Inside Out (3 page)

“Maybe I could push you ahead a bit.”

Only a bit?
Desperate, wringing his hands, he asked, “What can I do to move to the front of the line? I’m in dire need of my machine and the file I was working on.”

“Persuade the guys on the league and as many people as you can to sign the petition for me to play on the men’s league.”

Trey tugged his ear. She couldn’t mean that, could she? “Did you just say I should help you get your petition signed?”

“That’s exactly what I said. Do we have a deal?”

He looked heavenward and muttered, “What did I ever do to you?” To Erica, he grumbled, “Yeah. You’ve blackmailed me into it. I’ll help you. Where are you working?”

“Same place.” As if he didn’t remember, she added, “Tops on 64
^th
.”

Unable to believe what he was hearing, Trey’s eyes widened and he sat up taller. “They didn’t, uh, mind you becoming Erica?”

“They’re happy for me. As long as I stay away from alcohol and do my job, they don’t care if I’m Eric, Erica or the man on the moon.” A wry chuckle escaped from her. “They like me better this way, as do I.”

To his annoyance, a picture of the way she looked now flooded his mind and appreciation filled him. However, he was glad whenever employers were open-minded like his. He’d heard too many horror stories of gay men and lesbians being discriminated against at the workplace. Why should he feel any differently when it came to transgender people?

“You make a pretty woman. Of course, you were a very handsome man.” He bit his lip and wished he hadn’t added the compliment.

Visions of their breakup taunted him. He hadn’t been able to live with an alcoholic who was having an affair with the bottle. Wondering when the cops would ask him to go down to the morgue to identify Eric’s body had been torture. And then he’d stomped out. He’d returned only once, to remove his possessions from the house.

He wished with all his heart Erica had shared the source of his unhappiness with him instead of anaesthetising herself in alcohol. Maybe they’d have survived her transformation. Now they’d never know.

He struggled to lift the weight crushing his heart. When his boss Henry rapped on the door, popping his head into Trey’s office and motioning for him, Trey sighed. “The boss man needs me. I’ll drop it off on my lunch hour. Thanks again.”

Before Erica could change her mind or the boss came back, he shut the phone and stopped by his secretary’s desk. She was fortyish, and mousy-looking, but was the best admin assistant he’d ever had. He longed to take her to a hairdresser and demand she get a shorter, more stylish do, maybe some highlights or frosting, but he feared that could be deemed discrimination. Nor did he want her six-foot, eight-inch husband to catch him in a dark alley if she were too insulted, so he kept his mouth shut about her looks.

“Draw up a petition for me, please. Okay, Janie?”

“Certainly.
What’s it for?” she asked, with a lift of her bushy brow.

He’d been due at the meeting five minutes ago and Henry wasn’t the patient type. “I’ll dictate the leading paragraph when I get back from my meeting.”

After scooping up his presentation from her, he made a dash for the hallway. He threw over his shoulder, “I’ll be in the upstairs conference room with the directors for a couple of hours. Please tell Henry I’m on the way if he calls looking for me.” He winked at her, then pivoted on his heel and took off down the hall at a trot.

* * * *

Since the meeting had gone way past the lunch hour and he’d run from one meeting to the next, Trey slipped out of the agency at four-thirty and drove to Erica’s office, petition with his signature in one hand, his bruised computer in the other. The trip was too short. He was still in a quandary what to say, how to act around her, and what to do. Was he supposed to treat her with kid gloves, tiptoe around her new oestrogen-enhanced emotions? Or should he treat her like one of the guys who just happened to have developed breasts but no dick?

He smiled at the receptionist who was a new face since he’d last visited Eric’s office. “I’m here to see Erica Metzger.”

Erica
felt funny rolling off his tongue but he liked the name.

He hoped Erica wouldn’t notice he was quaking. He didn’t know if she was totally new and improved or just the feminine version of Eric still attached to the bottle. A feminine version all right, with rounded hips, softer skin and breasts.
A version with kohl-rimmed eyes, glittery eye shadow and sexy lip-gloss.

The young receptionist smiled up at Trey with a twinkle in her eyes. Her friendly smile was as much at odds with the sparkling pink skull and crossbones on the front of her shirt as it was with her spiked Rainbow Sherbet hair. She leant across her desk and pointed down the hall to the right. “Take the first right, then the second left. Go down to the end of the hall and hang another left. Erica’s office will be the second door on the right. You can go on down. She’s expecting you.”

