Insomnia (5 page)

I grinned as she walked away.

“Hey, dude.” Finn came up behind me. “I’m not your bellhop. Take your bag.” I spun around, met Finn’s gaze, and cursed under my breath. Then I remembered the soccer practice after school. I’d get another chance to see Mia at practice. If her dream last night wasn’t just a freak thing, I had to find out—and the sooner the better.

“Please let me take it again,” I pleaded.

Mr. Nelson frowned and I tried not to remember his dream. Watching that shiny bald head make out with my mom was not an image I liked to dwell on. “Sorry, Parker. You just need to try to do better next time.”

“I can’t have another failed test in this class.” Mom might not have cared much when my A fell to a B, but she’d definitely notice a D.

“There’s a physics tutoring group that meets in the library after school. You should join it.”

I sighed. “Okay … thanks.” I scrambled for some last way to convince him, and tried not to hurl when my mind came up with the obvious answer. Oh well. If I wanted to keep Mom off my back, sacrifices had to be made.

I walked halfway to the classroom door before pausing to rub my knuckles along the edge of a nearby desk. It was almost slick, worn smooth by years of use. “You know, my mom mentioned you the other day,” I said, turning. Mom was going to kill me—they’d only been on one date and I knew, from experience, that the only man she ever dreamed about, even all these years later, was Dad.

Mr. Nelson whipped his head up so fast that the glare from the fluorescent lights bouncing off it was nearly blinding. “She did?”

“Yeah. Just that you were funny on your date.”

“Really?” His eyes widened before he caught himself. “I mean, yeah. We had fun, but she was always so busy after that. I thought … ”

“Oh yeah, her job keeps her really busy. Plus, when she has to spend time worrying about me and my grades, that’s hard on her too.” I shrugged and took a few more steps toward the door. “But I’m sure she’ll have time again next summer or something.”

Mr. Nelson’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t an idiot, but he was also desperate. “Ever heard of abuse of power, Parker?”

I stopped and held my hands out, palms up, focusing on the emotion I wanted to convey—honest, innocent. “I’m not making any promises and I have no power, but what I’m saying about her being busy is true. And besides, what does it hurt to let me take the test again? It’s not like I’m cheating or bribing you for a grade.”

Mr. Nelson nodded slowly and closed the book in front of him with a snap. “Tomorrow, during your study period. This is your last chance.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” I smiled widely and hurried toward the door before he could change his mind.

Just before I got there, he muttered, “Improve your grades, kid, and you could be a freakin’ politician.”

seven

Thor was right behind me on my way out to practice. Like
right behind
, so close he felt like a shadow. I slowed down for a minute to walk beside him, but when he glared at me with his little black eyes I decided it probably wasn’t worth the effort. I jogged the rest of the way to the field.

“That’s fun. You got to hang with Thor,” Finn said with a chuckle when I stopped beside him and Thor ran past us to the bag of soccer balls near the goalpost. “You guys do anything new, or did he follow the routine and act like he wanted to put you in a blender?”

“Pretty much the usual. Though this time he mixed things up a bit and hinted about a pitch fork and a set of steak knives.”

Finn laughed. “No actual threats this time?”

“No actual conversation.”

“Sounds about right.” Finn nodded as he adjusted his shin guard.

I took a deep breath and relaxed my muscles. Soccer was my primary escape. On the field, I could be normal. Adrenaline kicked in and kept me awake. Muscle memory made everything fluid and easy. It didn’t feel like my mind and body were at war when I played. I didn’t have to think.

We were the first ones on the field, but most of the girls’ team was heading out the doors toward us. I strained to find Mia and spotted her coming out last. All the other girls were talking and laughing, but Mia was alone—until Addie jogged over from the side of the field and walked with her.

Great. Just what I needed—them to become best friends.

Within a few minutes everyone was on the field, and they were all looking at me. I groaned. Jeff seemed to be late to everything. The coaches weren’t even on time.

“Okay, let’s start with some laps: three around the field, and then five sprints from goal to goal.”

Everyone started running and I caught up with Mia near the front of the group. “Did I hear right that they appointed you team captain … as a sophomore? Did you come from some kind of top-secret Olympic training school?”

“Probably.” She laughed and then grimaced. “But I think it had more to do with Jeff coming in and telling them to make me captain. I wish he wouldn’t do that.” A couple of girls from the team last year pushed past Mia and she stumbled into me. Before I could even try to help, she caught her balance and kept going, her chin high and her jaw clenched. “He’s really not doing me any favors.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” We ran another lap in silence before I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “So, what was the name of this Olympic training school? I feel like I should check it out.”

