Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) (19 page)

“You know I’m not sweet, but I’m sorry if that was too harsh for you,” Nick states, prowling toward me from his dressing room.

I watch him stride confidently in the mirror. His black slacks unbuttoned and his barely blue pinstriped shirt open and floating out from his perfectly sculpted torso. Fuck, he’s hot.

He stops a few feet back and talks to me through the mirror while buttoning his shirt, his fake brown eyes holding mine.

“If you wanna slow down and go back to what we were, that’s up to you. I won’t push you if this is too much, even if it’s what I want. But please don’t get a morning after pill. Enough lives have been lost at both our hands…I can’t bear the idea of us doing that to something that could turn into a life. It’s too much for me. We may be able to get you the pill or maybe another shot, but it’s iffy. The op is set up for infertility and if we move in that direction you can’t have any birth control in your system. I can’t take the risk of condoms bein’ in the house with the boys here or if anyone ever gets in the house to check us out…it’s a bad idea.”

“Mindfuck,” I mumble as I finish my mascara before turning to face him.

“So you wanna go back to our sexless marriage?” I ask with my brow raised.

“No,” he states emphatically.

“And you don’t care if you just got me pregnant?”

“No,” he responds immediately his eyes and nostrils flaring.

“And if I’m not pregnant, you realize that I will be sooner rather than later if we don’t use some form of birth control?”

“Yes. Though my best friend used some weird form of birth control where you time your sex with all kinds of stuff like your body temperature, ovulation and other shit. I could ask her about it,” he says with a shrug.

“The woman you lost?” I ask softly.

“I didn’t lose Shanny. She’s still my best friend and always will be. But not bein’ with her got me you and I’m good with that trade.”

“See, you can be sweet,” I say walking to him and wrapping my arms around his neck, enjoying my heels bringing me closer to his height. “Did her weird birth control work?”

“She’s pregnant with twins and has a five-month old,” he says through a chuckle.

“Jesus Christ! Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand what she was doin’? Maybe she was tryin’ some super fertility regimen.”

“It’s a long story. I think she got knocked up with the twins before starting the birth control thing.”

“Well, you can ask her if you want, but I’m skeptical. Even still, there’s a good chance I’ll end up knocked up like your friend. You sure you’re good with that?”

“Yes,” he mumbles before pressing his lips to mine in a chaste reassuring kiss. He pulls back an inch and asks, “Are you?”

“It would change everything for me. There’s no way I could go out into the field and leave a baby behind. But I’m not cut out for a desk so I don’t know what I’d do without the field. That said I
want
to be a mother so badly that I’d give up everything to have it. So yes, I’m good with whatever happens, but I’ll probably have multiple freak outs.”

“You’re a good housewife. I like you bein’
my
housewife. You could retire after this op. I know this is a lot so don’t make any decisions now, but give it some thought,” he encourages gently.

“’Kay,” I respond as I hear pounding on our bedroom door.

I hurry away from Nick and unlock our door to find four teenage boys looking at me like I’ve grown two heads.

“I told you she isn’t sick,” Sawyer admonishes the group.

“Well, we haven’t seen her and we need to leave. She’s never up here when we get downstairs and she
always
makes us breakfast,” Dane points out.

“I’m sorry boys,” I say embarrassed that I’ve left them on their own. Cole and Jake have a game tonight too. I’m a horrible mother and these boys aren’t even mine (yes they are).

“It’s okay, Aunt Kay,” Jake soothes, reading my mood. “We made some instant oatmeal, even put blueberries in it.”

“Good for you four,” Nick says coming up behind me smelling like heaven, musky and spicy.

“They’re fifteen, Sunshine. They can feed themselves breakfast,” he chides, pushing me from behind with his warm hand in the small of my back.

“You guys make up?” Dane asks as we all descend the stairs.

“What?” I ask horrified at the idea that they heard us fighting.

