Infinity (2 page)

I gritted my teeth when, as usual, mom looked from Gunnr to me like an amused, doting mother.

“Gunnr doesn’t hate you. She’s just trying to toughen you up. It’s like old school tough love.”

Crazy blond witch.

“Yeah, okay. Fuck Gunnr, and fuck her tough love.” The raven named Göndul, which in my opinion was the most gorgeous and unusual raven that I had ever seen, plopped herself on my shoulder, comforting me. I smiled, touching her black feathers that were interspersed with pristine white streaks. “Where are Skögul, Geirahöd, and Friagabi? The other members of the flock of chaos.”

“I guess on some secret mission.” She circled me smiling wickedly. “Now, are you ready to start?”

I yawned hoping to cue her in on my need to go back to my warm, comfy bed. “Gawd, we’ve been at it for hours. Can’t we just call it a night?”

Mom’s strange, gold rimmed, violet eyes narrowed. “No, and this time watch your breathing.”

Just like I thought, no rest for the wicked.
Well then, let the ass kicking commence.
Mine, not hers. In the blink of an eye, I launched myself at her like a possessed woman, hand springing off the grass, kicking her in the chest unmercifully.

She stepped backward, standing at her full six foot height. She flexed her, unbelievably cut, athletic frame, “Good.” She flipped her long ponytail, grabbed my arm, and pivoted, planting a foot softly into my ribcage, catching me totally unaware. “You’re not concentrating, Infinity.”

Now I was annoyed.
Oh, I’ll show you not concentrating
. I unleashed another wicked kick which embarrassingly grazed her chest like a love tap.

“You’re getting soft, Superstar.”

Gritting my teeth before responding I said, “What the hell do you expect? Its freaking cold out here and I’m tired.”

“Fucking excuses, you’re a soft diva.”

My eyes narrowed.
Soft?
We both started going at it with a flurry of kicks, blocks, and punches.

I smiled triumphantly when I somehow got her into a back choke hold. “And you’re getting old, Blondie.” I was so close to doing a victory dance when she twisted out of my hold, throwing me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Adding insult to injury, she cleanly cart-wheeled away, springing off the grass.

Pissed, I launched myself at her with a series of kicks that would have made a martial arts master proud. She ducked away from every one of my kicks with lightning speed, grabbing my foot and twisting it roughly in the last blow for submission.

She laughed huskily then released my foot. “Who’s old now?”

“Shit, tonight you’re freakishly fast.” Plopping onto the grass, I gave her an evil glare while rubbing my foot gingerly. “Ease up a little on the ninja warrior crap. You don’t have to win all the time you know.”

She sat down beside me with a smile. “Nope. No easing up. You have to be quicker, stronger, and more cunning every time. How long has it been since we’ve done our nightly training sessions?”

Rolling onto my back, I looked at the bright moon. “Don’t start okay? I’ve been busy. You know with my career, running my million dollar business, touring, life, nervous breakdown…blah-blah-blah.”

“You forgot to mention partying every night, popping Rejuvenators like vitamins, non-stop touring, and burning yourself out.” She grabbed my hand, “I’m worried about you baby. Given your recent meltdown, maybe you should start focusing on something else for a while.”

I knew what she was really saying—that jumping back in with concerts was too soon, too much, too everything. If it wasn’t for what these concerts stood for, if it wasn’t for the line in the sand that I was drawing by even doing them, I would have agreed, but not now. This was too important to me. Lacing my fingers through hers, I enjoyed the warmth and comfort.

“Mom, I’ve been sitting on my ass for six months.”

“No, you’ve been restoring your body. You needed it.”

I snorted with disgust, working myself up to the verbal confrontation on a very sore topic. “According to who? Mason?”

She pointed at me angrily, “Look, you and Mason need to work out whatever issues you two have going on. If you don’t want him involved in your career then woman up and tell him so.”

She was right, as usual, but how do you fire family? Just thinking about the dilemma made me miserable. “He’s controlling, and if it was up to Mason I would be sitting on my ass for another year while he ran Napoleon on my career and life. He’s changed, and I don’t like it.”