She smiled but kept her eyes on the ground and didn’t respond.

“Sorry if I’m getting too personal. I’m just curious—”

“No worries.” Mia sprinted away before I could finish my sentence. I cursed under my breath. The last thing I wanted was to scare her off. Not before I could learn what I needed to know about her: why her dreams were so unique, if she had any odd pre-bedtime rituals I should know about. Admittedly awkward questions, but it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t even give up what high school she used to go to. The girl was a vault.

By the time everyone finished running sprints, the coaches and Jeff had shown up. Jeff paired each of our starters with two girls and had them run drills while we gave them tips and feedback. He put me with two sophomores I vaguely remembered from junior high, Kim and Christina.

They both had played in city leagues for fun but never competitively. I taught them a few of my best trapping tricks and then had them try to pass the ball back and forth as they dribbled past me without my stealing it. They got it past me the first two times until I learned their moves; then I took it three in a row.

“All right, I give.” Kim sat on the ground next to the ball and glared at me. “How do you always know when we’re going to pass it? It’s like you’re a mind reader.”

I stopped in front of her and extended a hand. “Easy. I’ll teach you.”

She looked skeptical, but she grabbed on and I helped her to her feet.

“Now watch. Christina, try to get it past me.”

Christina approached and dribbled the ball back and forth. I watched her movements and followed with my body, letting my muscles take over.

“You watch her feet, but it isn’t her feet that will tell you where she’s going.”

Christina moved left but, at the last moment, dodged right and sent the ball directly into my extended foot. She shook her head as the ball bounced back behind her.

“It’s her eyes.” I turned back to Kim, but realized both teams had gathered around and were listening to me. I closed my mouth and looked at Coach Mahoney to see what we were doing next.

“What’s her eyes?” Kim asked. Both coaches nodded for me to continue.

“Well, she won’t make a move blind. If you watch her eyes, you can see where she’s probably heading.” I turned back to Christina and gestured for her to come at me again. “This time watch the upper body.”

She moved toward me and feinted to the opposite side this time. Again, I stopped the ball and sent it flying back behind her. “See how she tilts just before she shifts? If her upper body and her eyes say she’s going right … well, then she’s going right.”

Everyone was silent as I went after the ball I’d just sent toward the bleachers. Then I heard Coach Mahoney yell, “Pair up. Practice anticipating your partner’s moves.”

Just before I got to the ball, Addie scooped it up and handed it to me. “That was pretty good. You almost sound like you know what you’re doing.”

I smiled. “I almost
do
know what I’m doing.” Glancing out at the field, I saw Mia running drills with Jeff on the far side. She was really good, but so was he. Neither of them seemed able to get it past the other. I turned back to Addie, but she’d already walked away.

I worked with Christina and Kim for the next thirty minutes, and by the end they were taking the ball from me as easily as I’d been taking it from them. The girls’ team was much better than I’d expected; they just needed to figure out how to work together. And a few new tips didn’t seem to hurt. Mia was definitely the best they had, though. If anyone could gain the respect of the team, she could, although the way Jeff forced her in as captain wasn’t going to make that easy.

After another thirty minutes of drills, Addie showed us a few good stretches and the coaches sent us off to the locker room.

“You really think they can do it?” Addie asked, coming up beside me. Finn joined us on my other side.

“Do what?” I watched Mia’s brown head bobbing a few feet ahead of me and knew I had to catch up with her somehow.

“Do you think the girls can win this year?”

“Sure, why not?”

“If you can get Jeff to schedule a few more of these joint practices, they might stand a chance.” Addie looked at me and smiled.

I shrugged. “Meet you guys inside.”

Sprinting through the school doors, I took a quick sip from the water fountain and looked up just in time to catch Mia’s eye on her way into the locker room. My timing was perfect. She smiled and then she was gone.

I couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across my face as I slid on my sunglasses. Finn and Addie stood back near the doors waiting for the crowd to clear. I took another sip from the fountain before turning back to face them. I’d done it. All I had to do was make it home without making eye contact with anyone else, and I’d see if Mia’s dreams were the same tonight. See if she could really be the answer I’d hoped she was.

“Stop it,” Finn said as he passed me. “You look goofy.”

Addie’s smile fell from her face and she fought against the current of soccer players to get back out the door. I could barely make out her voice as she muttered something about waiting at the car.