Trey’s heart lurched. How many nights had he waited up for Eric to come home? How many times had he prayed the man wasn’t driving drunk, hadn’t killed himself in an accident? How many nights had Eric slept at this office because he was too drunk to drive home? And now,
Erica
was waiting for him.

Trey squared his shoulders and hitched his computer case more firmly in his grip. He ordered his heart to get a grip as he flashed a smile at the woman. “Thanks.”

When he arrived at Erica’s office, he rapped his knuckles on the door. “Knock, knock. I brought the petition and the computer.”

Only the top of Erica’s shiny hair was visible above her monitor. She was an alien caught in the green glow of the computer.

She didn’t look up, just kept tinkering and muttered, “Leave them on the table with your phone number. I’ll call you when your computer’s ready.”

Trey’s heart dropped to his knees with a loud
kerthunk
. His nerves became a pinball game. After he put his computer on the table, he quirked his brow and fisted his hands on his hips. “My phone number hasn’t changed. You don’t remember it?”

Her fingers still poised over her keyboard, she glanced up.
“Of course.
It was mine, too. I thought you might have changed it after all this time.”

Trey racked his brain for something to say. A lot had happened during the relatively short period of time that had passed since they’d shared that phone number. Entranced by her beauty, confused by the transformation, he stared unabashedly. Finally, he blurted out, “How’s your family taking this?”

Erica pushed her chair away from her desk. She leant back and stared at the ceiling. “My mom and sister are trying to accept and support me. My dad’s horrified, afraid I’ve ruined the rest of my life.” She paused and drew in a shuddering sigh.

Her gaze, full of pain and anger, swivelled back to him. “My father thinks he failed, that his seed was bad. My brother thinks I’m a freak. The people at the office here have been supportive. Most of my friends are cool with it. And I’ve made new friends, like me. As for everybody else, it’s none of their damned business and I don’t care what they think.”

Again, Trey wished people would stop judging other people—that they could be allowed to live their life, their way. “But what if people recognise you when you’re out and about? Isn’t that a shock?”

Erica scowled and twisted her long hair into a knot at the top of her head and fastened it with a hot pink claw-like clip. “Most people don’t recognise me. If they do and don’t like the real me, they can get lost. This is my life.” She nodded sharply and folded her arms over her chest.

Admiration flashed through Trey. She was surer of herself than Eric the boozer.

“Your Uncle Bob’s okay with this?” Trey well remembered Erica’s stoic uncle. The man hadn’t accepted their homosexuality. How would he deal with a sex change?

Erica fidgeted and buttoned a higher button on her blouse. Her gaze veered away from his, and she shuffled her feet back and forth. “We haven’t told him. Since he’s up north and we’re down here, he doesn’t have to find out.”

Trey frowned. He couldn’t imagine ignoring his family forever. Maybe he wasn’t as impressed with Erica as he’d thought. Yet, his heart hurt for her. “I thought you didn’t care what anyone thought? You’re really going to avoid your family for the rest of your life?”

Erica bit her lip, stood and ambled around the office with a faraway look in her eyes. Finally, she faced him and, wringing her hands in front of her, she said, “He’d reject me. At least this way, we still talk. I go for years without seeing him and he’s getting older. When he comes down to see the family, our paths don’t have to cross. He knows I’m always busy working.”

Trey’s gut wrenched. Scowling, he shook his head. “After they die you’re going to regret not seeing them. People don’t live forever.”

Erica stiffened,
then
her shoulders relaxed. She reached out to him, and took a step forward. Then she froze about a foot away, her hand dropped to her side and she regarded him with sadness. “Did you lose someone close?”

Trey’s breath stuck in his throat. He tried to erect the wall around his heart, to dam the water behind his eyes, yet a tear slid down his cheek. Angrily, he swiped at it with the back of his hand. “My dad died in a car accident last year.”

Erica’s eyes welled up with tears. She sniffled and dabbed at her nose. “I’m so sorry. I wish you’d called me…”

Trey refused to cry in front of Erica. He rallied against the ache pounding in his head. He cleared his throat, blinked back the tears and stood taller. “You know the worst part? We weren’t speaking. He died mad at me, thinking I was mad at him. It sucks.”

