Intimate (35 page)

He kissed her forehead. “I have you, Kaz. If I'd stayed on the same track I was headed down before the accident, I probably would have totally messed up my life. I wouldn't know you, wouldn't know what it felt like to love someone so completely, to know they love me. When I was sixteen, I didn't have the desire to work for a second Olympics, though I know my parents would have been pushing me. I don't know how well I would have handled it. I was already a jerk, and there's no reason to think I would have suddenly grown up and gotten my act together. Not without some serious intervention.”

She tilted her head and looked at him. “Are you saying that what Ben did was intervention?” She chuckled. “That's stretching it, don't you think?”

“Maybe, but it worked. I took classes when I was a ward of the state. There wasn't much offered, but I figured out that getting an education was actually a pretty cool thing, and when I got out, the money I'd put aside in the bank from all the promotional deals I'd had as a kid was still there, still earning interest. It was enough for me to go on to college. I'd gotten my GED through a program while I was locked up, and went on to get degrees in computer science, business, accounting, and film studies. I never would have done any of that.”

“Where'd the photography come from? You're amazingly good.”

Damn, he loved the fact that she liked his photos. The one thing he did that was all his. “One of the social workers who came to work with us got me hooked. Photography was something that took me away from the sinkhole I was living in, even though I was still locked up. He showed me how to find beauty in the ugliest things. I'll have to show you some of my pictures when we get home.”

“I'd like that. But you know what I'd really like now?” She kissed him, slowly. Thoroughly. “Think you can guess?”

“I certainly hope so.” He stood, holding Kaz in his arms. Her bruises had faded a bit more, and her eyes actually twinkled. He didn't say another word. Instead, he carried her to the bedroom at the end of the short hallway, laid her down on the faded quilt, and slowly, methodically stripped out of his clothes.

*   *   *

Kaz watched him—not even trying to disguise the huge smile on her face with a more serious expression—as he crawled over her, trapping her neatly between his arms and his thighs. She loved the feel of him surrounding her, covering her with his big, strong, oh so warm body. Jake was a truly beautiful man, one she was learning had as much beauty inside as out.

The life he'd led made her heart ache for him. The fact he'd come through it strong and kind and still willing to open himself to love made her love him even more. He kissed her, his mouth sliding over hers, his tongue tracing the seam between her lips, teasing them open until she forgot everything that had worried her, forgot her bruised ribs and battered face.

He carefully eased the clothes away from her, unwrapping her slowly, treating her body like a precious gift. Finally, when they were both naked, he sat back on his heels and stared at her. His dark gaze was so hot she felt the burn.

Then he took her left hand, held it to his lips, and kissed her palm at the base of her ring finger. “I still can't believe Kaz Kazanov said yes.”

“Of course I said yes. You can't possibly think I would have turned you down, can you? I am not an idiot, Jacob. I know a good thing when I see it.”

He nodded sagely. “I had no idea you were attracted to emotional wrecks with lifelong commitment issues. I'll have to remember that.”

“Actually, I'm attracted to intelligent, brave men who are klutzy enough to get shot protecting the little woman.”

He snorted. “The little woman would be you?”

“I'd better be the only one you think of within those parameters, buddy.”

“Yes, ma'am.” He kissed her again. And again, until she lost herself in his kisses, in the taste of him, the textures, the all-consuming need his touch and taste so quickly built in her.

She came up for air, sucking deep breaths, cupped his face in her hands and held him while she caught her breath. “I hope you have those necessities close at hand.”

His smile spread across his face. She felt his bristly cheeks crinkle beneath her palms. “I do. Hold that thought.”

He took both hands and kissed each one. Then he carefully placed her hands over her breasts. “Keep those warm for me.”

He leaned over the side of the bed, grabbed the pair of chinos he'd bought earlier in the day, and reached into a pocket. Frowning, he searched through the pocket with more drama than Kaz figured was necessary, but she was laughing when he finally pulled his hand out, triumphantly holding three foil packets aloft. “These necessities?”

