Inarticulate (24 page)

T
he drive
from his house was more desolate, the solitary trees waving in the breeze, telling her to go back. She had to do something to drag away his defenses. At least push them to the side a little.

But how?

Time didn’t helped. Passion hadn’t either. She had to give him more.

“What if I tell you all my secrets?” she whispered to herself. “And said that I was so close to being in love with you, so close to being entirely vulnerable and all I needed was your trust? What if I told you that it hurts to breathe when I think about boarding that plane to San Francisco? If I gave you those secrets, would you give me yours?”

She imagined his response, the subtle lift of his chin, the shock in his eyes.

And still it wouldn’t be enough.

He’d already described his emotions in vivid detail. He’d painted a picture of affection and lust. Love had been on his lips, too.

She needed to do something bigger. To forget about her previous stipulations and the restraints on the relationship that revolved around secrecy. For weeks she kept their time together to herself.

A few people in Seattle were aware she had a lover. Kelly had specifics, Grant only had an active imagination. Neither questioned her. It was an unspoken rule, and the only thing to show for her time away from her hotel room were the surveillance cameras in the parking lot.

She’d hidden Keenan. Not merely for her career, or to ward off Penny. It was also to gain a foothold on whatever was building between them. She enjoyed the hell out of his company and didn’t want anyone encroaching on their space. But maybe it was time to let it all go.

The answer to gaining Keenan’s trust could be as easy as telling the world they were together.

She pulled to the side of the road, a smile tugging her lips as she clicked her cell into the hands-free unit. Her heart and her hands trembled in excitement with the press of the call button. The ring tone had her holding her breath.

“Yeah.”

The unenthusiastic welcome muted her buzz. “Hey, Dominic.” She wanted him to hear the news from her first. Not second-hand when her mom went on a gossip spree. He deserved to know she was in love, even though he hadn’t thought it possible with Keenan.

“Hey, yourself.” There was no charm, none of the usual playfulness.

“It’s been a while. I was hoping to catch up and see how you’re doin’. How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Evidently, not as busy as yours, because I had the decency of picking up the phone.”

Damn, that swipe cut deep. The guilt over dismissing his Thanksgiving call had weighed on her for days. She hadn’t been willing to lie to him about her whereabouts. The only option had been to keep her distance. She’d messaged him back, claiming to be on the verge of losing phone battery and hadn’t found the guts to call him since. But they’d texted over the weeks. Only now it was becoming evident that his short replies weren’t due to being busy.

“I’d worked late with a wedding the night before.” She still wouldn’t lie to him. “Comprehension wasn’t my strong point for days after.”

He scoffed, the sound tinged with loathing. “No kidding.”

She gripped the steering wheel and tried to imagine the look on his face as he spoke. Tried and failed. Dominic wasn’t prone to anger around her. They were buddies. Friends. Or they had been until the bug crawled up his ass. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s supposed to mean that I’m sick of this bullshit. And I’m fucking annoyed that you ruined our Thanksgiving.”

Something blossomed in her chest. Something dark and grave and unwelcomed. “Ruined…”

“Mom was upset that Keenan cancelled lunch without notice. Penny was an A-grade bitch because he was with you. And frankly, I was fucking disappointed that, yet again, you didn’t take my advice and stay away.”

Her mouth gaped. Her throat tightened. The visual of Penny as an A-grade bitch was crystal clear, thankfully keeping her mind away from the image of Aunt Michelle’s reaction to Thanksgiving.

“Why are you telling me this now?” Her voice was low, barely audible through the white noise. “Why didn’t you yell at me back then?”

“I was angry. Still am. But I’d warned you—”

“I like him, Dominic. I
really
like him.” There, she’d said it.

Her chest expanded a little. Relief sped through her veins. The truth wouldn’t set her free from this conversation, but it gave her hope for when she was with Keenan next. “I’m contemplating moving to Seattle.”

“Savvy, you’re only history repeating itself. Trust me,” he offered softly, as if she were a child who didn’t understand. “Contemplating anything with him is a mistake.”

“Why, because he can’t speak? You think I don’t know him because he hasn’t given me words?” She shook her head. “Well, you’re wrong. I’ve been with him since Thanksgiving. I’ve practically lived with the man for weeks.” All his secrets may not be at her disposal, but she understood all the important parts. She knew he loved her. She knew he was determined and focused and smart. She knew they fit together—heart, mind, and soul. And she also knew her life was far more vibrant with him in it. Words or not.

