Infinity (3 page)

“Do you know how painful it is for me to hear that my mother is having more sex than me?”

She snorted loudly, “Baby, you’re a virgin, that’s means by default I’m having more sex than you.”

“Uh, thanks for the clarification.”

“Well, that’s my job, to clarify.” She nudged me, “So? What’s really bothering you? It’s got to be more than your virgin status.”

I blurted out with wild eyes, “When the hell am I going to meet the one that I will be remotely motivated to go past the lackluster groping stage?”

No, I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed about talking about sex with my mom. In fact, my first sex talk with her amounted to a graphic discussion that ended with everything you don’t want to hear about oral sex from an obviously well versed mother.

I surged on with my crazy tirade, “I’ve been kissed. I’ve kissed. I’ve groped. I’ve been groped, but after that....nothing...fizzle…I’m starting to feel like some kind of freak here. How in the hell could I be named ‘one of the sexiest women in music’ and work around some of the most drool worthy men and not be remotely attracted enough to take it to the next level?”

She grabbed my arms looking at me with intensity. “You’re special, Infinity, and you need a special man to get everything that you are. Subliminally, you know that, and you’re waiting for the one. Simply, it’s the true mate syndrome.”

I pulled away, burying my face in my hands. “Not that stupid true mate shit! One man made for you. When you find him the scent will lead you to him like a dog in heat, shit again?”

Propping her hands on her hips, she responded with irritation. “Not shit. Fact. Don’t forget that some people have more than one true mate, baby.”

“Mom! That’s a freaking myth. There’s no such thing as a true mate.” I paused, “Millions of divorces and desperate single people disprove that crazy bull crap.”

She pointed at me. “First, the true mate syndrome doesn’t apply to everyone. Others, like wolf-shifters live to find their true mate. The one person they were born to love, have kids with and have the greatest sex ever with. As for vampires, they have a consort, the same thing as a true mate.”

My heart stopped, still not able to wrap my mind around the fact that they did exist and lived among us in plain sight. “Well, since I don’t know any Others to dispute your story, I’ll just assume that the true mate phenomenon does exist.”

She smiled winningly, pumping her fist like she won some damn victory.

I continued, “For them. Not for humans, which I certainly am. So give me something real that I can work with please.”

She hugged me to her side, smiling like some beauty contestant. “You’re special by default so you fall into that category. That means a special person like you can have an Other as a true mate.”

“English please.”

She responded quickly. “Vampires, wolves, other shifters...it’s all left up to fate.”

I looked at her like she lost her mind. “Wait, what? There are other things besides vampires and wolves?”

She shook her head at me like I was a two-year old. “Baby, there are always other things…some good, some bad.” She stared into space, drifting off into her own thoughts before looking at me sadly, “Let’s hope that your true mate, or mates, are more good than bad. Don’t confuse true mate with mind numbing sex, because you can have that with an Other that’s not your true mate.”

She was totally losing it. Like I was ever going to let one of those monsters put their grungy third, fourth or fifth leg anywhere near me. “Can you tell me how we got from the topic of me not getting some, to this? It’s not related.”

She grabbed my hand, tugging me along. “Believe me, it’s all related. Just promise me that you won’t force the sex issue just to get this whole virgin experience over with. You’ve waited this long, you can wait a little longer for your true mate. Whoever it may be.”

I groaned, feeling like a total slut for voicing this, “That’s the point. I can’t force the sex issue. Literally. I’ve tried, frankly, with several guys…”

She raised an eyebrow with disapproving eyes. “Several?”

“Uh, I know that you’re not judging me. You’re the one having wild cougar sex with countless cubs.”

“Countless, no. I don’t spread myself around and neither will you.” She smiled wickedly. “And sex, yes, there’s lots of it.”

I gave her the ‘what the hell’ stare. “Back to me, please. Anyway, I’ve experimented with several guys and it all ended abruptly with me either freezing up like a popsicle, or me feeling like I wanted to hurl. The frustrating part is that I’m there….ready….really ready.” Like I know that he’s out there ready.

