Inky (29 page)

I set the glass down and went in again, this time adding the fine details. Blood on the blade, wounds on the flesh, terror on the face. The next time I stopped, I put the brush in the water and swished it around, took it out and wiped it with a cloth. I’d clean it properly later but this would do for now. I went through a lot of brushes. I didn’t care if one got ruined as wasteful as that seemed.

This time, I picked up the glass and sat down on the edge of the bed. I felt strong, bare arms around me, his chin on my shoulder, his legs in jeans,
those
jeans, and bare feet. “It’s done, isn’t it?” He asked.

“Yes.” I handed him the glass so he could have a sip.

“It’s amazing, Anika.”

“I feel so much better.” And I did. Maybe it was the entrance of Cole into my life. It was almost as if he gave me the permission I needed to experience this raw emotion. Not just paint it out and move on. I’d been doing that for years and it wasn’t working anymore. Now I was open, my wound right there for him to see and for the first time in my life I was okay with that.

“You know that hard fuck you wanted?” He asked in a low, dark voice.

“Yes.” I sighed as his warm breath hit my neck.

“Is anything off limits for you?”

“Not heavy Sado stuff.”

“No, nothing like that. I mean anything that might be a trigger I should know about.”

“Don’t piss on me.” I could feel him tense at my words.

“No, oh my…I only want to help you get the hurt out. I will never defile you. Never. Turn around and look at me.” I turned to face him. “Wrap your arms and legs around my waist.” He did the same and enveloped me in a tight embrace. “I can’t do what you asked me to. I’m sorry, Anika.” He shook his head back and forth.

“What do you mean?” I asked trying to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let me go.

“I can’t give you the hard angry fuck you asked for. Turn around and look at your painting.”

I did as he asked. “Okay. And?” I was beginning to get defensive.

“That’s your hard angry fuck. Now look at me.” I turned around and saw his eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes that reminded me of autumn. “I am going to make love to you. I want to give you the opposite of that pain because that’s what I want to be for you. That’s your past. And I... ”

I turned back around and our lips met. I knew what he was going to say but there was no need. Just the fact that he’d taken charge of everything left me feeling full of love and light. I didn’t feel undermined or handled, I felt cared for.

“This is what you do to me. The power of your art, your beauty, your pain…I want all of it, Anika. You’re my answer.”

That was all I needed. His hands fisted into my hair as we kissed again. His soft tongue began to glide across my cheek, down my neck. He lowered me onto my back, the sounds of the high tide crashing, barely audible as it mingled with its heavy metal partner but I hardly noticed. I felt and heard Cole’s breathing, the beating of his heart increasing. All the chaos around us was a stark contrast to the tenderness of his loving touch as he removed my jeans and the paint-stained shirt. His wet kisses trailed down my chest until he drew my nipple into his mouth. His fingers swept down the sides of my body, down my hips, slowly lifting one leg and bringing his hand to rest above my painful ache. Slowly he teased his way through my lower lips, invited in by the wet heat he’d created with just his kiss. He entered me, letting me adjust to him in stages. When he filled me completely to the hilt, wrapping his hands around my shoulders, his movements languid and thoughtful, he began to whisper in my ear with each slow thrust…

Beautiful.

Perfect.

Talented.

Loved.

Mine.

Forever…

His mouth hard against mine, saying something incoherent as we came together, the mantra he was chanting to me, with me…I lost myself in him.

As we slowed and took deep breaths, regaining our powers of speech, he brushed my hair from my face.

“What did you mean before, ‘You’re my answer’?” I enquired.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Of course.”

“To my prayers, Anika.” I closed my eyes and sent up my own thankful prayer.

Wrapped up in luxurious sheets, the scent of fresh paint, the ocean and sex mingled in the room around us. “I have to tell you something.”

“Anything. You can tell me anything, Anika.”

“I love you, Cole.” I had never been more sure about anything.

He pulled his head up and looked at me, his eyes wet with unshed tears. “Thank you.”

Chapter 28

After making arrangements for my painting to be picked up, apparently Cole decided Aimes and I needed a girly day at his house. He had something work related to do which I found interesting since I still had no idea what it was he did exactly. As far as I could tell, his lifestyle was champagne wishes and caviar dreams, even if he did resent it.