“No, you know what he wants you to know and nothing more.”

“Well, that’s enough for me.”

“Good for you. Just don’t expect me to pick you up when he knocks you down.”

She scoffed. “He won’t.” She couldn’t fault Keenan’s commitment to her. She was almost ready to jump on a sword for him, at the very least stick up for him against Dominic’s assault. “If you were a true friend, you’d let him be happy.”

“He’s not happy, Savannah. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. If he was happy, you’d know the truth.”

“I guess we need to agree to disagree.”

“To be honest, I don’t need to do shit. He’s asked more than enough of my family because of you. I’m not giving any more. While you’re with him, don’t bother calling me again.”

Air escaped her lungs in a painful exhale. He was no longer giving her advice. He was laying down the law. Making her choose—him or Keenan.

A childhood of memories flashed through her mind. His smiles, his laughter. The times they’d caused trouble and mischief, along with the unending conversations about all those life or death challenges of school. All of it was there. Just there. Then suddenly it was gone.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “I can commit to that.”

S
he turned the car around
, ignoring the desolate road and taunting trees. Sick or not, she needed to see him for a few seconds more. To hold him. To reassure herself that this slight case of apprehension was unwarranted before she spent the night alone.

If it was Penny’s history Dominic was referring to, then it wasn’t a repeat at all. Keenan had told her that much. They’d had a fling. An affair based on sex and nothing else. Just like Savannah’s mistake with Spencer.

What she had with Keenan was deeper.

Steady and sturdy. Yep, they were solid…

“Shit.” She slammed her hands against the steering wheel and cursed her cousin’s name. She had to forget it. Ignore it. Put it to the furthest spot in the back of her mind and throw stones at it.

Whatever jealous, childish obsession the Augustines had over Keenan wasn’t worth fretting over. She was going to make this right. Tomorrow morning she’d call Mathew Rydel and give him the news. She’d admit to falling in love with the competition and assure him, contrary to the truth, that it hadn’t affected her role in Seattle.

Then she’d call Spencer. And her mother. She was going to let the whole world know she was owning her relationship with Keenan. That she knew him better than anyone else and was laying her heart on the line to prove it.

She knew Keenan. She knew what made him laugh and what made him angry. She could read his thoughts and sense his unease. She doubted anyone else in the world could read him better.

His house loomed ahead, the building filled with memories that made her heart grow reassured. She opened his front gates with a press of the remote button, and raised his garage door with another. She wasn’t going to ask for answers. Nope. She was going to stifle that crap. What she was going to do was walk in there, kiss the apprehension from her lungs, and stick by him while he overcame the flu or cold or whatever illness was dragging him down.

She was going to love him just to spite all the people trying to pull her away. She was going to devour every inch of his skin. Mark him with her teeth and savor him with her tongue.

Her grin spread ear to ear as she parked in his garage and cut the engine. This was what was going to get him to open up. She could feel it.

The faint whoosh of running water welcomed her into the house. The soft tumble of her belly accompanied her enthusiastic footfalls down the hall. From the staircase at the front door, she could hear the shower and a soft hum of music from his room. He would be naked. Wet. Entirely lickable.

The higher she climbed, the louder her heart pounded in her ears. The rush of water became clear, and the lyrics floating through the air were almost decipherable. But it was her chest that begged to be heard. This time she wasn’t going to hold back. She was going to say those words. Those three, vulnerable words. Each one slowly. Succinctly.

I love you.

She reached his door and poked her head inside, finding his suitcase still packed near his bedside table. She could see him through the open bathroom door, too, the water cascading down his back, over his ass, along his muscled thighs. He was divine. Truly a magnificent specimen.

Only, the image before her didn’t sit right. Her intuition was sounding an alarm.

He turned toward her, his eyes closed as he scrubbed white foam from his hair. She’d never forget that sight—his gorgeousness, his appeal that was wrapped up in a bundle of pure agonizing torture.

She struggled not to retch as pain exploded in her chest.

There was no radio, no tunes flowing from his cell that sat dormant on his bed. His lips were moving, not in mime or in breath. His mouth was dancing in song, the melodic sound of his voice filling the air.

The verbal betrayal didn’t cease as he turned off the water and opened the shower door to reach for a towel. Lyrics continued to haunt her, sinking into her brain, never to be forgotten. Bile began mass production, the churning of her belly making her cling to the doorframe for support. As he began drying himself, she inched out of view, numb to the sound of his ringing cell on the bed between them.

