Incarnations (2 page)

"That's easy for you to say. I'm sure this was like a
kindergarten lesson for you or something, but my Fey side has been
bound the majority of my life."

Ash smiled down on her for a minute, and then there
was a sparkle in those unnaturally bright green eyes of his.
Caislyn couldn't help but smile back. There was something about Ash
that she couldn't deny, no matter how hard she tried. She felt
herself pulled to him, like the moon orbiting the planet. It wasn't
something she could just brush off even though there was a part of
her, the part that was now married to Gregore, that wanted to be
able to do just that. She sighed at the thought of Gregore, and Ash
seemed to take note of her shift in moods.

"You need to clear your head of whatever is bogging
you down, Caislyn. Fey magic is a touchy thing, we do our best when
we are in harmony with everything around us."

"How the hell am I supposed to be in harmony with
anything, considering everything going on in my life, Ash?" She
turned around and looked back up into his eyes. He didn't answer,
he just grabbed her up in a hug and she let him. "My mom's getting
a little better every day, and that's a good thing, but there's
everything else. There's Jaxon, and Greg, and..." she pulled out of
his embrace as she whispered the rest, "and there's you."

Ash looked down at her once again, and swallowed
something he seemed to want to say. Instead he just turned Caislyn
around to face away from him. He pulled her back into him, closely,
wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head. Ash
pulled her arms up in front of her, placed them palm up to the sky,
and whispered in her ear, "find one thing in this moment that makes
you happy and manifest it into anything you like. Empty your mind,
forget everyone else - including me, and just let the first happy
thought that comes to you flow through you. Imagine it building up
inside you, when you don't think you can hold it in anymore, see it
represented in the palms of your hand."

He stepped back away from her then, leaving her to
find an inner peace she wasn't sure she could conjure.

It took a few minutes, Caislyn was breathing
purposefully, trying to release the negative energy she knew was
holding her back. She cleared her mind and thought about nothing
but happiness. A warm tingling feeling began to flow through her as
she imagined herself in the forest, butterflies fluttering around
her in their magical dance, the warmth of the sun’s rays filtering
through the trees, and the beautiful emerald flowers that she had
grown so fond of. When she opened her eyes again her hands were
filled with the velvety softness of those green petals, but that
wasn't the extent of it. The world around her had changed, the sun
was filtering through the trees, just as she'd imagined it. She
could feel the warmth of the rays on her skin. The only thing
missing were the butterflies, but as she turned to smile at Ash,
Caislyn realized the butterflies had always represented something,
someone... him. He was looking at her as if she were the only thing
in the world. It was an intense look, one that both pleased and
scared her.

Ash leaned in, taking Caislyn's hands, the ones that
still held the petals. She let him pull her closer, and then she
was being shaken. Something wasn't right, the world began to tilt
around her. Ash suddenly didn't look happy anymore. He looked
more... pissed.

"Caislyn!"

"What?" Caislyn shot up in the bed, shaking off the
sleep that still clouded her mind. She had been having a good
dream. She had learned... oh, she had done it! Finally! She had
been able to manifest something in dreams. Looking down around her
though, she realized she hadn't been able to bring the flower
petals out of the dream with her, which was actually probably a
good thing since Gregore was standing over her, fuming.

"What the hell, Cais? I leave to go get supplies, and
I come back to find you in bed with him!" Gregore pointed at the
other side of the bed, where Ash was doing a good job of pretending
to still be asleep.

"Coward," Caislyn muttered under her breath to him.
She thought she saw a small movement, a little twitch at the
corners of his mouth. 'Great, now he's feigning sleep and laughing
at me.,' she thought.

"Are you going to explain yourself, at all, this
time?" Gregore was beyond pissed. If his angry shouting hadn't
clued her in, the rage that was evident on his face sure did. Greg
had turned about three different shades of red already.

"Greg," Caislyn started to say before Vesta walked
into the crowded doorway.

"Gregore, I warned you not to come back here. I've
been checking on them. They are working. As you can see they are
both fully clothed, on top of the blankets, and I do believe the
required amount of distance has been kept between the two of them
the entire time." Vesta looked weary.

