Incredible Beauty (17 page)

“This has been great, Simon,” Mom laughed as we sat down for lunch in a diner near where Leila lived. That was our next stop. I didn’t get up there nearly as often as I should and I felt guilty about not seeing mom and Leila.

“What do you want?” I asked Maddie who was still pouring over the menu.

“A cheeseburger,” she announced, nodding her head decisively. “And a milkshake?” she added hopefully. I laughed and nodded.

“Just don’t tell your mom.” Unable to resist the call of the cheeseburger, I ordered one for myself too, while mom ordered a chicken salad. Mom had noticed my mood was much brighter today, though I was yet to explain to her what had happened.

“What now, daddy?” Maddie asked, pushing her near empty plate aside. I gaped at her, not entirely sure where she had put all that food.

“Grandma wants to take the birthday girl shopping,” I said, my eyes wide.

“Ooh, really?” she cried, the excitement almost too much for her. It was her fifth birthday next week and I knew mom would love to be able to spend the afternoon with her, which also left me free to go and visit Leila.

After dropping Maddie and mom off at the nearby mall, I drove to the home where Leila was. For a nursing home, it wasn’t too bad and there were quite a few people around her age living there. I’d heard horror stories about the condition and treatment of residents in some of these places, so along with mom, we had made sure Leila was placed in the best facility in the area. Mom would still have her at home occasionally, but those days were becoming rarer as Leila slowly got worse.

The place had undergone some renovations, but not significant enough for me not to know my way to her room. Like all the residents, she had a private room, hers overlooking the gardens. The rooms were bright and individually decorated with photos, pictures and other things that personalized each space.

The extent of Leila’s injuries meant she spent all her time in bed, basically unresponsive. Unlike when Em was unconscious, Leila would lay there, her eyes open, staring at the wall. She showed no responsiveness at all. She was like a shell.

Sitting down next to her bed, I reached out and held her hand. She looked as though she’d aged ten years in the year that I’d seen her. Guilt crept through me. I should’ve have been in earlier. She was my sister and I shut her away like she was a bad secret.

“Hey Leila. How are you? It’s been a long time,” I smiled, stroking her dark hair behind her ear. She stared back at me blankly. “You have a new little niece. Her name’s Mirabella. She’s a beautiful little thing with a dark mop of hair.” Leila stared right past me and as I squeezed her hand I got no response.

I stayed with Leila for about an hour, talking to her about whatever came into my mind, wanting to fill the silence. Before I left, I kissed her on the head, unable to shake the feeling that this might be the last time I would see her. According to mom, her lung and breathing issues had been getting steadily worse, to the point where she was hospitalized a couple of times a month. I felt some sense of relief that I had been into see her. Some of the guilt I’d harbored over never seeing Leila had begun to subside.

The mall was busy, but I could spot bouncing Maddie and mom waiting just outside the main entrance. I pulled into an empty parking space and honked the horn. Maddie spotted me first, grabbing moms arm and tugging her toward the car. I chuckled to myself, positive mom would sleep very well tonight. I knew I always did after a few hours with Maddie.

“How did you two go?” I asked as they climbed into the car, Maddie in the back and mom into the passenger seat.

“You should see what Grandma got me, daddy!” piped up Maddie. I rolled my eyes at mom.

“What? It’s her birthday, I’m allowed to spoil her.”

“Yeah Daddy, she’s allowed to spoil me,” Maddie added. I shook my head, knowing there was no way I was going to win this one.

Pulling into mom’s driveway, we walked inside, Maddie running straight into the living room to play with her new toys.

“How did you go with Leila?” mom asked softly.

“Good. I feel better having seen her. It’s weird, but it feels like she’s not there, you know?” I said. Mom nodded.

“I know,” mom agreed, “every time I see her I can see she is getting worse. The chest infections are more often and last for longer.” She lowered her head, trying to hide her tears. I put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her as she cried.

“I just feel like…I wish her suffering would stop, you know?” she said, “What mom thinks like that?”

