Incredible Beauty (16 page)

“I know, but it’s not even the fact that he stayed with her. It’s that he told me you were helping out with Mirabella. Why lie to me?” I shrugged helplessly, unable to let this go.

“Maybe he guessed you’d react like this?” she offered softly.

“I don’t know, Cass. I feel like there is something else he’s not telling me,” I mumbled. It was most likely just the side effects of the operation talking, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something going on.

After Cass left I decided to email Maria. She had been emailing and calling me every day to check on my progress. Opening up my laptop, I saw it was open to Simon’s email. Just as I was about to log out, a name caught my eye. Claire.

There were many reasons Claire might be emailing Simon, logically I knew that, but my mind was turning over the worst possible scenarios. Hesitantly, I clicked open. Never would I have thought of myself as the type of person who would snoop through their partner’s emails, but here I was.

Simon,

I cannot apologize enough for what happened. I don’t blame you for being angry at me, but please don’t let Maddie suffer for my mistake. I can’t even excuse what I did, because honestly, I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for a long time.

Please, can we talk?

Claire.

As I sat there staring at the screen reading her words over and over, a wave of emotions rushed through me. Angry, I slammed the laptop shut. This had to be some kind of fucking joke. Was that where he was now? With her? The thought made me sick. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I thought about what I should do. I didn’t want to be here when he got back, that much I knew, but I sure as hell wasn’t leaving my daughter here, with him.

There was only one person I could call and that was Cass. She had barely made it five minutes from my house when I made my blubbering call to her. Five minutes later she was hugging me, assuring me everything was going to be fine.

“Come on Em. Let me take you to bed. I’ll wait here for Simon, and we’ll get this sorted out,” she hushed, rubbing my back.

“Sorted out?” I laughed, incredulous, “he kissed Claire!”

“Technically, she kissed him,” Cass interjected, “and from the sounds of it, he was pretty angry.”

“I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew she wanted him back. Everybody thought I was just being the jealous girlfriend and now look at this mess!” I stood up, sending the chair behind me hurtling into the wall.

“Calm down Em,” Cass begged, “please, just sit down or something.” She walked me over to the couch and sat me down.

“How can I calm down? I don’t even remember the last six months of our relationship? How do I know this hasn’t been going on for months?” I ranted, my head ached from trying to find my lost memories.

“He loves you Em. I can see that and you must be able to see that every time he looks at you.”

“I don’t know if that’s enough Cass. I think I need time to think. I need to clear my head,” I whispered, running my nails along my scalp. “Can you call Simon? I-I need a day…or two. If he comes home now I might say something I regret.”

“Whatever you need, Em.” Cass hugged me.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Simon

“Cass, is everything okay?” I asked alarmed. Cass wouldn’t be calling me for an afternoon chat.

“Simon, Em knows Claire kissed you.”

What? I almost dropped the phone in shock. The only people who knew were myself and Claire and I sure as hell hadn’t said anything.

“How did she find out?” I rasped. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Claire sent you an email and Emma found it by accident. For what it’s worth, I believe you Simon, but Em, her head is all messed up as it is. You need to give her a few days to figure things out.”

“What I need is to speak to her and explain-.”

“Listen, Simon! If you come home now, you’ll make things worse. I promise you that. Go stay at a hotel, or go to my house. I’m staying here with Em and Mirabella, Tom’s home, but he won’t care if you’re there.”

“Fine. Can you call me later and tell me how she is? Cass, you need to make her see how much I love her.”

“I’ll try, Simon, I really will.”

 I pulled the car over, three blocks from home. That’s how close to seeing Em I was. It took all of my willpower to turn the car around and drive away. I knew Cass was right. Em needed space right now and not giving it to her would be a bad move.

“Fuck!” I yelled, hitting the steering wheel. She needed space, I’d give her space. Throwing the cell into the back seat, I headed to Claire’s.

“Simon,” Claire looked shocked as she opened the door and saw me standing there, “come in,” she added. I brushed past her, trying to remain calm.

