Indestructible Desire (14 page)

***

I don’t know if its from watching a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon tonight with Brooklyn, or the fact that I’ve had Zak on my mind with everything that’s been going on, but my nightmares returned with a vengeance tonight. I can’t escape them no matter how hard I try. Every time I awaken from one terrifying dream, I fall back asleep to just be startled awake once again by another.

Each time, the dreams are the same but slightly different. I keep reliving the moment I shoot Jacob, and then see Zak staring at me in shock with blood all over his face. He keeps yelling at me, calling me a murderous cold-hearted bitch, screaming at me because I’m alive and have Kayden, and Jacob’s dead,
leaving him with absolutely nothing.

I can’t get the vision of that horrendous night out of my head. Rolling over, I glance at the clock and see it’s a little after 2am. I’ve been tossing and turning for two hours now, and to top it off Kayden is still not back yet.

I’m now regretting making him go out because I need so badly right now to curl into his arms. I desperately need for him to stroke my hair and tell me everything’s going to be alright. Because right now, I feel like a piece of glass, shattered and strewed across the room. No matter how hard we try to piece me back together, I’ll never be the same as I was before.

With tears streaming in a heavy flow down my face, I head into the bathroom and start filling bathtub. My entire body aches from the fight I’ve been having in my dreams, and I'm in need of a long hot soak. Retrieving a bottle of wine from the bar in our suite, I pour myself a glass straight to the brim. Before I return to bed tonight, I plan on polishing off this entire bottle.

Slowly sinking into the hot steaming water, I welcome the sting from the scalding temperature. Gulping down half of my glass, I set it on the side of the tub and pop my iPod's headphones into my ears. With Sick Puppies blasting through my ears, I do nothing but focus on the music flowing into my brain. My only goal for the next hour is to numb my mind, body, and soul; I don’t want to feel a damn thing.

Feeling relaxed and a tad bit drunk, I climb out of the tub and quickly dry off and return to bed. I slip on nothing but one of Kayden’s Texas Longhorn graphic tee’s. Just as I’m sinking into the heaven-like mattress, I am startled by the loud booming sound of men’s voices in the hallway.

Sitting up, I strain my ears to hear who’s talking. I recognize Kayden immediately, and what sounds like Dixon. Then I can hear Brooklyn screaming clear as day at them to shut the fuck up, people are trying to sleep. I can’t help but laugh at her bluntness. Crawling off the bed I stumble to the door.

Opening it, I peer out into the hall, and immediately notice two bimbos who’s clothes are leaving little to the imagination. Rolling my eyes I drag my eyes to Kayden who’s eyes are glazed over and he’s leaning against the hallway wall talking to Dixon. My breath hitches momentarily as I take in the view before me. But Brooklyn snaps me back to reality with her loud screams as she comes barreling down the hallway.

“I see you found some skanks while you were out?” Turning and eyeing them up and down, her lips curled up in a mischievous grin. “Little tip for you two, this one,” She says motioning her thumb towards Dixon. “He’s tiny…like this little.” She laughs, holding her thumb and pointer finger up with about an inch space between them. “You’re better off leaving and pleasure yourselves than spending the night with this asshole. Plus, he only lasts five minutes...if he’s lucky.”

I slap my hand over my mouth to try and muffle my laughs. Dixon has a look of pure and utter shock, his mouth hanging open, he just stands there a few moments staring at Brooklyn. He’s in as much shock as the rest of us at what she just said. From what she’s told me, everything she just said is a bull face lie, with all intentions to ruin Dixon’s little threesome party he has planned. One thing he needs to learn, don’t ever piss off Brooklyn Bennett.

“Don’t listen to her ladies, she’s just jealous ya’ll are going to be spending the evening in my bed and she ain’t.”

I jump from the sound of Brooklyn slamming the door to her suite, it echoes all the way down the hallway, making everyone flinch. “Well this just got awkward.” Kayden says with his Southern drawl so thick from all the drinks he’s consumed, you can barely understand what the hell he’s saying.

Stumbling towards me with a cocky grin on his face, Kayden looks at me, slowly licking his lips before turning back to Dixon. “Goodnight Dixon, and thing 1 and thing 2. Please keep the noise down. Me and my lady would like to fall asleep to the sounds of the ocean tonight, and not the sound of you three fuckin’ like rabbits.”