She stared into space then looked at me with blank eyes. “Yes, he has. But you gave him the control while you were in your Rejuvenator slumber. Now that you’re wrestling the control away, he’s insecure about his place in your life. Just give him time to adjust.”

“You’re right. I did give him control, frankly, too much. I refuse to let him ‘adjust’. My life belongs to me and if he refuses to get with the program and hop on the Infinity train, then fuck him.”

“You’re arguing with me like I have anything to do with this. I told you a long time ago, family and business is not a good mix. I understand at the time why you chose him but you’ve changed and so has he.”

I blinked back the tears that burned my eyes because she got to the root of the issue, and like usual, she was brutal with her honesty, which was straight-up with no chaser. For years Mason and I chased the illusion that we were still at the place when he got me and I got him. A time when we understood each other on a deeper level. A time when we were a team, him and I, orphans from the
Fire and Ash
war, adopted and loved by mom.

Inside, I wept for the time when he was once my best friend, my world and defender when the kids at school made fun of my vivid imagination and the dreaded ravens that followed me around everywhere. He was even the one who recorded me goofing around singing, and laughed at the ridiculousness when the recording went viral which started my career. He was the one who supported me in my fight to go into the music industry when mom was adamant that I didn’t. It was him and me against the world, or so I thought.

“I just never thought that it would end this way. But now all we do is spend our time figuring out all the ways we can hurt each other. He’s angry at me for some ungodly reason, which just ticks me the hell off and makes me retaliate. It’s a vicious circle that’s freaking destructive.”

Mom clucked her tongue, shaking her head. “Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the reality of someone slipping through your fingers like sand. You can become desperate to hold on to what you can.”

My heart thumped. “But there’s a fine line between love and obsession, and he’s dangerously close to that edge. I ignored the many years of him chasing guys away because I really wasn’t interested in any of them to put up a fight. And the business, well, I was interested in making music so I let him take care of everything else. But the things I’m seeing and hearing are not good.” I sighed, “I just don’t understand how a man that I idolized could just vanish into thin air.” Now, all that is left is the serious, grumpy and very secretive man who was plotting my downfall.

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t forget that wicked crush you had on him.”

“Yes mom. Thanks for pointing that out!”

“Well, if you’re going for the truth, let’s air it, baby. Besides, the truth of the matter is that things between you two haven’t been the same since he left years ago.”

I just stared because I hated those memories—memories of waking-up that horrid morning to find him gone, with no note, no goodbye and mom refusing to divulge his whereabouts. I hated the memories of the hurt that lingered from his absence. The crying for weeks, feeling like my soul had been ripped apart without him. Eventually, the tears dried up and I found myself a little bit harder, and a little bit less trusting of the people in my life. When he came back years later, it was hard to rebuild trust, but we tried to make it work. It was hard at times, real hard—but we loved each other, so we made it work somehow.

“But I thought we were rebuilding our relationship. Then, I woke up from my Rejuvenator haze and found out that things between us were not what they seemed. It’s just the end of our business relationship, he’ll always be my brother.”

She exhaled, “Has it ever felt like that’s
all
he’s wanted from you?”

“No. But that’s all that it could ever be,” I sighed. I was venting shamelessly about a situation that I created, and was at a loss in how to prevent the inevitable fallout from happening. “It’s time for a regime change,” I whispered before pausing to stare at the moon helplessly, “How do you fire your brother without causing total havoc?”

She didn’t look at me, just touched me on the arm comfortingly, “You start by telling him it’s time to let go.”

I closed my eyes, breathing deep, calming breathes because I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth—at least not right now. “What in the hell am I doing out here?”

She looked at me with exasperation, “You’re training to protect yourself from whatever may come.”

I stopped her abruptly, “See, that comment right there is what irks the hell out of me. For once can you just explain what you mean by, ‘whatever may come’?” I paused, “Wait a minute, did you have some premonition that I’m going to be attacked by rabid fans while performing some booty jumping song? Just tell me what’s got you so rattled lately.”