The moment I entered her dream, I felt peace. For the first time in years, I let the hope of a different life make me feel better instead of dreading the disappointment it inevitably brought with it.

This one wasn’t quiet, like her first dream. I could hear waves crashing violently, but it still soothed me. The water rolled over my frayed nerves and the knots in my back. The air tasted like the ocean, salty and wet.

My eyes opened on an angry sky above a cliff. The churning ocean was far below. Across the bay perched a beautiful white lighthouse. The small windows were framed in navy and the light cut through the fog like a scalpel.

My sense of touch came to life and I felt the stone beneath my feet settle into place. Even though the scene was entirely different from her previous dream, it still only had one layer. Everything felt so real without all the other layers creating chaos in the background. It was so similar to reality that I was almost certain I’d be able to sleep again.

Then the diluted sadness flowed through me.

I turned, searching for Mia. She stood behind me, again wearing the same white sundress. It whipped violently around her legs in the wind. It was a different setting, but everything else was the same. Strange … everything about her dreams seemed to break the rules I’d learned.

An easel, identical to the one in her previous dream, stood before her. She squinted at the lighthouse and bit her lip, then picked up a paintbrush and stuck the end in her mouth with a sigh. I moved to see the painting—again, blank. She stood motionless.

Her expression held so much frustration, it was almost painful to watch her. For a moment, I wished she could see me so I could ask her what was bothering her, but it was a dream. Her irritation and sadness probably weren’t even based on an actual life problem. Besides, I knew why I was here, and I needed to know for sure if it would work again.

I looked around for a place to sleep. Excitement flowed through me, washing bits of Mia’s gloom away. The most likely spot was near a rocky overhang where dark green vines covered the ground. They curled and twisted in around themselves, hiding from the rough weather. I felt them experimentally with my feet. They were soft, with no needles or thorns. I reclined on the vines, the overhang shielding me perfectly from the wind.

The sight of Mia, frowning at her painting, was the last thing I saw before exhaustion crashed over me like one of the rough waves far below, and I tumbled into the deep sleep I longed for.

eight

After two nights of Mia’s dreams, I felt fantastic, better than I remembered feeling ever. Her dreams could be the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was beginning to believe I might even be able to survive this curse with her help. Seeing her, making eye contact, her dreams … it was all I could think about. And now that I’d passed my re-take of Mr. Nelson’s exam, it was all I had to think about.

I leaned against my car, the chill from the cool metal sinking through my shirt and into my skin. I thought about throwing on my jacket, but I liked being a little cold. I liked feeling so alive.

Occasionally I waved at one of the people passing me, but my attention was on the door to the school. I hadn’t seen Mia all day, but she had to come out this way. I wouldn’t miss her. At least I hoped I wouldn’t. But already the parking lot was nearly empty. Some guy with a black leather jacket was standing at the bottom of the stairs into school, blocking my view. Lately, that dude always seemed to be in my way. Our school wasn’t that big, and I knew most people by sight if not by name. So why didn’t I recognize him? My hands shook and I moved a step to the left so I could see around him. Could I have missed Mia because of him?

I jumped when Addie grabbed my elbow, nearly breaking her nose.

“Watch it, Parker! Geez!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Addie.” I shifted my position so I could see her and the stairs at the same time. Reaching out, I put my hand on her shoulder until she looked at me. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and rubbed the pointy tip of her nose that was already red in the cold air. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” I dropped my arm back to my side and glanced over her shoulder at the stairs again.

“You’ve been staring at those doors since I came out. I called your name three times. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I shrugged and returned my eyes to the stairs.

She shuffled her feet and took a step away. “Who is it?”

“What?”

“Who are you looking for?”

I tried to find an easy explanation. “Jeff.”

“Oh.” I was relieved that her voice sounded more normal when she spoke. “He took Mia and left before last period. She had some counseling thing or something.”

I couldn’t stop my head from whipping around to her. “Is she in one of your classes?”

She bit her lip for a moment before speaking. “Oh … it’s Mia.”

“What?” I shook my head, confused.

Finn walked up and leaned against the car. “What’s Mia?” He pulled a Dr. Pepper out of his backpack and popped it open as he turned to me. “And why does she keep coming up?”

I ignored him and opened my car door.

“Parker likes her,” Addie said softly. Her face was unreadable, like always.

Finn took a big gulp of his drink, then grinned. “Yeah? Is this the part where we sing Parker and Mia sitting in a tree?”