“Can’t make any promises bro, but we’ll try.” Dixon gives Kayden a wink and disappears into his suite with his two playmates. I hope Brooklyn’s okay, I know she’s really torn right now.  Dixon bringing these girls home tonight when he knows Brooklyn’s here is just low. She’s been nothing but platonic with Jax since we’ve been here. She’s definitely stuck between a rock and hard place. I don’t see her getting out of it anytime soon.

***

Chapter Eleven

***

Shutting the door, Kayden stumbles in with a big goofy grin plastered across his face. Walking over to the bed, he plops down and holds his arms out for me. “I love it when you wear my t-shirts.” His eyes raking over me, causing me to blush. The look in his eyes mixed with his husky drawl, I immediately get shivers of excitement up my spine. There’s nothing sexier than my charming boyfriend.

Sashaying towards Kayden, I stop a few inches in front of him and tug on the corner of the Texas Longhorns t-shirt I’m wearing. “I love wearing them, and I absolutely love smelling your delicious scent while I’m sleeping.”

Motioning for me to join him on the bed, Kayden slowly drags his teeth over his bottom lip making my heart race and my legs weak. “Come here, baby. I need to taste those lips of yours as much as I need air to breath.”

I eagerly accept his embrace and can’t control my laughter as he falls onto his back and rolls onto his side, holding me with his perfectly sculpted arms. I swear they were made for the soul purpose of holding me in them. I fit perfectly and feel as if nothing in the world can touch me when I’m lying with him like this. “God, I missed you.” He murmurs into my ear as he gently runs his fingers over my skin, making goose bumps pop up all over my body.

“I missed you, too.” I whisper, gazing up into his majestic pools of green. Even with them glazed over from a night of many jack and cokes and Coronas, they have a hypnotizing effect on me. One look and I forget about the entire world around me.

Letting out a long yawn, Kayden looks as spent as I feel. Tonight has been a tough one. I think my brain is making up for giving me a break last night. My head is still spinning from all the wine I consumed while taking my bath, and my entire body feels numb from the alcohol coursing through out my veins.

“Let me help you get outta these clothes, baby.” I quickly get to work peeling his t-shirt from his body and tossing it beside the bed. Within seconds, I have his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped. Climbing off of the bed, I grip his jeans down by his feet, and with one fast tug they slide off of him effortlessly.

“Man, I feel trashed.” Kayden mumbles, barely audible as he climbs under the blankets in our king size bed. Even with this gigantic bed, we squeeze our bodies together, sleeping entangled in each other’s arms every night.

“I can tell, you smell like you bathed in a bottle of Jack Daniels. How much did you drink tonight?” I ask with sarcasm laced in my question.

Rolling onto his back, Kayden rubs his chin pondering my question, “I’m not sure, I lost track after my sixth Jack and Coke. I had a few Coronas while we played pool. It felt nice having a guy’s night out, but I couldn’t get you outta my mind, no matter how many drinks I had. You consumed my every thought; I counted down the hours, minutes and seconds until I got to have you in my arms again.”

Rolling my eyes I let out a small laugh as I rub circles across Kayden’s chest. Locking eyes with him I immediately smile again. “Geesh, sorry to break this to ya, but you got it bad for me, Knox. You may need this shrink more than ya think.”

A deep husky laugh escapes Kayden’s mouth and vibrates the bed as his body shakes with laughter. “Well baby, I will shout it from the top of Beaumont Industries if you want me to.”

“Shout what? That you’re crazy about me?”

Gripping my butt in his hands, Kayden slides me against his body and trails kisses along my jaw, nibbling a path to my eager lips. My intoxicating kiss, laced with whiskey is short lived. As quickly as his lips touched mine, he was pulling them away and flashing me an impish grin. “No baby, I’m not just crazy about you…I’m certifiably crazy in love with you, Savannah Elizabeth Livingston. I would gladly tell the world a million times over.”

Snuggling against Kayden, I drift off to sleep, thankfully nightmare free for the rest of the night. I just hope that sooner rather than later I can finally get back to my old self. I don’t know how much longer I can take living as a fraction of who I use to be. At least I have Kayden’s love and support; he’s slowly, piece-by-piece, helping me glue myself back together. Every day that he is by my side, I feel a small sliver of myself slipping back into place.

***

Laying on the warm sand, soaking up the rays cascading over my body, I feel absolutely amazing. Kayden surprised Brooklyn and me with deep tissue massages down on the beach this morning. The masseuse did wonders, I didn’t realize how tense and knotted up my body was from all the stress I’ve endured over the last several weeks.