“There’s a beer bottle shattered in the family room and a stain on the wall where it hit,” he says with a dark tone in his voice. I’m guessing that’s not the first time he’s found a house in that state. I am a total fuck up!

“I lost my temper last night guys. I shouldn’t have thrown the bottle and I sure as shit shouldn’t have left the mess,” Nick states emphatically, embarrassed by his irresponsible behavior.

Jake sweeps an arm around my shoulders when we hit the foyer and pulls me away from the group into the formal living room. He bores his soft brown eyes into mine for a few breaths, waiting for the guys to be far enough away that they can’t here the impending interrogation.

“Did he hurt you?” he grinds out.

“No, Jake, he didn’t hurt me,” I say softly running a hand up to his cheek.

“Promise me?” he whispers.

“I swear.”

He wraps me in a tight hug when we hear a throat clear from my husband.

“We good?” he asks in a concerned tone.

“Just makin’ sure I don’t need to kill you,” Jake says grimly, uncurling from my embrace.

“I would never hurt her, Jake. Never,” Nick states ardently.

They stare each other down for a few moments before Jake offers Nick a manly chin lift.

As we make our way to the garage where the boys are already in my SUV, Nick grabs my bicep to stop my progression letting Jake go ahead.

Jake stops and turns toward us. His face is ridged and I see the often missing man take over his features. Nick’s hand drops from my arm as he notices the change along with me.

“Some kids at school have been talkin’ about a rise in domestics available around here. I haven’t gotten much detail because what the fuck should a fifteen-year-old care about that for. The pace of this op is wearing me out and you two fighting and whatever else is goin’ on isn’t helpin’ shit. Get it together for the op’s sake,” he finishes sternly.

“We’re good, Jake,” Nick assures him.

“’Bout fuckin’ time,” Jake huffs, striding away from us before climbing into my SUV. I move to follow, when Nick stops me again with his hands on my shoulders.

He turns me to face him before wrapping his big hand around the side of my neck, holding me in place.

“I would
never
hurt you, Kat. I’m sorry for last night and I’ll make it up to you. That said, you need to cancel your date with Jason Ross before I put him six feet under and have another temper tantrum.”

There’s no joke or smirk, he’s dour.

“I don’t have a date with Jason. It’s a team dinner. No need to get homicidal,” I soothe trying to pull away so I can get the boys to school.

He keeps his hand on my neck, not letting go.

“Nicky, the boys are gonna be late,” I complain, pulling his hand off me.

He ignores my plea and yanks me against him with one strong arm behind my back.

“He doesn’t touch you again. He doesn’t eye fuck you. He doesn’t breathe your air,” Nick dictates in a low growl with some fury flaring in his eyes.

“I’ll do my best. I don’t think I can control eye fucking though, Nicky,” I say, again trying to pull away. He just clutches me harder.

“Kat,” he warns.

“Do you want me to stab him if he eye fucks me? I don’t know what you want me to do to stop that behavior from happening. He’s not the only man that does it. It happens. It doesn’t mean I’m gonna go home with ’em and make it a reality. Now let me go so I can get the boys to school,” I demand, pushing him in the chest with both hands as my horn sounds.

Instead of letting me go or acting like he hears the horn, he devours my lips in a bruising assault, one hand forcefully grabbing my ass the other at the nape of my neck. I no longer hear my horn and melt into him as his tongue massages and caresses mine. Nick pulls my bottom lip between his teeth nibbling and suckling before letting me go.

“I’ll see you at the game,” he murmurs into my forehead after placing a chaste kiss there. “Don’t ever talk about another guy fuckin’ you, eye or otherwise.
That
makes me homicidal.”

I snicker but nod in agreement. He pats my ass twice, indicating I’ve been released. I turn and hurry toward the SUV, the boys staring at me like I’ve grown two heads on top of the two they’re already struggling with.

“Sorry,” I mutter, speeding out of the garage and driveway.

“Must’ve been good make up sex,” Dane declares with a shit-eating grin smeared on his face.