I’d left the gate open and when I heard knocking, I was almost jumping out of my skin. I made a beeline for the front door and threw it open to Aimes and her smiling face.

“Ahhhhh!” We squealed and embraced like it had been years instead of two days since we’d seen each other last.

“Come on in. Wait until you see what he did for us.”

“What did he do?” She followed me through the entry and into the kitchen, throwing her purse on the island.

“He had lunch delivered from this place we ate at yesterday with his mom. It’s basically fancy Mexican and it is so freakin’ good. I got through an entire omelet before I had my meltdown.” I laughed about it but Aimes always took these things more seriously so she held back her laughter.

“Wow, this place is…” Her eyes took a sweeping glance around the room.

“Beautiful, huh? His mom apparently helped him decorate. I like all the wood. The floors are bamboo. I didn’t even know they made floors out of bamboo. Apparently it’s a really quick crop, grows like a weed. Unlike a pine tree or an oak or something.”

“So it’s not just sex. You actually have conversations?” She asked with eyebrows raised.

“Of course we have actual conversations, you cow.” I laughed and hugged her tight again. “God, Aimes, it’s so good to see you and now you’re in front of me, congratulations again. What do you want to drink?”

“Just water for now. Mind if I wander around?”

“Not at all. Actually, take a left and check it out.” I was steering her toward my painting of the seaside. I knew she would be proud of me and I wanted to share the amazing sight of my work hanging in someone’s home.

“Oh, Inky. This is amazing.” She ran from the room and quickly returned with her cell phone and took a picture.

“Aimes!” I mock scolded her. “I have a feeling you’ll be here again. It’s not the Louvre.”

“For posterity my friend. This is pretty cool.” I loved that she was so happy for me. I felt it radiate from her.

“Come on, I’ll show you what else he did for me and then we’ll eat by the pool.” She followed me up the stairs to Cole’s bedroom and began to mill about the room. I hadn’t realized I’d lost her until I heard her shouting from the bathroom.

“Ah, yes, and can you sign me up for a hot rock massage with Kiki at one? Oh, you’re a doll, Bridgette.” I couldn’t contain my laughter. I absolutely loved her sense of humor. When she appeared in the bedroom again she looked gob smacked. “Seriously dude? You got the dream-date boyfriend. Fucking A, Inky.”

“But wait! There’s more!!” I made a dramatic glide across the floor.

“Lead the way, Vanna.” She laughed.

This was the most important part to me and I knew above everything else, she would understand why I fell so hard and so fast for Cole. When the site of the disheveled bed and the piece of intense art hit her, I didn’t have to look to know the emotions she was having.

“He made you a studio space?” She stated. “Holy fuck.”

“Yeah. He sure did.” I agreed as we stood silently. I decided to break the mood. “Let’s eat. I have a theory about this.”

***

I made us iced tea to accompany our enchiladas with all the fixings and traditional sides. As I was pouring, feeling like the consummate hostess, Aimes was examining me not so patiently. “Okay, spill.” She threw her hands up. “And by the way, I feel like you’re about to hand me a big envelope of cash like that part in Pretty Woman when she hands her friend…Kat? Kit?... the money and is all, “we believe in you, blah, blah, blah.” I laughed out loud. All I was missing was the tailored suit. “So, what’s your theory?” She asked.

“I’ll tell you the theory and then you tell me all about you and Gus. Deal?”

“Deal. Theory. Go.”

“Well, after my first anxiety attack on Friday, I think he wanted me to stay but also thought I was gonna need an outlet. I hadn’t realized at the time what a big deal Friday night was.”

“Inky? It was a pretty big fucking deal. You had a fight in a bar. You confronted your ex and his new girlfriend. You Bedazzled his shirt which by the way, great job on that one, you sang…Inky. It was a big deal.”

“Well, he saw the painting at home. The one set to the Split Enz song…and I gave him the headphones and explained my process. He knew, even before I did, what I’d need. That’s my theory of why he made me a studio. Can we talk about you, Aimes? I feel like the worst friend ever.”