“You’ve watched her suffer for over twenty years. You see the pain she goes through, mom. It’s natural that you don’t want her to suffer,” I said softly.

“I’m glad you’re here, Simon.”

“I’m glad too. We will get up here more often, I promise,” I said, kissing her cheek which was still damp from tears.

“Have you and Emma fixed things?” she asked suddenly.

“I think we have. There had been so much going on the last month and our relationship moved forward so quickly…I’m just glad things are back on track now.”

Mom followed me into the spare room and helped me pack Maddie’s stuff. Since my decision to leave had been so sudden, I had been wearing the same clothes for the past two days. I was looking forward to getting home and seeing Em and Mirabella.

Maddie was asleep when I pulled into Claire’s driveway, I carefully carried her inside and placed her into bed. Claire stood by the door and watched as I readied her for the night. Once I’d tucked her in, I followed Claire into the kitchen.

“Coffee?” Claire asked, the first to break the awkward silence. I shook my head.

“I better get home to Em and Mirabella,” I explained. “Tell me something,” I added suddenly, not sure I wanted to open this can of worms, but needing answers all the same, “why now? For so long I tried to win you back and now it’s like you see how happy I am you want to ruin that?” I asked in disbelief.

Claire sighed, her elbows dropping onto the kitchen counter. I waited impatiently for her to speak.

“It wasn’t about wanting you unhappy. All those times you wanted to try again, I still saw the old Simon. I couldn’t let myself be hurt like that again,” she paused briefly, wetting her lips. “Since you met Emma, you’ve changed. You’re a completely different man to the one I divorced. You’re the man I fell in love with ten years ago,” she whispered.

I stood there like an idiot, not able to say anything. Wow, this was unbelievable.

“Are you saying you’re still in love with me?” I asked evenly.

Claire shrugged. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, it’s just the person I loved changed into a selfish asshole who would drown his problems in a bottle,” she turned around, facing away from me. “That night…the kiss, you kissed me back. I felt it, I know I did. Why did you kiss me back?”

I opened my mouth, not sure of what to say.

She was right. I
had
kissed her back and it was something that ran through my mind since that night. Why had I kissed her back?

“I loved you, Claire. You don’t just turn that kind of love off. I guess I was so surprised and for the slightest second I wondered if what we had once was still there.”

“And was it?” Claire whispered hoarsely. I looked down. Regardless at how angry I was at Claire, telling her I felt nothing in our kiss was not something I was looking forward to doing.

“What I feel for Em is something I’ve never felt for anyone,” I responded tactfully. She turned around and glared at me.

“Answer the question, Simon. Did you feel anything? Anything at all?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head, “You say I’m a better man, like the man you fell in love with? I’m not that man without Em. Without her, I’m nothing.”

Claire made a face. Nodding, she walked out of the kitchen.

“You better not keep your fiancé waiting,” she said once she reached the front door. Any anger I felt toward her had gone and replaced with sympathy.

“Okay.”

“Oh, Simon? Don’t forget Maddie’s birthday party is this weekend,” she said, her tone softer.

“We’ll be here.”

Chapter Thirty six

Emma

Glancing at Cass, I made a face.

“Simon is on his way back,” I said.

“Is that a subtle hint? Get out Cass?” she grinned.

“Would you mind?” I said smiling. She knew me so well. I wanted it to be just me and Simon when he got home. Cass here would make things awkward and the last thing we needed was awkward.

Cass nodded and collected her things.

“Will you call me if you need me? Even if it’s like two in the morning?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around me. I nodded, who else would I call but not for Cass?

“Course I will, now go. Tom will have forgotten what you look like,” I joked.

“Maybe he might actually show me that he missed me,” Cass replied, rolling her eyes, making me laugh. I led her to the door, no sooner than when we reached it, Mirabella began to scream.

“See you,” Cass called out knowingly as I went in to check on my little girl. I walked into the nursery, as soon as she spotted me her cries stopped.

