Indelible Love - Emily's Story (16 page)

“That was, but when I saw this in
Hawaii, I knew I had to get it for you. Please open it.”

I slowly began to unwrap the silver
bow. I could feel my body tensing up, hoping for and against
another ring. As much as I adored this man, thinking beyond our
current relationship wasn’t a smart choice for me.

When I opened the box, he didn’t
disappoint my hope and fears. Inside the box was a huge solitaire
diamond engagement ring. I looked at him, shocked and
dazed.

“Emi, don’t be scared. I bought this
thinking I could hold off till you were ready, but after this trip
I realize I don’t want to be without you. Emily Anne Logan, I know
it’s only been a short two months, but I want to be with you
forever. I love you more than any man could love a woman, and I
promise to love you this way the rest of my life. Will you marry
me?” His most sincere blue eyes looked almost in pain awaiting my
response.

I hesitated for a while—a long while.
I tried not to think about this intimidating situation. I thought
about useless facts like how I was sitting in the passenger seat of
a car and how this was not what I’d imagined a proposal to be. My
heart fluttered, wildly excited about this proposal, but my mind
panicked. Was I ready for this? Would the prospect of marriage to
one another be as wonderful to him in a few months as it would be
to me? Two months—the entirety of our relationship, of us knowing
one another—couldn’t be long enough for him to love me that deeply,
already. Infatuation would be a better terminology for what he felt
for me. But, what would he do if I said no?

Copious thoughts raced through my
head.

Before I finished my thoughts, Jake
shook my arm. “Emi? Are you OK? I’m sorry. I know I turned too
serious too soon for you. But, I love you and want to be with you
every day and every night for the rest of my life. Let’s get
married! Huh?” He leaned over and lightly brushed his lips against
mine. I didn’t respond, but I also didn’t push him away.

“Jake…oh, Jake,” I sighed. Jake kissed
me again. This time a bit rougher than before, and I gave in to his
physical desire and demand. My mind was still trying to sort out my
heart.

“You know how much I like you.” My
head automatically shook ‘no’ as Jake pulled away. “After meeting
your family and spending time with all of you in Hawaii, I know
your family is just about as perfect as a family can be. But, I’m
not ready for a lifelong commitment. It’s too soon. You can’t mean
this already. I am committed to you as a girlfriend and that’s
where I’d like to stay for a while. I hope this is OK. I’m sorry
but my answer is no.”

Could you possibly love me
this much already? Enough to want to live with me forever? I want
to marry you, love you forever, start a family with you. But, I
couldn’t stand it if you regretted your decision later
on.

He stared at me, and didn’t respond at
first.

“I’m sorry…are you hurt by my
response?” I tried to solicit an answer. “I’m sorry.” I repeated
myself just in case he didn’t hear me the first few
times.

Jake didn’t look my way. He got back
on the road and started driving.

“Jake, we just started dating. Why do
we need to move so fast? Can’t we just enjoy ourselves?”

“Emily, why can’t you even consider
this proposal? Why do you need to reject it so quickly? I’ve known
since the first day we met at the grocery store I wanted to marry
you. Can’t you see how much I love you?” Jake became visibly upset.
“Why are you so scared all the time?”

“Jake, it’s been two months. How do
you know already?” Cautiously, I asked, hoping to discuss rather
than to argue. “How do you know a few months down the road you will
still desire forever with me? Maybe we were both caught up in the
bliss of Hawaii.”

“The bliss of Hawaii..? Why do you
always doubt my love for you? Is it because of Max? Just because he
callously dumped you rather than marry you doesn’t mean I’m going
to do the same thing to you. Don’t compare us!”

Just because he callously
dumped you
…my heart broke at Jake’s
callous word.

Before I could recover, Jake’s tone
elevated to an even angrier pitch. “Are you still not over Max? Is
this what your rejection is all about? Would you have said no to
him if he’d asked you to marry him?”

“Why are you bringing Max into this?”
I yelled back. My anger rose above my pain. I regretted my tone,
but couldn’t understand why he would bring Max into this
conversation. It was unfair of him to ask me about a proposal from
Max that never transpired. I didn’t know what hurt more right
now—the fact that my ex-boyfriend of four years dumped me the night
I expected a proposal, or that my current boyfriend so cruelly
reminded me that he dumped me before I had any chance at a
proposal.

“Forget it, Emily. Forget I just
proposed. Let’s just forget everything.”

My heartbreak multiplied
exponentially.
Of course this was too good
to be true. Jake, what does it mean to forget everything? Does
everything include us?

Swallowing all of my tears, I took a
last glance at Jake then stared out the window.

Jake looked angry and aloof. I knew
this—Jake, Jane, the Reid family—was temporary. Happiness appeared
to be so commonplace in most people’s lives—parents, siblings,
extended family, love—where was all this for me? I probably just
pushed away the best thing that had happened to me since my
parents. Why did he have to move so fast? Couldn’t he tell that I’d
be too scared to commit so haphazardly? If he loved me so much,
couldn’t he let me answer him in my own time? Although I was scared
beyond belief right now, I knew if given a little time, my fear
would subside, and I’d admit that we would be together for a
lifetime.

My pain aside, I feared what was on
Jake’s mind at this moment. I knew he believed I didn’t care for
him the same way he cared for me. Never once did I explain to him
how much he meant to me, just how much I loved him. Every time he
professed his love for me, I’d never fully reciprocated. He
probably believed I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for
me. How ironic Jake might feel this way when I loathed feeling this
way with Max. I hadn’t been fair to the man I loved.

“Jake? Please say something. I’m sorry
for turning you down. Can’t you give me more time? I’m not ready to
get married.” I kept swallowing back my sniffles.