“Emma knows, because she saw the email you sent me. Why the fuck would you think it would be a good idea to email me?” I demanded.

“Because you wouldn’t answer your damn phone,” she replied, walking into the kitchen. “Keep your voice down, Maddie is outside.”

“Look, I need to get away for a few days. I want to take Maddie to my moms.”

“You want to take her now? She has preschool, Simon and other things. You can’t just take her with no notice.”

“Please Claire. Em needs space and I need to clear my head. Besides, mom hasn’t seen Maddie in ages,” I pleaded.

“Okay, you can take her,” she finally agreed, “but only two nights, okay?”

The drive to mom’s house was just over two hours of listening to Maddie chat non-stop about everything and anything. It was great. This is exactly what I’d needed, time away from everything with my daughter. As much as I wanted to give Em the space she needed, being away from her and Mirabella, even for just a few days was going to be hard.

We arrived at moms just after four and I was looking forward to surprising her with the unscheduled visit.

“Can I ring the doorbell daddy?” Maddie begged, jumping up and down on the front step. Laughing, I nodded as she squealed and pressed the button.

“Simon? And Maddie!” Mom cried, kneeling down to hug Maddie.

“Hi Gram-ma,” Maddie sang. In the two hours in the car I’d quickly learned she was in a singing phase. I hoped she was out of it by the time we had to drive home.

“Hey mom,” I smiled, kissing her cheek. She pulled me into a hug.

“What are you doing here? Is Emma and the baby here?” she looked over my shoulder at the car. I shook my head, nodding towards Maddie. This was a conversation I didn’t want to have in front of her. “Come on in,” she pushed us inside and shut the door.

“Dukie!” cried Maddie, as mom’s cavalier spaniel hauled himself into her arms. Maddie lay on the floor, giggling as Dukie lapped at her face, tail wagging furiously.

“Down Dukie,” she giggled, getting to her feet, but still patting the overexcited spaniel.

“Why don’t you take him out the back, Maddie?” I suggested. She didn’t need to be told twice. She sprinted to the door, as mom made us a coffee. I sat down at the table which overlooked the backyard, watching Maddie and Dukie play.

“What’s going on, honey?” Mom placed the hot cup in front of me.

“Everything’s a mess. Claire kissed me, Emma found out.”

“Oh Simon,” mom gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth.

“I know, mom. I should’ve told Em as soon as it happened, but her memory was so weak already, I just didn’t want to add to her stress. I’ve fucked things up pretty bad.” Mom raised her eyebrows at my use of language. “Sorry,” I said, feeling all of about ten.

“So why are you here, Simon?” she asked gently. That was a good question. Why wasn’t I at home, fighting for my girl?

“I’ll give her a few days,” I finally sighed. “At least until tomorrow. I’m afraid if I push her, I’ll push her too far.”

“And Claire?” mom asked.

“What about her?” I asked, confused.

“Are there any feelings there at all?”

“None.” If there was anything I was sure of right now, it was that Em was the only woman I wanted.

After mom’s homemade meatloaf, the three of us sat on the couch watching TV. With one arm around Maddie, I dug my phone out of my pocket. No calls or messages. What was I doing? I needed to at least let Em know how much I loved her, even if she wasn’t ready to hear me.

I love you more than I love anything on this earth. Please talk to me Em.

I sat my cell on my knee, glancing at it eagerly every time the reflection from the TV bounced off it. I tried convincing myself I wasn’t expecting a reply, but deep down I knew that I was. When an hour passed and I hadn’t heard anything, I slipped my cell back in my pocket. Maddie had fallen asleep next to me. I scooped her up and carried her to bed.

Mom handed me a coffee when I returned to the living room.

“So how are you?” she asked. I shrugged.

“I’m okay. I’ll be fine, mom.” I kissed her forehead. “I might hit the sack too.” It had been awhile since I’d gotten a decent sleep.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Emma

I love you more than I love anything on this earth. Please talk to me Em.

I read the message over and over. Cass smiled at me sympathetically.