"Mom, this isn't your battle. You shouldn't have to
prove how virtuous I am. He has eyes, he just chooses not to use
them."

"Yeah? Is that it Cais? Because I seem to remember
our wedding night. I may not fully understand how this Fey
dream-walking shit goes, but I do know you don't have to be
physically touching here to be doing it there, in La La land with
him."

"And you don't trust me," Caislyn added to Gregore's
tirade.

"No! I don't trust him!" He pointed at Ash, who still
looked as though he were sleeping blissfully through all the
shouting and accusations. "And by the way, you're not fooling
anyone! I know you woke up the same time she did."

"Ah, yes." Ash said as he looked up, "but I was
hoping you would blow your top and storm out as you usually do, so
we could get back to training." Caislyn turned just in time to see
Ash wink at Gregore.

"Oh great!" She rolled off her side of the bed, into
what little space that was there, because Gregore dove to get his
hands on Ash. Unfortunately for Gregore, Ash was Fey and he just
morphed into a butterfly and fluttered around Greg's head, taunting
him.

Then he fluttered off, past Vesta into the other
room. She heard him open the door, which meant he had morphed back
to himself before he left. His snickering was the last thing she
heard before Gregore's frustrated scream into the pillows.

Vesta glanced at him momentarily and then at her
daughter. "Caislyn," she all but whispered before she left the
room.

Caislyn just watched as Gregore punched the pillow,
repeatedly. She didn't know what to do. She knew she was hurting
him, but working with Ash was the only way to learn enough to get
Jaxon back. She tried to go to him, and stopped herself each time
his fist met the pillow again. Caislyn was sure she could feel her
insides shredding with each hit. She just didn’t know what to do
anymore.

"Just tell me, Cais." Gregore's muffled voice hit her
like a slap in the face. She could hear the strain in it, even
through the pillow he was talking into. "Just tell me to go,
because I'm not sure I can keep watching you with him." He looked
up, his eyes pleading with her as she stood there motionless.
“Caislyn, I need you in my life, but I will go if I’m not what you
need in yours.”

Something inside her heart was breaking. Caislyn was
so torn, and there was no getting around that. A part of her heart
belonged to Gregore and always would. Maybe if she hadn't been so
rushed into things, maybe if Ash hadn't come along, things would be
so different. Caislyn was honestly stuck, not knowing what to do,
let alone what she really wanted. Her heart thumped uncontrollably
in her chest. The decision to be with only him, to send Ash away
was on the tip of her tongue. Gregore was the one she knew she
should chose, and for all the reasons that made good sense. She
hesitated though.

Caislyn had no time to wallow in her own misery, and
pitiful choices. She didn’t even get the words she wanted to say
out. Gregore had gained a second wind and he was now sitting in
front of her, pulling her close. His emotions were raw and plainly
evident on his face, reddened eyes not withstanding. He pulled her
to him, hugging around her waist, his head turned to the side,
rested on her still firm belly. His shoulders shook as he kept
saying her name, over and over. Tears were streaming down her face
now, as she ran her hands through the hair on his head. Gregore was
that boy she stood up for in grade school, the one she used to
laugh and party with. She hurt when he stopped coming around after
her parents disappearance. She hurt, but she'd been the one to push
him away then too. "Just tell me what you want, I swear, I will
listen."

He had all but whispered the words and she couldn't
stop her heart from breaking a little more. The problem was she
didn't know what she wanted. She couldn't let go of him, but at the
same time, she needed Ash. She needed them both right now, and it
wasn't fair to anyone. Not at all. "Gregore, I..." The tears fell
harder as he slowly released her and got up. He walked over to the
door in silence, and looked back at her one last time. Gregore made
an attempt at a smile before he turned and left. Caislyn was numb.
She sunk down onto the edge of the bed, and hurt as the sobs
wracked through her whole body. Before long she was curled up on
the bed, crying into the pillow Gregore had been abusing only
moments ago. It smelled of him, but it smelled of Ash too. He had
been laying there before Gregore had come in. Closing her eyes only
allowed her to remember clearly that Ash had just been wrapped
around her, teaching her how to manifest things in their shared
dream world. The wild absondon of the Fey was a heady cologne, and
it drifted through her senses as she lay there hugging that pillow.
Their conflicting scents just made it all worse somehow, but she
pulled that pillow close to her for comfort anyway, not quite sure
who's comfort she was seeking anymore.

