Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts) (34 page)

“Natalie I am truly sorry. Seeing you now I realize I have not been myself. I let the manifestation take over and cloud my thoughts. I love you and always have, but now I realize I was right to let you go. You are on a greater mission. I knew this would happen a long time ago, when Hayden finally found me. All of this was just so obscure earlier. I could never hurt you, you must know this. I would never hurt Hayden, because that would hurt you,” he stared at me as he spoke. I knew those eyes so well. There was a time when I couldn’t look away from them.

“How can you say that? You just about had him swarmed by your followers, hundreds of them. I don’t know you and I can tell you that love is not even a factor here. I don’t know what you feel for me anymore but it is not love,” I spat at him. I was shaking with rage. I looked away from him, I tried to take a deep breath but this cave was musty and smelly. I just wanted to go home to Hayden. I moved closer to Adam but he moved back at the exact same time. I was so frustrated.

“Why are you still here Adam? Why didn’t you leave when your parents called you home?” I asked, trying to distract him.

“My parents have not called me home. I thought you understood that I lied to you,” he sneered.

“Right, tell me again why you found it necessary. Didn’t you notice that I wanted to end my life? That I did that because I wanted to be with you, I couldn’t bear to leave you. I was so in love with you and this is how you treat me,” I screamed at him.

“I was wrong Natalie. I know this now. I told you I did it because I wanted you to keep on living. I wanted you to be taken care of by someone alive, someone that could give you the things an immortal couldn’t. But leaving you affected me in a strange way. I became angry and alone. I lost myself to this evil phantom. I did everything it asked and I am so sorry. I really do not want to make you suffer. I wish I could just bring you home and never interfere in your life again, but I cannot. It would be a lie. Every time you are away from me the phantom, the Geist, whatever you want to call it, it takes over. If I let you go now, I will just follow you. I will try and hurt Hayden and take you again. You must believe me. I will never let you go. I am your phantom lover, forever,” he said this with such malice. An aura of fear surrounded me. He was afraid of this phantom that took over and I was afraid of him too. I was frozen as I looked at his stone cold face. He looked like a statue. He was so pale and still. What am I going to do?

“Adam, please think about what you are doing? Do you really want to live forever with me as your captive? You know I will just grow bitter and sad,” I tried to steady my voice as I spoke.

“Oh Natalie, I wish I had a choice. This is beyond me. Do you remember when we first met? I was so amazed that you could see me. Then you talked to me like I was an angel. I wanted to be your angel. I knew at that moment that we would not end well. The first time you suggested dying, hinted at living with me forever as a ghost I knew it had gone too far. When you met Hayden I believed he might be the only one that could save you. I didn’t have the power to. I knew I would kill you myself someday just to keep you with me. I also heard that if you were given the light then you would stay young and beautiful for years. This gave me hope for us. I had to try. Imagine my surprise when it happened. I cried Natalie, I did. I also had to have you back. I guess it was all a plan on some subconscious level. Now you are here and it does feel wrong but I have no choice. I wish you felt the same about me as you used to. You loved me once. You couldn’t keep your hands off me. I was your life. Do you remember that my love?” he was staring at me again. He didn’t take his eyes off me, but the light didn’t seem to affect him.

“Yes, Adam I do remember the way I loved you. I spent weeks in that mental ward trying to pull myself together after you abandoned me. Do you remember that?” I asked, not wanting to look at him anymore.

“You can’t keep me here. Where do you plan on taking me? How do you plan on feeding me? I am human remember. I still have human needs, remember. What do you plan on doing with me Adam?” I glared at him as he stumbled back.

“I don’t know Natalie. I have a lot of faithful followers right now that will do what I ask. Maybe they can find a good place for me to keep you,” he smiled briefly.

“How do you plan on keeping your faithful followers away from me? You saw how eager they were to touch me. Are you going to allow them all to touch me, to hurt me? Will you allow this? Will you allow them to violate me? You know they want to. Can you sit back and watch this?” I was so bitter I was seething with venom now.

“No, Natalie, I will keep them away from you, I promise,” I heard his voice quiver.

