âWho the fuck are
you
?' he demanded.
âFrank Bell. You know that comedy show
If Pigs Could Sing
? That's mine. Creator, writer, associate producer.'
âWhat are you doing here? What's all this crap about cigarette burns?'
âYou're asking
me
? I should be asking you, for Christ's sake. Five cigarette burns, all over her back, not to mention multiple bruises and contusions and black eyes! Gives you a thrill, does it, beating up on defenseless girls?'
âI don't know what you're talking about. Stanley, throw him out of here!'
âI'm talking about Astrid, Mr Lasser. Don't tell me your memory's
that
short.'
âI don't know any Astrid, my friend, and if I were you I wouldn't say one single word more about beatings or bruises or cigarette burns, because if you do I will sue you into total poverty.'
Stanley tried to frogmarch Frank away, but Frank jabbed his elbow into his stomach and pushed him back against the door jamb. âYou don't know any Astrid?' he challenged. âWho are you trying to kid? Brunette, short hair, twenty-four years old, came to see you at your house yesterday morning? Ring any bells?'
Charles Lasser stared at him with those tiny, deeply hidden eyes. He breathed steadily through his mouth but for nearly ten seconds he didn't say anything at all. It seemed to Frank as if he were trying to work something out in his head, something that didn't fit his known perception of the world around him.
â
If Pigs Could Sing
?' he said at last. âThat's Fox, isn't it?'
Frank said, âI'm warning you, leave her alone. I can't tell her what to do. I can't tell her not to see you again. But if you hurt her once more, just once, then I swear to God I will personally beat the shit out of you, and I will make sure that the cops and the media know why I did it.'
Charles Lasser pointed a finger at him â a big, thick finger with a squared-off nail. âYou listen to me, little man. I don't know who you've been talking to, or where you got all of your lunatic ideas from, but you're treading on very dangerous ground here. My advice to you is to leave this building right now. If you ever repeat this slander to anybody, ever again, I'll have you hunted down like the vermin you are, and exterminated.'
âOK,' said Frank. âI'm going. But you be warned, Mr Lasser. One more bruise, one more bite, one more cigarette burn, and I'll be coming after you.'
Charles Lasser had already turned his back. The three men in his office took two or three nervous steps away from him, like gazelles when a lion unexpectedly changes direction.
âNow what about this fucking offer?' he growled. âWhere do we stand on the anti-trust laws?'
Frank tried to phone John Berenger from his car to tell him that he couldn't make their appointment, but his personal assistant told him, âMr Berenger is in a meeting with Mr Lasser right now.' Jesus,
already
? He hoped that Sloop wasn't about to lose his job. Charles Lasser had been known to fire people simply because they smiled at him in a way that he found disrespectful. âDid I say something funny? Here's something really hilarious: you're sacked.'
He called Lizzie and at her suggestion they met for lunch at Injera, an Ethiopian restaurant on La Brea. Frank's car was parked by the tallest, spindliest black man he had ever encountered, and it seemed that all of the waiters in the restaurant were equally tall and spindly, with knowing smiles that seemed to suggest that they knew something Frank didn't. The walls were covered in red and brown batik and there were copper lamps and carved birds hanging from the ceiling. Lizzie was sitting in a dark corner hidden by a frondy plant. She was wearing a lime-green suit with extravagantly flared pants and a necklace that looked like a string of cherry tomatoes.
âI don't think I ever ate Ethiopian before,' said Frank, settling into his carved wooden chair and picking up the menu.
âIt's an acquired taste,' Lizzie told him. âI have to confess that I haven't acquired it yet, but they let me smoke.'
A waiter came up and Frank ordered a Harar beer. It was sweeter and stronger than domestic beer, but it was served with a dish of hot chilies and pickles and spicy nuts so he barely tasted it. Lizzie stuck with her usual Polish vodka, straight up and straight out of the freezer compartment.
âYou've had more than your fair share of romances, haven't you?' Frank remarked.
âUh-oh. That sounds as if you're looking for advice.'
âNot really. More like clarification.'
âGo on.'