“I don’t think that you’re ready to handle the truth. You just got off the Rejuvenators and you’re grappling with all the shit for the concert…”

Oh, that’s it.
I couldn’t take this secret squirrel shit anymore. I let out an ear piercing, frustrated scream that was so loud the ravens croaked in protest. “Stop! Stop, mom! If you’re not going to be straight up with me then just stop with the nonsensical rambling.”

She looked at me indignantly, “I’ve always been straight up with you, Infinity.”

“Not when it comes to this,” I paused. “You think that I don’t get that not everyone can ‘sense’,” I did air quotes, “things about people like I do? And that I actually believe that my freaky dreams are some fluke birth defect from the
Fire and Ash
war? Really? Do you actually think I’m stupid?”

“I know that you’re not stupid, Infinity. I never mislead you about your gifts. I have always been honest. You’re simply not ready to know the truth. One, you simply can’t handle it, and two, it’s dangerous if you know too much, too soon. I’m sorry, but that’s the facts.”

“No, the facts are that I know there are things out there,” she tried to interrupt but I continued, “Things that are not…human…these are facts, and my dreams tell me that every fucking day. As addicted as I am to those fucking Rejuvenator pills, I know that it’s tied to all of this shit.”

She looked at me curiously, “Is that what you’re dreams are telling you?”

“Yes! There’s like a big damn red arrow that’s practically screaming for me to pay attention. Just tell me….those non-humans things in my dreams…..they’re what I think they are, right?”

She sighed, “Yes, Others. Wolves, vampires....”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Finally, confirmation that I’m not losing my damn mind. But, how do they stay hidden?”

“Because they go to great lengths to make the world think that they don’t exist.” Mom continued, “And all those over the top fairytale stories? They were written to help humans’ process the fact that there are Other beings like wolves and vampires living among us. And no, despite what movies want you to believe…humans cannot be turned by being bitten.”

I wanted to push for more, craving information. “And these brutal sparring sessions that we’ve been having since I could walk?”

“So that you can protect yourself against the unpredictability of some of these beings.”

“I’m rich and have a security detail…well, had one. Anyway, that’s their job, to protect me against the unpredictable.”

Her mouth twisted angrily. “No, that’s your job. Never rely on anyone but yourself to ensure your safety. That’s what happened before and during the
Fire and Ash
war. Everyone was looking around for a savior because they had their heads up their asses thinking that it would somehow fix itself.” She shook her head and sighed. “But, obviously, it didn’t. This world paid a heavy price for their naivety.”

I turned my head, looking at the eerily quiet ravens perched in the tree looking at me before responding flatly. “You don’t think that I can take care of myself.”

She raised a brow, “Where the hell did that crap come from?”

“You and the way you’ve been coddling me lately.” I paused, “I messed up with the pills and not telling you about my nightmares returning, but you have got to cut the strings. I’m not going to fold to those things.”

She jumped up pulling me with her. “You’re my little girl. It’s hard for me to let go.” She hesitated before smiling softly.

I looked at her suspiciously, she was hiding something, I could just feel it. “Are you sure that’s it?”

She smoothed back the strands that escaped my ponytail. “For now, it is. I really can’t tell you more, baby. Just trust me on this.” She smiled before looking at the moon, "Tonight’s a good night for a walk. The spirits have seemed to calm down.”

I looked at the now calm ravens. “What, the flock of chaos not following?”

“Nope. They are giving us mother and daughter bonding time.” Her eyes narrowed playfully as she guided me past the trees and through the woods that were attached to the sprawling and secluded estate that everyone called the ‘K’ compound. She smirked, “Your aura is still white which means that you’re still pure and brimming with virginity.”

Yes, my sex status was another sore point for me. I huffed with frustration, “Yes, but that’s because I haven’t been motivated to lose it. What about you?”

“I haven’t been pure, or a virgin for centuries.”

“I’ve been out of the house for years. Why aren’t you married or at the very least having plenty of wild cougar sex.”

“Married? Uh, hell no, now the wild cougar sex? I’ve been having that for a while now, baby.”

She winked at me causing me to groan painfully.