~*~

"Caislyn," Vesta called lightly as she entered the
bedroom area of the RV. She stopped by the bed and set the cup of
tea down on the counter as she sat beside her daughter. "Caislyn,
we need to talk."

"Momma, I just don't want to. I'm so tired. All this
running, and chasing down lead after lead to get to you, losing
dad, and now, this... this mess. And Jaxon. I just can't do this
anymore. It's too much." Her face was still hidden by the pillow,
voice muffled, so the tears weren't evident. She couldn't hide the
tremors that racked her body though. Vesta just leaned over and
hugged her, holding her tightly.

"I know you gave up so much to make sure you found
your father and I. It was more than I could have asked for, and
beyond what was expected. Gregore told me about how you
disappeared, threw yourself into the store and the search, even
when everyone else had given up. I know what you've lost, the time,
the freedom to be young. And then the prophecy." Vesta sighed
again, "I can't help thinking it's all my fault."

"How is getting kidnapped possibly your fault?"

"Oh, well, not the kidnapping part, dear." Vesta
almost chuckled at that. "No, I mean the prophecy, and you being so
unprepared for what was to come. Your father and I were foolish to
think we could keep you hidden forever. It was already foretold,
after all." Vesta rubbed Caislyn's back as her daughter lay there
looking up at her. "I keep thinking if you had known, if we'd told
you from the beginning, maybe none of this would have
happened."

"Mom, it wasn't your fault. I understand what you
did, and even why you did it. I mean, I remember being a kid and
playing with the butterflies, and other things that I just thought
I conjured out of the air. If you hadn't bound my powers, things
could have gone a lot differently."

"Yes, I know." Vesta stilled with her hand on
Caislyn's back. "I just want you to understand, that in hindsight,
decisions can seem foolhardy. Sometimes, they turn out to be
exactly that, but others... well, it's something you have to figure
out for yourself. And Caislyn, I know there's been so much, too
much, for you to have to deal with." Vesta stopped there,
apparently trying to find the right words.

"But..." Caislyn interjected.

"But, you need to make another decision soon, or it
may be taken out of your hands completely."

"Good." She said stiffly. "If it's taken out of my
hands, then so be it."

"Just remember Caislyn, sitting back and allowing the
decision to be made for you can be way more painful than making it
yourself. Even if one of these boys decides it's not right for
them, what kind of message are you sending to the other?" Caislyn
looked at Vesta questioningly, not getting it. "He's going to think
you only chose him by default, because he was all that was left.
He's going to see that you really didn't make a choice. You took
the coward's way out, and that's never an attractive look on
anyone." Vesta patted Caislyn's back one more time, and then got up
to leave the room. “My daughter is not a coward,” she said as she
walked out.

This time, it was Caislyn's turn to abuse the
pillows. By the time she wore herself out again, she realized the
only person she wished she could put in front of her fists was
herself. "How did I let my world get so screwed up?" She said it
out loud, but there was no one around to answer her. She found
herself wishing for all the world that Jaxon was there to help her.
"Jax, I need you," she cried into the pillow.

***

HISTORIES & MYSTERIES

"I have a proposition for you."

Jaxon looked up into the quiet greenish blue depths
of Brigid's eyes, wondering how in the hell she had managed to fall
asleep in the midst of a strange vampire so easily. "What kind of
proposition?"

"I need to get to a certain vampire, for a little
revenge of my own, but he's guarded by a witch. I haven't been able
to get close enough to do anything more than watch from a distance
in a great many years. I would love nothing more than to be able to
end his reign on this Earth."