“Just reply to him, Em. Imagine how bad he would be feeling,” Cass encouraged. I so badly wanted to, I really did, but something was stopping me and I couldn’t even try and put into words what it was.

“I better check on Mirabella,” I sighed.

Edging open the nursery door, I tiptoed in, sitting down in the nursing chair next to the cot. I smiled at my little girl, who lay sleeping soundly, as if she had no worries in the world. How perfect babies had it. I hoped that feeling lasted for her, for much longer than it had for me.

The room looked perfect for a little girl. The yellow we’d painted the room in had been replaced with a soft pink, which complemented the white furniture perfectly.

Pictures of Simon and I sat framed on top of the wardrobe. I stood up and made my way over to them. The first was taken on one of our first dates. Of course in those days all of our ‘dates’ had been in my apartment, but those nights still felt special. Picking up the second picture, we looked so happy. Simon’s eyes were on me as I smiled into the camera. His love for me was obvious from the way he was looking at me.

Staring hard at the picture, I realized something. This had been taken the night he proposed to me. I remembered. I remembered the meal he had prepared for me, the amazing sex we’d had and the way afterward he’d pulled out the ring on the balcony and dropped down on one knee.

Wiping away tears, I reached up to my neck and fingered the ring that hung on my necklace. Reaching up, I unclasped the necklace, letting the ring slide off the fine silver chain and into my palm. I slipped the ring onto my finger.

I glanced back at Mirabella before closing the door. I stared at the photo of us as I walked back into the living room. Cass jumped up, concern flashing in her eyes.

“Em, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” she reached up and smoothed the tears away with her thumbs. I handed her the picture.

“I remember this. Cass, the night he proposed, I remember,” I sobbed.

“Shh, why are you crying then, you dick? Isn’t it a good thing?” she asked softly, chuckling.

“I love him so much, I can’t stand the thought of not having him with me,” I wept. Cass handed me my phone.

“Tell him that, Em, not me.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Simon

The vibration of my phone woke me up. I was surprised I’d even fallen asleep, I must have been more tired than I thought. Reaching my arm out for the phone, I brought it level with my eyes and struggled to make out the message.

Fuck, it was from Em.

Are you awake?

I dialed her number, she answered right away.

“Do you remember the first night we ever spoke?” she asked.

“I remember what a psycho I was, calling you in the middle of the night,” I answered, cringing at the memory.

“Yeah, I’m surprised that didn’t scare me off, actually,” she chuckled. She was laughing. Laughing was good, god I loved her laugh.

“I love you Em. You know that, right?” I asked softly. She sighed, as if she were gathering her thoughts.

“I do know that,” she began, “I was in watching Mirabella sleep tonight and I saw the photos of us on the drawers. The one of us, after you proposed? I looked at it and I remembered. I remember that night. I remember that you put the bed out there and we slept under the stars, I remember the love I felt for you when you slipped that ring onto my finger.”

“That’s great news, Em,” It really was. It was only one memory, but it was a good sign that they were still in there somewhere.

“I’m sorry Simon, it’s just the thought of another woman kissing you… It drives me crazy. I have issues with trust and I think a big part of that is me trusting that your feelings will always be there.”

“Are you crazy? You have no idea how crazy in love with you I am. I can’t even imagine you not being in my life. When I found you lying there, unconscious…that was the worst moment of my life. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”

“Will you come home?”

“I’m actually out at my mom’s. I took Maddie up here for a few days to clear my head. And I felt bad about not spending much time with her lately.”

“Okay, well I can’t wait to see you,” she said softly, “and Mirabella misses her daddy too.”

“Is Cass still staying with you? I don’t want you there on your own.”

“Yes, she said she’ll stay till you get back.”

“Okay, good. Em?” I asked

“Yeah?”

“Love you,” I smiled.

The following day we got up early to go with mom to some flea markets, which Maddie was ecstatic about. Maddie loved anything that involved sifting through junk and finding hidden treasures. When she was little, she would bury her toys in her sandpit just so she could ‘find’ them.