Rolling onto my stomach, I admire the fine specimen walking towards me. Kayden has on orange O’Neil swimming trunks and nothing else. His chiseled and tanned body is glistening in the afternoon sun with water droplets racing over his chest. Biting my lip, I try to hold back the urge to run across the beach and tackle him to the ground.

Finally feeling better with only a tad bit of discomfort in my ribs, I’m finally able to move around without instantly being stopped dead in my tracks by pain from my bruised ribs. Sitting down beside me, Kayden runs his fingers over my exposed breasts. Perks of him owning a private island in the Bahamas, total and complete privacy. There’s no one around for miles besides us.

“You’ve got a mighty fine tan going on baby.” Kayden’s eyes linger on my lips momentarily before sliding them along my body.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I smile into his gorgeous green eyes, and instantly melt when he flashes his devious smile at me, showing of his bright pearly whites. “Yeah I got pretty pale over the winter, it feels so good to get a tan, now I don’t look like the walking dead.”

“Pale or tan, you are irresistible, Savannah.” Kayden murmurs as his lips connect with mine.

Lying back on the sand, Kayden slides his arms under his head and looks at the ocean. Dixon and Jax are a few miles out fishing on Kayden’s boat. From where we’re laying, they look like a tiny spec in the horizon.

Dragging my fingers over Kayden’s angel tattoo, an idea pops into my head and then jumps out of my mouth before I can take it back. “I think I want to get a tattoo.”

Cocking an eyebrow towards the blue skies above us, Kayden asks, “Really? And what are you wanting to get? I’ve actually been thinking about getting a new tattoo myself.”

I’m instantly intrigued; I can’t help but wonder what tattoo Kayden wants because I know he only tattoos things of sentimental value onto his skin.

“You go first! I’m dying to know what you want to permanently etch onto this smokin’ hot body of yours.

“Nope, sorry. It's a surprise sweet cheeks. My lips are sealed.” Kayden says matter-of-factly as he scoops me up and plops me onto his lap. Lacing our fingers together, I press our hands on each side of his head and gaze down at him.

“That’s not fair! I gotta tell you what I’m getting? But you are going to make me wait to see what you get? You are an impossible man, Knox!”

Deciding two can play this game, I tell Kayden he can wait along with me to see what tattoo I get. If misery loves company as they say, then he can wait impatiently along with me. I can’t help but be entertained by how annoyed he’s getting. He’s trying everything under the sun to get me to spill the beans on my tattoo, but my lips are sealed just as tightly as his. But I’m definitely enjoying the teasing and caresses I’m getting from him at the moment as he tries to seduce the answer outta me.

***

It’s our last night here so we decide to all hang out and spend the evening playing beer pong and andchillin’ by the ocean with a bonfire, while enjoying drinks and loud music.

Brooklyn has officially begun her 'pretend as if Dixon Beaumont doesn’t exist' act, blowing off any attempt he makes to speak to her. She’s spent the last few hours hanging around Jax, and has upped her flirting game.

With my Hurricane in hand, I lounge on Kayden’s lap, and watch Brooklyn and Jax play beer pong. Jax has had one too many shots of tequila and is way off his game. Brooklyn’s mopping the floor with him right now.

Tossing her ball into a red Solo cup across the table, Brooklyn hops up and down, bursting with excitement as she officially whoops Jax’s ass. “I give up, I’m too drunk for this shit.” Jax says with his sexy Australian accent as he downs his last beer. Setting the cup back down on the table, he focuses his attention on Kayden. “Wanna head down and get the wood set up for the fire before it gets dark?”

Kissing my neck, Kayden grips my hips and stands up, setting my feet onto the wooden deck. “Sure thing, I should get it all set up anyways before our surprise arrives.”

“Aw yes, the surprise, I almost forgot. Well let's head down then, mate, before I get too smashed to be any sort of help to ya.” Jax plants a steamy kiss on Brooklyn’s lips, leaving her breathless and flustered. Her cheeks glowing crimson red, she just stares all dreamy at Jax as he and Kayden make their way down towards the beach.

While I set up the cups to play a round of beer pong with Brooklyn, I decide it’s better time now than never to discuss the big fat elephant in the room. Looking around to be sure we’re alone, I build up the courage to bring up the painful topic before us.

“So, you decided to not even bother talking with Dixon?”

