Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) (26 page)

“You’re
gonna find out in a few hours… things at home don’t change much. My dad and his homies have been listening to the same old school hip hop and rap tunes since I was a baby. I honestly don’t remember watching movies when I was a kid. Santos and I were totally into Pokémon.”

“
Yeah? I was into it for a while too. I loved Ash and Picachu.”

“
I kind of had a thing for Misty… and Nurse Joy.”

“
Of course you did,” I tell him, laughing.

“We never spent much time indoors though. I had a bike and my boards and that was all I needed.”

“I can’t wait to get there.”

“Me too. I miss it.”

I take my eyes off the road for a second to look at him; at the dreamy look on his face and I realize for the first time what he walked away from in order to be with me. “Thank you for leaving there to come get me.”

“You think I left Cali
fornia for you?” he asks with a mock look of shock on his face.

“Yea
h, I do.”

“Maybe,” he concedes.

“I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t done that for me.”

“You probably would have moved on from
Elijah by now, searching for a fresh fuck buddy,” he says with an edge to his voice.

All I can do is shake my head. It seems so pointless – the way I was living my life. “You’re right. That would have been my
life. If it hadn’t been for you I probably would have lived like that for the rest of my life.” That thought is overwhelmingly depressing. How could I ever thought that was any way to live? “It’s scary to think about.”

“So does that make me your hero?”

“You are definitely my hero.”

“You’re my hero too,
” he tells me, squeezing my leg.

“Really? How so?”

“Are you serious?” he asks me.

I shrug my shoulders at him.

“At the moment… it’s the super hero strength you’re showing me, dealing with that piece of shit. I mean, hell, you should be a puddle right now, but you’re not. You’re being strong for yourself and for any other girl that has to cross paths with that scum. But even before all this went down you were still my hero. I wasn’t even living until I met you. I couldn’t even figure out who the hell I was ‘till I met you. There was no me until you. And I mean, shit beso… beyond that there are so many other big and little things…. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But you lived it all with me. You know.”

“So you don’t regret leaving Venice? Leaving your friends and your family for me?”

“Hell, no. I don’t regret anything that has to do with you. Not one second of my life with you, not one thought of you that’s been taking up all the space in my brain since that first time I saw you. Everything is cool, beso. No regrets. Not when everything has led to right here, right now.”

I take a hand off the
steering wheel so I can interlock my fingers with his. He overwhelms me. I will never have the words that seem to roll off his tongue, telling me exactly what I need to hear. An image of his Venice graffiti pops into my head...
Live and Die Devoted.
I always thought that was such a monumental expression. Such a huge commitment to make. To declare that you would live devoted, until death, to one thing.

I learned so much about myself that night in the hotel room with Paxton, but the thing that hit me hardest wa
s not the realization that Dan Benson was not my first relationship, that what happened between us was essentially rape, but it was the fact that he had been in control of my life for all of these years. I didn’t get it, but Paxton was right - everything I did, I did because I was the girl he had turned me into that night in that hotel room.

The independence I have gained in t
he past few days, because of this realization, has been incredible. So the thought that is running through my head is a little scary but I know in my heart it is true. “I will live and die devoted to you,” I tell Paxton.

Paxton scoots across the seat, pulling me into his arm, duc
king down to kiss the top of my head. “That’s okay, beso, ‘cause I am going to do the same for you.”

“Yo, you bums. Get your asses out of bed. I only got two hours before I gotta be at work,” Santos tells us after busting into our room without knocking.

“Seriously, asshole, does she gotta
start sleeping in a full on sweat suit? I’m onto your game,” I tell him, pulling the covers on our bed all the way up to Jessa’s neck.

Santo
s just shrugs. “I see her in that little bikini all the time. What’s it matter if I see a little more?”

“I hate it when you guys talk about me like I’m not even here,” Jessa mutters into my neck where her head is resting.

“Now you’re pissing the girl off. Get your ass out of here, we’re going back to bed,” I tell my cousin.

“No,” Jessa says through her yawn. “I want to get up. I want to go to the skate park.”

For the first time in my Venice life, being in doors is more appealing than being out in the sun. No matter where we’re living, in bed with Jessa will always be my favorite place. Although being on my board is better than ever now too. She wasn’t shitting me with all that skateboard talk. Jessa’s a natural athlete, one of those crazy people who won’t give up until she’s perfected whatever move she’s trying to nail. Right now it’s her backside air. She started dropping into the bowl before I even had a chance to tell her she needed to learn how to pump first. She spent two days riding around it, getting a feel for the walls and the pockets. Then it was game on. It seemed like she was nailing a new trick every day. Less than two weeks into it she was airing out of the bowl, riding fakies, nailing stalls and even grinding 50-50s. The girl is stubborn and she has no fear. And shit, it’s not like we’re devoting all our days to the skate park. She loves riding the streets and has got a whole other set of tricks she’s working on there. She’s getting a feel for the waves too. She is un, fucking, real.

“You coming with us, Pax, or do I get her all to myself today?”

“Shut up, Santos,” Jessa and I say at the same time.