She pretended to study them for a moment, fully aware of his erection curving high and hard, of the need growing deep inside while they played their silly game. “I think those will do. For now.” She snatched one out of his fingers, tore it open, and carefully sheathed him. She stroked his full length, ostensibly to smooth the sleek covering over his even sleeker shaft, but she took a moment to cup the warm sac beneath just so she could hear him groan.

Knowing she had this effect on him was the most powerful aphrodisiac she'd ever experienced.

Knowing now that this man loved her enough to commit, that he'd asked her to be his wife, trumped even that. It even changed the way she felt when he entered her.

Knowing Jake loved her made everything better.

*   *   *

It must have been an unspoken agreement that they talk about anything but Ben on the way back to the city. Even so, the trip seemed to take half the time it normally did, and before Jake was ready to see his brother, they were pulling to a stop in front of Kaz's house. Of course, there was a parking place right in front, when any other time parking would have been at a premium.

He turned off the car and stared at the steps leading to the front door.

“What are you thinking, Jake?”

He shook his head. Hell, he didn't have a clue what he was thinking. His thoughts had never been so muddled before.

Kaz wrapped her fingers around his neck and stretched across the console to kiss him. “He's your brother. You've already admitted that you've missed him, that you forgave him long ago. Let's go in and see why he's here, and if you don't like what he has to say, we'll just leave, together, and go to your apartment. Is that okay?”

He turned and looked at her, so beautiful even with her fading bruises. He knew he'd never, ever grow tired of seeing her beside him. She made him realize he still had it in him to smile. “When did you get so smart?”

“Oh, about the time I figured out I'd be a damned fool to let you go. C'mon. I imagine they're all looking out the window, wondering what's keeping us.”

He took her left hand and looked at the ring. It really was perfect, a beautiful dark red pigeon's blood ruby set in yellow gold and surrounded by tiny diamonds. He kissed her fingers and took a deep breath. “Okay. But if I freak out, slap me, all right?”

She laughed. “My pleasure.”

She laughed even harder as he mumbled, “I'm sure it will be.”

*   *   *

Kaz felt surprisingly calm, but figured it must be because she knew that's what Jake needed from her. What a weekend this had been, from kidnapping and a near-death experience, to getting engaged, and now this.

She hoped she liked Ben. She really hoped he was here for good reasons, not bad, but she didn't let any of her concerns show as she and Jake walked up the stairs holding hands and finally stepped into the house.

Mandy was the first one out of the kitchen. “Oh, my God, Kaz! Your face! That bastard.” She ran across the small living room and gently held Kaz's cheeks. “I didn't realize how badly he'd hurt you.”

“It's okay. I'll heal, and he's going to be in jail for a long time. Knowing that goes a long way toward making it all better. So does this.” She winked at Jake and held up her left hand.

Mandy's eyes went wide as saucers. She looked from Kaz to Jake and back at Kaz. “Is that what I think it is?” Kaz nodded. Mandy grabbed Kaz's hand and yelled, “Lola! Get your skinny butt out here. These two are engaged!”

Lola came flying out of the kitchen, and Rico lumbered along after her, practically tripping on his long, floppy basset hound ears, his excited bark more howl than anything. Lola and Mandy talked over each other, asking Kaz so many questions so fast it was impossible to answer. Jake stood off to one side, smiling at the three of them.

Kaz sensed Ben's entrance before she saw him. She turned and looked at Jake instead of his brother, and she knew immediately that everything would be all right.

*   *   *

Jake wasn't certain what told him Ben had stepped into the room, but when he raised his head and looked into his brother's haunted eyes, there was no doubt in his mind, no sense of estrangement as he'd feared. He left the three girls chattering a mile a minute and walked up to Ben. His brother's face was marked with healing cuts and old scars, his hair had grown out until it was as long as Jake's. He was smaller than Jake remembered, but at sixteen, Jake hadn't reached his full height. Ben had been six two with a heavier frame, but he was thin now to the point of being gaunt and a good four inches shorter than Jake.