âI was wondering if you've ever had an affair with somebody you knew nothing about. I'm not talking about a one-night stand here, I'm talking about an ongoing relationship that looks as if it could get serious.'
Lizzie took out a Marlboro and lit it. âI once had an affair with a man who told me that he did all of Marilyn Monroe's lighting. Biff, his name was, can you believe it? Biff Brennan. “Miss Monroe, she doesn't trust anybody else with her lights but me.” It turned out that he cleaned her windows.'
Frank shook his head. âI'm not kidding, Lizzie. After Danny died I met this girl and we started this incredibly intense affair. Intense physically, that is. And mentally, too, as far as she allows it to go. Her first name's Astrid, but she won't tell me her second name, or where she lives, or what she does for a living, or anything about her family. In the beginning it didn't bother me, because I thought that she was just a way of taking my mind off Danny and escaping from Margot and all of those death stares that Margot kept giving me.'
âBut now you're really beginning to care about this girl, and so it
does
bother you?'
Frank ran his hand through his hair. âBadly. More than I ever thought possible.'
The waiter returned. Lizzie ordered
yemisir wat
. âRed lentil stew. It tastes disgusting but I can't resist the name.' Frank went for
alitcha fit-fit
, a kind of pungent lamb casserole, and
injera
bread to mop it up with.
âMaybe she's married, this girl,' Lizzie suggested, breathing smoke out of her nostrils.
âI'm pretty sure she isn't.' He told her all about Astrid's bruises, and her cigarette burns, and about his visit to Charles Lasser's office. Lizzie crowed with delight when he told her that he had called Charles Lasser a sadist.
âWhy didn't you ask me to come along? You're such a killjoy! I have at least a thousand names I'd like to call Charles Lasser. Fundament Features, for a start.'
âI just want him to stop beating up on her. Well, to tell you the truth, I want him to stop seeing her altogether.'
Lizzie coughed and crushed out her cigarette. âI'm sorry, Frank, but it sounds to me like you're on a hiding to nothing. You're a nice guy, an incredibly nice guy, but from what you've told me, this girl gets off on power and money and men who treat her bad. I used to be like that, when I was younger. My first husband used to smack me around but I always came crawling back. It was lack of confidence, partly, but it was also this ridiculous belief that if a guy hurts you, that means he still cares about you. It had a lot to do with sex, too. Having my hair pulled, that used to give me orgasms. Nowadays, if a guy pulls my hair, the only thing that comes off is my wig.'
âSo what do you think I ought to do?'
Lizzie reached across the table with her claw-like hand, encrusted with rings. âTalking from experience, Frank, I'd enjoy it while it lasts.'
Their food arrived, aromatic and very hot, and because Injera gave their customers no forks, they tore off large pieces of bread to eat it with.
âWhat do you think?' asked Lizzie with her mouth full. âIndescribable, isn't it? I can't decide if I love it or hate it.'
They talked about
Pigs
for a while. Frank didn't feel that it was worth their while to write any more, not while the show was suspended, but Lizzie said, âIt's a living thing . . . Dusty and Henry are living, breathing people.' She said they ought to develop a romantic relationship between Dusty and Libby, and that Henry should start taking slide guitar lessons from an old blues picker called Muddy Puddle, who was born the month after Muddy Waters when it wasn't raining so hard.
âI had a friend who received spirit messages from Louis Armstrong,' said Lizzie. âHe used to give her recipes for chicken gumbo.'
âDo you believe in any of that?' asked Frank, cautiously. âTalking to the spirits, that kind of thing?'
âCertainly I do. My mother died when I was only six, and my father remarried. I didn't like my stepmother at all, even though â when I look back at it â she tried very hard to be kind to me. So every night before I went to sleep I used to have long conversations with my dead mother, telling her what I was doing at school, and how much I wanted her to come back.'
One of the smiling waiters came up to their table and said, âYou finish, sir?'
Frank looked down at his
alitcha fit-fit
. He felt that he had eaten quite a lot of it, but it looked as if there were twice as much in his bowl as when he had started. âYes, I have, thanks. Very good. Very filling.' The waiter cleared the table, still smiling. Frank was sorely tempted to ask him what was so goddamned funny.