“You cannot promise me that. You are not strong enough,” I said as I looked away again. This made him flinch. He was hurt but he knew it was true.

“What else can I do?” he asked. He was struggling to come up with the best solution. He had to go into the light. His time here was done. I shook as I turned to look at him again.

“There is only one choice, my love. They have been waiting for you for a long time. They are waiting for you now. I can help you. I promise it doesn’t hurt and this way you will never have to think of me again. It is time Adam, please, for me. If you ever loved me, please do this,” I begged as I inched closer to him as he thought through what I have suggested.

“No,” he whispered. I could tell he was still thinking. I crept closer yet. He didn’t notice. If only I could wrap my arms around him.

“Adam, will you kiss me?” I begged. He was shocked.

“Why? You love Hayden. You despise me. Why would you ask me such a thing? You know I would love too, with all my heart I would wrap you in my arms for a lifetime and never let you go. If I thought you would kiss me again, I would happily die a hundred times,” he was crying now. He did love me still. He really wasn’t in control anymore.

“I believe you Adam. I believe everything you have told me. I know you love me and I know you cannot live without me. I understand now. I am so sorry for doubting your devotion to me. Please let me kiss you,” I placed my hands behind my back and kneeled in front of him. I looked up at him standing before me. A single tear fell from my eye. He couldn’t control himself anymore. He leapt at me, taking me in his arms he kissed me like he used too, but with more urgency. He was not careful, he was rough and unrestrained. A normal girl would have cried by the way he seized me and held me tight but I was taking this and giving it back to him. My response made him wild and oblivious to everything. I heard Hayden approach but I didn’t take my attention off Adam as he plunged his Kris into his side. Adam moaned but I still clung to him as he started to disappear. I looked into his eyes as the calm took away the pain. He was leaving me.

“No! Adam, I forgive you, I will love you forever,” I cried as he faded. He smiled and was gone into the light. Carlos appeared and took him.

I will escort him to Argentina. I had too. He was mine. I had to see him off. If anyone was going to get a piece of Adam’s light it would be me. I fell to the ground and wept. I felt Hayden’s arms around me as he picked me up and flew across the treetops, just as Adam had done. I was aware of some of Adam’s followers still lingering in the woods, looking for me. Hayden would have to hide me until they eventually grew tired. I couldn’t help him plan my escape. I couldn’t even speak. I was useless. I just helped kill my angel, my savior and I didn’t save him back. I felt horrible.

Hayden finally stopped and I realized we were back at our beach house. We were alone, the GTV’s were gone. Carlos and Clive were gone. I knew there were some ghosts outside but they were losing their confidence. They knew something had happened to Adam and they did not want to be next. They kept their distance. I finally opened my eyes and looked at Hayden. He held me close, unsure as to how to console me this time. I was so confused until I looked into his eyes. I felt relieved that Hayden was here holding me. Tears poured down my face. I couldn’t stop them.

“Oh, Hayden I am so sorry. Please don’t leave me. Please forgive me,” I begged as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. He pulled me closer to him.

“Natalie, there is nothing to forgive. You were perfect, you did everything right. I just couldn’t be stopped. I had to find you. Please tell me you are not upset with my actions?” he cried. I looked at him and smiled. I kissed him.

“I was so confused Hayden. Everything he said was so brutally honest. It was not his fault, you have to trust me. Can I please go with him to Argentina?” I asked, holding his hands, praying he would allow me this final goodbye.

“I thought you would insist on this. Clive is waiting outside. Carlos has gone ahead to the boat. Everything will be ready by the time you arrive,” he said this as he let go of my hand.

“Hayden, you have to come with me. Please. I need you,” I begged.

“This is something you have to do alone. If you still want me when you return then I will be waiting but if you decide that you need to be alone, I will understand.” I didn’t understand why he was feeling this way. Maybe I was still in shock. Maybe I did need time.

Clive opened the door and told me it was time to go. I grabbed my suitcase, still full of clothes and hugged Hayden with my free arm. He kissed my neck and walked out the back door towards the beach. I knew he was right. I had to collect myself. I had to mourn Adam and carry on. I had to come back to Hayden ready to give him all I could without the need for him to take care of me. I had to take care of myself. Only then would I be the person he needed.