There was no hesitation when he wrapped his arms around Ben and felt his brother's returning hug, nor was there any doubt. He loved his brother now even more than when they'd been kids. If Ben's appearance was any indication, the past nineteen years hadn't been easy on him—harder even than the years had been on Jake.

“God, Ben. It's so damned good to see you. It's been so long.” He dropped his arms and stepped back.

Ben scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of both hands. “How can you say that, after what…” He took a deep breath. “Are you okay? They said you got shot, that…”

Jake shook his head. Kaz was right. It was time to move forward. “I'm fine. Just grazed my shoulder. But the other? It happened, it's over, and one of these days we can talk about it, but right now I just want to enjoy the fact you're here and alive, that maybe I'll have you back in my life.”

Ben stood still, watching him. “I didn't expect this. I thought you'd hate me.”

Shrugging, Jake said, “I did. For a long time I hated your guts, but I got older and a little bit smarter. I was an absolute jerk when I was a kid. Kaz has really helped me see things through a different lens. I'm in a good place now, but it's a pretty long story how I got here.”

“I want to know it. I want to know all of it, because I would give anything to be in that kind of place.” He sighed and watched the three girls who'd moved to the couch and sat all together, still talking nonstop. “What I did was so wrong, and I was too much a coward to admit it. I knew that if I didn't come back and beg your forgiveness, I'd be eating a bullet before long.”

“That better not happen.” The way Ben talked about killing himself had come out too easily, as if it was something he'd thought about in more than an abstract way.

“Then Lola and Mandy told me about your girlfriend, your fiancée now, I guess, that she'd been kidnapped by that poor woman's husband, that you'd been shot. Everything I did that night has screwed up both our lives, and the lives of the ones who love us. I'm so sorry. I was a dumb shit, a selfish prick thinking only of myself, and too many people paid.”

“For what it's worth, Ben, Kaz and I talked about that very thing last night. She asked me if I was still angry at you, because God knows, for a long time, I was. But I realized I missed my brother more than I hated him, that my life now is pretty damned good, and if all that crap hadn't happened, I could have totally fucked myself up. The past is over. Kaz said we need to move forward. She makes a lot of sense. Can you do that?”

Slowly, Ben shook his head. “I don't know. I've been living with guilt for almost two decades. I don't know if I can leave it behind, but if that's what you want, I can try. Or if you want me to turn myself in, admit what happened, that you were innocent, I'll do that. It's your call.”

“We were both in that car, both doing stupid shit, and an innocent woman and her child paid with their lives. I may have been the one in jail, but I imagine you've served as hard a sentence as I ever did. We can't undo what we did, but we can move forward.”

“Okay. Yeah.” He rubbed at the back of his head and stared at the girls again before turning to Jake. “There's one thing, though, that I want you to do.”

Jake didn't say anything. Instead, he waited for Ben.

“Whether you go or not, I'm going to see the folks today. They need to know the truth. I went to them first when I got back to the States, asked them where you were. They told me they didn't know and didn't care, but they begged me to come home. I didn't know they'd written you off. I can't believe you never told them the whole story. Haven't you seen them at all since it happened?”

Jake shoved his hands in his back pockets. It was painful, remembering, but the image of his mother and father turning their backs on him was one he'd never forget. “The last time I saw our parents is when the bailiff led me out of the courtroom after the judge announced my sentence, which was to spend the next eight years at the California Youth Authority juvenile training center over in Stockton.”

“Eight years? Aw, shit, man. I had no idea.” Ben took a step forward, turned, and walked across the room. He slapped the wall hard and leaned his forehead against the back of his hand. A minute later he walked back to face Jake.

“I didn't do the whole eight, Ben. I was supposed to serve out the sentence until I was twenty-four, but I got out at twenty-one on good behavior. Mom and Dad didn't come see me once in all that time. I never got a phone call, not even a fucking Christmas or birthday card.”