Silence.

He didn’t seem to care.

Jake drove the entire
forty minutes without saying a word or breaking his visage. I kept
looking at him, wanting to say something to ease this tension, but
I decided to leave him to his silence. Sadness surrounded every
corner of my being. I had lost another person who felt like family.
My face stayed focused on the window to hide my fears.
It’s over, already
.

Could there be a second chance for
us?

The welcomed sight of my driveway
brought with it the inescapable tears.

“Do you want to come in and talk?” My
eyes blinked rapidly to hold onto the tears.

“No.” He wouldn’t look at me. “Let’s
just forget this whole ordeal…just forget everything. I’ll see you
later.”

That was all he said as the car pulled
away.

Some time passed and the doorbell
rang. Thinking it was Sarah stopping by before heading up to
Oxnard, I opened the door to a face that looked as sullen as my
own.

“Hi,” he whispered—very penitent, very
unsure. “Emily…” We both said nothing for a while. “Can I come in?
Can we talk?”

Taking a step back, the door opened
wide, and Jake was welcomed in.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said as his
arms draped around my body. “I’m so sorry! It killed me to see you
walk away, so hurt by all the things I said to you.”

Speechless, I stood there wondering
what my reaction should be to his remorse.

“I knew you’d be hurt, I knew you’d be
crying, but my ego got the better of me, and I couldn’t stay to
work this out. My head needed to be cleared before I could come
back and find a resolution.”

His body still covered mine and slowly
my arms lifted to cover his as well—tentatively.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry
I was so angry with you. And I’m really sorry that I brought up Max
and said all those crazy words to you.”

Confused about where this was heading,
I just stood there with pearl-sized tears hovering. Would the next
sorry resemble, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out,” or was he
trying to make amends?

“Emi?” He kissed the tears from my
eyes. “Why are you so quiet? Talk to me.” For the first time since
we started dating, I heard fear in his voice.

“Where does this leave us now?” Worn
out—if he wanted to end our relationship, I wanted it done
immediately.

“What do you mean?” Jake looked
puzzled.

“You told me twice ‘let’s just forget
everything.’ Does everything include us? If so, I’d like for you to
be honest with me. Since I turned down your proposal, I get it if
you want to break up with me.”

“Unbelievable!” Jake shook his head
with a look that could be summed up as stupefied.

I felt bare as he dislodged his arms
from my body, but to my relief, my cheeks felt the immediate warmth
of both hands. Without another word, his lips devoured mine and I
was only too happy to allow it—more accurately, I was desperate for
it.

When we both needed a breath, his lips
let go, but his face stayed inches from mine.

“Does that answer your
question?”

I shook my head no.

An even longer and more intense kiss
followed.

“I can do this all day until you get
it.” His head came down again.

“Wait!” The last thing I wanted to do
was cut short any embrace, but I needed verbal reinforcements
rather than a sensual one. “Let’s talk.” We sat next to one another
but not so close that he could attack my senses and discombobulate
my brain.

“What did you mean when you said you
wanted to forget everything?”

“Emi…I just wanted to undo the mess I
had gotten myself into. I’d said so many careless words to you. I
didn’t mean to bring up your heartache with Max. I know you don’t
love him anymore. In some ways, I was mad, hurt, jealous—there were
so many emotions going through my head, and I said everything that
came to mind. There was neither discretion nor discernment, and I’m
sorry.”

“Why would you be jealous? Of what? Of
whom?”

“Of Max, I suppose. There was a time
you wanted him to propose to you. I thought maybe you’d want the
same from me…”

“Jake. I know I haven’t made myself
very clear on this subject, but I am absolutely in love with you.”
The gray skies left his face and he beamed the most heartwarming
smile.

“Say that again.” He inched
closer.

“Which part?” I feigned ignorance.
“That I haven’t been too clear with you or that…”

It didn’t take much for Jake to push
me onto the sofa and have his way with me.

“You love me?”

“I am irrevocably in love with you,
but I’m not ready to marry you. Are you OK with that?”

“Do I have a choice? This just means I
have to work harder to get a yes out of you on both
accounts.”

“Huh?”

“Sex and marriage—in that order,
starting now, if possible.”

“Go home. I’ll see you in a few
hours.”

I cleaned myself up the best I could
before heading toward Jake’s parents’ home. After such a crazy
morning, I needed this time to gather my wits for tonight. With all
the presents for the family in the car, I drove over to their home
earlier than expected. Jake’s parents lived in a stunning old
colonial home that sat on a large parcel of flat land. Their front
lawn was so huge their home actually looked normal size from the
street. As I got closer, I could see that their home was closer to
being a mansion than a normal home like mine. I rang the doorbell,
and Sandy greeted me with a huge smile.

“Hi, Emily! I’m glad you came
early.”

“I thought I’d come and help you get
dinner ready.”

“I’m so glad to have you here with me.
No one else is home so we can get to know each other without any
interruptions—from my son especially. He won’t give any of us a
chance to spend time with you.”

We both started to laugh. “I’m sorry
we were so exclusive in Hawaii. I wanted to get to know everybody,
but since Jake hardly gets any time off from the hospital, I
couldn’t help but enjoy my four days with him. I hope this hasn’t
spoiled me for when he goes back to work. It’s tough dating a
doctor.”

“I know, dear. We rarely see him even
though he works in town. He’s mentioned moving back into this house
to be closer to you and work. Has he told you this?”

“No, we haven’t had a chance to talk
about it. I’m sure he’ll let me know when he’s ready. What can I
help you with? I’m somewhat skilled in the kitchen, as I’ve been on
my own for a while.”