“You got fifteen,” he tells us
before leaving our room and shutting the door.

“You have to put a lock on that door,” Jessa tells me, sitting up and
stretching. “Vi was a much better roommate.”

“We need to get o
ur own place without a roommate,” I tell her, pulling her body down to mine.

“You should just be happy he’s letting us stay here,” she says before leaning in an
d kissing me.

We spent a couple of days with Gabriel, but sleeping on a couch was not really working out for us. And Santos’ place is sweet. He cleared out the shabby apartment above Emilio’s tattoo shop and moved in a few months ago. The room Jessa and I a
re staying in is small, but we’re on the boardwalk, out of the ghetto, and literally feet from the ocean. It’s almost worth living with Santos.

I grab a hold of her ass and pull her body up mine
wondering how much time I got before Santos is gonna come barging in again.

Jessa groans, pushes her naked body into mine, but then she rolls off of me. “Two hours, Pax. He’ll be at work in two hours.”

“Yeah,” I reluctantly agree, following her out of bed. I head to the door, leaning against it, making sure it stays closed, making sure Santos don’t get to see what I’m seeing right now. Jessa’s body has turned golden in the sun. The outline of her tiny bikini is clear on her skin. Her body was always unbelievable and the hours spent on her board are just making it better. Her muscles are toned, her ass is even perkier than before. She is so beautiful. She gets her tank top and shorts on and I walk away from the door to get myself dressed. Jessa pulls her hair, which is now streaked from the sun, into a low braid. “What?” she asks me. I guess ‘cause I can’t stop staring at her.

“You are so fucking sexy,” I tell her.

She raises an eyebrow at me. “I would have bet my life that there was nothing sexier than you, up on stage, with your guitar strapped on. But I was wrong. Watching you land a backside three sixty kick flip was the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”

“So now I’m your hero and your idol.”

“You’re my everything, babe.”

“Live and die,” I tell her, opening our door and following her out. We head to the bathroom to brush our teeth and then down to the tattoo shop to find Santos.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Gabriel, who is hanging around the shop drinking coffee with Emilio like he does every morning, says to Jessa, wrapping her up in a big bear hug.

“Hey, Gabriel
, you got a cup for me?” she asks him.

“How m
any times I gotta tell you… call me Pops,” he says, sounding like he’s actually offended. It’s strange watching my dad with Jessa. I never pegged him for a softie, but he’s attached to her. She has that effect on people around here, just like she did back in Chicago. When I give her shit about the fact that my friends and family love her more than they do me she tells me it’s just ‘cause she’s my girl. But that ain’t right. They love her because she’s her- she’s strong, confident and independent, but there’s a part of her that you can’t help but want to protect and take care of. She’s enthusiastic and passionate about everything we got going on in this new life we’re living and I think it’s good for all of us to see our world through her virgin eyes. She’s got a kick ass sense of humor and can hold her own with even the toughest OG vatos in Gabriel’s crew which is entertaining for all of us and gets her all kinds of respect. And I mean, this one’s shallow, but she’s nice to look at. She’s the prettiest thing in this city.

“Don’t push her, Gabriel,” I tell him, like I have before. He don’t realize that any form of the word
‘dad’ is not exactly a term of endearment in Jessa’s vocabulary.

He
shrugs his shoulders then yells, “Emilio, get our girl a cup of coffee,” to my uncle who turns around to give Jessa a smile and a wave before heading to the coffee machine. “What do you two got going on today?”

“We’re going to hit the park
for a couple of hours, then… I don’t know?” Jessa says, shrugging her shoulders at me.

“Then I’m bringing her back to our place
and spending the rest of the day alone with her,” I tell him. These first few weeks back my dad has been relentless. Gabriel wants to parade her around like she’s his long lost daughter. We’ve been at his house most nights and when the sun’s up and we ain’t in bed or on our boards, Emilio’s got her helping out at the front desk or Gabriel’s trying to take her out to lunch or to one of his other day time hang outs. It’s like he and my uncle know she’s never had any good grown men in her life, which they don’t know, and they’re trying to make it up to her. It would be cute if it didn’t take her away from me so often. But it’s good – for Jessa and for Gabriel. They got their own thing going on that I’m not part of and I’m cool with that. He seems to want to do right by her and, no, he hasn’t quit drinking his beers, but he hasn’t been drunk or high once since we’ve been back. 

“
But you’re coming over for dinner, right?” he asks her with his charming smile.

“I would love to,” she tells him as
Emilio delivers her a Styrofoam cup of coffee. I, of course, don’t get shit. “But Pax is hard to resist. Plus you guys are hard to keep up with. Actually, a night lounging around sounds awesome. We can order pizza…” she says lazily, her gaze veering to me.

“Damn, we lost her,”
Gabriel says to his brother.

“Maybe you need to find your own woman. Let the poor girl relax.”

“You know how long it’s been since we’ve had a female in the family?”

“I’m with you
, brother. It’s nice having a pretty girl around. And it’s good to see Paxton all lovey dovey. But what I’m saying is if you like it so much, go get your own.”