She was grinning with satisfaction. Throwing my hands up with defeat. “Okay, I give up. True mates, or mates, it is. I guess that’s the only thing that makes any sense at this point. But tell me this. Since you’re such a big believer in this crap, where exactly is your true mate?”

She scowled, “Languishing in a cesspool of evil and blood.”

“Mom, I love when you go all crazy talk on me. Now, can you explain again in language that a two-year-old can understand?”

She sighed, “My true mate, disgustingly, is a vampire.”

I gasped, was I really hearing this shit? My mother was sleeping with a vampire? I rubbed my chin while listening.

“It’s freaking ironic. He’s the one thing that I despise, and yet the one thing that can truly bring me happiness. He’s evil, cruel, bloodthirsty and literally the bottom feeder of society.” Her smile was twisted, her eyes tortured. “I can’t be with anyone like that. So we play this weird game of who will cave first to our lust for each other.” She shrugged her shoulders, “I’m not going to lie, I have sex with him occasionally, but the relationship will not go anywhere past that. He’s too screwed-up and thinks there’s nothing to change.”

My eyes widened, “Wait, so that’s it? You’ve got a messed up true mate and you don’t fight to change him?”

She smiled with her head tilted, “Sometimes I forget that you’re just a newbie to this love game. You’ll learn that you can’t make a person change. They have to want to. Besides, I’m good with the sexual part of the thing we’ve got going on, because he knows how to do that really well.”

Tugging on my ear, I scowled. “Okay, please, enough. I’m trying to get past the fact that my mom is sexing a vampire, but can you please not add to the visual of you really enjoying it.”

Her lips curled into a self-satisfied smirk. “What can I say; he has a huge….gift.”

“Really? Too much information. That’s so wrong on too many levels to count.” I gagged before continuing, “This much I know, men are just so fucked up that sometimes you have to smack them on the head with a rolled up paper and tell them to get their shit together.”

She started laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. “I can’t wait until you find your match, baby. It’s going to be fun watching those sparks fly.”

I smiled widely, “Well, I’m a lot of woman, this I know, and not everyone can deal with what it takes to be with me. There’s a lot of fire waiting to be unleashed.”

“I don’t doubt that he’ll be able to unleash the fire known as, Infinity.”

I preened playfully, “Yeah, we’ll see. All I know is that he better have a huge gift, and be multi-talented because I have a lot of pent up sexual aggression that’s been simmering for years. I will not accept a second rate performer.”

She shook her head, “I’ve created a monster. Come on.”

I started humming as we walked along in comfortable silence.

“So how’s the concert stuff going?”

“Yes mom, I’m exhausted, and no mom, I haven’t changed my mind about it. It’s going to happen. I’ve made up my mind.”

“But why now!”

My eyes narrowed, “You mean why so soon after my mental breakdown?”

“Will you stop saying that shit? It wasn’t a mental breakdown, it was you refusing to accept who and what you really are.”

“You know what, mom, you’re right. I can’t accept the fact that I have a very twisted dark side that scares me to death. I can’t accept the fact that I know, given the chance, I’m capable of doing some wicked horrible things that make me question my character.”

She stumbled, looking at me with shock. “Why would you say that, Infinity?”

I impatiently dashed away the tears that trickled down my cheeks. “Because that’s what my dreams revealed to me, mom, along with the fact that those Others had something to do with my mother’s death. Which, by the way, you conveniently forgot to mention. That’s why I take those damn Rejuvenator pills, because I want to numb my mind to the ugly facts.” Finally, I said it aloud. There were no filters, just facts that scared the shit out of me, because if I couldn’t accept who I was, how in the hell did I expect to find a man that would be able to.

“Yes, I didn’t tell you about who was responsible for your mother’s death, but would you have believed me? No! In fact, you would have thought I was crazy. This goes back to what I said about the things that you’re not ready for.”

“You mean you think that I’m not ready for.”

She grabbed my face softly, “So you have a dark side. I have one too. That doesn’t make us bad people or unlovable. It just means that we need balance, stability, and acceptance. The scales must be even for us to function.” She kissed my cheek, “You’re my balance, baby. Before you came into my life, I was ruthless and uncaring about anyone but myself.”