There was no will to move. No voice to scream.

He padded to the foot of the bed, the towel secured at his hips as he swept up his cell and answered the call.

“Dominic.” His smooth, effortless address to her cousin sliced through her skin like a razor. He had a voice. He had a smooth, deep, masculine voice that Dominic had known about.

They had all known, hadn’t they?

“W-what did you s-say to her?” The accusation in his tone pulled a gasp from her throat. They were talking about her. Discussing what had happened to bring her here.

Stormy eyes snapped to hers and undiluted panic came face to face with her pure heartbreak. He dropped his cell to the bed as her lips parted and panted breaths escaped without permission. She raised her chin to combat the emotional assault. “Don’t stop on my account.” Her throat constricted. “I’ll go so you can continue your conversation.”

Hysteria set in, thick and cloying. She lunged for the door, slammed it shut in a vain attempt to stop him chasing her, and then ran.

Her progression was mindless. Senseless. She couldn’t think past the remembrance of his tone, couldn’t breathe through the humiliation. With every pathetic, mimed word and every text-to-voice, he’d degraded her, making her worthless. Making what they shared meaningless.

Why? She wanted to scream the word and have it vibrate off the walls.

Her feet slowed, the questions compiling. Then she heard the sweep of his door, the loud thwack as it ricocheted off the wall, and then his predatory footfalls.

She took the stairs two at a time. There wasn’t an excuse that could ease her, not one explanation that could settle the nausea. She’d fallen for someone who didn’t exist. A future had been planned with a man she didn’t know.

“
S-s-stop
!”

The violent stutter echoed into the lobby and pulled her up short. Ice shivered down her spine and rooted her feet in place. There was nothing polished or fluid about his speech. It was fractured, split in torturous pieces. Turning wasn’t an option. She couldn’t face him, but yearning took over and her feet swiveled without thought.

He stood at the top of the stairs, his destructive glare shrinking her. His hands fisted at his sides as water trickled from his hair, down his cheeks. His chest was thrumming, large breaths shaking his shoulders. He opened his mouth and she stiffened, preparing for another knife to embed her chest.

“Y-y-you w-w-w…” His lips snapped shut. Horror contorted his features, then it morphed, growing into something more volatile, changing into an emotion she couldn’t fathom—anger.

She stared in fascination, unable to comprehend how he could be the guilty party, yet the one with all the rage.

“F-fuck y-your p-p-pity.”

Each word was maimed more than the last, casting aspersions over every day they’d shared.

“Pity?” She shook her head. “Oh, no. I don’t pity you. I
despise
you,” she spat. “I
detest
you.” Her lips trembled, her eyes burned. Her world was crumpling at her feet and it was all because of him. He’d created a life that didn’t exist. He’d bathed her in lies and made her fall in love with them. “I’ve been hurt by words before, Keenan. But never have they inflicted as much pain as your silence.”

They stared each other down, his nostrils flaring, her shoulders holding strong.

She grieved for the future they’d lost. She mourned the memories that were now unthinkable. Most of all, she agonized over the pounding heartache making it hard to stand tall. She had loved him. True love. Real love. The feelings that would never have allowed for betrayal and callous deception.

“Just in case there was anything lost in translation…” She glared, taking his animosity head on. “We’re done.”

His chest convulsed harder, up down, up down. In a flash of movement he sank his fist into the drywall, leaving a gaping hole as he withdrew. Then he admitted defeat. She could see it. His shoulders slumped, his eyes lost their ferocity, and he simply walked away, disappearing down the upper-level hall.

She stood immobile. Her feet mere inches from the stairs, her heart mere pulses from its last beat.

Dominic was right. She didn’t know the first thing about Keenan. He was a stranger, a manipulator, and a thief. He’d stolen everything she had to offer—the security of her job, her family, and her heart. He’d taken everything. And she’d let him. She’d given it freely, even after repeated warnings.

“We’re done,” she whispered to herself and walked to the garage. Tears blurred her vision as she opened her car door, sank into the driver’s seat, and focused on her cell in the hands-free station.

It sang to her, offering an escape plan at the press of a button. One she couldn’t pass up. A few taps on the screen later and the monotonous ring carried through her car.

“Savannah?”

She sucked in a sob and squeezed tight to keep it down. “Spencer, I’ve burned out. I can’t do this anymore. I need to come home.”