“Seriously, what the hell do you think, Savannah!?” Brooklyn says while filling the cups up with more beer from the keg. “I’m not going to be his little go-to gal whenever he’s lonely. I’m done with the head games. That man makes me dizzy, one minute he’s bringing two skanks back here with him, and then the next he’s trying to flirt with me and act like nothing happened?”

Dixon definitely has made himself look like a total douche bag, but I can’t help but think maybe he’s being this way because he’s scared and not sure how to handle Brooklyn. Kayden said Dixon likes her, but he’s not sure if he’s ready to settle down into a monogamous relationship. A few weeks ago, Brooklyn was okay with this. But now she is getting all territorial with Dixon, and wanting him all to herself.

“I don’t know what to say, Brooklyn. I see you all hot and heavy with Jax today, and it just is rubbing me the wrong way. You just told me last night, there’s nothing between you two but hot steamy sex. I don’t want him to get hurt, because it’s going to put Kayden between a rock and hard place if things between you two go south.”

Rolling her eyes at me, I can see her entire body stiffen, and her face change from happy to pained instantly. “Don’t you think I already thought of this? I’m sick of being lonely. Xander is a man-whore who’s only good for one thing. Yeah he’s fun for a random hookup, but I’m not kidding myself, he’s sleeping with a new girl in every city they stop in. Dixon I knew was a player, but I loved the idea maybe I could change him, like you changed Kayden. But I guess I was just fooling myself. I’m sick of being alone, so Jax is the safe bet to roll with. Our chemistry in the bedroom is off the charts, maybe over time that could change into something deeper."

Moving around the table, I set the last red beer-filled cup down and wrap my arms around Brooklyn. I hate seeing her being pulled in so many different directions. “All I can say is, don’t settle Brooklyn; you’re an amazing person and my bestest friend in the entire world. I want you to have a guy who’ll love you unconditionally and make you feel the way I do when Kayden looks at me. So loved that you think if you died today, you can die knowing you spent your last days with your soul mate. Almost dying really puts life into perspective.” I laugh to try and ease the moment, but inside I’m completely shaken to the core.

Almost dying was the worst, and best thing that’s ever happened to me. It made me really look at my life and put it all into perspective. People spend way too much time just going with the motions and not grabbing life by the horns. I don’t want Brooklyn to settle for less than the best, so when she looks back on her life, she can without it being filled with regrets and what if’s.

“You told me last night that Dixon makes me you feel everything you’ve only dreamt of feeling when a man looks into your eyes. You need to ask yourself is he feeling that too? If so, maybe he’s just scared shitless and running away. I think before you jump into anything more with Jax, you need to have a serious talk with Dixon, if not to be together, then for closure so you can try to put the feelings you have for him aside and move on with your life.”

***

Chapter Twelve

***

After a few games and good buzz later, Kayden and Jax made their way back up to the deck. “So who kicked who’s butt?” Jax asks, walking over tolean against the beer pong table, watching as I take a shot and miss. Kayden quickly scoops the ball up and tosses it over to Brooklyn.

“I’m getting my ass beat; it’s embarrassing how badly I suck.” I say just as Brooklyn sinks another ball.

Stepping up behind me, Kayden snakes his arms around my waist, pressing himself firmly against my backside. Leaning down and resting his lips against my ear, he whispers, “Only one who should be beating that pretty littleass of yours is me, and baby you suck so good…I’m hard right now just thinking about it.”

I instantly feel my face turn as red as the tropical flowers surrounding us. Spinning around, I slap Kayden’s chest as my mouth falls open in shock. “You are so bad! I swear you have the ability to make
anything
dirty.”

Before Kayden can respond, the doorbell chimes and echoes throughout the house. I can’t control my excitement; I know that has to be the surprise Kayden has planned for tonight.

“Ooh! I finally get to find out what you’ve got planned for us!” I feel like a Mexican jumping bean as I jump up and down in front of Kayden. Hopping up, I wrap my legs tightly around Kayden’s waist and lock my fingers together behind his neck. I instantly feel his growing erection pressing against me, thanks to all his impure thoughts he has bouncing around that dirty head of his.

Squeezing my cheeks in the palm of his hands, Kayden gives me a wink and carries me through the house towards the foyer where Alec and Jerome are standing with a man and woman. Extending their hands, they introduce themselves as Kayla and Jason from Bahama Mama’s Hot Inks Tattoo Shop. It’s the highest rated tattoo shop in all of the Caribbean.