I shook my head, uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation. “See you guys tomorrow.”

“Later,” Finn managed to say around a mouthful of Dr. Pepper. Addie waved without looking directly at me and turned away.

Sliding into my ragged leather seat, I saw Addie hit Finn’s shoulder as they walked toward the front of the school. I was glad she had swim team practice and Finn tutored in the library today. My mind was reeling from the last forty-eight hours and I needed some time to process—alone.

I’d already missed my chance for true sleep tonight. Realistically, Mia’s dreams shouldn’t be the same every night, but so far there seemed to be a pattern at least. It was far from a sure thing, but I had to admit it was possible … her dreams might be able to save me.

Dread and fear of my future had been everything in my life. Everything I said, did—even thought—was tainted by it. For years now, I’d been fading and doing it on my own.

Now everything was different. Maybe there could be an answer. Maybe Mia was the only way. A kind of manic hope and need was filling the emptiness in me. I tried to ignore the undercurrent of fear that still ran strong beneath it all.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered now but the possibility of a different future.

The woman at the checkout counter had pale green eyes. As with grass in wintertime, something had sucked the vibrancy away. They were sad even as she nodded and told me to have a nice day. Her nametag said
Agnes
, and she’d decorated it with stickers of small blue flowers. I hadn’t meant to look her in the eye, but did it really matter whose dreams I watched anymore? If they weren’t Mia’s, then they were still bad news for me no matter who the dreamer was. I frowned as I loaded the groceries Mom asked me to pick up into the back of my car.

From the moment the dream started, I could feel them. Now that I knew what it felt like with the layers gone, they were more tangible than ever before. Like everyone but Mia, Agnes kept me locked in her dreams and away from my own.

I hated her and her stupid Pine-Sol-scented dream. Forcing down the urge to bash my head, or even her head, against the floor until I broke through the layers that kept me awake, I dug my fists into my thighs until I felt the anger dim. It wasn’t her fault. None of this was her fault.

The sound of children’s voices echoed down the hall. A game show was on the TV, but Agnes never turned to watch it. She kept dusting the same tables over and over, even though the room was spotless.

The detail was as clear as a memory but there were few items that overlapped. The same stack of coasters filled five separate places on the oak end-table. The game show had different contestants every time I looked at it but each was equally vivid. It was like several memories overlapping each other.

The front door opened and a thick man in a shirt and tie came into the living room. The emotion coming from Agnes shifted so fast I felt dizzy. Pure fear filled my body from my toes to my eyebrows, and I regretted the single violent thought I’d had against her. The sounds of the children down the hall silenced and I heard a door shut.

“Hi, dear.” Agnes hid the feather duster behind her back. From my position, I could see the feathers twitching as her hands trembled.

He grunted and plopped into the recliner closest to the TV.

Agnes handed him the remote and put the feather duster in the closet. Within seconds she was back with a beer from the fridge.

He grabbed it and nodded without even a glance in her direction. “What’s for dinner?”

“Meatloaf,” she answered, backing toward the kitchen. “It will be ready in a few minutes.”

Her fear was still there but she seemed to be feeling more confident. I slumped onto the carpet and leaned against the wood paneling on the wall. She might feel better but I didn’t. There was no question that he’d hit her before; it was impossible to miss the signs.

Agnes set the table and called for the kids to come to the kitchen. Two blond children came down the hall. The little boy was quieter than any child I’d ever seen. He couldn’t have been more than five years old. His sister was maybe a year or two older, and she kept moving back and forth in front of her brother. It took me a moment to realize she was placing herself between her brother and her dad.

The kids sat at the table and Agnes brought a plate to her husband in his recliner. The family ate in silence. Everyone at the table stared at their plates. Agnes reached over to refill the milk in her son’s cup. He lifted it but lost his grip. The glass fell to the table as if in slow motion.

Panic shot through the room like a lightning bolt. The little girl was back from the kitchen with a towel before I could blink. The boy stared in horror at the glass, but he didn’t make a sound as his eyes brimmed with tears.

Agnes hurried to clean it up, but the moment her husband glanced back at her, she sent the kids to their room. I could hear their soft sniffles coming down the hallway as she continued to wipe up the mess with shaking fingers.

“I’m sorry, Ray.”

He sighed and pushed pause on his DVR remote. When he stood, I stepped in his way. I didn’t want to see this.
Please, no more.