“Really?” I asked her. “You’ve got me wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?” I laughed, lifting her out of the crib. After checking her nappy was clean, I carried her into the kitchen to heat up a bottle. I was amazed at how naturally motherhood had come to me. Being the anxious, nervous person I was, I was sure that being a mother would only increase my anxieties. It was the opposite though. My confidence in myself had soared, which went a long way with my abilities of controlling my feelings. Even with Simon, I had been able to rationally work through the kiss with Claire. Once I’d calmed down anyway.

Mirabella latched onto the bottle like she’d never been fed. I laughed at the speed she was gulping down the formula. No wonder she was packing on the weight. She finished her feed and I was burping her when Simon walked in. He stared at me hesitantly, not knowing what to expect.

“Hi,” I smiled, rocking Mirabella on my chest while gently rubbing her back.

“Hey,” he said, “I missed you.” He sauntered over to me, kissing my cheek and stroking his daughters’ head. “You’re a natural,” he commented.

“Yeah, this is easy,” I said waving my hand, not mentioning the two hours’ sleep I got last night when she decided that sleep was overrated.

“Do you want me to take her?” he asked, his arms out ready. I placed her in his arms, watching as his face lit up. “God she is beautiful,” he murmured. He walked into the nursery with me behind him and rocked her gently in his arms. It wasn’t long before she had fallen back asleep.

“This is the bit that had me pulling my hair out last night,” I whispered as he placed her in the crib. She stirred, then snuggled into the blankets he had wrapped snugly around her. “Show-off,” I said to him, poking my tongue out. He chuckled, leading me out of the room.

“I missed you, did I tell you that?” he said, running his fingers across my cheek.

“You might have. How was your time with Maddie?” I asked, letting him pull me closer to him. I breathed in his aftershave, the smell making me weak at the knees.

“It was great. Mom loved seeing her and spending time with Maddie was exactly what I needed.”

“Did you see your sister?” I asked gently stroking his forearm. He nodded.

“She wasn’t good. God Em, seeing her like that made me remember hoe close I came to losing you.” Delicately, I reached up to catch the tears that had begun to fall.

“I’m sorry Simon, for how I acted after…” I didn’t finish the sentence, not able to say the words without flaring up my anger toward
her
again.

“You reacted how anyone would,” Simon reasoned, leading me into the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed, pulling me with him. We both lay down, entangled in each other’s arms.

“You’re the only one I ever want, Em. You know that don’t you?” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He leaned down and kissed me a deep passion filled kiss. I kissed him back, my lips pressing against his, my mouth exploring his.

“Anymore memories returned?”

I shook my head. “Every now and then I get a flash of a memory, but nothing that I can actually make out. I think I need to stress less about it and maybe if I put less pressure on myself, things might come back to me.”

“You reckon?” Simon chuckled, mocking me. I nudged him. Yes, he had been saying all along that I needed to not think about it, but that was a conclusion I needed to reach myself. “Maddie’s birthday is this Saturday. If you don’t feel like going you don’t have to,” he added, circling the skin on the back of my hand.

“No, I want to be there for Maddie,” I decided. And to let Claire know she wasn’t going to take Simon from me. Not if I had anything to do with it.

“I love you, you know that?” he hugged me so tightly I struggled to breath. Laughing, I kissed him.

“I love you too.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Simon

Somehow when Em had seen Claire’s email to me, she had failed to see the email directly below entitled ‘Moving back to the USA!’ I took that as a sign to continue with the surprise that Maria had wanted to employ on Em.

Following their application on the house being accepted, Maria and her two girls were flying in today. The last few days had been an absolute mess for me, trying to get everything ready for them without arousing Em’s suspicion. If she did think something was up, she wasn’t showing it, at least not to me.

I had wanted to pick them up from the airport, but there was no possible way for me to do it without Em asking questions. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin everything, so I had begrudgingly agreed to them taking a cab. Phillip was joining them next week after his current contract finished up.

It had just ticked passed eleven am and I was a wreck. I’d at least had the sense to pick up some work from the office, where I would be starting at next week. They had been fantastic in understanding my circumstances for the last month and I was actually looking forward to starting.