Trey’s lungs contracted. He struggled to gulp air. Trying to breathe was almost as fruitless as trying to rein in his emotions. Still, another tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He cursed himself for losing control.

Erica’s lips quivered. She stood and pulled him into a hug. She cradled him against her heart and rubbed his back. “It’s okay. He knew you loved him. He was a good man.”

Trey’s heart contracted. He shook his head. “It’s not all right. Maybe he knew but we still wasted precious time, time we’ll never get back. Don’t do that to yourself. I know you love your uncle. Don’t set yourself up for regrets.”

Erica rocked him in her arms and murmured unintelligible yet soothing words in his ear. She pressed her new breasts to him and fitted her curvy hips against his. Beside his ear, she murmured, “I’ll think about it.”

Trey couldn’t let Erica make such a big mistake. The soft hands caressing him were making his libido go crazy, and made it difficult to think straight. “If he loves you, he’ll get over it.”

His words rang in his head. Pain needled him and he grimaced. Overwhelmed by the barrage of emotions, he let Erica’s warmth creep into him. His legs went weak, he clutched her and his tears fell raw and plentiful.

He cried until the wetness of Erica’s blouse penetrated his brain. Then he tried to pull back with a mumbled, “Sorry,” but Erica wouldn’t release him.

She stroked his hair as Eric had often done, slowly,
mesmerisingly
. Her hands, however, felt much softer than Eric’s. They were smooth and silky like her hair. They felt as if she’d grown a new layer of skin over Eric’s calloused hands.

“Did you drive here?” Erica pulled back and gazed into his eyes, her own a little glassy.

He got lost in the whirlpool of her mocha coloured eyes. Warning sirens blared, but he didn’t care.

Erica’s eyes bewitched him and her heat chased away the bitter cold that had buffeted him so long. “You’re not fit to drive. It’s almost the end of the day so I’ll take you home.”

“Okay. I still live in Tamarac.”

“Alone?” The moment Erica uttered the
word,
she looked as if she wanted to grab it back. Her long,
mascaraed
lashes swept down over her eyes.

Alone?
He’d been alone and lonely since they’d broken up. No one had taken Eric’s place in his home or his heart although a couple had tried. They just weren’t…
Eric
.

He reminded himself this wasn’t Eric, either, but his body quaked nonetheless and his cock twitched. He had no doubt what his dick wanted…Erica. Yet his heart didn’t want to get struck by the same bullet twice.

His eyes widened and he let his gaze rake over her. The budding smile held the same hint of laughter and coyness Eric’s had. The same soul shone through.

Confusion accosted him again. This was the same person, but it wasn’t the same person. Or was it? Did it matter what sex Eric-Erica was? The soul and spirit hadn’t changed, just the outer shell.

Or had it? Had the inner person always been what she was now and he’d been too blind to see it? His head seemed to split in two.

Erica packed up her laptop, grabbed an expensive-looking Coach handbag and sashayed towards him in high heels. Her pink skirt shimmied snugly around her hips and fell to an inch above her knees.

Trey did a double take. He could picture her curvy ass wiggling seductively, beckoning to all the men in the office. His heart lurched and he scowled. “Your boss lets you climb around under desks like that?”

Erica stepped towards the open door,
undulating
her sexy hips. She looked over her shoulder and winked. “Sometimes I even wear G-strings. Maybe he likes the view.”

Trey’s gut wrenched. His blood simmered. To prevent the expletive teetering on his lips from exploding, he bit down on them. Then he counted to ten and said instead, “I can’t blame him if he does. I do. Are you wearing a G-string now?”

She batted her lashes, let her hair cascade around her shoulders and clipped the hair ornament onto her purse strap. Then she grabbed his tie and reeled him in. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m not wearing any underwear.”

His temperature spiked and he choked. When his cock swelled, his jeans grew unbearably tight. Wondering if Erica was as hot for him as he was for her, he fidgeted.

Trey couldn’t speak so he nodded. For the first time since he’d last been with Eric, tingles shot down his arms and legs. A warm glow buzzed inside and he felt an irrepressible urge to smile as wide as that kid on the
Mad
magazine cover. He hadn’t felt so happy since things had been good between him and Eric.