But he was an aspect of the dream, and I was just a Watcher. He walked right through me and I felt nothing. I knelt on the floor, helpless, wishing I’d met the eyes of anyone but this poor woman.

“All I ask is that things be clean.” His voice rumbled low and her fear spiked as she backed away from him. He grabbed her shoulder and shoved her against the wall. I watched her shrink to the floor. My arm exploded with her pain, but I didn’t move or flinch. She didn’t cry out, I would be strong with her, for her … even if she didn’t know I was there.

“I know. It was an accident. I’m so sorry.”

He reached under her chin, grabbed her throat, and lifted her to her feet. “Don’t you want me to be happy?”

She nodded, gasping for air, and he threw her back to the ground. Everything ached. We gasped in air in unison, and I felt the will to fight seep out of my body, the same way it had fled from Agnes.

“Don’t do it again.” He walked back to his recliner and pushed play on the remote.

Agnes whispered, “I won’t.” Wiping tears from her cheeks, she got unsteadily to her feet. There was a cut on the top of her ear that was bleeding, and I could see the red outline of her husband’s hand against her throat. She pulled her thin brown hair out of its bun with shaking fingers and tried to arrange it to hide her neck and ear. Carefully lifting the plates, she headed down the hall to her kids’ bedroom.

As the dream faded into one of Agnes at work, I clenched my hands against my forehead. This was too hard. People had dark, disturbing secrets and every time I invaded their minds it dimmed a little piece of me. I could feel the darkness from other people’s nightmares squirming into my brain. How long before it changed who I was—my idea of what was normal?

Or had it already?

I woke with my whole body covered in a cold sweat, and it only went downhill from there. I couldn’t even think about food without wanting to throw up, and I couldn’t stop shivering. It felt nothing like any flu I’d ever had.

The early morning rain fell in misty droplets on my car window as I watched the shadows outside the grocery store shift around in unnatural ways. I could almost see things moving in them, moving through them—things that I knew couldn’t be real. I shivered as the well-lit interior of the store called to me. Hopefully the shadows couldn’t follow me there, but what I planned to do inside wasn’t any less scary.

My hands shook so hard I folded my arms and clamped my elbows down on them to make it stop. Sleeping in Mia’s dreams seemed to ease the tremors, but now, after just one night without her, they were back full force. I didn’t want to think about what it might be like if I missed her again today … or if her dreams were different tonight.

The store was nearly empty at this hour. I still had twenty minutes here before I had to head to school. Swallowing hard, I tapped on Agnes’s shoulder. She whirled around to face me, her shocked face turning to a sympathetic smile when she saw me.

Agnes—dreams of being broken.

“Oh, dear, you don’t look like you feel well. Can I help you find the pharmacy?”

Ever since I woke up, I’d been thinking about how to approach her. I couldn’t help Mr. Flint’s wife—she was already dead—but Agnes wasn’t. I was done being helpless, done putting up with my curse holding me in this living nightmare against my will.

This time I would
do
something.

My jaw clenched so tight I couldn’t speak. The paper in my hand was interfering.
I
was interfering in the most private parts of her life. My hand shook as I handed Agnes the list of shelters and women’s rescues that I’d printed out the moment I’d gotten out of bed.

“It’s a list of places that can help you.”

Confusion crossed her features as she took my paper and glanced down at it. Within seconds she placed one hand to her mouth and started shaking her head.

“Agnes, they’ll keep you safe,” I whispered. I dropped my hands to my sides.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered, her voice low. When she lifted her gaze to mine I could see pain and humiliation in her eyes. “Who are you?”

I shook my head, not knowing what else to say. Agnes pushed the paper against my chest and tried to turn away. I stretched my hand out to touch her shoulder, but she flinched and I stopped. This was exactly what I was afraid of. How could I help her? I couldn’t even explain how I knew.

Stepping around to the counter in front of her, I laid my paper on her checkout stand.

“In case you change your mind.” Then I turned and walked out of the store into the drizzling rain.

Once I got to the car, I kicked the tire. I rested my forehead against the cold, wet metal of the door and tried to push aside another intense wave of nausea. Why did this curse give me people’s secrets without any way to deal with them?

I didn’t understand it, but it seemed like getting real sleep through Mia’s dreams was now creating a rebound effect that made me go downhill faster than before. If so, I needed to watch Mia’s dreams as much as possible before it got any worse.

I climbed in the car and started the engine. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw Agnes in the alley beside the store. She leaned against the brick building, wet and sobbing, clutching my paper to her chest.

At least I knew she kept it.