nerve wracking as I thought it would be and all I could do to stop myself from having a full out panic attack was pop a Xanax and wait for it to kick in.

The thought occurred to me if I was indeed pregnant, I’d had to start reducing my dosage immediately until I could wean myself off of them without going through the shakes, headaches and nausea-induced vomiting. The latter might not be able to be prevented since my mother had been sick throughout her whole entire pregnancy with me. That’s how she knew I was a girl or at least it was family urban legend. Women in our family only got sick when they were carrying girls; if the pregnancy was easy then it would be a boy.

Why I was thinking about crazy family oriented thoughts, I knew it was because no matter how much the Saints were now my family, the only people I wanted to desperately see again were my brother and my husband.

Trey was tough as nails but he loved as hard as he lived and I could make all the porn jokes in the world about Keri but he’d loved her and if she’d died that night I’d received the menacing call that had started this whole nightmare for me then I would still mourn her. She had never hurt anyone and although her chosen profession was a bit skanky and sleazy, it shouldn’t have cost her the man she loved or, ultimately, her life.

“Kill the lights,” Cillian instructed and I did as I was told.

It wasn’t actually that hard to see since that day, it had begun to snow. All I could think about was we were a little over one month and three weeks away from my birthday, Linx and I were due back in L.A. in less than a week. He had an album to complete, and the new Winter’s Regret LP premiered two weeks before my birthday.

We had to end this tonight or at least bring some sort of reprieve. Enough so Linx and I could leave when we needed to and not feel bad about going back to L.A. and returning to our normal life. That would entail Hollywood parties, concerts and magazine covers; watching the Billboard charts, dealing with Cassidy, and spending time with our little angels, Jimi and Brady.

“Pull over here.” I did as I was told and turned onto a trail I didn’t realize was there until the SUV glided smoothly over the indentations buried under the snow. It was a hard maneuver but I managed to turn around so we could speed out of here without having to worry about me flipping a bitch at the least inopportune time.

“I didn’t even think you knew that saying,” Naomi remarked when I explained what I was doing. “You know it’s older than you and me. Hell, it must be Cillian’s age.”

“Fuck off, Naomi.” Cillian switched the safety off his gun and loaded an extra Steyr AUG onto his shoulder.

Cricket didn’t bother with any semi-automatics; he had a modified Uzi with several clips tucked into the khaki cargo pants he wore and an AK-47 he held like a long-lost lover.

“You know the drill. Stay here. Keep the car running and your eyes and ears open. If it starts to get too loud, you know what to do. Remember to aim for good, tight shots. I don’t want to see you make any mistakes.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Dad.”

“Fuck you very much, Trista. Stay. In. The. Motherfuckin’. Truck. You feelin’ me?”

“Not really but then again, that’s Gisela’s job, not mine.”

“You’re a regular fuckin’ Cheech—where the fuck is Chong?”

“Who?”

Cricket snickered. “He so got you there! Cheech and Chong were famous comedians. However, I forget chicks like you are into douchebags like Bradley Cooper and Ben Stiller.”

“Um, eww.” I shuddered physically. “They are both in their late thirties and forties. They’re almost as old as my dad would have been. That’s just
gross
.”

“Okay, cut the fuckin’ chit-chat. Let’s go.”

Cillian, Naomi and Cricket got out and closed the door behind them while I sat there. Snow slowly started to blanket the SUV and I checked my cell phone. I barely had a signal yet I still texted my man.

Me: I miss you.

I didn’t expect a message so quickly but there it was in all its splendid glory.

Linx: I miss you so fuckin much and I am so happy I’m on my way back. Can’t wait to be buried balls deep in that gorgeous pussy of yours. xoxo

I wanted to hold him so badly, it was criminal. I truly didn’t expect to miss him as much as I did at that moment but as the pain set into my heart and began to churn in my stomach, I knew I was going to be sick. I grabbed the keys to the ignition, tossed my phone in the passenger seat and stepped out of the truck.

I didn’t make it more than a few feet in the snow before I spewed everything I’d eaten that day onto the pristine snow that continued to fall around me. I held my ponytail away from my face as I continued to vomit violently.

After I finished emptying the complete contents from my stomach, my mouth tasted like a garbage can with a side of acid, my throat burned, my nose leaked liquid snot, and I felt like crap.

Cillian and Gisela had been right. I shouldn’t have come; I was fucking useless and should have stayed back at the compound.

By the time I heard the sound of someone approaching me, it was too late. I tried to reach the Escalade—my gun was still in the SUV—but I was tackled to the ground by a heavy body and the rank odor of bad breath and body odor assaulted my senses.

Snow was shoved into my mouth and up my nose as my face was pressed down into the ground hard by a strong hand clutching the back of my head.

“You fuckin’ cunt. We should have killed your dumb asses at O’Branaughs but Brooklyn wanted to spare Trey’s little gash of a sister.”

I recognized the voice as belonging to Baxter, Brooklyn’s younger brother. I tried to fight him off me but my struggle was fruitless. He whipped me around so quickly I felt like I had suffered from a bad case of whiplash.

My face was practically numb but not enough not to feel his hand as he punched me in the face. It wasn’t hard enough to break anything but I would have a nasty bruise. He backhanded me before he spread my legs and began to rip at my sweatshirt.

Tunnel vision took over and all I could see was red and black spots dancing in front of my eyes. The nightmare was starting all over again. He was going to rape me.

NO!

This couldn’t be happening.

My arms began to flail and I tried to stretch my body in any direction that would get me away from him. He pressed a knee into my stomach and leaned in. “Stop fightin’, you fuckin’ bitch or I will slit your fuckin’ throat!”

As my right hand managed to slip free, I grabbed his balls through the rank odor of his half open jeans and squeezed as tightly as I could. A noise similar to that of a wounded animal left his mouth as he crumpled to the ground next to me, holding himself and mewling at the same time.