“Tattoo artists, Kayden…that’s the surprise?” I ask, turning and jumping down from Kayden’s arms.

“Yup!You ask I deliver darlin’.”

I’m in shock right now; yeah I was contemplating getting a tattoo, but tonight?! This is insane, and very permanent! Other than my infinity tattoo on my neck, I don’t have any other tattoos on my body.

Shaking their hands and giving them a polite hello, I grab Kayden and drag him to the corner of the room to talk in private. Brooklyn, Jax, and Dixon are all keeping Kayla and Jason busy while I have a much needed pow-wow with my sneaky boyfriend.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Kayden.” I blurt out, as panic runs through my veins, making my stomach do flip flops. “I’m not too big on self-inflicted pain. I know the tattoo I want to get I’ll love because of what it represents, but it’s permanent, Kayden! And what about you? Do you really want to do this?”

Resting his hands on my shoulders, Kayden smiles warmly at me, trying to ease my mini panic attack. “Yes, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Savannah. The tattoo I’m getting will be the last one I get until the day you bless me with gorgeous, blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies.”

Hearing Kayden mention babies sends my head into a whole new level of panic. Since my kidnapping, the want to have children has increased, but our relationship is so fresh and new. Having a child is the last thing we need right now. “What are you planning on getting?” I finally ask, my words shaky.

“Like I said baby, it’s a surprise. And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?”

With those words, holding hands, we make our way into the living room where the tattoo artists are setting up their things. Kayla is gorgeous, and you can tell she lives down here by the tan she’s sporting. With her tall, willowy figure and petite facial features, she reminds me of Kiera Knightly. She’s beautiful and isn’t afraid to show off her killer body, either. She’s wearing short leather shorts and a white Bob Marley tank top that’s knotted on the side, revealing a tattoo that says Bibliophile in a gorgeous script font across her hip.

I’m assuming the man with her is her husband with how affectionate they are with one another, and both are wearing wedding rings. He’s easy on the eyes also, and covered in a lot of tattoos! He stands a few inches shorter then Kayden, I would guess maybe 5’11” and has a sleek muscular build. With his black hair cut short on the sides and slightly longer on top and disheveled as if he’s run his fingers through it multiple times throughout the day. He has that hardcore look, but with dark chocolatey brown eyes that make you instantly relax.

Bouncing over to me, Brooklyn can’t contain her excitement, “Oh. My. Gawd, Savannah! I’ve been dying for a tattoo! I cannot believe Kayden had a helicopter fly these two here! What do you think of an infinity tattoo with a feather? And then the quote, ‘
and in that moment I swear we were infinite’
?”

“I can’t believe he flew them here! I mentioned this morning that I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo and
bam,
here they are.” I laugh. Looking at Jason as he quickly gets to work tattooing something along the left side of Kayden’s ribs. Squeezing her hand, I turn back to Brooklyn, “I think your tattoo idea sounds perfect.”

***

Sitting on the airplane, I’m finding it hard to get comfortable with this bulky gauze taped to my lower back. After watching Kayden and Brooklyn get their tattoos, I decided to not be chicken and just got for it. I’m glad I did. I not only ended up getting a kick ass tattoo that personally means everything to me, I also made an amazing new friend.

When I was going over my idea for my tattoo with Kayla, I mentioned how I loved the font of her tattoo. She told me that the script font is elegant, and one of her favorites to use. I couldn’t help but ask what a bibliophile is because I’ve never heard that word before. She revealed to me that not only does she run a tattoo parlor with her husband, Jason,but she is also a book blogger.She explained that a bibliophile is someone who loves to read. Her blog is called Kayla the Bibliophile and she interviews authors and writes reviews on some of the hottest books.

I’m a huge book lover and take my Ipad with me everywhere. I love laying by the pool or on the beach reading, so I was beyond giddy when we exchanged Facebooks and promised to keep in touch.

After going over what I wanted, we decided on two pistols pointing at each other, similar to the tattoo Miranda Lambert has. I decided on the quote, ‘
Live as if you‘ll die today, and dream as if you’ll live forever’
in the same font she used on her tattoo. With everything I’ve been through and almost losing my life, it’s a quote that I cherish and will try to live my life this way every day. I decided on the pistols because my daddy’s love for hunting and shooting ended up saving my life that night. It turned out beautifullyand I cannot wait to show it off.