Interzone 251 (19 page)

Kevin Connor’s TV two-parter 
FRANKENSTEIN
 (10th anniversary DVD, 13 January) is three hours of handsomely staged costume gothic produced by Hallmark. Donald Sutherland and William Hurt lend this version a heavyweight actorly presence but they are merely supporting players, and it’s down to the overacting pair of Alec Newman as Victor and Luke Goss as the creature to carry the rather leisurely paced romanticised narrative from ambitious genius to tragic downfall. With various plotline detours – sometimes copied from or reflecting upon the concerns of Kenneth Branagh’s rather uneven 1994 spectacular – there’s beautiful scenery and a stylish use of darkness and shadows along the way from rage/revenge of the miraculous and yet condemned abomination to his creator’s frozen grief/misery, as a fairly stodgy visual metaphor of the conflicts between scientific advancement and conventional morality.

As he has proved in the likes of
Blade II
,
Hellboy II
and
Death Race 2
, former boy-band popster Goss is at least competent in action-movie roles. However, when he is directed to portray a horror icon as protean as Frankenstein’s monster his abilities lack credibility and sufficient substance. Sadly, despite its depiction of obsession and portrait of ‘evil’ as a vengeful zombie, the period drama never comes to life. Made in the same year as this, Marcus Nispel’s lower-budgeted movie based on Dean Koontz’s updated version of
Frankenstein
– starring Parker Posey as a homicide detective hunting down a serial killer in New Orleans – remains far more interesting, and is quite imaginatively twisty in its accomplished recycling of the nightmare story’s familiar elements.

Clunky as a sackful of old hammers tumbling down a spiral staircase, and as laboured as that ridiculous simile,
BANGKOK ASSASSINS
 (DVD, 24 February) is, amazingly, the fourteenth movie directed by Yuthlert Sippapak, maker of the popular
Rahtree
horror series. In this comedy actioner, an elderly Shaolin master trains blind, deaf and mute orphan teens to fight against equally super-powered magical martial arts villains that are trafficking children into slavery. Corny farce unfolding at a lethargic pace, terribly inept performances and fantasy kung fu scenes with appallingly camp choreography, this is all but unwatchable except for some competent comic book style special effects. Hong Kong’s genre filmmakers do this sort of thing so much better, and even Korean standards are far superior. Anyone expecting this movie to match the quality of Tony Jaa’s work is very likely to be extremely disappointed in this feebleminded, ultimately witless Thai export.

While TV series
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
seems unlikely to please many followers of the Marvel movies franchise or satisfy comic book action fans, and a big-screen Nick Fury prequel touted last year has made no progress towards production, it is perfect timing for the long-awaited release of 1998’s TV movie 
NICK FURY: AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
(DVD, 27 January). As scripted by David Goyer and directed by Rod Hardy (maker of the 1979 sci-fi vampire horror
Thirst
and the 1997 version of
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
starring Michael Caine), this triumph or travesty – depending upon your view of David Hasselhoff as the iconic eye-patched super-spy – is a watchable parodic mess but it’s probably only admirable if your tolerance for campy posturing is high without a faculty scrambling alcoholic boost.

In Marvel’s rapidly expanding cinema franchise, the Fury gig practically saved Samuel Jackson’s fading career. As for the Hoff…well, let’s list his qualifications and professional skills, and itemise his suitability for playing the ultimate spook:

1. He’s tall

2. ?

The bluffer has no screen presence. Zero gravitas. He can’t be bantered with in any mode of acting except panto farce. Hasselhoff’s take on a favourite comics hero as tough guy is so boring that even vampire-styled villainess Viper doesn’t care for a chat when Fury is easily captured by her big henchmen. There is a heli-carrier (of a sort), a stunt/gag with an exploding eyeball, and Lisa Rinna (
Robot Wars
) traipsing about in tight leather, although she’s not even a placeholder for Scarlett Johansson’s excellent Black Widow. Overall, then, were it not for the terrorist activities of HYDRA (this is a first live-action appearance for their organisation), this TV flick would have precious little to commend it to new Marvel fans eager to follow such canonical productions. I don’t think this offers half of the shamelessly amusing fun that Albert Pyun’s
Captain America
(1990) delivers.

Cosmic fantasy of a Lovecraftian order, 
THOR: THE DARK WORLD
 (Blu-ray/DVD, 24 February) is a majestic combination of imagery from the seeming polar-opposite duo of genre giants
Star Wars
and
Lord of the Rings
that works wonders because of its appealing characters and strong, updated mythology. A splendid yarn of humans and gods versus monsters, this is a mighty effort of Marvel adaptation light years beyond that of Kenneth Branagh’s
Thor
. Ancient enemies from one of the ’heims threaten the many worlds beneath Asgard and above the Earth, as all trans-dimensional sky-roads converge upon Greenwich. Scientific interpretations of magic have rarely been this concisely engaging, and there is a fuzzy logic to the romance between heroic physicist Jane and the Odinson that holds an overworked imploding-universe plot in the gentle hands of destiny with an impressive visionary aspect. We are privileged to be living in the golden age of superhero movies.

Gavin Hood’s adaptation of Orson Scott Card’s 1985 novel, 
ENDER’S GAME
 (Blu-ray/DVD, 10 March) delivers a tolerably po-faced epic of military sci-fi, which plays like a
Starship Troopers
sanitised for teen gamers meets Nick Castle’s
The Last Starfighter
(1984), by way of some
Harry Potter
-ish battle school mentoring for young hero (Asa Butterfield, talented star of
Hugo
). Before setting aside the arguments of provenance, over what nowadays seems a fairly routine space opera idea, it’s worth pausing just to consider that Castle’s early-CGI adventure movie predated the publication – although, according to wiki notes, it was previously available online – of Card’s series-launching book (a Nebula winner in 1986) by a year. Perhaps the very idea of a computer gamer interacting with the machineries of Big War was something that was just in the SF air following John Badham’s popular movie
WarGames
(1983)?

Anyway, here’s a coming-of-age tale of prodigy Ender surviving all the bullying trials of spacers’ boot camp (like a
Boy’s Own
take on
Full Metal Jacket
) that prime our boy genius for exploitation by nefarious warmongers, ultimately to be an unwitting instrument of planetary xenocide. Butterfield is very good in the leading role and his often mesmerising performance eclipses those of his adult co-stars, with Harrison Ford’s gruff recruiter in particular failing to rise above the characteristics of a TV cliché. Never mind the human drama, zero-gravity tactical games should amuse, and the inevitable climactic space battle is actually quite impressive in its vast scales of hardware, despite being entirely virtual from the heroes’ POV.

“I’m here to help you with your history report” explains Rufus (George Carlin), surely the coolest time-traveller ever seen, at the Zen starting point of comedy 
BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
 (25th anniversary Blu-ray steelbook, 17 March). Doctor Who never had phone box companions like these. This raucous joke-fest is basically
Time Bandits
with American teens. The clueless Californian pals’ world tour picks up Billy the Kid, Socrates, Napoleon, Freud, Beethoven, Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan and Abe Lincoln to help with homework. An inconsistently amusing story of innocents abroad – in eras beyond their understanding – this is too dependent on the knowing appeal of Bill and Ted’s ignorance. But, in a twist that might impress
Back to the Future
’s Doc Brown, they suss out a bootstrap timeline paradox to enable a jailbreak and climactic high school presentation, and indulge in self-congratulatory sitcom routines along the way. Yes, way. “Why would we lie to ourselves?” It’s a fun movie, right? In between all the clowning skits, sight gags and commentary on late-1980s US pop culture, there is also time for a few salient points about literacy, education and self-determination.