“I don’t want no woman. I just want to make sure she’s happy. I don’t
want her leaving my boy and I don’t want my boy leaving me.”

He is turning into a softie.

“You guys are making me happy. I love it here. And as far as leaving your boy goes… that’s never gonna happen.” 

“This is why I love her,” Gabriel says, slinging an arm around Jessa.

“Let’s go,” Santos yells from his station where he was flipping through images while we got our little morning cheese fest out of the way.

I pull Jessa away from my dad and through the back room where we keep our boards and Jessa’s helmet and gear. The three
of us head down the back alley towards the park. Santos is chatting away about nothing. Jessa is laughing at his comments that are meant to entertain her. I’m just feeling good.
Perfect.

We get set up at the park. I
t’s busy like it always is, but at least there are no camera crews around today. “If you get this trick down today can we get back to the streets tomorrow? I’m tired of these crowds,” Santos says. I don’t answer ‘cause he’s not asking me.

“Definitely
,” Jessa tells him as she straps her elbow pads on. “You coming?” she asks me.

“Nah
, I’m just gonna watch you for a while,” I tell her.

“He’s a pu
ssy. Let’s go,” Santos says, winking at me.

“He’s not a pussy, he’s just protective,” she corrects him. And she’s right. I gotta keep my eye on her. I love keeping my eye on her. I’ll get my own runs in when she’s ready for a break.

“The boy don’t realize you can take care of yourself.”

“Ha,” she laughs. “When I rocked my head on the rim yesterday and almost lost consciousness where were
you? You were in the snake run trying to impress that chick with the big tits. And where was Pax? In the bowl, dragging my ass out before I got ran over by some asshole.”

“Whatever. Let’s go,” he tells her, “You look like a total
newb in that gear, by the way.”

“And you look like a t
otal sheep trying to keep up with guys like Paxton who always nail their tricks.”

“Ooh, burn,”
he teases her.

Jessa
flips him off then gives me a kiss before taking off for the mini bowl with Santos following her. And not the other way around.

“Show them how it’s done, beso,” I tell her.

“I’m gonna get it today,” she calls back to me.

I head to the rim of
the mini bowl so I can watch her. Her expression becomes focused and then she drops in like she’s been doing it her whole life. She rides around the walls, gaining momentum, finding her lines. The last thing I would have figured when I first met Jessa was that she was an athlete, but it’s so obvious now as I watch her confidence, the way her body naturally reacts and corrects itself. She runs a few fifty fifty’s- her speed picking up every time she drops back in. “Go for it, beso,” I call to her. She starts popping out of the bowl, doing some basic ollies, her board getting higher every time. When I know she’s about to go for it I hold my breath, she goes to grab her nose and pulls out too much and lands on the flat, sliding down into the basin on her knees. My instinct is to go to her, cradle her in my arms, and make sure she’s okay, but she hates that shit. So I clench my teeth and stay silent. She stands back up and climbs out of the bowl. “What am I doing wrong, babe?” she asks me when she’s back on the deck.

“
Get out of it quicker if you can. Focus less on the grab and more on where you’re gonna land. Just look at the concrete. Feel yourself landing it.”

She nods he
r head and drops back in. She goes for it again but doesn’t pop out enough and ends up landing on her back wheel. She gives it a few more tries before she takes a break. She pulls her helmet off and grabs a water out of the bag by my feet.

“You hurting?” I ask her.

“No, just losing my focus. I need to forget about if for a minute.”

“You’re so close, beso. You’re gonna get it today,” I tell her, grabbing her board and
our bag and heading to a ledge near the street section where we sit down, our legs hanging, looking out at the ocean.

“I must be quite the woman to have dragged you away from here,” she tells me. “This is paradise.”

I wrap my arm around her and feel right when her small frame is tucked under my arm. “This is exactly where I was when I decided I had to go get you. I kind of knew it, then I got in the pool and started feeling the concrete. My mind cleared and I knew without a doubt you were where I needed to be.”

Jessa leans on my chest then tilts her head up asking me for a kiss which I gladly give her. “I can’t wait ‘till I’m that good. ‘Till I can just drop into the pool and start carving, my mind not having to focus on what I’m actually doing. Not even thinking about it.”

“You think you were meant to do this… live here, so far away from home, surrounded by all this testosterone? You think this is where we are meant to be?”

“Logically, the answer should be no. I mean, you’re right – I’m so far away from home, from all the people in River Bluff and Chicago that I love. And with Nat’s wedding and the charges against Dan, I
’m obviously going to have to get back to River Bluff at some point. But I don’t want to stay there. I never thought that my future was there. Even now that I’m no longer afraid of being stuck there living my mom’s life, I still can’t see myself living there. And as far as Chicago and I go, I miss the life we were living there with Vi, but from that first night you came back I knew it wasn’t where you belonged. I always knew we would leave there eventually and come here. And now that we’re finally here, it feels right, Pax. But really, it’s up to you. You are the one who has responsibilities and people depending on you.”