Clive and I drove in silence. Once we were on the boat I cried hysterically. This was all too much. I was alone. Hayden was miles away and Adam was almost gone forever because of me. I wished I could call my mother but I knew she would be confused and worried. I couldn’t do that to her. I was all alone.

20. DESPAIR

Once underground I was finally able to stand up straight. I arched my back and looked up. I was about to say goodbye. I had to be strong. I had a lifetime to fall apart but right now I had to be strong. I took a deep breath as Adam’s globule was revealed. He was in the clear tube that held him securely, without possible escape. I put my hands on the tube and looked closely at him. He was there. I had more tears silently pour down my cheeks. He looked at me and shook his head. I could hear him in my thoughts. Please Adam, know I loved you with all my heart.

`I will always be grateful for the time we had. I know that your heart belongs to Hayden. He will take good care of you. Don’t worry about me. I have found peace. I can see my parents waiting for me. Honestly this time. I know this is right for me. I am so happy you are here with me Natalie. I can feel your love. I’ll keep it with me, always. Feeling this makes it all okay. I will see you again my love, my Natalie.’

The light flashed up and without hesitation he was in it. He was gone. Clive gave me the small infusion of his only remaining light moments after he disappeared. He would always live now. He will always be a part of me. I felt stronger instantly. My despair was retreating. I felt ready to continue. I held onto Clive as he walked with me up the stairs.

I slept in the same room Hayden and I shared the first time I was here. As much as I missed him, I was strangely happy to be alone. I slept soundly. I dreamed of the first time Adam saved me. He was a beautiful mysterious angel emerging from the woods. He walked across the icy water without sinking, to save me. Then my dreams turned to Hayden. He was walking down the hospital corridor to take me home with him. He was my strong, living, breathing savior. I was safe in his arms. My dream changed again that night. I envisioned myself running through the fields of my youth. I was as I am now, but I was alone. I was running and laughing. I can take care of myself. I don’t need a savior, a hero or an angel anymore. I ran as fast as I could. Once I reached the trees close to the river I climbed them and flew across the treetops, jumping to reach each one. I saw Cheveyo down below, cheering me on. I waved and kept running.

“Thank you for everything Clive you have been such a support for me,” I hugged him and he held me close for a moment.

“I hope you will continue helping us in this battle Natalie. You have so many talents, we really do need you,” he explained as he looked into my eyes searching for an answer. I smiled.

“Of course Clive, how could I possibly do anything else? I saw how happy Adam was to leave. I want to help others. I am your Seeker.” He hugged me again before he turned and went back inside. Carlos was going to escort me on the long trip home. He held open the door as Elizabeth came running towards me.

“Natalie! I just want to apologize for being so unfair. I hope we can be friends. I want you to have this,” she said as she placed a small black velvet box in my hand. Inside was a beautiful, shimmering silver chain with a silver angel on it. The wings sparkled with diamonds.

“Oh Elizabeth, it’s too beautiful I can’t accept this,” I said pushing it back towards her.

“Natalie, listen to me now. You have many angels watching over you, more than you think. Please keep this close to your heart and in times of despair hold it in your hands and call on your angels for support,” she was almost in tears as she quickly turned from me and ran inside.

I clasped the necklace around my neck. I was going over her words in my head as we flew back home. What did she mean `more than you think and in times of despair’? I had to get to Hayden. I prayed he would welcome me home.

Carlos carried my suitcase as I unlocked the door and walked into the beach house. I was hoping Hayden would be there.

“Hayden,” I called. There was only silence that greeted me.

“Maybe he had to go out. I’m sure he will be back soon,” Carlos tried to reassure me. I nodded, not wanting the terror of abandonment to take over me. The phone rang. I quickly picked it up, gasping.

“Hayden?”

“Natalie? It’s John. Jeez, are you hard to get a hold of. You have to come to Mom’s. I need you here,” his voice sounded raw and chafed. I thought even sad.