Lizzie lit another cigarette. âOne day I went to school and I started my period in the middle of a math lesson. My skirt was stained and you can imagine how embarrassed I was. That night I lay in bed and cried and told my mother all about it. I turned over and went to sleep for a while but then I felt somebody touching my shoulder. I opened my eyes and there was my mother, standing over me. I could smell her perfume. I could feel her warmth. She seemed as real to me then . . . well, as you do now.
âShe said, “Don't cry, Lizzie. You're a woman now, like me.” And then she said, “Look under my dressing table . . . nobody knows that it's there.” Then she simply vanished. At first I was sure that I had been dreaming. But the next morning I went into my stepmother's dressing room and looked under the dressing table, and there it was.'
She reached down inside her frilly blouse and produced a pendant. It was a silver mermaid, set with turquoises. âIt was hers,' said Lizzie. âIt had been missing ever since she died, and my father had looked everywhere for it. Only my mother could have known where it was, so to me that was proof that she really
had
come to see me that night, and that I hadn't been dreaming, after all.'
âHave you ever seen her again?'
âOnce, at my father's funeral. I might have been mistaken, because she was standing in the shadow of some trees, but I had a very strong feeling that it was her. I've heard her voice, though, several times, especially when I've been stressed or unhappy, which usually happens whenever I get married.' She paused, puffed smoke. âIn other words, every couple of years.'
Frank gave Lizzie a ride back to her cottage off Clearwater Canyon. As he opened the car door for her, she said, âRemember what I said, Frank. Live for the moment. Enjoy it while you can. Look at me, whenever I met a man I thought, this is the one, this is for ever. But there's no such thing as forever, Frank, and tomorrow never brings what you expect it to bring, so it's not worth making plans.'
âRemind me to call you next time I'm feeling
really
depressed.'
Lizzie gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then another. âYou'll be OK,' she told him. âI'll do the cards for you tonight, just to make sure.'
âIf it's bad news, I don't want to know.'
He climbed back into his car and waved goodbye to her. It was then that his cellphone rang, and it was John Berenger, and he was so angry that he could scarcely speak.
âDo you know how close I came to being canned? I have a family to support, Frank, in case you'd forgotten! I just want to tell you this: don't ever call me again,
ever
, even if you have the greatest idea since
The Simpsons
.'
âJohn, I'm sorry. I needed to talk to Lasser and I couldn't think of any other way.'
âWhy didn't you just send him a poison-pen letter, for Christ's sake, like everybody else?'
Twenty-One
F
rank had just taken a shower when he heard a knock at the door. He wrapped a towel around himself and went to open it. It was Astrid, wearing a bright-pink sleeveless dress and bright-pink lipstick to match, and her hair was all frisky with gel.
âAren't you pleased to see me?' she said. She took off her wraparound sunglasses. Her bruises had faded to yellow and lilac, and her eyes were far less swollen, although she still had a slightly foxy look about her.
âOf course. Come on in.'
She came into the living room and sat down in the last triangle of sunlight. He stood watching her and said nothing at all. âWell?' she asked him. âWhat's happened? Cat got your tongue?'
âNo, everything's fine. How about a drink?'
She frowned at him. âSomething's wrong, isn't it? You don't like my hair like this.'
âYour hair's fine.'
âWhat, then? You don't like my lipstick?'
âYour lipstick's fine, too.'
âThen
what
?'
Frank took a breath. âI talked to Charles Lasser. I told him to stop beating up on you.'
Astrid slowly covered her mouth with her hand. She didn't speak but her eyes said,
oh, my God
.
Frank said, âI know you told me to keep out of your life. I know you told me to mind my own business. But so long as you and I are lovers . . . come on, Astrid, you
are
my business. I care for you. I love you. I can't just stand by and let that bastard hit you and burn you and treat you like shit.' There was a very long silence. Eventually, Frank said, âI
can't
, Astrid, and that's all there is to it. Even if you tell me that you and I are finished.'