“Inky, are you serious?” She looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

“Well, yeah. I decided I need to stop relying on you so much. I mean it. You have done, oh…I don’t want to start crying here…so much for me since we were kids. I just want to be there for you for a change.” I was trying to make the hot sting behind my eyes stay put.

“It’s funny you would say this. Last night, Gus and I were lying in bed talking and he told me how the day Cole came in to apologize and you had that attack, he felt terrible because he was pretty sure he set it off. He asked you about singing or something.”

“You tell Gus from me, not to feel bad. It would’ve happened anyway.”

“Well, regardless. He also said he asked you to put in a good word for him and you did. You could’ve been negative like that fuck-face Lisa but you weren’t. You’ve always been supportive, Ink. You’ve never judged me and my slutty-ass ways. Not once.”

“Isn’t that what friends are for? It’s not like you’re out there hookin’ or something, Aimes.” I laughed.

“So, are you coming back to the bar?” I’d been thinking about that too.

“I don’t think so. I think I’ll let Evan and Lisa have it. I’m sure she’ll be some kind of PR guru or become Evan’s manager and his career will skyrocket. Then I’ll come back to visit. In the meantime I’ll come and visit when I know for sure they won’t be around.”

“She quit.”

“She what?”

“Apparently…”

She hesitated. “Don’t hold out on me now! What?” I demanded.

“They got a place in West Hollywood. She landed some kind of awesome job and Evan is filling in for some band. Their regular bassist is having surgery on his shoulder or some crap.”

“Wow. That was quick.”

Yeah, I was a total hypocrite.

“Well, the wheels will fall off that one. Mark my words, Inky. Mark. My. Words.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe they’ll live happily ever after. Who knows? Does Rusty need me?”

“He said there’s always a place for you if you want. But he wanted me to tell you to go live your dream. You don’t belong there anymore, Ink. Look around. This is where you belong.”

“What? Here? Seriously?” I asked flatly.

“Yeah, I have my own theories. Cole called me, you know.”

“He said he did but I didn’t ask him to elaborate. I thought it had to do with delivering the painting and getting you here for a girly day.”

“Well, that happened too but there was more.”

“Okay….”

“He wants you to move in with him.” I almost spat my bite of enchilada back on the plate.

“I’ve known him for five minutes.”

“Five minutes or not, the guy is head over heels in love with you.” I know she was going to pry whatever details she could out of me. I just wasn’t sure how to explain everything without Cole looking like a nut job.

She wiped her mouth and gave me her death stare. “You’re holding back. You said you’d tell me when you can and I can’t wait. I have to know. What the fuck is it, Ink?”

“We both have baggage. It won’t change how I feel. I know that now. Yesterday…”

“When you had lunch with him and his mom?” She interjected.

“Yeah…damn it! I don’t want to start crying and this is gonna do it.”

“So cry. Feel whatever you need to feel and get it the fuck out of you. It’s all poison my friend. No one is gonna think less of you. That I can guarantee.”

“I’ll just try to get through it.” I took a deep breath and dove right in.

“Anyway, I was telling his mom about the painting in there without really telling her about it, you know? I didn’t want to get into all the Joe and psycho-mom stuff. So, I skipped all that and thanked her and explained that because of the song she sang her son and he sang it to me, it totally helped me cope when I came face to face with Joe again. When I finished the story, she and…”

Nope, couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. Aimes took my hand and held it. “They were holding my hands like you are now, just looking at me all concerned and I freaked. I had no idea what to do with that emotion so I tried to leave but I couldn’t. I just sat there and had another mother fucking anxiety attack in the middle of Sunday fucking brunch. But she sang to me, Aimes. She sang to me to help me come out of it. She did for me what a mother does for her child. I couldn’t walk away now if I tried. He’s in my heart. And she…she…”

“Is gonna be the best freakin’ mother-in-law that ever lived. Come here.” She rounded the table and held me close, brushing my hair back, soothing me like she always does, like she always has. “Listen to me. This is intense but I think this is exactly what you needed. Don’t be scared, well, try not to be scared. I know it’s no use telling you to feel a certain way. That doesn’t work for anybody. Just take each day as it comes. Does he freak out like you do?”