I glare at him in the rearview mirror until we all fall into fits of laughter. He’s right though. Best make up sex ever.

Nick

Kat flies out of the driveway at top speed to get the boys to school, as I make my way back into the kitchen to get some coffee before I clean up my temper tantrum mess. My dick got in the way of my ability to think about the aftermath of our fight. I never should have left it for the boys to find this morning. The looks on their faces are some I never want to witness again.

So yeah, it’s been an interesting nine hours. Let me start by saying Kat is un-fucking-believable in bed. She rocked my world and then some. Then she dropped her birth control bomb this morning and my brain glitched out.

In truth, I know she’s not supposed to be on birth control. It was stipulated in the dossier for the op, but I never really thought about it. Never thought it would be an issue. It’s an issue now that I’ve pumped her full of my swimmers. And I can honestly say, I don’t give a shit.

That’s not true, because if she’s pregnant I’m going to want her off the op. I’m aware that won’t fly with Kat and will end in an ugly fight that I don’t want to have. I also have the overwhelming urge to pull her and all the boys out of Maybelle and live off the grid for the rest of time. I’ve turned into a caveman worse than I already am.

I meant what I said to Kat this morning. I want her. I want to keep her as my wife without doing all the other shit that leads up to it. As far as I can tell, it’s overrated. I can’t really date my wife. I’ve been dating her for the last three months. I take her out to dinner, we’ve been to the movies, we had a picnic in the park in September when the weather was still warm, and we’ve had family excursions to the fall festival and a couple hikes in the mountains. I don’t need to start over with her. I’m right where I want to be. This last month has shown me what I’m missing without her. And now that she’s willingly giving me all of her, I’m not letting go.

I’d like to put my own ring on her finger and exchange vows for real though. I have no desire to see her in a “poofy” dress. I’d settle for her and the boys on a beach barefoot any day. This relationship with the boys is complicated. We’re going to have to leave them. That’s going to kill Kat and I won’t fair much better. We’ve become a strange family that works seamlessly. If we could get the three of them emancipated we could take them with us. We’d have to tell them the truth about us and that could be tricky, but it would be worth it in the end. Kat and I need to discuss this and come up with a plan.

I rinse my mug out and start cleaning up the shattered glass when the doorbell rings. Checking my beyond expensive watch I find it’s just after nine. A little early for visitors. I peer through the peephole and crack my neck from side to side at the face grinning on the other side. I pull the door open with a blank expression, preparing for any and everything.

“Nick, I wasn’t expecting you to be here,” Jason says with a sly grin. “Kat around?”

“My wife is not home,” I state with a glower, causing his grin to widen.

This motherfucker has a death wish.

“I’ll swing around later.”

“No, you won’t,” I command taking a few steps toward him.

“Kat’s a big girl, Nick. I think she can decide who she makes friends with on her own.”

“She can and does. I, however, don’t let men around my wife that have the desire to fuck her. So
you
will stay away from
my
wife.”

“I’m the boys’ coach. She’s their transportation most of the time so I’ll be around… a lot. We’ll see if she wants to continue our
friendship
after a few afternoons with me,” he says smugly.

“You’ve got some fuckin’ balls. I’ll put this another way. You come around my wife again, touch my wife again, look at my wife in any way in other than blankly…I’ll destroy you. Anything and everything that you love in this world will meet untimely and unfortunate accidents. You’ll suffer in ways horror movies attempt to scare people with. Your life will disintegrate around you until I dump your body in the wilderness where you’ll be praying for death,” I growl.

His face has paled and he’s taken two steps back from me.

“You’re fuckin’ crazy,” he says with wide eyes.

“When it comes to my family I am. Get the fuck off my property and don’t come back. And if you even think about fuckin’ with Jake or Cole to mess with me, the promises I just made will get twice as bad. Now nod your bitch head so I know you get what I’m tellin’ you,” I command.