I laughed softly, “You, the blond goddess of beauty?”

She laughed as tears glistened in her eyes, “Don’t let the golden blond locks fool you, baby. I’ve done some pretty destructive things, but I hold no shame. I’ve made you mine, knowing that I had someone that needed me, as much as I needed you. You’ll find that balance out there, and believe me that everything will change if and when you accept it.”

Just like that, it clicked into place exactly why she couldn’t accept the vampire guy. “And that’s why you can’t accept your true mate, because his dark side will throw off your stability, your balance.”

She gave me one of her beautiful, proud smiles, “Exactly. I had a choice, to live in balance with you or succumb to my dark side with him. I choose you, each and every time, baby.” She pulled my face, grabbing it between her hands. “And when your time comes to choose, despite the temptation of the glitter and the lies that he will feed to you every time, I hope you make the right choice, and choose them every time.”

I gave her a puzzled stare, “What are you talking about, mom?”

“Don’t worry about that now. Just understand that the time for hiding is over, baby. You saw to that the minute you decided to take on the Collective by doing these concerts. Unconsciously, you wanted a way to out yourself as being special. To be honest, this is not what I wanted; in fact, I fear it more than anything. But you did, so I support your decision.”

I laid my head on her shoulder. “I’m still struggling you know—with staying off the Rejuvenators. It’s hard without it. With it everything was hazy, the buzz kept me sane. But without it, life seems too real, everything seems so damn real.” I groaned painfully, “Things were so much simpler when I was zoned out on Rejuvenators.”

“But you’re not a simple chick. You’re a ball buster, just like your mother. We face things straight up. You do that with your dreams, and things will change for you.”

I looked at her with a hopeful smile. “For the better, I hope.”

“For the better, yes, but I won’t fill your head with sappy shit and say your journey will be easy, because it won’t. But I think you know that already, right?”

“Yes, I know.”

“But I’ll be here fighting by your side for as long as they allow. Even when they drag my cold lifeless spirit away, I’ll still be by your side fighting. Nothing, I mean nothing, will take me away from you.” She grabbed my face looking at me fiercely. “You are my blood and my life. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you.” She pulled our wrists together showing our raven birthmarks side-by-side. “We are the same blood. Do you understand me?”

I didn’t even realize that I was crying until I felt the drops trailing down my cheeks. “Gawd, mom, that was cougar mama, ‘I’ll tear your throat out if you mess with my baby’ hot.” I laughed huskily wiping away the tears.

“Exactly, but it’s the truth.” She laughed, ruffling my hair. “It’s getting late, time for bed.”

I looked at her mischievously. “Last one in the house has to hear Anya bitch about the messy kitchen you left after dinner.”

“I didn’t mess up the kitchen. You did.”

“That’s your interpretation. Let’s see which one she’ll believe. Come on cougar. Move that skinny blond ass like you just spotted guy candy lurking in the bushes.” I took off running at top speed.

She sputtered, “You little.....” She took off after me like a gazelle, running gracefully as she caught up to me. She could have left me in the dust easily, that’s how fast she was, but I would have fought the race because I was just as fast.

I picked up speed dodging branches, jumping over fallen trees. She kept pace not breaking a sweat, her waist length, blond, rope-like ponytail swinging round her.

“Oh, baby, look at that blond ass go. See, just with a little hottie motivation…”

She laughed, pushing me, trying to make me trip over the fallen gnarly tree in our path. “Men are my pastime, baby.” She did a crazy air summersault over the fallen tree, landing a few paces in front of me. “See you at the house, Virgin.” She sped through the woods disappearing into the darkness.

I screamed after her. “That’s cheating, Cougar.” I could hear her taunting laughter. “Gawd, I love that woman.”

Infinity

Models, and Rappers, and Paparazzi, Oh My!

With thumbs moving at the speed of light, I whizzed through the unending stream of text messages all flagged with ‘urgent’. Savannah complaining about Mason ordering her to ignore all the concert changes I wanted—me responding back, tapping so hard that I thought my phone would snap:
Ignore him. I. Am. The end all and be all…proceed as I instructed.

I grunted at her response to my question about Justin:
No word….he’s still missing.